by Alison Mello
Zachary nodded.
“You know, sometimes when you are caught up in a life that drains you emotionally, psychologically, or physically, your mind tends to accept that it’s the norm, so you take it. There is more to life than this, Zachary. You can’t admit this life of hardship and unhappiness as your purpose. This is a cross too big for one man to carry.”
“You think I don’t know that?”
Corey shifted closer to the edge of his chair and tapped the table as he spoke. “This will break you down. Worse than you were before. It’s already showing in your face and actions. You are all over the place. Just….” His voice shuddered as it dawned on him how bad this could get for his friend if Courtney didn’t survive this. “Just ask for help, man. I am here. Anything.”
Zachary nodded.
“Bring her home. Have dinner with Jane and me. It will be good for you two.”
“Sure, I’ll let her know.”
Corey shifted back into the chair with an easy sigh. “Now, can we go out for lunch?”
CHAPTER 25
He stands erect by bending over the fallen. He rises by lifting others.
~Robert Green Ingersoll
Courtney stood in the kitchen, far removed from life, nursing a cup of tea.
A piece of Zachary fell when he noticed how much she’d changed since they began the chemotherapy treatment two weeks ago. Not in her health, but her physical appearance. She had lost at least ten pounds over a short period of time. Her appetite had been shitty; she could hardly keep down the little food she was able to eat. She was diminishing right in front him. A painful memory took form in his mind. His mother…her death. The heartbreak he’d endured by her passing. Her pain and the physical violence she adapted to because of love. Love for her husband and love for her son. A boy needed his father. That was the motto she lived by, so she stayed, and she endured the pain. Zachary had traveled to many countries around the world, and he studied diverse cultures and traditions of each country he visited. One thing that all those countries had in common was the concept of a woman. The way they were treated as inferior. It was heartbreaking, and he never understood it. The most confusing part were the women that accepted their fate in a world designed by men to weaken and undervalue them. He found himself falling into the same category of an egoistic pompous prick when he was married to Alison. He ridiculed her and abused the power he had over her, but in a way, he blamed her too, for not standing up for herself and proving her worth.
Courtney fought through her fears, stood her ground, and went after her dreams. She didn’t allow her past to define her future; she took matters into her own hands. That bold spirit was what drew Zachary to her. He admired it. Admired her.
He slipped his hand around her waist and whispered, “You ready?”
Her eyes closed for the briefest moment, and she tipped her chin up as he left trails of warm kisses in the crook of her neck. She moaned, and a smile lit her solemn face.
“You haven’t touched me like this in a while.”
He swiveled her around to face him. She looked up into his bright eyes. “Don’t stop.” She pulled him into her by tugging at his t-shirt.
“Baby, I’ll hold you any way you’d like. I don’t want you to think I’m avoiding you. You know that, right?”
“I know.” She tipped her chin up for a kiss, and he granted her request.
“How are you feeling today? Are you up for dinner with the Prestons? I can cancel, you know.”
Courtney chuckled. “Don’t use me as an excuse. You are going out and having some fun. You deserve it.” She took a swig from her tea cup and grimaced. “I need something stronger.”
“Can you do that?”
“I’m not dead yet.”
“I can add some Armagnac to your tea,” he offered.
She shoved her tea cup into his hand. “Thanks, handsome.”
Zachary turned on the stove to reheat the water in the kettle and pulled a new teabag from the box. He took the bottle of brandy and poured a tiny bit in the teacup.
Courtney frowned at his conservativeness. “Come on, Zachary, I’m not a toddler.” She nodded at the bottle in his hand, urging him to proceed, and he drizzled a little more into the glass.
“I’m such an enabler.” He chuckled, shaking his head. The kettle whistled moments later, and he served her.
“You ready to have some fun tonight?” she asked.
“Apparently.” He leaned against the counter toward her.
“This is pretty good,” she said over the rim of the tea cup.
“A little something I picked up in my Marine days. The teabag soaks up the brandy so it lasts longer. Best way to preserve the booze.”
Laughing, she said, “That’s survival.”
“By any means.”
“Tell me more about Corey,” she said. She had yet to meet Zachary’s friend but had heard his name a number of times. She didn’t know much other than they were childhood best friends, and aside from her, Corey was the only one he confided in.
“There’s nothing to tell. Just a guy who follows the rules. Never gets his hands dirty.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Oh, one of those, huh?”
“Yeah, church boy, played sports, geek, Ivy League schools, husband, father, the impeccable list goes on.”
“Sounds awful.” She giggled.
“Yeah, it does.”
“You shouldn’t be friends with such tedious characters.”
“I know. Such an embarrassment.” He furrowed his brow, and Courtney laughed. The rich sound of her laughter echoed through his soul. They both remain quiet, gazing into each other’s eyes.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
She shrugged, her ecstasy fading away. “The same. No appetite yet, but that’s to be expected.”
He drew in a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. C’est la vie.” She gulped the last drop of tea and deposited the glass in the sink. “Enough of this. We’ve been down for a while now. We deserve a night off.”
She snatched her shawl from the back of one of the kitchen stools and headed for the front door. Zachary picked up the car keys and followed behind her.
