by Alison Mello
“Is this a good time to talk?” His voice was deep with a solemn edge.
“Do I have a choice?” She walked toward her unfinished piece of art, picked up her used brushes, and dipped them into a tin filled with water. He studied her movements while she worked hard to avoid any eye contact with him.
“I am sorry, Courtney, for everything. The pain and hurt I caused you. I honestly don’t know what came over me. Most of it was misplaced anger. It is not an excuse. I pushed you away, and I deserve everything I have been through since you walked out of my life. I want you to know I truly do love you. Life has been a blur since you left. I took your advice and saw a therapist like you requested. He made me realize what a nightmare I’d become, and I needed to make amends. I can’t go on without you, Court. Believe me, I’ve tried. I let you down. I broke my vow to love and protect you. I am so sorry for being careless with your heart and dragging you through the darkness with my hostility.” He took calculated steps in her direction. She recoiled as tears began streaming down.
“Court,” he pleaded, “please forgive me and come home. I promise you, I’ll never lay so much as a finger on you ever again.”
“How did you find me? You’ve been tracking me, haven’t you?”
“Yes.”
Panic clutched her heart as she thought of Zachary. William must know about him. There was no way he didn’t know. She studied him, his eyes, and they were sincere and contrite.
“William, it’s not that simple. Without your help, in a few months I have managed to dig myself out of the hole you put me in. I am finally getting back on my feet. You affected me in so many negative and destructive ways, you have no clue how much damage you have caused. I won’t go back there. I can’t…that place isn’t home anymore.”
He closed the gap between them and unexpectedly even to her, she did not move away. His presence had overpowered her. How was it possible for a person to inflict such pain yet trigger joy and comfort in her heart? Zachary was right; she made excuses for why she hadn’t filed for divorce. Because deep down, she longed for him. His affection. No matter how much she denied it, her heart found its way home. She moved away from his dangerous proximity, attempting to put space between them, but he wrapped his arms around her waist, then did something completely out of character, he dropped to his knees. He positioned his head on her belly, pleading for another chance. Her stiffened body unwound when she realized how defenseless he truly was.
“We can’t do this, William. I can’t. Please let me go. Please. We both deserve much better. You need an heir, and I can’t give you that. Your family hates me. Why don’t you see we are not good for each other? We never were, and you have more to lose than gain. I made it easier for you by walking away. Let’s not drag ourselves back into that dark place.” She waited while he wept. Her heart broke even more, realizing his pain. He’d never shown this kind of weakness before. Who was this man at her feet?
Her now wet t-shirt was sticking to her skin from his tears. He was hurting. Even through the violence and abuse, she had never doubted his love for her.
“I can’t let you go, Court. To hell with my family and their money. I don’t need it.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Yes, I do.” He rose to his feet, trembling from the emotional turmoil. He took her face in his hands. “Stay with me, please.” She closed her eyes, allowing more tears to fall. He leaned down and covered her lips with his in a passionate kiss. So passionate she submitted to him. His warm breath and lips brushed her ear as he said, “Please come home, baby. Please.”
She broke away from him. Their gazes locked, and she savored a different kind of warmth that rushed through her. “Let me think on it, William.”
“Okay, my love. We can start slow. Take all the time you need. Can I take you out for dinner tonight?”
“No. I have other engagements. I’ll call you tomorrow?”
“I’ll take whatever you give me, Court.”
“Please do me a favor and keep your scouts away or this won’t work.”
“They already are, Courtney. I just wanted to guarantee your safety. That’s all.”
Unable to read him, she began to lose her nerve. Did he know anything about her relationship with Zachary? If so, he did a great job hiding it. His fingers traced the outline of her waist, and he gently pulled her in. He kissed the tip of her nose and whispered, “I love you. I always did and I always will, no matter what.”
“Me too,” she found herself sincerely admitting the undeniable truth.
***
The entire day, her malfunctioning brain was focused on William. The power to move on and thrive had been stripped from her. How was it possible to love two men at the same time, both damaged and unhealthy for her? William’s dominance peculiarly compelled her to latch onto him. It was the most stable life she’d known since the passing of her parents, her only family. Though rough, William was home for her. Zachary had his demons he was struggling with, a journey he needed to take alone, free from unneeded distractions. While he expressed his sincere love and interest, Courtney couldn’t help but wonder if he was truly over his estranged wife. She was intimately familiar with the guilt in his eyes anytime her name came up. At the same time, there was always a sparkle behind those emotions. She often thought herself as his short-term entertainment until Alison decided to take him back.
“You seem distracted.” Zachary took her hand, spinning her around to face him.
“I’m just overwhelmed by a deadline.” Courtney avoided eye contact as the lie rolled off her tongue.
“When are they due?”
“He’s expecting to open at the end of the month.”
“How many pieces is he expecting from you?”
“I’m hoping to showcase five.”
“Whoa. You think you’ll make the deadline without rushing through the process?”
“That’s the plan.”
