Dark

by Rachel Harley

  Shit. It is you he’s come to see.

  I try not to let him see me sigh. I love Aaron Palmer. I’ll always love him, at least if he allows himself to stay in my life, but that love will always be platonic. If he cannot harness these feelings he has for me, though, the affection that I have for him will begin to wither and die and I really hope that he’s just come to apologise. To tell me that he behaved like a cock the other night – he did – and that he won’t do it again. I tip my head at him inquiringly when he just stands staring at me.

  ‘Hi,’ I say simply in the end, just to break the bloated silence but it gives him a kick start.

  ‘Hey, Pearl. Look, I’ve just come to say that I’m really sorry about the other night in the pub, I was totally out of order.’

  I soften immediately, taking a step towards him. I want to go over and pull him into a hug, but that’s not fair on him. He won’t read it like that, it will just encourage him and I know how painful it’d feel if I were in his shoes. I give him a wide smile instead, stopping a few feet away from him.

  ‘Don’t worry about it,’ I say, taking a step back and perching on the edge of my desk. He blows out a breath, running his hands through his hair again and I get the impression that he hasn’t finished yet.

  ‘Pearl, there’s something that I need to say to you,’ he starts, his voice low. ‘Please, just let me get this out, without interruption, okay?’ The look he’s giving me is almost pleading and I feel unease start a slow uncurl in my stomach.

  ‘Alright,’ I say. I’ve folded my arms, I didn’t even do it consciously, but my body language has become automatically defensive. I’m not going to like this, I know I’m not.

  ‘I think it’s obvious what I feel for you, Pearl, and although I know you don’t feel the same, I always harboured the hope that one day, things might change,’ he starts and I open my mouth to speak. He holds up his hand and I drop my chin, remembering him asking me not to interrupt him.

  ‘I know you think I’m jealous and yeah, alright – I’ll admit it. I am. I can’t help it, but that’s not the only reason that I reacted the way that I did on Thursday night.’

  I hike a brow, waiting and he hesitates, his grey eyes finally meeting and holding my own.

  ‘I know you think you love him, Pearl, but he’s going to hurt you and hurt you badly.’

  I toss my head, anger now replacing the previous feelings of gratitude for his apology and I push my body from my desk.

  ‘Sorry, Aaron – I didn’t realise you had psychic powers,’ I shoot at him, my chin tilted defiantly. ‘My relationship with Carter has nothing whatsoever to do with you. Do you think that Donna and Gemma have stood in front me and spouted this shit?’

  My heart is starting to thump and I suddenly wish that Diane or Justin were here. I know that Aaron’s thick skinned, but if he doesn’t shut his trap PDQ and get his arse out of my office, I’m not going to be responsible for my actions. I’m not quite at the stage of wanting to break his nose, not yet, but he’s on very thin ice.

  ‘Has he told you he loves you?’ he suddenly fires at me, his eyes blazing and my mouth drops open.

  What the hell are you going to say now, eh? He’s hit the nail on the damned head!

  ‘Get out, Aaron. I’m serious,’ I grind at him. ‘How dare you come in here and question me about my sex life and relationship with another man? Who the fuck do you think you are?’

  I’m really steaming now and it manages to penetrate Aaron’s tough hide because he takes a step back, holding his hands up as if in surrender. My hands clench into soft fists at my sides and I try and calm down. Jesus, I seem to be losing my shit all the time – my emotions high as kites or burning with black rage. I close my eyes and count to five slowly in my head. I hope that when I open them again he’s had the sense to sod off, but he’s still standing there when I do.

  ‘I’m your friend, Pearl, that’s who I am,’ he says quietly.

  ‘Are you?’ I bray a brittle laugh. ‘Don’t count your chickens, Aaron.’ I shake my head at him wearily. I didn’t want to have to play this card, but I decide to. I’ve got enough shit to deal with at the moment without this.

  ‘Aaron, you’re still here and we’ve had this conversation twice now. We are not having it for a third time, do you hear me? If you ever mention my relationship with Carter again, in any sphere whatsoever, then I’m going to speak to Justin.’

