by Sarah Bailey
“Don’t you start trying to accuse me of being the bad friend here. You disappeared on me!”
“I didn’t have a fucking choice. You have no idea what I went through.”
“Now who’s keeping secrets, huh? Do you think I bought your story about why you ran off? I’m not stupid, Avery. I know what he did. It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together.”
Her face fell completely and she looked stricken. I’d suspected it for so long but her expression confirmed it. There was a reason no one had ever been prosecuted for her parents’ deaths. She protected him and kept his secrets.
“Why didn’t you tell anyone if you knew?”
“Because you love him and I’m the last person to judge his actions.”
“He didn’t give me a choice. I didn’t mean to fall in love with him, not after what he did.”
She looked visibly shaken. I wanted to comfort her but knew that would be a bad idea.
“I know, Ave. Love doesn’t exactly give us a choice in the matter.”
“No, love clearly fucking doesn’t considering this shit between you and me.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. This is the last conversation I wanted to have with her in a crowded ballroom.
“I don’t feel like that now.”
“It doesn’t matter. I still had a right to know. You lied to me. You didn’t even tell me anything about Ellie and it’s clear as fucking day you’re totally head over heels for her.” She rubbed her arm with her hand. “Why didn’t you say anything about her being one of the girls my family kept before? You blindsided me, James. How is that fair?”
“I wanted to tell you.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
I sighed, raking a hand through my hair.
“I didn’t think anything would happen between Ellie and me after what she’d been through. I had no idea she liked me, Ave. We were supposed to be friends and then it just happened and before I knew it, I couldn’t live without her. I don’t know why I couldn’t tell you about her. You were the one person I wanted to tell but everything was so messed up between us I didn’t know how.”
Tears welled in Avery’s eyes at my words. She should’ve been the first person I told. She was my best friend.
“You’ve kept so many things from me. I don’t even know who you are any more,” she whispered.
***
My heart sank at the finality of her words all over again. She’d walked away from me after saying that. I’d held myself together long enough to get back to my girlfriend and for us to leave. But my heart was shattered and all my mistakes weighed heavily on my chest.
What the hell would I do if Ellie wasn’t here? Her soft and very naked body pressed against mine. Her hand stroking my bare stomach. Her breath skirting across my skin. The sweetest girl in my life who’d told me she loved me tonight.
She loved me.
That should’ve been my focus not my messed up friendship with Avery. And yet all I could think about is how I’d ruined my relationship with my best friend. How my actions, or inaction as it happened to be, destroyed us.
“What can I do?” Ellie whispered. “Please tell me what you need.”
What had I done to deserve Ellie in my life?
“You,” I whispered, my voice cracking. “I just need you.”
She kissed my back and held me tighter.
“I’m right here. Always.”
Ellie had no idea just how much that meant to me. That after everything going wrong between us, we’d still managed to find a way to be together. That she was by my side. That she loved me.
There was more she could do. She could help me forget for a while. She gave me things no one else could. Knew something about me no one else did. And fuck did I need her to take my mind off this shit.
I twisted in her embrace, meeting her eyes as I faced her. Those sky blue eyes held so much compassion as she reached up and wiped my cheeks with her thumb.
“I want to watch you touch yourself.”
Her eyes widened and her cheeks started to stain red.
“What? I’m not sure that’s a good id—”
“You asked what I needed.”
She searched my face for a long moment. Then she released me and her hand brushed along her collarbone. I tugged the covers off us until they were pooled at our waists. Watching her fingers trace a line across her right breast, my mouth watered. I’d asked her to do this once before. She’d been incredibly shy then so I’d guided her with simple commands, but now her movements were more confident.
She pinched her nipple between her fingers, squeezing gently.
“Harder.”
She obliged, hissing a little. I could watch her do this all day. Her hand trailed lower, dancing across her stomach. The urge to touch her was strong, but I resisted. I wanted to see her do it. Watch her find pleasure in her own body. So she’d know what I saw when I looked at her and felt when I was inside her. And I’d slide into her tight heat soon enough.
Her fingers disappeared beneath the covers and I almost growled. Gripping the duvet, I pulled it lower, exposing the rest of her. She shivered and I stared with rapt attention as her fingers disappeared between her thighs.
“Lay back and show me properly.”
Ellie rolled onto her back, letting her legs fall open. I shifted up onto my elbow so I could get a better view. Her fingers brushed across her clit as her other hand cupped her breast. A small moan left her lips, her hips bucking a little as she stroked herself. She really had no idea how fucking sexy she looked at that moment. Her eyes were closed and her bottom lip was gripped between her teeth.
“Does that feel good, sweetheart?”
“Yes,” she breathed.
I couldn’t help palming my aching cock, through my boxers. My patience was hanging by a thread as she tugged at her nipple and fingered herself. I could help her along if I wanted but watching her like this was fucking magical. I needed to see her come apart.
She opened her eyes and looked at me.
“I want you,” she whispered.
“Make yourself come and you’ll have me.”
