"It's 8:11 a.m.," he informed me, looking at my digital alarm clock." I thought I heard your cell phone ring a little while ago," he added. My heart almost stopped. Shit. Sawyer.
"Your dad slept on the couch last night, and I must have forgotten it when I came to bed. It's on the countertop in the kitchen. Please, would you bring it up to me?" I asked with a smile.
Nodding, Colby quickly left the room and I heard him thundering downstairs and then nothing. I held my breath, waiting for a conversation between him and his father, but there was none. I wondered if Logan had already left, but figured I'd have heard the alarm get disabled if he had.
The silence was broken by Colby coming back up the stairs, but by then I was already up and dressed in a clean pair of jeans and a top. I figured if Logan was in the house I'd wait until he left before I grabbed a shower.
"Dad's in the downstairs bathroom and I had to find your phone. It was on the floor by the couch." Shit. I glanced at the time. It was only 8:21, so I knew I couldn't call Sawyer yet. Sitting down on my bed I opened the screen and saw an unopened text message had come in from Sawyer just over an hour before.
Sawyer: I tried to call you. What the actual fuck, Billie?
I scrolled farther up and all the messages between us had been wiped apart from the one above to him, which was sent from my phone at 7:11 a.m.
Me: Billie's exhausted and flat out asleep. She had the most amazing time, ate too much food, drank too much wine, but we had a wonderful family Christmas. Logan.
Grabbing Colby by the arm I took him downstairs, my blood boiling. I was determined to keep my temper and get his father out of our house. Entering the kitchen, I prompted our son with the cereal box, milk, bowl and spoon and set him to work on his breakfast up on the countertop.
Meanwhile, I raced down the passage to our downstairs bathroom in time to see Logan wander out with a towel around his waist and another drying his hair. Pushing him back forcefully, I entered the bathroom with him and closed the door behind me.
"Clothes on and out. No fucking argument. How dare you send messages from my cell phone!" I spat, pointing at the floor to emphasize my point.
"Jesus, Billie, calm the fuck down. It kept chiming when I was trying to sleep, so I answered it."
"Not before you read all the messages between us though, right? What an invasion of my privacy. Get dressed! I want you out of here now!"
"You didn't change your lock code on your phone," he mumbled, like this permitted him to check everything out. "Can't I at least—"
"No, five minutes maximum. And then you'd better leave."
I could see how pissed off he was that I'd challenged him for meddling in my affairs, and I had no clue what I was going to say to Sawyer, other than Logan had tried to make his hijacking of our time look as damning as he possibly could. Whether he believed me or not remained to be seen.
A few minutes later Logan emerged from the hallway, dressed after his shower. Any thoughts about how handsome he looked were quickly squashed when I reminded myself the shell of a man was only part of him, and how he was ripe with deceit on the inside.
"Are you leaving, Dad?" Colby asked. I heard no alarm or tinge of sadness in his tone.
"Yes, your dad has to get back to his place today. I'll drop you off tomorrow on my way to the Hamptons to save him from driving back here. The airport is closer to his place than ours." I made sure to respond to Colby before Logan had a chance to say anything otherwise.
"That's right, buddy," Logan stated, purely because I hadn't given him any other choice. Walking over to Colby, he bent over by the table and kissed the top of our son's head. Turning to me he smiled. "Thank you for an amazing Christmas Day. I enjoyed myself."
I was tempted to say, "There's that 'I' again," but I let it slide, and opened the front door to shorten his exit and to make sure he left.
Once Logan had gone, I made a pot of fresh coffee with one eye on the time and the other concentrated on not burning myself. Colby settled in front of the television to watch his favorite children's show and I went to the window to make sure Logan had driven away.
When I was satisfied I wouldn't be interrupted, I took out my cell. After informing Colby I was going to call Sawyer upstairs so as not to disturb him, I pressed Sawyer's number and heard it connect.
"Mmm," he asked, the throaty sound croaked before he tried again.
"Sawyer?" I asked, not entirely sure it was him.
"Billie, hi," he said, his voice still raspy from sleep.
"I'm so sorry about last night. Logan … he turned up out of the blue."