***
Jane Preston opened her front door with a huge grin. She pulled Zachary in, gripping him around the waist and into a warm embrace. “Oh, my dear friend, how long has it been?”
He rested his head against hers intimately. “It’s been too long.”
Jane had known Zachary since she started dating his best friend Corey in her freshman years. The three were close friends, inseparable until Zachary got deployed. Since his return, he had been staying away from friends and even family, mostly because he thought of himself as a failure, socially awkward and inadequate.
She let go of him. “You must be Courtney.”
“Yes.” Courtney grinned, stretching her hand out for a handshake, but Jane opted for a hug, a warm one that elicited a sad emotion in her. Even though Courtney was grateful for Zachary, she yearned for a friend, a woman her age she could confide in. She lost contact with the few friends she made after marrying William due to his possessive behavior. The ones she made while married to him were forced and impractical. She could never relate to them. All she had was William, exactly how he wanted it. The connection between them saddened her, realizing how much time she’d wasted without securing meaningful friendships.
“Welcome, Courtney, and thank you for taking care of my friend here.” Jane punched Zachary on the shoulder.
“Ouch!”
Jane rolled her eyes. “As if that hurts.” She turned back to Courtney. “I’m being rude. Come on in. Corey is putting Ana to bed.”
“My goddaughter,” Zachary said to Courtney with pride.
“Well, you’ve been a shitty godfather,” Jane teased.
“Don’t I know it,” Zachary admitted.
Courtney strolled into the living room, glancing at the pictures displayed on the walls. A spiteful feeling nigg
led at her, staring at a family portrait of Corey, Jane, and Ana, how perfect their little family was. She gulped the bitter taste in her mouth. What she would do to live a regular life. Zachary, her, and their little girl, or boy, or both, if they lived in a perfect world, in a middle-class suburb in their five-bedroom home surrounded by a white picket fence. Zachary a CEO of his security firm, she a well-known painter. Oh, what a wonderful world that would be. She closed her eyes for a moment, savoring the delusion, then walked away from the wall.
Zachary and Jane interacted like siblings. It was refreshing seeing him this genuinely relaxed and happy, and that warmed a special place in her heart. If she lost her battle, she’d rest in peace knowing he had Jane and Corey.
Corey walked in, a huge grin plastered across his visage. He was as tall as Zachary and just as handsome. He gave his friend a hug.
“I’m glad you came, Zachary.”
Zachary nodded. “Me too.”
Courtney cringed for a moment at the emotion in Zachary’s voice. He needed this, to be around friends and family. She was dragging him down with her needs, and seeing him talk to his childhood friends proved it. It attested to how much she’d affected him, changed him for the worse.
“Courtney, it’s nice to finally put a face to the name.” Corey dragged her back from her stupor. As with his wife, she attempted to shake his hand, but he opted for a hug, as warm as what she received from Jane.
“Nice to meet you, Corey.”
He turned back to Zachary. “Come on, man, let’s get a drink.”
Zachary glanced at Courtney, his eyes requesting consent to leave her with Jane. Courtney gave him a reassuring smile. He planted a kiss on her cheek before walking out of the living room behind Corey.
“Wine?” Jane asked, smiling.
“Sure, why not?”
She liked the feeling she got from the brandy she drank earlier. One glass of wine wouldn’t cause any harm. She hadn’t had a drink since God knew when, and she deserved it. She wondered if Jane knew about her illness. If she did, she masked her emotions well, and Courtney treasured that. She was done with the sympathetic looks she’d been getting since she became an orphan. It felt good to be normal, even if it was just for a night.
Jane passed her a glass, and they toasted. “To a new friendship,” Jane said, and Courtney couldn’t help but feel emotional. They clinked glasses.
“Thanks for having us.”
Jane laughed. “You have no idea how long I have been trying to get Zachary here, and you made it happen.” She raised her glass to Courtney then nodded to the couch. Courtney followed her, and they got comfortable on the largest sofa in the room.
Jane sat with one foot underneath her and one arm stretched over the top of the couch. Her gesture encouraged Courtney feel relaxed as if she was at home with her best friend.
“So, tell me about yourself, Courtney. The woman that brought my friend back to life.”
Courtney giggled. “He brought me back to life, actually. He’s an amazing person.”
Jane concurred with a nod.
“I’m an artist, into modern painting.”
Jane’s eyes widened. “That sounds exciting. I’d love to see your work someday. I have never met a painter.”
“I’d love to show you.” Courtney looked away shyly. “You have a beautiful home.” She glanced around the room then back to Jane. “So, what do you do?”
“I’m a banker.” Jane took a sip of her wine.
“Ouch. Sounds wearisome.”
Jane laughed. “You have no idea.”
Before the men joined them, Courtney worked extra hard to keep the focus off herself by throwing random questions at Jane, who didn’t mind because she loved to talk. The topics floated from being a wife, mother, working fulltime, traveling, their men, and a few of Ana’s jokes. Courtney enjoyed herself so much that she spent the entire evening chatting with Jane.