  His eyes widen in shock and I see a trace of fear in them as well, but I don’t feel sorry for him. I didn’t want to do this, but the man’s like a terrier. I need him to let this go. Let me go.

  ‘Don’t make me do it, Aaron,’ I say softly now. ‘You have a great future here at The Guardian, don’t let the unrequited feelings that you have for me destroy everything that you’ve got in your life now.’

  I hope he takes this on board. He’s got literally one last shot at it, otherwise I am indeed going to cut him out of my life for good. Aaron’s eyes are dark with hurt and reproach but as he turns to go, he pauses before he pulls the door open and I get the feeling that there’s going to be a parting shot from him. I’m expecting anger and frustration, but he just looks at me sadly.

  ‘Fair enough. I won’t mention this again and I think that it’s better that we don’t see each other for a while, but I’m not turning my back on you, Pearl. I’ll be around and when you need me, I’ll be there for you.’

  He’s gone before I can open my mouth to answer him and I stare at the place where he’s been standing as the door sighs shut behind him.

  When you need him. Not if. As if he knows that it’s going to happen.

  He had to bloody say it, didn’t he? Get that one last barb across before legging it. Anger throbs again. Why is he so certain that Carter is going to hurt me? Alright, he’s ridiculously hot and I’m not, but I’m not a bad looking girl and certainly no dog that Carter would be ashamed to be seen with. Why then?

  I shake my head roughly finally pushing Aaron and his irritating beliefs out of my mind. He’s gone and he’s going to keep his distance, which I’m grateful for. It’s going to make things a bit difficult for Gemma and Donna, but I don’t want either of them taking sides. This is an issue belonging to just Aaron and I and I’m sure that within time, things will settle down.

  Diane comes bowling in, dumping her bag and carrier next to her desk and hanging up her coat.

  ‘Windy out there!’ she blares cheerfully, dragging her hands through her wildly tangled hair. ‘Here Pearl – got a joke for you!’ I look over expectantly and her grin widens. ‘What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?’

  I shake my head. ‘No idea.’

  ‘Hang onto your nuts – this is going to be one hell of a blow job!’ She screams with laughter and I can’t help but join in. Diane always laughs at her own jokes. She doesn’t give a toss if no one else finds them funny, but in fairness most of them are. All are rude, however, and I often see Janet, Ellen’s mum, blushing at Diane’s close to the bone offerings at drunken family gatherings.

  My eyes shoot to my phone suddenly as it pings with a text and I pick it up eagerly, my heart skipping.

  Carter.

  Lecturer was late, so I contented myself with looking at your photograph. I’m now sitting here, trying to concentrate, with a fucking hard-on that won’t go! Blushing and wincing emoji and I smile widely at the thought of beautiful Carter sitting in a lecture hall with a bonk on. Serves him right and my fingers tap.

  And that’s my fault, because…?

  He reads it immediately and I wonder how he’s managing to text when he’s supposed to be engrossed in whatever geek-speak he’s there to learn about but I don’t actually care. He’s texting and he did it first, so I’m not going to feel guilty about replying. And again, he can’t help talking about his cock. Not that I mind, of course, if I were him, I’d talk about it too. The thing is pretty damned impressive after all.

  The dots are dancing as he replies and I lean back in my chair, waiting
.

  You’re just too beautiful, I can’t help myself. How about I pick up a takeaway on the way to yours tonight? I’m thinking, we could just eat in your kitchen and then…?

  My stomach clenches in sweet anticipation but I wickedly poke him, wanting him to spell it out. I love text banter with Carter, he bares far more of his secret soul through messenger than he does when he’s with me. I’m still not sure why that is. It’s not because he’s shy, he oozes confidence and I bite my lip as my fingers fly over the keypad.

  And then…?

  My phone whoops as the message is sent and when I close my eyes for a moment I can almost imagine him sitting in a darkened lecture theatre, grinning at the bright screen. The dots start, then stop. Here he goes again, prevaricating, and I put my phone down for a moment, taking a sip of the fresh tea that Diane’s just plonked on my desk. She gives me a saucy wink as she moves over to the printer.