"And stayed the night," he added, his tone flat.
"Yeah, he did. He drank too much wine…"
"And this is why you didn't want to come here for Christmas …because he was coming?" Sawyer's frustration was thick in his voice.
"No. That wasn't it at all, and I'd like to think you know me better than that by now," I snapped.
"Do I? So he just turned up? Was he there when I called you? When you brushed me off by lying that you were cleaning up?"
"Yes, but that's not why I didn't speak to you."
"Wasn't it? Then why?" My body winced at the sober tone he used.
"It was because I wanted to tell you he'd turned up and Poppy had gone to Vermont. I would have told him where to go, but Colby had seen him at the window, so I could hardly turn him away on Christmas Day, when his son was waiting to see how I responded. You had worked so hard to bring light to my little boy's life all last week, and I didn't want to snuff that effort out by shutting the door in his father's face."
"Look, I've only had two hours of sleep. I'm pissed off at you, and I'm tired. We'll talk about this when I get up later. I'll call you then." Without saying goodbye, Sawyer disconnected the phone call. I felt utterly gutted.
I realized I'd stood ridged the whole time we'd spoken, and when I glanced at the digits on the screen I saw the call between us had lasted less than ninety seconds. Sawyer was angry and I was to blame. In the time I had known him, I'd never known his emotions to get the better of him during a difficult exchange, but there was no mistaking how angry he was.
With my heart feeling heavy and my stomach in knots, I tried to occupy myself by packing Colby's suitcase. I didn't dare tempt fate by beginning to pack mine. All morning long, I kept checking my phone—checking the volume on my ringer, my texts, my messenger app—out of fear I'd miss Sawyer's next contact.
By lunchtime, I felt sick. My body was locked tight up with tension and my heart felt like it was bleeding slowly inside. At 3:00 p.m. it began to snow, and I sat motionless by the window, my thoughts wrung out from all the possible scenarios that could play out when, or even if, the man I loved decided to call me back.
By 4:30 p.m. it was dark again. The snowfall had eased off a little but continued to fall. Unsure of what to do, and knowing Colby had to get to Logan's for the following morning, I decided to pack a bag for myself, even knowing I might not ever use it and to drive to somewhere near La Guardia airport with Colby to stay at a hotel nearby. At least with him safely off to Florida, I could concentrate on the situation with Sawyer.
After checking the weather forecast, I felt convinced I'd made the right decision and by 5:15 p.m. that evening I had merged onto the highway near our home in New Jersey, headed for a hotel close to the airport.
Turning on the radio, Cassadee Pope belted out "If My Heart Had A Heart." Gripping the steering wheel, I swallowed back tears and turned my concentration to getting me and my son safely to our destination.
The snowfall became heavier again as we crossed the Queensboro Bridge and entered New York City. I was worried I'd made a mistake just leaving the way I had, but the traffic kept crawling along. Shortly before 9:00 p.m., after a long nervous drive, we finally made it into our hotel room.
Colby flopped onto the second queen bed and was out like a light in minutes. I envied his ability to fall asleep as I lay awake, my heart aching in my chest as I checke
d my cell again and again and still had no word from Sawyer.
I showered, having skipped one that morning due to Logan, and got into bed. Miscommunication in the past had almost cost me my second chance back when Sawyer had been called to Arizona. This time the only excuse I could find for him not calling back was Logan. With no missed texts or calls, I had to accept Sawyer was angry and probably couldn't bring himself to speak to me.
As tears fell, I lay in my bed, cursing my ex for showing up the way that he had and cursing myself for not being honest with Sawyer as soon as he had called. Then I wondered if he had backed off to give me space to think, space I knew I no longer needed.
Wiping my tears with the bedsheet, I scrolled and found his name. I took a deep calming breath and tried to call again.
"Sawyer's phone," a young bubbly female voice chirped, all sweetness and light. The background sounded rowdy. It sounded like a party atmosphere.