My words seemed to spur her on as her fingers worked faster, her chest rising and falling rapidly. A sheen of sweat appeared across her brow. She hadn’t managed without my help last time. Would she beg me again or would she let go? It wasn’t all for my benefit at the end of the day. She’d never had the confidence to explore her own body before.
“I can’t,” she whimpered.
“You can, Ellie. Do it for me.”
I shoved the covers off me and tugged my boxers down. I’d give her something to focus on. Moving between her legs, I sat up on my knees and stroked myself. Her eyes fell on my cock and her tongue ran across her bottom lip.
“See what you do to me, sweetheart? How much I want you?”
She nodded.
“Use your words.”
“I can see. I want to touch you so much.”
I smiled. She wasn’t allowed that quite yet.
“Come, then I can fuck you nice and deep, just the way you like it.”
She shivered, her body arching towards me. Ellie had lost all her embarrassment and shame about her body when it came to me. I’d kissed every scar and blemish, touched her in ways she’d never experienced. I’d made her mine and mine alone.
“James,” she moaned.
“That’s it, sweetheart, let yourself go.”
I don’t know if it was because I gave her permission or she was too turned on by all of this, but she did let go. Her cries of pleasure echoed around my skull. Her body tensing and releasing before my eyes. And fuck did she look so free.
Opening her eyes, she stared up at me, her chest still flushed and her pupils dilated. I lowered myself over her until our breath mingled and our bodies were inches apart.
“You’re such a good girl for me,” I whispered.
“I’d do a
nything for you.”
And she would. Ellie and I were perfectly matched in this respect. She needed to please me. I needed her to obey. It was so simple. This past month everything between us was easy despite me needing to nurse her back to health. I wanted to take care of her, protect her from all the shit she was going through.
“And I you, sweetheart.”
I kissed her, allowing my desire for this girl to take over. She moaned in my mouth when I gripped my cock and guided myself inside her. There was nothing gentle about the way I handled her. I thrust deep and hard, taking her without mercy or restraint. Her fingers curled around my back, nails digging into my skin.
Pulling back, I watched her taking my brutal pounding. One of my hands rested beside her head whilst I used the other to grip her leg and shove it up towards her chest. Ellie stared back at me, her blue eyes dark with lust and potent desire.
I couldn’t get enough of her tight, wet heat. The deeper I fucked her, the louder her little pants and mewls got. Her pussy was my heaven and I intended to spend as much time as possible taking pleasure from being inside her.
For once, neither of us seemed inclined to speak. Our eyes did the talking for us. Hers radiated love and affection whilst I’m sure mine echoed that and my awe of her beauty.
I pulled back further, sitting up on my knees with Ellie still wrapped around my cock. I gripped one of her hips as an anchor whilst I pinched her nipple with the other. Her chest rose and fell, her resulting moan echoing around the room.
“James, please.”
“Play with your clit, make yourself come all over my cock.”
Her hand snaked across her stomach and lower. She stroked herself for me whilst I continued to fuck her, and hell if the sight of it didn’t make me harder. I had both hands on her hips now, taking her deep and hard like a fucking man possessed. I was so close but I wanted her to come again. Needed to feel her clenching around my cock before I erupted inside her.
“Fuck,” she cried out, her body starting to spasm.
My name spilt from her lips over and over like a prayer. She gripped me so tightly, I had no choice but to let go. The heat of her and the gush of her arousal flooding all over my cock was the sweetest damn feeling in the world.
My strangled cry of “Shit, Ellie,” was the only warning as the first wave hit. It pulsed across my skin in time with each spurt of my release. Everything but her and I faded away. Just me and my sweet girl locked together in ecstasy and bliss.
My chest rose and fell with heavy breaths as my hands fell from her hips. Ellie looked utterly dishevelled with her hair falling out of her bun at all angles and her makeup slightly streaked across her face.
Pulling out of her sweet heat, I flopped down next to her with my arm slung across my face. I still felt the tingles racing across my skin from the intensity of our own personal brand of fucking. Her lips pressed a kiss to my bicep before the bed shifted and I listened to her footsteps across the hardwood floor.
Lowering my arm, I stared up at the ceiling. Guilt flooded my veins all over again. It was my fault I was in this mess with Avery. My fault for letting it get this far. My heart burnt and the happiness I’d felt at being close to Ellie faded.
I sat up, rubbing my face and grabbed the tissues from the bedside table to clean myself up. Just as I threw them in the bin, Ellie came back fresh-faced with her dark hair spilling down around her shoulders. She sat next to me on the bed and took my hand, kissing my fingertips.
“What happened?”
I shook my head. Repeating my conversation with Avery would kill me.
“James, please don’t shut me out.” She reached out and placed her palm on my chest. “You keep everything locked up inside. It’s hard for me to watch you suffer like this.”
My head snapped up to hers. Her blue eyes were filled with tears and her expression almost cleaved me in two. Letting go of my hand, she moved closer and gripped my face with both hands.
