Bad For You

by Parker, Weston

  Then again, as I sat there talking to the man I’d once thought I’d spend the rest of my life with, I felt—for the first time—that I’d done right by him. Our breakup might not have had much to do with what either of us had wanted, but I could see how much his time in the Air Force had meant to him. Hear it in his voice when he talked about it.

  We might not have wanted to break up, but it turned out his mother had been right. I would’ve been holding him back if I hadn’t done it. After so many years of wondering and regret, I finally had my answer. I’d done the right darn thing.

  It felt good to finally know for sure that I hadn’t screwed up royally in our past. It also felt good to have him back, even if it was just casually running into him every now and then. Too good really, but I didn’t care much. I was just happy to be learning more about him and who he had grown up to be.

  9

  TRISTIN

  It felt good to talk to Brittany, to get things off my chest. Unless I was very much mistaken, she seemed to be enjoying talking to me too. The corners of her lips were tipped up ever so slightly, and even though she didn’t look at me all the time, there was an easy give and take between us. Our conversation wasn’t filled with tension like I might’ve thought it would be.

  I didn’t even know why I hadn’t told her any of this before, but I hadn’t. It all rolled off my tongue comfortably now, though. Maybe it was because of the realization that she couldn’t leave me if I offended her by saying why my grandfather had wanted me in a public school, or maybe it was the fact that she wouldn’t feel guilty about me not following in his footsteps if I stayed with her. Whatever it was, it was nice to finally get it all out.

  In the past, it had been all about protecting her. There was a lot I hadn’t told her because I was worried about how it would make her feel. I still didn’t want to hurt her or anything, but it felt like this was what we needed to start clearing the air between us.

  It occurred to me that we were alone, talking, and that it was probably a good time to start asking for those answers, but I didn’t want to force the issue. Opening up the lines of honest communication between us seemed like a much better way to go about things than acting like an immature asshole by coming at her all guns blazing about shit that had happened when we were kids.

  Things got a little awkward when I talked about enlisting, though. She’d said it was good to know I hadn’t regretted my decision, but now she was kind of just staring off into space.

  “I didn’t regret it,” I repeated carefully, watching as her eyes focused again, and her head tilted slightly to let me know she was listening to me. “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t also wonder about whether it was the right thing to have done.”

  “It was the right thing.” She glanced at me, a soft, understanding smile spreading on her lips. “If you hadn’t enlisted, you’d always have wondered. It would’ve been this massive ‘what if’ hanging over the rest of your life. I’m glad you went. I just hate how it happened.”

  “Yeah, so do I.” See, I knew this would come up organically and that we could talk through it calmly. “After you broke up with me, I didn’t have a reason to stay. I can’t be happy about the fact that you broke things off, but I wouldn’t have gone if you hadn’t.”

  Fuck. Why did I say that? I hadn’t meant to go quite that far right off the bat, but it was out now, and Brittany’s wide eyes and frozen body said that she’d heard me despite how quietly I’d said it.

  “What about the company?” she asked, still without looking at me, but also still calm and composed. “Surely American Aviation was a reason for you to stay. If not several billion good reasons.”

  “Back then, you meant more to me than the company,” I admitted, rubbing the back of my neck as I let my head hang between my shoulders. “I’m only telling you any of this now because it’s the truth, and I figure it’s about time for it to come out. I should’ve told you before I left. Maybe both of us would’ve had some closure if I had.”

  “It was a long time ago,” she said eventually, that faint smile back on her face. “We both did what we thought was right.”

  “It doesn’t feel like so long ago, not here and now.” My words drew her eyes back to mine. “Have you ever thought about what our lives might have been like if we hadn’t broken up?”

  A soft chuckle escaped her, but there wasn’t much humor in the sound. “Have I thought about it? Yes. I have. Of course I have. Have you?”

  “Yes,” I said without hesitating, reaching out to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear when I raised my head again. “I used to think about it all the time. It’s been a lot less often over the last few years, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it at all.”

  Her eyes shone in the lights around the field, making it look like there were crystals planted in the blue of her irises. Her gaze shifted from one of my eyes to the other before she nodded once. “I know what you mean. We’ve moved on, but the memories are still there.”

  It wasn’t only the memories that were still there for me. All those old feelings were coming back up, and they were doing it fast the more time I spent with her. “Have we? Moved on, I mean?”

  Surprise flicked in her eyes, but then she shrugged. “We’ve been apart for about the same amount of years we’d been alive at the time we became friends. That has to mean something.”

  Funny how she didn’t mention having moved on with the principal. Hope surged inside me. It was unbidden and a little alarming for how powerful it was, but it was definitely there. I wonder if that means she’s not as serious about him as he made it sound.

  When we’d gone to his office that day, he’d talked like they’d been together for years and were practically married. That wasn’t the vibe I was getting from her at all, though. It made me think he’d been posturing, pretending because he’d felt threatened. Which is pretty fucking awesome for me.

