by Alison Mello
“It was just for your safety, Court. It’s a dangerous world out there. I don’t know what I’d have done if anything happened to you.”
“Bullshit!” she snapped, stepping out of character.
He reared back. “Excuse me?”
“And there he is, the William I know.”
“What are you on about? Like it or not, I am truly your only family, and I have the right to protect you.”
“If you say so.”
“Tell me exactly what is on your mind.”
Once more she thought to bring up Zachary but again resisted. She shrugged, and he took her hands in his.
“I am glad I found you. I won’t apologize for wanting to keep you safe.”
“Me too,” she muttered.
“Have you had anymore thoughts about returning home?” he asked, his thumb caressing the back of her hand.
“Still thinking.”
He stood up, gesturing to her to do the same. She obliged. He traced her lips with his thumb, and she responded by stirring her head closer. He pondered over her state of mind. She pulled him in by the lapels of his shirt, closed her eyes, and whispered against his lips, “I did miss you.”
“And I you.” He leaned in, and his warm lips met her soft, quivering lips. He took her in, and instantly her tensed body mollified. He experienced the sureness and devotion from her touch, a sensation that eased his apprehensions. She pulled away gently, placing her hands on his broad chest. She avoided his eyes and stared at her hands.
“I have a project I’m working on. I need to focus solely on that. When it’s completed, I shall return to you.” She cringed after hearing the words she never thought she’d speak. Did she just agree to return to the man she desperately needed to get away from? The abusive, cruel, and loveless relationship she managed to pull herself out of? Was she abused so much that it affected her brain? What was she so scared of? Perhaps it was the fact that, somewhere deep down, she realized he’d never let her go. Zachary had enough on his plate and adding her unhealthy connection with William to his already troubled life was the last thing he needed or deserved. Nonetheless, she had feelings for him, and he did the same for her. How was she going to break the news to him? For these last couple of months, she’d served as a comfort to him. He, in a peculiar way, sought refuge in her. Now she was about to be the loosened knot that unraveled his calm.
As if listening to her thoughts, William leaned down and touched her temple with his lips. “I’m okay with that. Can I continue to woo you like we’re teenagers?”
“I’d love that.” She met his gaze, and his eyes twinkled with elation. He was in a vulnerable position, and so was she. As wrong as the situation was, she oddly felt safe and at home in his arms.
***
Courtney sat with her elbows resting on the kitchen island in Zachary’s apartment, her mind drifting in and out of her present setting. Zachary stood across from her, observing as she glided her index finger around the rim of her wine glass. One skill he possessed that Courtney did not realize was his skill to read people or sense when he was being lied to. An ability he perfected during his time in the Marines, a way to sniff out the enemy. She met his gaze with a nervy expression.
“The project keeping you occupied, huh?” Zachary asked, his eyes mocking her.
“Yeah,” she whispered. She propped her chin in the palm of her hand. “You sounded excited on the phone earlier. What’s been going on with you?”
He twisted off the top of his Heineken and took a swig. “Me and a group of guys I served with decided to go into business together.”
She fixed her posture to give him her complete attention. “That sounds awesome. What line of business?”
“A private security company. I know it’s cliché for ex-military to go into that line of business, but it’s what we’re good at.”
“I understand. What services exactly will the company be providing? The niche market?”
“The plan is to provide mission support, security, and training services to government agencies and multinational corporations worldwide.”
“Whoa, that sounds awesome, Zachary.” Her eyes widened in surprise. She definitely didn’t see that coming.
“One of the guys already has contacts with companies abroad who are ready to sign with us. We also plan to provide services such as PI and bodyguard services.”
The thought of private investigation made Courtney recoil. She thought of Ryan Warrick and the services he provided her husband. He was probably watching the apartment right this moment. She cleared her throat and rubbed her neck. His eyes sparkled as he went on and on about his future projects. He was genuinely happy, bringing comfort to Courtney. He had something else to fall back on when she pulled the rug of comfort she provided from underneath him. Zachary stopped talking, walked around the island, and stood behind her. The warmth he carried sent thrilling chills down her spine. She panicked, wondering how that was possible. This fantasy was supposed to wear off the moment she decided to go home to her husband, yet it was stronger than the last time he touched her. He leaned in and kissed the nape of her neck. Her eyes closed as sweet desire took over. She treasured every bit of the magical moment. He held her in a comforting embrace and whispered in her ear, “Thank you.”
“What for?” she asked quietly, guilt filling her soul.
“The blessings and hope you brought and continue to bring me.”
Feeling like a fraud, she pulled his arms tighter around her and hoped he forgave her one day.
“I also signed the papers for the condo.”
“Whoa, you’ve been busy,” she said with a grin.
“It was supposed to be a surprise, but I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I am just so happy everything is working out for me. Six months ago, I couldn’t go through a day without homicidal or suicidal thoughts, fantasizing about putting a bullet through my skull and probably taking my family along with me. That was all before you. I went through a humbling experience, and I am presently, it gets better and easier with each blessed day.”