Like a teenager in love, Zachary freely caressed her hands, thighs, and hair. He kissed her every chance he got. Corey had never seen his friend this much in love with another person until tonight. Zachary had already made it clear to him the love he shared with Courtney, but seeing them in action verified that his friend was genuinely happy. He and his wife stole glances at each other with smiles as they observed him act so differently from what they were familiar with. It also broke Corey’s heart that Courtney had to go through such grief. The thought of her losing her battle with cancer had crossed his mind many times, mainly when he saw the spark in Zachary’s eyes, and that dismayed him. He hadn’t been able to tell Jane yet. Knowing his wife, she’d have acted differently toward Courtney, and he needed Courtney to revel in an easy evening like everyone else. He bowed his head in mourning when he overheard Jane whisper into Zachary’s ear at the front door, “She’s a keeper. Be good to her.”
CHAPTER 26
Tomorrow is not promised and the past cannot be changed therefore live each day to the fullest and know that every new day is a blessing.
~Nishan Panwar
It had been a long night for both Courtney and Zachary. They’d spent hours on the bathroom floor with Courtney’s head positioned in the toilet bowl. Her skin was pale, and her eyes had sunken in. They had called Dr. Hughes and scheduled to see her in the morning. It was the fourth week of chemotherapy, and Courtney had been growing scrawnier by the day. She managed to get some rest between four and six in the morning and awakened to an empty bed. After struggling to sit up, she ran her hand through her hair. Her face fell into a depressed expression as she stared in horror at the chunk of hair stuck between the fingers. She dropped her head back on the pillow. She’d known she would lose her hair again like she did a few years ago. The surprise was how long it took and how much fell out.
She slipped her hand under the pillow when Zachary walked in carrying a tray containing a teapot and two teacups. Why did she feel the need to hide herself from him when he had repeatedly proven to her that he loved her regardless of her appearance?
“Good morning, beautiful.” He set the tray on the bedside table beside her. He lifted the tea pot and decanted hot water into a teacup, held the tip of the bag, and swirled it around in the cup before sitting at the edge of the bed and handing it to her. Her hand trembled lightly, and the cup clinked against the saucer. Zachary noticed but didn’t make a fuss about it.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
She shrugged, taking a sip.
Zachary gazed at her for a moment then leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees, hands clasped together. Courtney sighed, leaving him to his thoughts. His eyes were bloodshot and mildly puffy from lack of sleep. He was gradually slipping into desolation, and she was responsible for it. Courtney had come to terms with her fate years ago and embarked on a journey to find peace before the inevitable happened. Even though she was given a little hope when she was declared to be in remission, she always knew deep within that this moment would come.
Zachary, not so much. Everything happened so fast he was struggling to even deal, let alone accept the truth.
Courtney shifted to the end of the bed, positioning her body right beside him.
“Are you all right?” He looked at her with troubled eyes.
She shook her head and passed the teacup to him. “I feel nauseous.”
He took the cup, and she rushed to the bathroom.
“Do you need help, Courtney?”
“No.” She slammed the door harshly behind her.
The only sound he could hear was the violent fit of retching. He strode toward the bathroom but stopped short at the door. Give her room, a voice counseled in his head, and he fell back. Nothing happened for a few agonizing seconds before the sound of running water commenced. He sat on the bed and waited until she emerged minutes later.
“Hey.” He stood up. He pulled her into his arms, kissing the top of her head. “It’s going to be okay.”
Courtney rested her head on his chest. Inexplicably, she started to feel
safe and encouraged.
***
Dr. Kristine Hughes walked into the room where Courtney sat with Zachary. Courtney was on the exam table, Zachary sitting across from her. Dr. Hughes wore a somber look when she pulled a short stool and parked herself between the couple.
“Feeling better?” she asked, referring to the anti-nausea IV that had been administered when they came in.
“Not quite,” Courtney said. “I am experiencing shortness of breath, facial swelling, headaches, chest and back pains, tightness in my throat, constantly running a fever, a familiar rash, and the list goes on. Just like I experienced with Carboplatin-Taxol.”
“Yes, unfortunately, you’re reacting to the drug. I recommend we temporarily stop the drug until your body stabilizes, then we can resume, but at a reduced dosage.”
“Let’s be honest with ourselves, doctor,” Courtney said.
“Okay…” Dr. Hughes responded.
Courtney darted looks between her and Zachary and cleared her throat. “What are my chances? I know what they are, but I need to hear you say it, and precisely.”
Zachary sat up straight, squaring his shoulders.
“With the fast rate at which the cancer continues to spread through your body, the sole purpose of this treatment is to control the spread at a minimal rate. There is nothing more we can do…”
“I know all that. I just need a timeline,” Courtney stated firmly.
“Courtney,” Zachary said, sensing Dr. Hughes’s trepidation, but she lifted her hand up to stop him.
“As I explained earlier, I can’t give you an accurate date or timeline. I can only generalize it. It could take weeks or years.”
“Good. Regardless, I am dying. So instead of delaying the inevitable and living the rest of my miserable life in pain, why not leave my fate to God and live my last days being happy, doing the things I love? I don’t want to be hooked to machines or have needles sticking out of my body.”
Zachary jumped up and moved closer to her, taking her hand in his. “What are you saying, baby?”
