Romantic Renovations

by Blake Allwood

  “Hi all. So, let’s get some basics out of the way first. This is reality TV and you’re welcome to film as much of the reality as you like, but what I’m not going to tolerate are any health and safety risks. At all times, camera crews will wear hard hats and safety gear from now on.”

  The entire crew moaned, and I chuckled.

  “Listen guys, I’ve been doing this for a while, and you are all at greater risk than the rest of us. With your face tucked into a camera, you don’t see everything around you. The first rule of business is safety. Next, we need boundaries. You aren’t to film anyone when they go to the bathroom, or anything that is indecent. Respect is key to our success and you aren’t a bunch of paparazzi.”

  When I got agreement with at least a few nods, I kept going.

  “I want you to maximize the filming opportunities, so we have enough film to be able to edit out what sucks and produce premium footage. Every morning, meet us here at 7:00 AM before the workmen arrive. We’ll go over the day’s agenda and that should give you enough time to mount cameras in the rooms we’ll be working in. I’d like to have every room where we will be working covered for optimal exposure. There’s nothing worse than a big drama unfolding and no one there to capture it. I don’t want to have to have crews panicking to get the shot, it’s not good TV and it’s dangerous. This is a working site. We also won’t tell you to back off like I did yesterday unless it’s absolutely necessary.” I looked over at Emmitt and waited until I got eye contact. “But if I tell you to shut the cameras down, you shut them down. No debate, no discussion. Bennett and I are your best buddies in this and without us, you’re gonna be flying blind. Respect us and we’ll ensure you have coverage that catapults your careers to the next level. Fuck with us, and we’ll make sure you no longer work here. Does everyone understand this?”

  I saw at least ninety percent of the heads nod and figured I’d gotten as close as I was going to get to a consensus. The rest would come around once they saw we intended to be friendly.

  We went over what our goals for the day were. “It’s gonna be a bitch of a day and the workers are gonna be pissed. Capture as much of their whining as you can. I plan to have the first day full of contention so we can contrast how well the crew comes together by the end. Bennett will need to come across as in charge today and I’ll be helping him do just that.

  Your job is to spotlight his developing authority. I know that before you placed him in a light of weakness. That’s fine and it will help us as we go forward, but this show is one-hundred percent about transformation. Transforming relationships, people, and ultimately transforming a run-down house into a gem. That’s what all this is about,” I said waving my hands around me indicating the project, “and what I expect you to capture. We’ve got enough of Bennett being a caterpillar, now it’s time to show him becoming a butterfly.

  Go get started putting the cameras up. Try to put one in each room. Try to make them discrete so the crews feel comfortable speaking their mind. Emmitt, hang back and we’ll talk about our agenda.”

  When the rest of the crew left, Bennett and I sat down on the steps while Emmitt stood at the bottom. “Emmitt, I know we got off to a bad start yesterday and I’m sorry about that, but it couldn’t be helped. I prefer to have a good working relationship though and intend to make every effort to make your job as easy as possible.”

  The guy nodded but I could tell he was still pissed as well as afraid for his job. I didn’t mind either emotion as long as he was able to be professional enough to get back on the main path sooner or later.

  “Today is about us learning to work together. When you walk in, you’ll see a lot of blue tape on the walls. Those are where Bennett showed me the shoddy work and I want to recreate that experience this morning. I also want to put emphasis on how we are going to shift from quantity to quality. As of now, we’re kicking the twelve months, twelve houses theme to the curb. I want to emphasize the reasons why, and a lot of that will be done with the blue tape. We’ll end up in the attic with Bennett explaining to me his vision of how he wants it to be redone. Nothing’s scripted but if I’m lucky, I’ll help my new partner here articulate some of his dreams for the place. It should be good television. At the end of this episode, Bennett and I will come to a consensus about changing the show’s focus. I think it would be good if your crew meet us afterward, perhaps one of your guys can recommend a good pub for us to meet in. I’d like that to become a regular thing. Audiences love nothing more than a consistent pub to meet in. I assume you can handle that and get some waivers signed before we show up?”