  You know exactly what’ll happen then. Re-run of last night, don’t tell me you’ve forgotten what I did to you already??

  I snatch my phone up, grinning as I reply.

  What do you think? I’ll never forget it, Carter, but I still want you to say it…

  I jump on the chair when my phone suddenly illuminates and shrills in my hand and I look at it in shock when I see Carter’s name on the screen. I wasn’t expecting that at all, he’s in a lecture isn’t he? How is he ringing?

  I get up from the chair and make my way into Justin’s office to take the call, Diane smiling knowingly.

  ‘Hey,’ I say, trying to keep the husky tone away. My voice seems to drop an octave whenever I speak to him, my body hardwired to sound as sexy as it can for some strange reason. I stagger slightly, shooting out a hand to one of Justin’s chairs to steady myself when I hear his voice.

  ‘When I get you naked tonight, Pearl, I’m going to fuck you so hard that you won’t be able to remember your own name,’ he says, his voice silken. ‘You asked me to say it, so here it is. I’m not going to stop until you’re a writhing, sweating mess underneath me, until I see your eyes close with bliss, until I hear you groan my name…’

  What the fuck is he doing?

  I did ask for this, in fairness, but I didn’t expect to get it verbally and Carter’s scorching words and seductively deep voice are making everything in my tiny panties dissolve. I’m at work, not due to see him for at least another three hours, and this is officially a flaming nightmare. Before I can even drag in a breath, though, to ask him to stop, he’s at it again.

  ‘I wish you could be inside my body and mind when you make me come, baby,’ he whispers. ‘I had no idea that sexual pleasure like this existed. You drive me fucking insane.’

  ‘Carter!’ I choke, sinking down into a free seat now, my knees knocking. ‘Please don’t, I…’

  There’s a low chuckle from the phone and when I close my eyes I can see him with an eyebrow raised in my mind. ‘You did ask for this, baby,’ he says reasonably and I sigh.

  ‘I know I did, but I was expecting a text! Don’t tell me you’re still in a lecture?’

  Another laugh. ‘No. I left early, I’m up to date with everything else up for discussion today,’ he says. ‘I’m just going to go home and grab a shower.’ A pause, as if he’s gathering himself to ask something and I wait.

  ‘Can I stay with you tonight,’ he asks softly, almost shyly and warmth spreads gently in my chest.

  ‘Of course you can,’ I murmur back.

  ‘I’ll bring some things with me then,’ he says. ‘Toothbrush, clean undies…’ I can hear the smile in his voice and I suddenly long to kiss him. Hearing him isn’t enough, I want to be able to touch him, smell him and I close my eyes.

  ‘You can have a drawer, if you wanted to leave some stuff at mine,’ I say casually, my subconscious looking at me in horror.

  What are you doing – asking him to flaming move in? Are you completely mad?

  Another soft laugh from my iPhone and I know he’s pleased. ‘Okay, thanks. What sort of a takeaway do you fancy?’

  We banter back and forth for a moment, before deciding on pizza and what kind and Carter tells me he’ll pick it up on the way round and will meet me at mine at half six. Perfect. That will give me time to go home, grab a shower and be bathed and smelling sweet for him by the time he arrives. I’m not bothered about the pizza, but if I launch myself at him as soon as he walks in the door, we can nuke it in the microwave later.

  ‘See you later, baby,’ he says softly and I smile into my phone.

  ‘Hang up, then?’

  A snort. ‘No chance! You hang up!’ he challenges and I roll my eyes, getting up from the chair finally, safe in the knowledge now that my legs will hold me up.

  ‘Nope!’ I sing. ‘Not happening, Carter, so unless you want your phone bill to bankrupt you at the end of the month, you’d better grow some balls and end the call!’

  ‘Remember what I said about orgasm denial, baby?’ he says softly and then, he’s gone.

  Thirty Eight

  ‘I’ve been desperate to do this all fucking day,’ Carter groans, dropping a leather holdall and a large pizza box unceremoniously onto the floor by the door to my flat. As soon as his hands are free, he’s shoved his long body up against mine, pushing me hard against the wood. He gazes down at me for a moment, almost in wonder, but his eyes slide closed with pleasure as his mouth finds mine.