Courtney released herself from his embrace, spun her seat around to face him, and took his face in her hands. “I am very proud of you.” She stared into his mesmerizing blue eyes and knew she dared not dim his bliss. At least not today. “How have you been sleeping?” she asked instead.
“Well, actually. Very well.”
“I’m glad.”
He gazed sincerely into her eyes and whispered, “Spend the night with me.”
Without any reluctance, she bobbed her head. “Of course.”
CHAPTER 13
The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning.
~George Baker
“It’s not every day I see my favorite client walking in here without much convincing on my part.” Mavis grinned broadly, welcoming a noticeably worried Courtney into her office.
“I apologize. I do have a lot going on. It is hard keeping up with my appointments.”
“Coffee?” Mavis offered, getting out of her chair.
“Yes, thanks. Black.”
Mavis passed her a mug of coffee and grabbed hers before returning to her seat. Courtney blew air over the surface and took a mouthful.
“I had to see you because…” She cleared her throat and looked up over the rim of her mug. “William is back in my life.” She paused, reading Mavis’s reaction. To her dismay, Mavis did not have any reaction to what she’d said. She simply sipped her coffee and waited for Courtney to complete her story.
Courtney set her mug on the coaster and crossed her legs. “We talked to a great extent about our marriage, the issues we faced and continue to face daily, and how best to move forward. He’s been getting help from his family therapist, who helped William realize the errors of his ways. He has apologized profusely, and I believe him. He was genuine. I have never seen him like this, and it’s refreshing.”
Mavis’s silence made Courtney uneasy. Moreover, it
allowed her to hear herself, and the more she spoke, the more she grasped how naïve she sounded. She paused, meeting Mavis’s neutral gaze.
“I see,” Mavis eventually expressed. “What of the other man you told me about?”
“Zachary?”
“Mm hmm.” Mavis nodded.
“That’s why I needed to talk to you. I’m a bit…I don’t know what to do.”
“You’ve been seeing him for almost three months now, yes?”
“Yes.”
“Have you discussed your intentions to go back to William with him?”
Courtney shook her head and replied in a rather weak tone, “No.”
“So what is the plan, Courtney?”
She calmed, staring at Mavis as if she needed her to make the decision for her. She expected some sort of scolding to help her make the right decision. Mavis’s indifference and calm demeanor was not appreciated. Where was the stern woman when she needed her?
“How do you feel about Zachary? And before you answer, I need you to think about your answer carefully. Speak from the heart. Close your eyes and have a moment before letting it out.”
Courtney did exactly that. When she opened her eyes moments later, they were remorseful, lonely, and burdened. “I’m in love with him. He’s always on my mind. Always. It’s beyond my understanding. He’s my stable force and I, his. My balance in a world filled with so much turmoil, and I so urgently need that in my life. I love him. I’m in love with him, and I just realized that. I can’t do this to him. I’d kill him.”
“Okay. And William?” Mavis asked. “How do you feel about him?”
“I don’t have words to truly describe how I feel about him. We’ve been through a lot, he and I, and it’s not only about defying his family to be with me, but it’s about how he saw me. He heard my story, the bad and the ugly truth, and he never judged me considering his privileged background. He held my hand and pulled me from the dark. I understood his anger, his frustration, and his fears. He saved me, Miss Mavis. He saved me.”
Confused, Mavis frowned. She did not understand how an abuser could get so much compassion from his victim. Courtney was not the first. Most of her clients made many excuses as to why they were eager to pardon and move on with their abusers, second chances and whatnot. She wasn’t hearing anything new. She was willing to give Courtney the chance to lay all her feelings on the table before adding in her penny’s worth.
“Saved you?” Mavis prompted.
“Yes. I was sick, Miss Mavis. I am a cancer survivor.”
Mavis eyes widened with surprise then turned to pity. “I am sorry to hear that. What type?”
“Cervical. I developed an infection when I was repeatedly raped by my foster father. I didn’t show any signs and went through life not realizing I had this taint in my body. With lack of proper care and my weak immune system, my body could not fight off the infection. When I found out about the growth, I was married to William. It was stage two by then. The doctors assured us it hadn’t moved or spread to any of my vital organs. I had a hysterectomy to prevent recurrence, hence my inability to give him a child. He stood by my side through the process, even with the pressure of producing an heir. My medical bills were taken care of. Chemo, drugs, doctor’s visits, you can only imagine the thousands of dollars he threw away. Physically, emotionally, and mentally I was fulfilled with his unceasing support and sympathy. I am indebted to him. I know you’ll say it does not give him the right to abuse me, but I totally understand his dilemma. I left him not only for me, but truly to give him a chance at a normal life. He deserves to be happy. He deserves better. After walking away, he pursued me. He wants me. I feel guilty accepting his proposal to return to him. What I feel for that man is deeper than the word love.” Tears blurred her vision as she sniffed desperately to control her emotions. She stared at the wall over Mavis’s head.
Mavis thought over her revelation, both swallowing the bitter pill of life. Mavis stood and circled her desk to Courtney. She sat beside her and held her close as she trembled from grief.