  Emmitt smiled and I knew I had him. “We can get all that put together for you.”

  “Alright, the work crew should be here in about fifteen minutes, if you can set up your cameras out here, I’d like to catch them as they show up, I want to see who’s late, who shows up after the meeting started and all that, I’m not gonna crack the whip too much today, but as we develop the team, I’ll want you to have all that on film.”

  Emmitt nodded and turned to go. I stood up before he left and shook his hand, “This is gonna be an awesome show. Glad to have you on board!”.

  “You are really good at this.” Bennett said next to me.

  “You gotta be if you’re gonna survive. Like I said last night, Diane would come on site and create pure chaos. I had a camera guy get seriously hurt because the site wasn’t operating properly. I’d let her have too much control, but after that I got the bull by the horns and made sure the site spun like a top, whether she liked it or not.”

  “I admire that. Frank didn’t give a shit about anyone. I’m excited to see how this all works out. Oh, I’m not an actor. I meant to tell you that before this all got going. I’m going to look like one of those stiff models pointing things out to you.”

  “No, you’re not. You’re gonna have fun. We’re gonna crack jokes and you’re gonna show me the work that’s needed, sure, but you’ll see, it’ll all feel normal. The cameras might be rolling, but at the end of the day, we get to sit down with the crew to cut out the parts we don’t like.”

  “What? Really?” he asked.

  “Oh yeah, it’s in my contract. Not yours of course. Your contract sucks, but if you don’t want something in the show, I can ax it.”

  “Cool.” he said, and just like the night before, seeing that something I said made Bennett happy caused my heart to feel odd things. To force the feeling out of my way, I clapped him on the shoulder, as I would any of the guys just as the first of our work crew began showing up.

  Bennett

  I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. Les was strict and came down hard on any of the team who stepped out of line, but for the most part, he kept us laughing, me especially.

  We covered the same conversation we’d had the night before and then Les would put the tape up. The next segment was him telling the crew what sucked, and he didn’t spare any feelings. The man was nothing if not blunt.

  “I don’t want to know who thought this crap was okay ‘cause if I know, I’m gonna fire them right now.” he said to the workers in charge of wall boarding. “What I do wanna know is if you can fix it and do it fast. I want this pulled out in the next ten minutes and then all of you making it right.”

  The camera panned the room showing the faces of each of the crew members. I could tell from where I stood watching that this had made a good scene.

  By the time we got to where the woodwork had been painted, he encouraged me to manage the situation. Before I entered the room, he’d psyched me up saying, “Imagine you are talking to the guy from last night. This is completely unacceptable, and you need to express that.”

  One of the younger crew members admitted he accidentally painted the woodwork when I was off sick.

  I felt sorry for the kid and reassured him by saying, “I appreciate you admitting that and standing up to your mistake, but I’m afraid it’ll take more than that to fix the problem. I expect you to strip the paint off and retur
n it to its shine.” The kid nodded and I felt good about the situation.

  Les continued then, “You all need to know, we’re in this together. What you do reflects on us,” he said waiving his hand between him and me, “and on the whole team. No more crappy work. Stand up and be proud of what you’re doing. If we put crap work out, it’s gonna come back to kick us all in the ass. And that includes your asses too.”

  Les’ shift from authoritative to “we’re in this together,” had an impact on the men. As I looked at him, I could tell he believed what he was saying and that genuine integrity resonated with the crew.

  Everyone was busy downstairs cleaning up their messes when Les and I walked up to the attic. I can’t explain why I was so nervous. Was it because I was gonna expose Frank or because we were changing tactics? But I did know this attic represented something for me. I wasn’t quite sure but even last night when I was trying to fall asleep, I kept thinking how important this project was, how it was indicative of a new direction not only for the show but for my life. I’m nobody’s victim and somehow this project embodied that.

