by Alison Mello
Courtney stepped in, with not enough time for Zachary to prepare for seeing her. Her eyes scanned his modest office. It was clutter-free, containing only a desk, a chair behind it, and two seats in front of it. There was a picture on the wall behind his seat, an image that looked like a satellite shot of a Marine dressed in uniform standing alone in a desert. Zachary stood still by his chair, staring perplexedly at her, wondering what had brought her here. How had she tracked him down? They hadn’t spoken for over a month, not since he left her standing alone in the middle of his living room. So why now?
Courtney’s heart screeched as she gazed back at him. He wore a gray polo shirt with a logo of his company that looked like a crest, with the letter V inscribed in the middle, and gray suit pants. He looked deliciously handsome, well rested, and—dare she say—happy. She was right. Everyone flourished without her. Her sole purpose of this visit was to apologize to him, make amends, and gain some closure as part of the healing journey she was embarking on. She’d talked so much about him in her sessions with a private therapist she’d been seeing since she signed the divorce papers. Mavis had insisted she talk to someone with the right qualifications, and now that she had the financial means, she took her advice.
It was incredible how much had happened in her life since the last time they were together. Prior to her unexpected visit to Zachary’s office, she tried to have a sit down with William, but he’d blocked all communication with her, and no matter how much she pursued, he rejected the offer, so she let go, knowing in her heart she tried her best and was at peace with that. Not when it came to Zachary; it was nowhere near over. She wasn’t sure if he’d moved on with someone else or gone back home to his wife, but that didn’t matter, because that wasn’t her mission. Even though he handled her confession poorly, she understood his frame of mind—betrayed. She couldn’t live with that on her conscience.
“May I?” She gestured to the seat across from him. After a few awkward seconds, he nodded, and she sat in the chair while he observed her meticulously.
She glanced around again. “You’ve done well for yourself. I’m proud of you.”
His back stiffened, clearly upset from their last encounter, Zachary said bluntly, “Why are you here, Courtney?”
Courtney shifted uncomfortably in her seat at his coldness. “I thought we should talk…”
“Talk?” Zachary scoffed. “It’s been over a month. What’s there to talk about?”
“Just hear me out, please. It was hard coming here.”
“How did you find me? I never told you about this place.”
“From one of your counseling group members. I told him it was an emergency. I’m sorry I did that, but I had to see you.”
He remained silent but urged her with his eyes to go on.
“It’s been tough without you these last couple of weeks, and a lot has changed. What happened between us was unfortunate and definitely my fault. I should have told you when William contacted me, or at least given you a heads up.”
“You didn’t owe me an explanation. That is your husband. Your loyalty should be to him. What I did by walking away was to give you the opportunity to mend your marriage. I was upset because this is a man who abused you, took you for granted so bad you had to seek shelter from him and his family, and you willingly had dinner with him and even contemplated reconciliation. I was more disappointed than upset.”
“You wouldn’t understand how much he means to me or what we have been through together.”
“I don’t need to. It’s not my right. Like I said, you do not owe me an explanation.”
“I thought it was the right thing to do. I am sorry I hurt you and disrespected every special moment we shared. I don’t want our beautiful friendship to be forgotten or tainted by my errors. That’s why I needed to find you. I tried you at your new condo a couple of times, but I didn’t have the code to get to your door, and you wouldn’t take my calls. So I tracked you down here.”
Zachary’s squared shoulders and his facial expression softened. He’d built up defenses to protect his heart from being broken any further but found himself missing how good she felt in his arms, the way her face glowed when she was happy, the feel of her gorgeous hair, her soft, well-curved lips, and the divine sounds she uttered when he made incredible, soul-nourishing love to her. His walls came crashing down at the thoughts running through his head. He groaned in disapproval of his weakness.
“What is going on?” he asked, his tone kinder.
“I’m happy. Living freely. William and I had an uneventful divorce. I’m truly grateful for that. I’m working on myself and painting, of course. I have another showcase coming up in a few weeks at The Louvre gallery. Nothing big, only me and a few other struggling artists.” Courtney snickered. “It’s on the twenty-eighth, if you want to pass by.”
He bowed lightly. “I’ll be sure to do that.”
Courtney picked up her bag and stood. “See you around, Zachary.”
“You bet.”
She walked to the door and curled her fingers around the doorknob, praying he stopped her and came springing into her arms. She’d sorely missed him. She didn’t realize that until she walked into his office and gazed into his striking eyes, remembering his warm mouth when he took her, the nights he held her, and how safe and beautiful he made her feel, their connection when they bared their souls before each other, and the first time he made love to her. How did one walk away from such pure joy? Her heart jolted when he said her name in a low deep voice, and she instantly let go of the doorknob, whirling around with hope in her eyes.
“Take care of yourself, Courtney,” Zachary said.
Disappointed, she nodded once and walked out.
CHAPTER 19
Beginning with audacity is a very great part of the art of painting.