Life has not been kind to this poor child, she thought. The day Courtney walked into her office, Mavis knew there was something tremendously wrong besides an abusive husband. She could not put a finger on it. She sought to shield her as a mother would her child.
“Courtney, you hesitated when you said cancer survivor. There’s more, isn’t there?”
Courtney nodded. “The doctors weren’t totally persuaded I was out of the woods. Every morning I wake up, I pray I am. I keep up with my appointments religiously. So far I’m safe but…” She broke down once more into Mavis’s arms.
“We must remain positive.”
“William took care of me. I can’t tell Zachary this. It’d break him. He’s been through so much, and the last thing he needs is this burden. That’s also why I must let him go.”
“From what you said, this man is in love with you. Keeping this from him and leaving him brokenhearted would do more damage than you think. With years of experience under my belt, one thing I am certain of is that a bad marriage never gets better; it only gets worse. It’s like filling a broken bucket with water and expecting it to hold. You deserve happiness, and so do William and Zachary. Listen not only to your heart, but your brain, and decide wisely. I can’t tell you what to do. Only you can do that, and you have to live with your decision.”
“You seem to favor the idea of Zachary now.” Courtney smiled lightly.
“I’m an advocate for moving forward.” Mavis stretched her hand over her desk for her mug and sipped her coffee. “Or move on from both men and use that opportunity to find yourself. You have never been on your own. You cling to people, men in particular, for survival, and that needs to change.”
“Yes, I have. I was on my own before I met William.”
“I know, but you didn’t fully develop into your own. You were in the process but got distracted. You have no idea how strong you are. The lengths you’d go to survive without leaning on others.”
Prolonged silence lingered between the two women. Courtney stood up and thanked Mavis for her time. While she waited for a cab, she phoned William and waited anxiously while she listened to the phone ringing. His response was warm and gentle when he answered.
“Can I see you tonight?” she asked with the phone pressed to her ear. She hoped she could talk to him without feeling the butterflies that rushed through her body every time he was around. She was not too certain why she made that call or the request, maybe it was to let him down amiably and seek a divorce, but the way he made her feel was undeniably one of the greatest feelings ever known to a woman in love. Or she wanted to give him a chance to convince her again. Once again, she probed how it was possible to love two men at the same time. It remained a mystery to her.
“Of course, my love. I’ll pick you up at seven.”
“No need. I’ll meet you somewhere. You choose a place and let me know.”
“All right. I’ll do that. You sound troubled. Is everything okay?”
“Yes, yes.”
CHAPTER 14
The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart.
~St. Jerome
William picked her up from a gallery downtown where she visited earlier for some inspiration for her upcoming showcase. She sat beside him in the front seat of his Jaguar as he drove through the city with ease, fighting to come to terms with her decision to give her failed marriage another chance. The more absurd the idea sounded to her, the more she considered Mavis’s advice to let it stay dead! How did one do that? It was definitely easier said than done. She shuddered when William placed his right hand casually on her lap. His touch did not only stir up her blood but it petrified her.
He took a turn to exit the highway and gave her hand a light squeeze to gain her attention. He recognized how trying it was for her to grant him an opportunity to prove himself, so he didn’t want to push too hard. He was truly regretful and punished
himself daily since the day she walked out of his life. He’d do anything in his power to make amends and do right by her. He couldn’t believe the monster he’d turned into, the years he abused her and nearly left her for dead. He didn’t deserve a second chance, and he knew it.
“Are we okay?” he asked, making sure this was something she certainly wanted to do. She nodded. Her meekness got to him. He lost his woman years ago, the moment he took over his family’s business. He’d been distracted and careless with her heart. He had to make it right, and tonight was his only chance. When he took another turn, the landmarks began to appear familiar to Courtney. A knot in her stomach tightened as she took in her old neighborhood.
“You’re…you’re taking me back home?”
“Don’t be scared, Court. I made dinner, and I thought we could use the privacy to talk. I know what you’re thinking, and I do not have any wicked intention toward you. I just want us to be in a familiar environment.”
Doubting his motives, she simply gazed out of the window. When the car rolled to a stop in front of the building she once called home, bad memories flooded her thoughts. She shifted nervously in her seat, contemplating whether or not to ask him to take her back to her home. This could be a trap. If she stepped through those doors, she might not see freedom any longer. Her new, promising life. Zachary. Monsieur Rousseau. She clenched her hands at her sides as her door opened, with a fretful-looking William holding on to it like his life depended on it.
“I…” She trembled.
William crouched beside her with a somber look. Anything to calm her distrusting nerves. He deserved this reaction from her and blamed no one but himself.
“I promise you on my life that I’ll not hurt you,” he said. “If you don’t like what I have to say to you tonight, you can walk away and I’ll not stop you, but you’ll have to trust me on this. We have been married for five years, and yes, I turned into a monster. I also know simply apologizing will not gain your trust overnight. I promise to listen to your demands and concerns. This is not going to be a one-sided discussion like it normally was. I promise you that. You can dial 911 and keep your finger on the call button the entire night if that’d make you feel comfortable.”