  I didn’t need to be psyched up. Rather, I was able to ignore the cameras and talk about all I wanted to do up here, how we could use the space in the middle of the huge hallway below us for a staircase and how the attic could be a nice respite for the family.

  I remembered to ask Les about costs like I’d done the night before and even recreated the event where I said, “It was probably too much since we had to have it all done in less than a few weeks.”

  “Tell me, why did you decide to do the twelve-months, twelve-houses thing?” Les asked.

  I found myself answering honestly. “Well, ‘cause we thought it’d be interesting for our audience, putting pressure on us for the viewing pleasure of the public?” I shrugged.

  “Yeah, but it got the better of you. Do you think it hurt the quality of your work?” he asked.

  I nodded, feeling real emotions well up in me. “It did. I’m not proud of the work we’ve been doing. It’s like the stuff we just punched out downstairs. These houses deserve more.”

  “Why don’t you consider abandoning the twelve months, twelve houses deal and just focus on creating a quality product?” he asked.

  I let the thought roll over me. “I don’t know Les. That’s a lot to consider. Let me think on it, Okay?”

  He smiled and put his arm around me. “You think on it as long as you need, but whether you do the attic or not, we are pretty much at square one here. It’ll take at least four weeks to finish this project. More realistically, six to eight weeks.”

  “Dang,” I said and shook my head, “and if we add the attic?”

  “Add another two weeks to that timeline.”

  I nodded. “I’ll let you know tonight.”

  Emmitt clapped after we were done and congratulated us on a good job. “Okay Bennett, if you can come downstairs and sit in front of the camera to let us know your emotional reaction to this change and your thought process, that’d be great. We’ll do the same with you, Les, but after we film you checking up on the different crews working on the punch list.”

  When we got to the porch, I was overcome with exhaustion as I waited for Emmitt, resting my head in my hands as Emmitt prepared for the interview. When I looked up, he launched into his questions without giving me a chance to prepare. “So, tell us about your thought process,” he commanded.

  I swallowed my surprise and responded, “well, it’s hard, we’ve put time and energy into this project, but the stress put Frank and I in a bad place. I’m figuring if we keep it up, both Les and I will end up with that same level of stress and frustration.”

  “Can you get behind Les’ suggestion?” Emmitt asked.

  “Maybe… probably,” I said, “but I need more time to digest it. I think I’m gonna run a couple errands and get my head on straight.”

  It wasn’t even 10 am yet when I left the site and headed home to my apartment. When I pulled into the parking lot, Frank was sitting on the stoop. Luckily, he didn’t see me, so I pulled back out and called the producer and told him Frank was sitting at my house.

  “I’ll get rid of him,” he said, “just don’t go up there. I don’t want either of you talking until this is done.”

  “Don’t worry. I don’t have any intention of talking to him, at least if I can avoid it.”

  I decided to drive up to Lake Washington to my grandpa’s old house that stood tall gazing out over the water with a big yard that backed up to it. I had a love-hate relationship with the property. On one hand it was a total mess. My grandpa was as good as he could’ve been at keeping up with his rentals, but he let his own home fall into a state of massive disrepair. It seemed the only time he ever did any renovations was when he got a citation from the city. That was rare though ‘cause it sat on a full two acres, way off the street, and out of the view of his neighbors.

  The old home was circa 1920s, maybe early 30s, and had at one time been quite a phenomenal property. My father grew up here and I always thought his father’s hoarding and the house’s cold dark interior had to have been a part of what caused him to have such a cold and heartless personality. Of course, my grandpa wasn’t much better. He just didn’t do the drugs or have the tendency toward violence that my dad had.

  I didn’t go into the house but went to the place I’d always considered my space. A rusted out wrought iron bench sat nestled under some overgrown blackberry vines that formed a natural arbor but still had a view of the water.