  “It does mean something,” I said. “It means we’ve grown up. It means we’ve done all the things we were afraid we wouldn’t get to do if we stayed together. It means there’s a reason we keep running into each other now despite how things ended between us and how long ago it happened.”

  She sighed softly, covering her face in her hands and shaking her head before peeking out at me from between her fingers. “Why are you back, Tristin? Why now?”

  Shit, I really wished I had a better answer for her, but I didn’t, and I wouldn’t lie to her. “I can’t tell you that I came back for you, Brit. Lord knows I thought about doing it a lot, but I didn’t. My dad had a heart attack. They needed me to come back to take over.”

  “Holy crap. That’s awful. Is he okay?” Her eyebrows mashed together, worry suddenly swimming in her eyes when she dropped her hands and sat up straight. “I know you guys never used to be close, but he’s still your dad. Are you okay?”

  “We’re both fine.” I took her hands and threaded her fingers through mine, stroking the pads of my thumbs along the outside of hers. She started when I touched her but didn’t pull away. “Dad’s back at home, but the doctors have advised against him going back to work. No one wants him putting that kind of stress on himself. If he ever comes back, it’ll be in more of a mentoring or consulting position. I don’t think he’s going to do that, though. I think he’s going to retire for good.”

  Some of the color faded from her cheeks. “Which means it’s all yours now?”

  I nodded. “It happened sooner than I expected, but I always knew I’d be coming back when the time was right.”

  “Are you leaving again?” she asked, her gaze fixed on mine. “You said the doctors have advised against your dad going back to the office, but he might still do it. Not just to mentor or consult either. You might think he’s going to retire, but what happens if he doesn’t?”

  “Nothing.” I tightened my grip on her fingers. “I had to be enlisted for at least eight years after the academy and training. I’ve more than fulfilled my commitment to the Air Force, and I h
aven’t re-enlisted, so I’m home for good. I’m getting an honorable discharge.”

  “So that’s it?” She blinked hard, like she couldn’t quite believe it could be that easy. “You’re back, and you’re staying, and you’re not pissed off at me for what happened?”

  I pulled my head back, a deep frown furrowing between my brows. “Why would I be pissed off at you for breaking up with me? I’m still confused about what happened, but I could never be angry about it. Not anymore. Like you said earlier, you did what you thought was right.”

  “Yeah, I did.” She didn’t look at all convinced, but she shook it off and offered me another smile. “It really was a long time ago, though. Welcome back to Raleigh, Tristin. I hope you’re happy here.”

  “Still doesn’t feel like it was that long ago. Not right now.” Her lips parted when I looked into her eyes again, but no words came out.

  My gaze dropped to her mouth, and before I could stop myself or even think about what I was doing, I kissed her. She froze again, but only for a second.

  The next thing I knew, her arms were around my neck, and her hands were in my hair. Our mouths moved together, our tongues entwined and meeting over and over again. Like they couldn’t believe they were back together any more than I could believe that I was finally kissing Brittany again.

  My world exploded when she kissed me back just as passionately and hungrily as I was kissing her. My arms snaked around her waist, and I hauled her closer to me, groaning into her mouth when her thigh brushed against my dick with the movement.

  It couldn’t have been more than a minute since I’d gone in for the kiss, but I was already hard and ready. I wanted her even more than I had the night when I’d taken her virginity, and that was saying something. That night had meant everything to me, but I’d almost blown it before I’d even gotten inside her.

  Brittany swallowed the sound I made, returning it with a soft moan of her own. As if hearing it had yanked her out of the moment, she suddenly pulled away from me.

  Her breaths were coming in soft pants, her cheeks flushed and her eyes glazed over, but her voice was sure when she spoke while jumping to her feet. “I shouldn’t be doing this. I have a boyfriend. I’m sorry, Tristin. I have to go.”

  She ran off before I could say a single word, but I let her go. Instead of taking off after her, I gave her the space she needed. Whether their relationship was serious or not, she was right about having a boyfriend, and she wasn’t the kind of girl who would go around kissing other people while she was involved.

  If I hadn’t kissed her, that never would’ve happened, and now I needed to respect her wishes and let her go. Not forever, though. Just for now.

  I was conceding the battle to win the war. Because my decision not to walk away without fighting for her had been firmly cemented tonight. I wasn’t just lying down and taking it again. Not when it was still so good to be with her. I was going to find a way to win her heart, damn the consequences—and the principal.

  After staying in the stands long after I’d watched her disappear from the field, I got up and headed home. My mind was consumed with thoughts about her as I walked, sticking to a leisurely pace in the hopes that the fresh air and the distance between the school and my parents’ house would help put things into perspective for me.

  My life after I’d left Raleigh had been so much different than I’d realized it would be before I’d gone. It was something I was trying not to think about too often, but it really was taking some adjusting to settle into the swing of things back home.

  Sometimes it seemed like all the years in between had been nothing but a dream. I’d enlisted, flown all over the world, and had a high-intensity job with a great group of guys. When I’d told her I didn’t regret having done it, it had been the truth.