“Don’t you understand? You have me. I’ll be the balm to your suffering. I’ll fight by your side. I’ll listen and comfort you. I’ll be here no matter what. I. Am. Yours. You can fuck me as many times as you need but eventually, you’re going to have to talk to me. I need you, James. I can’t do all of this without you so I need you here and whole and right now, you aren’t. So let me in, please. Let me be the one you turn to when the world is falling down around you.”
Tears slipped down her cheeks.
“I didn’t know I loved you until I said it, but I do. I love you so much. Please let me be here for you.”
I couldn’t stand it. Her words broke through all my resolve and willpower. The words came tumbling out. All my heartache and pain bubbled up to the surface and every word Avery and I had uttered to each other tonight echoed around my skull.
Ellie’s hands dropped from my face to clutch at my fingers. She listened without interruption as I explained what happened tonight. Told her I knew what Aiden had done to Avery’s parents and Avery herself. How keeping all these secrets for so long had broken something inside me. Once I started talking, I couldn’t stop and there were so many things I’d locked away, having never been able to articulate my feelings properly.
“I told you about my dad, but not everything.” I pointed at the deep scar on my chest. The one she’d looked at but never asked about. “He was in such a rage, ranting about how I was a waste of space and he wished I’d never been born. That my mother had ruined his life and forced ungrateful children on him. We were in the kitchen at the time and without warning, he ripped the biggest knife out of the block and stormed over to me. He held it against my chest, looked me dead in the eye and told me he was going to watch the life drain from my eyes whilst I bled to death. Then he pressed it deep, ripping through my t-shirt as he dragged it across my chest. The pain… fuck, it hurt so much.”
Ellie was full on crying and I didn’t care that I was too. My scar itched. The memory burnt through my chest and the phantom pain hit me all over again.
“I was a fucking adult, Ellie. He did this to me not long after Avery disappeared. He only stopped when Jen walked in and pulled him off me. She was dropping something off for him. She did her best to stitch me up because we couldn’t go to the police or hospital. It never healed quite right though. Only Jen and Dad know what happened that day.”
“Your own father tried to kill you.”
I nodded, words failing me all of a sudden. My own father thought I wasn’t worth the effort. He would rather see me dead than have me as his son. It was something I was too ashamed to tell anyone. It’s why his letters were so confusing. For the longest time, he’d hated the sight of me so why the fuck did he want to see me now? Why couldn’t he just leave me in peace?
Ellie crawled into my lap and wrapped her arms around me, stroking my back with the softest of touches.
“Did he ever try again after that?” she asked.
“No, but his outbursts got worse. Fuck knows why. Maybe because I was the only one who still cowered away from him. He liked to assert his dominance… control. Have those beneath him at his mercy.”
And hell did he make me feel like I was utterly worthless. Your parents are supposed to raise you up and love you, not beat you down until you’re nothing. An empty shell of who you once were.
“I hate him. I hate him so fucking much that sometimes it’s all-consuming. I want him to rot away in his cell. I never want to see or speak to him again. He’s a monster.”
Ellie just held me, her tears soaking my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her and let go all over again. Who knew how long we stayed like that. Just having her right there soothed me. The ache in my chest dulled.
“You’re all I need,” I whispered.
Everyone else could disappear and it would hurt but as long as I had this girl right here, I’d survive.
Ellie was mine.
My person.
My one.
I gently pulled h
er off me and laid her back against the pillows. Getting a tissue, I wiped away her tears and cleaned my own face up. I propped myself up on my elbow, reaching over to brush her hair back from her face with my free hand.
Fuck she was beautiful. Even though her eyes were bloodshot and face a little blotchy from crying, she was always stunning to me.
This was the real deal between us.
So it didn’t scare me when I opened my mouth and told her what I knew to be true deep down in my soul.
“I love you too.”
Now and forever, Ellie.
Chapter Twenty Four
Ellie
After spending the weekend in a sex-fuelled haze, James made me come into the office with him to get me out of the flat. He seemed to be putting on a brave face after the fallout with Avery. I knew he was hurting. I tried my best to be there for him. We spent a lot of the weekend without clothes on. Not that I was complaining because sex with him was blissful. I just couldn’t help wondering if he was using it as a way of avoiding dealing with his emotions. Whilst he’d opened up to me about his feelings and the things his father had done, there was still so much I knew he was keeping locked up. Given how many secrets he’d had to keep throughout his life, it hardly surprised me.
The one thing which had taken me aback was his reciprocation of my feelings. It wasn’t that I thought James would never be able to love me, I just didn’t expect it so soon. The sincerity in his voice and expression when he said those words made it easy for me to believe he was telling the truth.
He’d left me alone to go to a meeting with his siblings. I was sat at his desk, reading on my phone via my Kindle app. The sun was streaming in through the windows. Basking in it a little, I curled my legs up under me and made myself comfortable. It wasn’t so much I didn’t want to work, but until we found my father and made sure he didn’t come after me again, I didn’t feel safe.
I was so lost in my own world, I didn’t hear the door open. It was only when I heard someone calling, “Miss Kirkwood,” I realised I wasn’t alone. Turning in the chair and looking around, I found Viola, one of the secretaries standing in the doorway. James had introduced me to her earlier when we’d got into the office.