  Shoving both his hands deep into my tumbled long hair, he holds my face still as his lips possess mine again and again and he gasps and moans as he finally breaks away. His chest is heaving as he rests his forehead on my own and he gives me a long, slow smile.

  ‘I’ve got you a present,’ he breathes, dipping to kiss me again and I close my eyes, revelling in the sensation of his slowly curling tongue. My own arms are locked around his neck and I burrow into his sweet smelling throat, holding him close. He’s wearing a light grey University sweatshirt and loose blue jeans and I run my eager fingers underneath the hem of material, pushing my palms up his hot, hard body and he groans again. I can feel his skin shudder in pleasure at my touch. He pulls back and smiles at me.

  ‘You’re the best present,’ I murmur stupidly and his smile broadens. He’s delighted by my words and his eyes soften.

  ‘Unwrap me, then,’ he breathes against my mouth, his own hands reaching out now to tug at my PJ top. My subconscious is eyeing the cooling pizza on the floor.

  What about the food?

  Stuff the food. I don’t want it, not yet. There’s one thing I want and he has his hands and mouth all over me. I can think of nothing else.

  ‘What about my present?’ I say and he rolls his eyes.

  ‘Really? You don’t want to get me naked first?’ He hikes a cheeky brow and I stroke his face, running my fingers over his full bottom lip.

  ‘Just give it to me, Carter.’

  ‘That’s a certainty, baby,’ he replies smoothly and I give him a playful shove. Still grinning, he dips to the leather bag at his feet, unzipping it and rummaging for a moment, before pulling out a small box and handing it to me. I turn it over in my hands, seeing one simple word, embossed in glossy black on expensively watermarked thick cardboard.

  Creed

  His aftershave! Yes!

  I grin up at him now, my fingers fumbling to open the box and I extract the heavy bottle, dumping the packaging and turning it over in my hands. It’s obviously hideously expensive, and judging by the small size of the bottle, I’ll have to use it sparingly.

  ‘Who’s it by?’ I ask, tugging the top off and bringing it to my nose. My eyes slide shut in ecstasy at the familiar scent and all the memories it invokes and I shudder with utter pleasure for a moment. When I open my eyes Carter’s looking down at me, with a fondly amused expression on his face.

  ‘The fragrance is Aventus, but Creed don’t produce many. They’re not as big as Klein or Dior, but they don’t need to be,’ he says and he’s not wrong.

  ‘How much was it?’ I can’t help aski
ng and he gives me a thoughtful look.

  ‘You sure you want to know?’

  I don’t honestly know if I do now, but I nod anyway.

  ‘That was two hundred and fifty quid,’ he says casually and my mouth drops open. Jesus! I’ll be terrified to use it. Maybe I’ll just content myself with sniffing the bottle!

  I put the aftershave carefully on the sideboard next to me and turn to him. He gives me a crooked smile as I take hold of the hem of his sweatshirt and pull, but before it reaches his chest, I lean into him, my mouth brushing his.

  ‘Thank you,’ I whisper, kissing him gently and then his head disappears as he takes over from my tugging hands. He pulls the garment over his head and throws it onto the floor. I gulp when I look at him.

  His jeans are loose and they hang so low on his hips, the waistband of his Armani briefs are showing and that, coupled with the contours of his V combine to turn him into the most desirable thing I have ever seen in my life. His body is so perfect, heightened only by the incredible multi-coloured bird that drapes most of it, but when my eyes meet his face, my breath is gone.

  Carter has never looked more beautiful than he does right now. I’m not exactly sure why, something in his eyes maybe, but I just stand, revelling in the magnificence that is the man I’ve fallen so deeply in love with.

  My eyes never leaving his, I turn and snag the bottle of Creed that he’s bought for me. I squirt a tiny amount onto my palm and I rub my hands together. The smell of the aftershave on my hot skin intoxicates me and when I slide both my damp palms slowly up Carter’s sculpted body, we both groan quietly together at the sensation. It’s the most incredible thing, the pleasure we both feel as soon as our skin connects.