"Hi, this is Billie. Is Sawyer around?" I asked, smiling and feeling a little nervous as I imagined who I was talking to. Not sister—a cousin, or a niece, perhaps? Her voice and accent weren't as refined as Sawyer's. He had mentioned many names and the connections of the relatives who would be at his parents' house for their legendary New Year's Eve party.
"Billie? He'll know who that is? What's your last name?" I felt indignant when she asked me this because Sawyer had told me his family was excited to meet me.
"Collier," I replied, then shook my head that I'd answered. "Who are you?"
She giggled. "Monica."
"Are you at Sawyer's parents' house?"
"His parents' house? Duh, nope."
"Is Sawyer there?" I asked again as I tried to keep the alarm from my voice.
"Um, he was. I mean he's kind of busy at the moment and can't come to the phone right now. I … erm, I don't know where he went, to be honest," she finally decided, and even though I had no idea what any of what she said meant, I felt fiercely jealous of her and intensely possessive of Sawyer.
"Can I ask where you are?"
"New York," she replied.
"No, I mean are you at a party?"
"Duh, yeah, I'm at a party in New York."
"Can I ask whose party?"
"Sure, it's Strings Michaels' party. You know, the keyboard player from DisKord," she finally disclosed with a note of pride in her voice.
Stunned, I lay with my cell to my ear as shock ripped through me that Sawyer had and gone to a party without calling me back. This time a poisonous cocktail of potently unpleasant feelings swarmed within me, and every thought I'd imagined he'd had about me was worse than the last.
Anger grew in my belly and tore through me; I was angry with him, then at me—for putting myself in such a vulnerable position. I felt dismayed for not being straight with Sawyer in the first place. And I'd compromised us out of some misguided guilt and loyalty to Logan when he hadn't deserved it.
Despite the week leading up to Christmas being some of the best moments of my life, it hadn't taken much for me to feel confused and for my mistrust of men to seep into my mind.
As bile rose in my stomach, I flung back the covers and barely made it to the bathroom before I emptied the entire contents of my stomach and wondered what on earth I was supposed to do now. Sawyer wasn't home, he hadn't called, and a woman at a party had answered his phone.
Chapter Twenty-Six
If I had thought I was indecisive and lost when Logan left us, sitting in a hotel room in Queens wondering what the hell I should do next felt ten times worse.
I eyed the two suitcases we'd brought up from the car: mine was "designer smart," and had been a gift from the guys at work when I'd left my high-powered financial position shortly after my marriage had failed; Colby's was a green camouflaged print, and perfect for a boy.
No wonder I had been reluctant to pack mine; my insecurities had told me not to tempt fate as I waited for Sawyer's return call. Inhaling deeply, I flicked through all the usual places he could get in touch with me and saw a message from someone named Scott Jon Lindsay in my 'message request' inbox on Facebook. The message read:
Hey, this is Hammer. Sawyer's been trying to call you, but he lost his cell phone and couldn't remember any of his log-ins. We're in the city dealing with something right now. He wants to know if you can call him on this number.
Anxiety and relief clashed in equal measure as I stared at the number he had sent me and with shaky hands and a racing heart I immediately rang it back.
"Yo," the gruff low voice bellowed down the line.
"Erm, Hammer?" I asked, feeling stupid using a nickname now that I knew his real one.
"Yeah?"
"It's Billie," I offered.
"Hey. Hang on," he said, "Saw, it's your chick," he shouted, and I heard hurried footsteps come nearer to him.
"Damn. Hey, Billie," he said, sounding breathless and relieved.
"What's going on? You had me worried half to death," I blurted, half-desperate to know we were okay but mostly relieved and thankful he hadn't ditched me after the Logan fiasco with the text.
"More drama with Wiggy. It's a fucking mess. I had to cut out of the family celebrations to deal with this fuckwit. We've just finished checking him into a rehab facility. I'm sorry I didn't call you back, but I lost my phone. I've been calling it, but it must be on silent or dead somewhere."
"It's at Strings' place," I told him, wondering how the girl had answered me if she hadn't heard the call. "Some girl had it … Monica?"
"Thank God. That's Strings' sister. I'll grab it back from her at my parents' place tomorrow. They're coming over. I knew the forecast said snow, but it's been relentless here. Will you still be able to make it?"