~Winston Churchill
The night was perfect, clear skies with a decent number of bright stars glistening through the still night. It was ten p.m. on a Thursday night, and Courtney stood proudly, admiring her new landscape painting. She’d taken a major chance and challenged herself to step out of her comfort zone. Her risk paid off. She had three new paintings up at the gallery, and the first painting sold tonight was this one. She regretted not keeping it for herself, not certain if she’d be able to mimic it. The showcase ran for two hours, and it was almost over. She took a sip of her champagne and heaved a deep sigh, basking in the glory of her triumph.
“You’re magnificent,” a familiar deep voice said from close behind her.
She didn’t need to turn around to know who it belonged to. She smiled. The nearness of his body and the whiff of his cologne was all she needed.
“Hello, Zachary. I’m glad you made it.”
“Me too,” he declared, resisting the urge to touch her.
“Hi.” She turned, facing him.
“You look beautiful.” His eyes roamed over her body in a manner that could only be deemed flirtatious.
“Well, thank you, handsome.”
“I’m sorry I’m late. Couldn’t get out of the office early as planned.”
“You showed up. That’s all that matters.”
He looked up at the painting on the wall, tilting his head to the side. “That’s different.”
Courtney beamed, grateful he had paid enough attention to her passion to distinguish between her talents. “You like it?”
“Of course.” He looked down at her.
“Sorry, you’re too late. It’s sold.”
“Lucky bastard.”
She giggled.
“If you’re done here, we can grab something to eat. That’s if you don’t have any celebrations lined up.” Zachary glanced up at the painting once more.
Courtney spoke with barely masked enthusiasm. “I’d love to.”
“Good.” He took her hand in his.
***
At a restaurant a few blocks from Courtney’s studio apartment, Zachary stared at her, wondering what he was thinking wal
king away from her. He was grateful for the opportunity to show her he could be the man she needed, if only she agreed to give him another chance.
Courtney flushed under his intense scrutiny. She placed her glass of water down and met his gaze. It was said that the eyes were the mirror to one’s soul, but she saw beyond his soul. She saw his pain, his joy, and his fears. For a while, before and after her divorce from William, she’d wished Zachary to be hers. Her conscience made such desire immoral, preventing her from wholly giving herself to him. She held doubt in her heart and believed she had nothing but grief to offer him. Yet she was madly in love with him. How could she stay away to protect him from imminent misery?
Walk away, it’s not fair to him, let him free, let him live. Let him find a woman deserving, one that’ll give him a future.
“What are you thinking about?” Zachary asked.
“What a great person you are.”
“I doubt that.” He chuckled. “How have you been coping with your new life?”
“It’s been great. I never thought it was possible to be alone and happy. All my life I have needed someone. Someone to love me, to take care of me, kiss my nightmares away. Or someone to hurt me, physically or emotionally. Once they were in my life, I was whole. Being alone, I now find it uplifting. I depend on me, I pull myself up when I’m down, and I’ve discovered how powerful loving oneself is.”
Zachary was hurt that she had to go through life in such an ill-fated manner. She was perfect. Why her? He was truly content that she found herself, her voice, and her poise. There was a distinct difference between the woman sitting across from him and the woman he left standing in his living room. This woman knew what she wanted and was prepared to go after it.
“How is the new business coming along?” she asked.
“It’s been great, thanks for asking. I’m doing something I love, so that makes it easy. I’m a pain in the guys’ asses, but they need me.”
“Alison?” Courtney asked, and he froze.
“What about her?” A deep frown creased his brows.
“How is she doing? The kids?”
“She’s fine, I suppose. I see the kids every other weekend.” He took a sip of his water and cleared his throat.
“Divorced yet?”
Zachary wasn’t surprised by her question. He saw it coming the moment she asked about Alison.
“Working on it.”
“What’s taking so long? She served you. I remember that much.”
He stared vacantly at his beer bottle.
“You still feel strongly about her, don’t you? Not ready to let her go?”
“I don’t know, Courtney. I’ll rather talk about you. Tell me exactly what you’ve been up to.”
She scowled and heaved a sigh. “It’s a work in progress. I’ll find my clear path someday. Right now, I enjoy painting and taking each day as it comes.”
“You’ve been in my thoughts every second since I saw you last,” he confessed. “I don’t doubt that, because you’ve been in mine too.”
Zachary shot her a glance, feeling sorrier than her because she gave him the chance to apologize for his detached brashness. So inconsiderate of him. He didn’t deserve it.
“You came to me to apologize, but I should be the one apologizing to you. I acted like a jackass. I didn’t deserve your apology,” Zachary said. “At the time I thought I was doing the right thing, not standing between a married couple. I didn’t want to be the reason for your divorce. I am sorry.”
Courtney accepted the logic behind his motive. Even though it had been rough and quite a memorable journey with William, he didn’t deserve her sympathy. Neither did his snotty family. Still, she came out victorious. He was kind to her, a side of him she hadn’t expected.
“We can move on from the past. It’s a new day,” she said, her voice saturated with unshed tears.
Zachary nodded. “Yeah.”
“You should loosen up a bit,” she teased, attempting to alleviate the tension between them.
He grinned. “And you should let me take you out on a real date.”