“Mr. Reid?” A young realtor they were meeting walked back into the apartment after excusing herself to take a phone call. “So what do you think?” she asked.
The apartment building was located in a middle-class neighborhood, thirty minutes from Courtney’s loft. The modern eight-floor structure stood overlooking a beautiful manmade lake, surrounded by a few intricately designed lofts. Rays of sunlight reflected through the windows on the second level, illuminating the elegant hardwood floors they stood on. Both bedrooms in the apartment were huge. The open floor plan living and dining room had a lovely cross breeze coming in from multiple ends of the room. The living room where they stood had moderately high ceilings with countless studio lights, which exposed the subtle hues of the walls and the dark gray hardwood flooring and cabinets. The Persian-style rugs and tasteful leather furniture all carried a sense of masculine spirit Zachary appreciated.
Courtney took particular interest in the stone fireplace and hearth, enhancing the perfection of the room. The fire glowed radiantly, dispersing warmth through the entire space.
“I can easily be seduced here,” she joked.
“Can you give us a second?” Zachary asked the realtor.
“Sure. Take all the time you need. It’s an important decision.”
Zachary waited until she was completely out of the room before he spoke. “Come here.” He placed his hand on Courtney’s back, guiding her out of the room onto the porch, which overlooked a beautifully groomed landscape. The well-presented lawn brought him satisfaction. “So what do you really think?”
“About the place?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s beautiful,” said Courtney. “But it feels too much like a bachelor pad.”
Zachary chuckled. “A bachelor pad, huh?”
“Yeah. And there is one important thing you need to keep in mind.”
“What’s that?”
“The kids. There’d be nights they would like to spend with you. The space isn’t big enough for you three. They’ll each expect to have their own room a
fter a while.”
He nodded, disappointed by her unenthusiastic response to his choice of a home. “I guess the courts would point that out.”
“I’m sorry. She’s at present fighting you for custody?”
“She was, but our lawyers worked something out. If I am able to prove to the court that I am consistent with therapy and the treatment program for my anger issues is working, I’ll be permitted to spend a few more hours a week with them. With supervision, of course, then as things progress, we will consider joint custody.”
“I see. It’s tough. I am sorry you have to go through that. I hope it all works out.”
“Don’t be. You didn’t break our home.” Zachary’s tone had a bitter edge to it, confirming her doubts about his true feelings on the divorce. No matter what he said, he hated the idea. He’d rather be home with his wife and children.
Courtney frowned.
“Are you sure everything is all right? Is there something you want to tell me?” Zachary studied her closely, sensing her reservations.
“Like what?”
“You tell me.”
“Everything is fine, Zachary,” she snapped. “I told you, I am under a lot of stress.”
“Okay,” he said, walking back into the living room.
“Zachary, I’m sorry,” she called after him. “There’s nothing wrong. I think this place is perfect for you and the kids. Not too far from their home and school, I suppose?”
He shrugged, taking another glance at the space.
“I see you want it. Go for it.”
“Hey…” she whispered, standing on the tip of her toes to kiss him. His response was stoic.
If there was one thing Zachary had learned about her, it was that he knew when Courtney wasn’t being honest. There was something bothering her, but he wasn’t going to push it. She’d have shared it if she wanted to. Sometimes when she put her guard up and isolated herself, it wore him out. He had enough of his own issues to deal with, and always worrying about her was increasingly becoming a burden on him.
He opened the front door and nodded at the pretty realtor. She had been waiting nervously, keeping her fingers crossed that she’d make a sale today.
“I’ll take it,” he said without another glance at Courtney. His mind was made up before he brought her anyway.
“Great choice, sir. Would you like to complete the paperwork today in the office, or I can bring them by tomorrow if you are busy?” Her eyes glistened as she subconsciously twirled a few strands of her long blonde hair around her right finger.
Not appreciating her proximity and obvious flirting, Courtney stepped forward, hooking her arm through his. “He’ll be by in the morning.”
He glanced down at her, taking notice of her gesture, then up at the realtor. Her smile faltered. “I’ll come by the office in the morning.”
“Great, see you then,” the realtor said. She waited until Zachary and Courtney were completely out before locking up.
“What was that?” Zachary asked as soon as they were out of earshot.
“What?” Courtney walked ahead of him.
He pressed the key fob, unlocking the car. Courtney got inside and pulled the seatbelt over her chest, smiling to herself as she buckled it.
“I would never have pegged you for the jealous type,” Zachary said as soon as he sat in the driver’s seat.
“I’m not.” She turned to him, exposing her flushed cheeks.
“Okay, Ms. Courtney. Whatever you say.”
CHAPTER 12
To be hopeful means to be uncertain about the future, to be tender toward possibilities, to be dedicated to change all the way down to the bottom of your heart.