My chest tightened to learn his band members were also attending the party. This was something I hadn't considered. As if my nerves weren't already shot to hell thinking about meeting his family. As horrible as I should have felt that Wiggy was in a drug rehabilitation center, I breathed a little easier for the guarantee that he, at least, wouldn't be there.
I took a calming breath, my body still in a mixed state of shock and relief to know Sawyer and I were okay. "I'm at a hotel in Queens. I got worried Colby wouldn't make his flight, so I drove us into the city this evening and arrived around 9.00 p.m. Sawyer, I've been going out of my mind since I called you this morning."
A short agonizing pause passed between us before he blew out a breath. "Yeah, about that. What a shitbag he is. To be honest, I was pissed off about that. I knew the moment you blew me off you were lying, but I couldn't figure out why."
"I swear, I didn't invite him. I'd never suspected he'd do what he did, but he put me in an impossible position when you called. I was about to tell you when he came downstairs from putting Colby to bed, but he sat directly in front of me and I didn't want to talk about him while he stared at me."
"I knew if he was there it wouldn't have been at your doing, Billie, but I was so fucking frustrated with his stunt with the text, I didn't trust myself to talk to you."
"He'd had far too much to drink or I'd have sent him home," I explained.
"Promise me you'll never lie to me like that again. If he's with you, I want to know. He made me so furious that I knew I was in danger of taking what he did out on you. That's why I cut the call. Too little sleep makes me cranky anyway, even without that sad bastard winding me up like an overwound clock."
"I'm sorry." My apology was heartfelt and didn't sound like enough, given what Logan had done, but if he had intended to warn Sawyer off, all it did was confirm how Sawyer felt about me.
"What I don't understand is why you didn't leave him sooner."
"Honestly? There were a few times I felt trapped, but I had nowhere else to go," I replied, thinking back on a couple of low points in our marriage.
Sensing my hurt, he changed the subject. "Anyway, let's not allow him into our heads going forward. I can't wait to see you. It's only been days, but it's felt like weeks this time." I smiled at how easil
y he could discard the situation and not allow it to fester within him.
"I'm here at the hotel until morning. What should I do after I've taken Colby to the airport?"
"Since you have your car, I'll arrange a car to drop us both at the airport. You can meet us and we'll take your car to The Hamptons.
"Hammer wasn't at the party?"
"Hammer doesn't party with Wiggy, but Strings called us both to deal with him. Hammer's Wiggy's sponsor, and he also has the power of attorney for medical decisions in respect of him. I helped get Wiggy here, but Hammer came straight to the facility because he had to consent to all the legal stuff."
My head was crammed with even more information I didn't want to know about his band members. Isn't a sponsor someone who has also taken drugs?
Moments later, Sawyer concluded the call and I lay down, turned off the light, and felt grateful for his amazing ability to stay calm in situations where most men would have lost their temper. I was also thankful for his forgiving nature after I'd lied to him.
A pang of guilt shot through my heart at the thought I'd let him down when he'd trusted me, and I vowed never to do that again. Helping with Wiggy also showed how Sawyer took on the responsibility and looked out for those who couldn't help themselves, even when it was self-abuse.
Between Logan and Sawyer, I'd been put through an emotional wringer, and thankfully it wasn't too long before my exhaustion overtook all of my thoughts and I fell asleep.
* * *
"Mom, it snowed all night. Do you think the plane will take off?" Startled by Colby's comment, I opened my eyes and saw him standing over by the window.
Snow clung to the edges of the window and I felt my heart sink, not because he might not go, but because he had been looking forward to spending the rest of the holiday with his grandparents and not having to spend the whole time with only Logan and Poppy.
Sliding out from between the sheets, I padded over to the window and saw what he meant. There was at least a foot of snow in the parking lot below.
We could see the airport from the window, and I glanced at the sky. I was relieved when, as if on cue, a plane loomed over the horizon. We stood together and watched it descend from the sky, its wing lights flashing as it came into land.
DARE You, Dare Duet, Part One: Billie and Sawyer: Unchained Attraction Series Page 22