  When I was a kid, my mom would drop me off here. My grandpa would just leave me alone for hours, and I’d come out here and hide away in this little protected, forgotten area.

  It’d been a while since I had come to the spot. After my grandfather died, it had felt like the house was haunted with his spirit. I’m not really sure why that bothered me, considering he was a ghost my entire life anyway, but somehow the house felt even lonelier and sadder now than it had when the old man was alive.

  I sat on my little bench and watched a sailboat drift by. It was so close to the shore; I could almost see the guy’s face as he swooped across the water.

  I figured with the new plan, I needed to fix up or sell at least a half dozen houses besides the one we were working on. I had half that many that were sitting vacant, including this monstrosity. I turned to look behind me and remembered I couldn’t see the house from under these vines.

  If I let them continue to stay vacant, then I’d have major problems soon enough. The areas had all improved dramatically with the property values going up, but a vacant house invited trouble.

  I was pulled from my thoughts when I got a text from Emmitt saying Les was looking for me. He wanted to know where I was and if he could meet me for a coffee or something.

  I texted Emmitt the address where I was and told him to have Les meet me out back under the blackberry vines and to give him my phone number so he could contact me directly.

  Thirty minutes later, I got a text from Les saying he was here but was lost in the jungle.

  “Les!” I yelled as I came out from under the vines.

  “Hey!” he said as he walked toward me. “This is quite the mess!”

  I chuckled. “Oh buddy, you haven’t even seen inside yet. It gets much worse.”

  “Is this one of the projects you thought you could get done in a month?” he asked, looking at the house in front of him.

  I laughed out loud. “No, not even close. This was my grandpa’s old house. He kept the entire rental stock in ship shape but let his own home fall into horrible disrepair.”

  “Yeah, it’s usually the opposite, huh?”

  “That’s what I’m told. Anyway, you wanted to see me?”

  “Yeah, tonight is the big reveal. The decision to switch from the twelve homes to just a few. I wanted to chat about that before we met the film crew at the pub.”

  “Cool. If you’re up for a walk, we could go to the coffee shop down the road. It’s not far.” />
  “Before we do, can I take a look inside?” he asked.

  I was shocked. “Why would you want to see inside this monster? She’s probably gonna have to be torn down.”

  “Maybe,” Les said, “but let’s take a look at her first. If she’s in decent shape, she’d be a great project to start our partnership out on, well, after we finish the one we’re working on now.”

  I glanced up at the old broken-down house. I had lots of emotions about this property. On one hand I regretted that she couldn’t be saved. On the other, I hated the coldness and memories of loss and depression that seemed to waft through the building.

  I pulled my key out. I’d had a key company come out and change all the vacant houses to the same master key, so luckily this key worked on the house we were renovating, as well as this one.

  The smell of old dust and newspapers hit me the moment I opened the door. I flipped the switch and the light came on showing all my grandpa’s hoarding.

  I had forced myself to walk through the house after I inherited it and had fumbled through the crap to see if there was anything redeemable. As with most hoarder situations, it was mostly just trash. Trash piled upon trash.

  “Damn,” Les said, “this is a…”

  “It’s bad,” I said nodding. “My grandpa was a hoarder, and he was single all my life so he had a lot of years to accumulate.”

  “So, you plan to just have a company come in and toss everything?”

  I shrugged. “I have no plans for this home yet. Well, maybe plans to have a wrecking crew come in and dispose of it all.”

  “Can you get into the basement?” he asked, and I nodded. “That’s the only place that isn’t covered in trash.”

  When we got down the stairs, and the clutter was no longer surrounding us, he looked over at me and asked, “Why did he leave it clean down here?”

  “No idea. My grandfather was a mysterious man and he kept to himself most of the time. My dad should’ve inherited all this, but when he ended up in prison after...well, let’s just say after I was no longer in his life, my grandpa disowned him. I’m sure he would have sued me for the money if he weren’t serving a ten-year sentence even as we speak.”