~Rebecca Solnit
They sat absorbed into each other, hardly noticing a soul around them. William lightly caressed the back of Courtney’s hand as he gazed into her eyes, beseeching for forgiveness, hoping she read his thoughts without him having to voice them. His eyes burned with intense passion, a desire she was well familiar with. Under his steady gaze, she quivered. Then her mind drifted to Zachary, wondering how this triangle would play out. Maybe if she went back home to William, Zachary would work on getting his wife back, put the broken pieces left of his family back together. It would be good for the kids and for him. A sense of betrayal punched her in the chest. Zachary gave her his heart, his trust, believing they were meant to be together against all odds, and she did as well, but perhaps they were being selfish, inconsiderate of the people they were hurting. In the past, William had done a lot for her in ways she couldn’t repay him. Yes, he abused and mistreated her, but people could change, and there was no doubt in her heart that he was trying. That should account for something, right? He’d never grant her a divorce; that much was clear to her now. He’d do anything in his power to ensure they stayed together. He was blessed with money and had connections he could use against Zachary if he wanted to. Zachary wasn’t a weak man, either. He wouldn’t sit back and allow another man to question his strength. This could turn ugly, and he could retreat into his angry ways, losing custody of his children. She couldn’t have that on her conscience.
Courtney loved him, even though she hadn’t said it yet, and would do anything to protect him, even if it meant going back home to a man who abused her. She took slow, deliberate breaths, her mind ambling back to the present.
“So, what have you been up to?” she asked.
“Besides worrying about you,” William shrugged, “I took time away from the stresses of my daily routine to work on my issues. Daily sessions with the therapist, reading in my free time, and I even took care of your garden.”
Her eyes widened. “Really?”
“Yes, really. I didn’t want you to be disappointment when you came home to see all your plants dead. Especially the tulips. I have caused enough problems. That’s the least I could do.”
Her eyes wandered over every detail of his appearance, genuinely touched by his thoughtfulness, this unexpected transformation. He even seemed better than the William she fell in love with before their marriage.
“I don’t know what possessed me to treat you the way I did, Court. You didn’t deserve that. Losing you was a wakeup call. It was tough, no doubt, but it was worth it. I am glad you left. Now I just need to work on getting you back home.” He stared at her, his eyes filled with many possibilities.
“We’ll see how that goes.” She shifted away from his touch and picked up a glass of water, took a sip, and cleared her throat. “I’m curious, what did you uncover during your therapy sessions?”
“A lot to do with the family, my childhood mainly. I never cheated on you, Courtney. I know you thought that on multiple occasions. There was a lot going on with work and my folks. I stressed on not only the family business but my businesses as well. I am working hard to be my own man, to not be stuck under their rules and unreasonable expectations. It does not excuse the violence, but you know me—I grew up in a home where my father ill-treated my mother continuously, and I accepted it as a normal way of life. My urge to get you to submit to me overruled my intelligence. You’ve proved you are not my mother and won’t stand for it, and I respect that. A lot. I used to think she tolerated it because she had to stay for the kids, but when we were old enough to care for ourselves, she remained with him, and that spoke volumes.” He paused, staring into her eyes. “I want a much healthier life than that. You deserve that.”
Courtney smirked. She understood why his mother had stayed, and it was for the same reason she couldn’t move on, either. The money! The luxury and comfort they grew accustomed to. It was hard to walk away from that. However, she kept her thoughts to herself. “I’m glad you are working on yourself. How did you find me?”
“Ryan Warrick.”
“Of course.” Ryan owned a PI firm, and William outsourced most of his due diligence tasks to his company.
“He found you at the shelter and the diner you worked at. I drove by a couple of times to check on you. I must say, it broke
my heart to see my wife working at such a place, but I wanted to give you the space you needed.”
A chill rushed through her. He’d been watching her all this while. He was well informed of her status and could have confronted her at any time, and here she was thinking she had successfully walked away from him. She grasped that he was capable, but she wanted to believe she had her life under her control. And then there was Zachary. He must certainly know about him. Why he had remained tightlipped about him mystified her. Or did he? There was no way he would know she shared intimate moments with another man and not react. Was this a ploy to drag her back into his dungeon and then punish her for her treachery? She peered at him diligently while continuing to probe him for any signs.
“So that’s it. The diner and shelter? How did you find out about my new place?”
He swirled his wine and took a sip before responding. “I told you, Ryan. He has his ways. I don’t question him. I take the information and pay him for his services.”
She changed the topic of discussion, for now. “You know I started painting again?”
“Yes, free classes at night.”
“Jeez,” she whispered. She was tempted to lay all the cards on the table, but when she met his eyes, fear subdued her bravery. He was good at covering his thoughts. Nonetheless, if she was to give their marriage another consideration, they’d need to come clean with each other. She’d need to be transparent, and he might just be giving her the chance to do that, rather than confronting her about it. He read her as she battled with herself.
“Is there something going on that you need to tell me?” he asked.
“Huh? Why do you ask that?”
“You seem upset.”
“I am upset. You never gave me the space you claim I deserved. You were actively in the picture, following me.”