  But it was also true that I’d have given it all up to stay and build a life with her. She was the reason I hadn’t dated seriously in years. I was and always had still been hung up on her. If I’d have been given the option, I didn’t think it would’ve been a massive what-if that I’d always have wondered about.

  It was impossible to say for sure, obviously, but my feeling was that I’d have been happy to stay with her and to work my way up in the company. Sure, I’d wanted the Air Force only that little bit less than I’d wanted her, but even if it had only been a little bit, it had still been less.

  Regardless of everything that had happened between us, Brittany was the woman for me, and no job could or would change that. A career path, no matter how much I’d loved it, wasn’t a substitute for having had her in my life for all of these years.

  The Air Force couldn’t and wouldn’t keep me warm at night. Neither would American Aviation. There was work, and then there was life. My parents’ relationship didn’t always make sense to me, but they were devoted to one another.

  Mom was so invested in the company because my dad had spent so much of his time there. She’d supported him in his work to such an extent that somewhere along the line, it had become a part of her too. Even so, they’d always managed to carve out time for themselves.

  Not necessarily for me, but that was what it was. The point was that how I had felt or still felt about them didn’t really matter. They’d still shown me what true partnership in a marriage meant, and despite their disagreements, I’d never doubted their love for one another.

  The only person I’d ever wanted that with was Brittany. Maybe most people didn’t feel that way about their high school sweetheart, but I did. She was the one. I’d known it then, and I knew it now. All that was left for me to do was to convince her of that fact.

  10

  BRITTANY

  Back then, you meant more to me than the company. All night, those words had replayed over and over in my head.

  Just when I thought that I finally knew I’d done the right thing, he had to go and say something like that. Now I was wondering all over again if I’d made a giant mistake.

  It was silly, really, to still be obsessing over something that had happened when I’d been eighteen years old. The only explanation I had was that it had been the something that had changed the course of my life. If not for that one thing, Tristin and I might have been married by now. We might’ve had children together. We might’ve had a life together in a home that we shared.

  We also might’ve gone up in flames anyway in the time between then and now, but somehow I doubted that. Even if we had, at least it would’ve been our decision.

  If we’d fucked things up, maybe we wouldn’t both be stuck in some cruel limbo where our kisses still lit up the sky and our souls still seemed fused to the other’s. While I obviously didn’t know for sure how he felt about our kiss last night, I had a pretty good idea it had been the same for him as for me.

  It had been one of those kisses that transcended time and logic. One of those kisses where every part of our beings had connected, had seen each other, and had said, “Oh, there you are. I’ve been waiting for you.”

  If I really had done the right thing by listening to his mother all those years ago, surely our relationship would’ve been something we’d both be looking back at now with nothing more than fond memories while we chuckled about first love with our spouses.

  From what I’d been able to gather over the years, that was how other people felt about their high school relationships. Some didn’t even seem to think back at them with fond memories. Shelley, for instance, didn’t seem to think back to hers at all.

  Meanwhile, Tristin and I had broken up, but we were still drawn together like magnets. Like the two of us had simply been drifting and biding our time until we inevitably found each other again.

  Two people who weren’t meant for each other couldn’t possibly still have such sparks flying between them that everything else seemed completely insignificant in comparison.

  As I sat in my tiny little garden, sipping my coffee on an antique wrought iron chair that had been here forever, I looked up at the clear blue sky and tried to
imagine Tristin zooming around in it. He’d said he didn’t regret going to the Air Force. I believed him, but I wondered if the wide-open skies that belonged to only a select few had made it worth it for him to have lost the possibility of us?

  For those brief moments last night, I’d thought it had made it more than worth it. I’d wished it had, even. But after what he’d said, I wasn’t so sure anymore.

  It also wasn’t really fair to him to think about it that way because he wasn’t the one who’d lost that possibility. That was all on me.

  It was even worse that it had taken only one measly conversation with Selena for me to go—not even just losing that possibility but throwing it away deliberately and with both hands. But even now I couldn’t say that I’d felt like I’d had any other options.

  I remembered that day so vividly it was like I could still smell her pungent perfume when I closed my eyes. She’d come, she’d seen, she’d conquered. And then I’d done the dirty work for her.

  It was a beautiful day outside. I was doing my homework on our front porch. When I first saw the fancy black town car pulling up, I thought it was Tristin popping in to visit. He hardly ever let his parents’ driver take him around after he’d gotten his license, but it didn’t even cross my mind that it might not be him sitting in the back seat of that car.

  When his mother climbed out, pulling off her large, expensive sunglasses as her nose pulled up in disgust at the sight of our house, I nearly fell off my chair. Selena Ramsey looked every inch the queen of an empire that day.

  Her sleek blonde hair was perfectly styled, falling to sharp points at her dainty chin. The clothes she had on made her look like she’d stepped off the pages of an elegant fashion magazine. Neither her pencil skirt nor her suit jacket had even one wrinkle on them despite the fact that it was late afternoon.