“Date?” She swallowed.
Her nervous gesture made him grimace. “Did I miss something?”
“No, it’s just that I…I thought we were doing the friendship thing. Besides, you need to sort out your life first, then you can consider opening a new chapter as big as this. A fresh start.”
He leaned forward so they were eye to eye. “My reluctance to sign the divorce papers has nothing to do with me being in love with Alison, Courtney.”
“Then what is it? Not that I am pushing you to that, I just want you to follow your heart and do what makes you happy. You admitted to me you were violent toward her, and I have experienced firsthand what you’re capable of. Most of it wasn’t your fault, and you took ownership, working hard to fix yourself for your family. So if you are holding on because somewhere deep down you want to go back home, that’s a good thing, if Alison wants the same. However, if you are holding on for any other reason, then you need to let go.”
Remorse filled Zachary’s eyes, and Courtney couldn’t tell if it was regret for giving her the opening to expose his weakness or allowing her back into his life. He leaned back into his seat, gliding his palms over his thigh. She leaned closer, dragging her chair with her, until she was close enough to touch him. He didn’t move away from her touch, though he didn’t look at her either.
“I’m sorry, Zachary. I didn’t mean to put that out there like that. I just want you to be happy. I’ll never hate you if you decide to remain married. You mean a lot to me.”
“Talk to me.”
He slightly moved from her touch, and she felt the void. She did want him, but his happiness meant more. She held a secret, an ill-fated secret. It took a lot for her to accept. Her hard luck. Life had thrown her many curveballs and she’d endured them, but this was the ultimate curveball. The final chapter. And she had to take that journey on her own. She had come to peace with it a long time ago. This final outcome was anticipated. Inevitable. Zachary would never forgive her for it. Before she embarked on her journey, she would help him, guide him to a better him. When she looked into his eyes, she saw a pure soul, a gentle heart, a warrior, a survivor. She had no one, only him. His love for her was undeniable. She saw it, even when he was upset. She saw the passion he reserved for her.
She stood and extended a hand to him. Zachary didn’t immediately take it. Instead, he scanned her beautiful white dress. How angelic she looked, just like the goddess who approached him in his dream. Her beautiful long brown hair cascaded graciously over her shoulders, her hazel eyes sparkling with love. She was nothing like Alison, yet he treated her just the same. While he deserved to lose her, one look in her eyes and he believed that she was his. He decided right then he was going to fight like hell to get back into her heart. He shoved his chair back away from the table and stood, taking a single step to seal the gap between them.
Courtney inhaled, taking him in. All of him. Oh, how she missed this man. She closed her eyes, savoring the intimate moment she’d longed for.
Zachary leaned into the crook of her neck and whispered, “I’ll do anything to have you in my arms again, Courtney. No matter how much you try to push me away, I’ll never leave your side.”
CHAPTER 20
In life, you have to take the pace that love goes. You don’t force it. You just don’t force love, you don’t force falling in love, you don’t force being in love–you just become. I don’t know how to say that in English, but you just feel it.
~Juan Pablo Galavis
Courtney nestled into his gentle embrace, her worries behind her. How easy it was to forget the world when she was in safe arms. Her rational mind wanted to break the comfort, but the womanly part of her embraced the love of a man. A man she loved dearly.
Why, why, why God? Why mock her so cruelly? Why wasn’t Zachary the man who had walked into the gentlemen’s club that night? Why William? What was his purpose in h
er life? She’d wasted years thinking she had found love. Zachary had shown her what love truly was. It was said that people come into our lives for specific purposes and at the right time. Still, she wished she had met Zachary way earlier in life. She was robbed of pure love and unsullied happiness. Now she felt deserving, the least the universe could do after robbing her of a normal life. Was it okay to be selfish? She had given her all to make others happy. Why couldn’t she take this moment and make it about herself? Was it so bad?
Zachary lifted her off the couch and cradled her against his firm, broad chest. Courtney nuzzled into the crook of his neck. He laid her down in his neatly made up bed and dropped down beside her, pulling her into an embrace.
He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. “I miss your smell.”
She studied him for a moment before stirring her lips to his. He groaned lightly when her warm breath brushed over his skin. He parted her lips with his, seeking her warmth. Her heart thudded when he rubbed his hands on her back. She was grateful for his closed eyes. He didn’t need to see how his nearness affected her. She saw how she affected him, and it was spectacular.
“Make love to me,” Courtney half whispered in his mouth. He pulled back, attempting to read her thoughts. Undeniably, the taste of her mouth made him hungrier for more, and her beautiful words were all he needed to hear.
He made love to her gently, like it was her first time and he didn’t want to hurt her. He explored every inch of her body until she was fulfilled. For the rest of the night until well after dawn, he held her securely in his arms, not wanting to ever lose her again.
When the clock struck nine in the morning, his phone rang, waking them up with a jolt. Zachary glanced at his wristwatch then at Courtney. He eyed her with a content face while she struggled to keep her eyes open.
He kissed her temple. “Good morning, beautiful.”
“What time is it?” she asked through a yawn.
“Almost ten.”
