by Sarah Bailey
“Miss Kirkwood, there’s someone to see you at reception.”
I put my phone on James’ desk and frowned. No one knew I was here so I had no idea why someone would be looking for me.
“Did they say who they were?”
Viola shook her head.
“If you want to come to my desk, I have the security feed from reception up.”
I jumped up and followed her out towards the bank of secretary desks. She was the only one in today. Once we got to her desk, she pulled up the security footage and my stomach dropped out from underneath me.
What the hell is she doing here?
“Uh, can you have them send her up, please?” I said, deciding it was better I dealt with this up here away from prying eyes.
“Of course, hold on.”
James had told Viola to make sure I was looked after whilst he was working. So far, she’d already brought me two mugs of tea and biscuits. I figured she did this for all the siblings.
She spent a minute talking to the security guard at reception before putting the phone down. I was freaking out, but I tried not to let that show on my face.
She shouldn’t be here.
This was the last thing I wanted to deal with. Especially not at James’ place of work. How on earth did she know I was here? And what did she want? If she thought I was going to give her a warm welcome, she had another think coming.
The lift doors dinged a few minutes later and out walked Beatrice Kirkwood. She looked so put together which surprised me. Her light brown hair was slicked back in a tight ponytail. She had sky high red heels on with a smart white blouse and black pencil skirt. Her light brown eyes assessed me and Viola for a long moment before she stepped forward and opened her mouth.
“Eleanor.”
“Hello Mum.”
She looked nothing like I remembered. Then again, the last time I’d seen my mother, she was crumpled on the floor by the sofa in the dingey two bedroom flat she shared with my father, bruises peppered across her skin.
I had so many questions, but I wasn’t about to get into my family drama in front of James’ employee.
“Um, why don’t you come with me?” I said, waving my hand towards the corridor.
She followed me to James’ office. I shut the door firmly behind us. Mum promptly dropped her stern look and her face brightened. She was an inch taller than me in her heels. She stepped forward and rested her hands on my shoulders.
“Nellie Noodle, you’re all grown up.”
I flinched at her words. I hadn’t heard that name in so long and it made my heart fracture in my chest. This was the woman who’d loved me but been too afraid to leave my father. She’d sentenced me to years of abuse instead. Bea might not have been able to stop my dad selling me to the Daniels, but she could’ve taken me away long before he ever got the idea in his head.
I stepped back from her. Being touched by other people was still an issue for me. Shaking hands was one thing, having someone’s hands on me was another. The only person I allowed that from was James.
“What are you doing here?”
Her face fell a little.
“I’m here to see you, Nellie.”
I took another step back, putting more distance between us. Seeing my mother brought up all sorts of feelings I wasn’t ready to face.
“Don’t call me that.”
She flinched, her face falling further.
“Aren’t you happy to see me?”
Is she for real right now?
“No, Mum, I’m not. You can’t just turn up at my boyfriend’s office unannounced after all these years and expect me to be overjoyed to see you. How can I be? You let Dad sell me.”
I paced away, hating her guilty expression. I hadn’t meant it to come out like that, but it was the truth. She was just as responsible for what happened to me as my father was.
“How did you know I’d even be here?” I asked when she said nothing.
“Your father has been keeping track of your whereabouts.”
I should’ve known. Of course he had. And that meant she was still with him which made me feel sick. I didn’t want her here. My scars itched painfully on my back. Even rolling my shoulders didn’t ease the feeling like it normally did.
I rounded on her, irritation rising up inside me. They couldn’t walk back into my life now when I was doing so much better. Especially not now I had James who didn’t deserve to get dragged into my family drama.
“What the hell do you two want from me? If you think I’m going to do anything for you or him, you’re sorely fucking mistaken.” I pointed a finger at her. “You and him might have straightened out your lives, but that doesn’t make you my parents. You lost that right the moment you sold me to those monsters. Do you have any idea what I’ve suffered through? Do you?”
Her eyes were wide and she shook her head.
“I didn’t think so. Well, Mum, I was beaten, raped, abused and tortured for six long years. You let that happen to me. And you’re still with him. He beat you for years. Why the hell would you stay with a man like that? Why are you really here?”
I didn’t care I was practically shouting at her. She didn’t deserve anything less. Both of them could go to hell for what they did to me. Before she could answer, the door to the office swung open and James stepped in, brow furrowed as he took in the scene.
“Ellie?” he asked, his eyes searching mine.
Mum turned to look at him. You wouldn’t know she was my mother unless you looked closely and especially not now her face was caked in makeup and she was wearing dressy clothes. Here I was in black skinny jeans, ballet flats and a plain burgundy t-shirt. My boyfriend, on the other hand, looked gorgeous. His navy slim fit trousers hugged him in all the right places. His black shirt was unbuttoned at the top, sleeves rolled up and his signature mussed dark hair was messier than usual.
“Hello, I’m Beatrice, Ellie’s mother,” she said, putting her hand out.
He took her hand and shook it, but his eyes remained on me as if he was gauging my reaction to this whole thing.
“James, Ellie’s boyfriend.”
I noticed her take him in properly then. She looked back at me when he dropped her hand, eyebrow raised, almost as if she couldn’t believe I could attract a man like James. That made my blood boil further. I might have scars all over my back and find it difficult to be around people at times, but I wasn’t unattractive. She didn’t even know those things about me and here she was judging. What happened to the mother I knew?
“Are you going to answer my questions, Mum?” I asked.
“That’s really a conversation we should have alone,” she replied, indicating James with her head.
“You think he doesn’t know what you and Dad did?”
She flinched. No, neither of them thought I would tell James about how they’d sold me. Hell, they probably didn’t think I’d told him how Dad wanted me to go after the Benson’s money. They’d sorely underestimated me.
James walked around my mum and stopped in front of me. He cupped my face with one hand and turned it up towards him. His eyes were full of concern and it almost broke me. I was still so angry with my mother for turning up here that I couldn’t bring myself to smile at him.
“Do you want me to go?” he asked quietly.
I shook my head. If anything, I needed him here to get through this. He was my rock. My anchor. I loved him more than I could put into words.
He took my hand and moved to stand beside me, levelling his gaze on my mother, who sighed deeply.
“Your father and I… I’m sorry, Ellie. I never wanted you to go through any of that. I wasn’t a good mother to you all those years ago when I allowed him to hurt us. He doesn’t do that any longer. I swear to you, he’s changed.”
The outrage I felt at her words made my whole body shake.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Do you know what Dad did when he found me? He beat
the shit out of me because I wouldn’t do what he wanted.”
“He did what?”
The abject horror on her face told me Richard Kirkwood had been lying to his wife. That didn’t come as a surprise to me at all.
“You don’t know, do you? You don’t know what he wanted me to do.”
“He told me he went to see you to make amends.”
The ridiculousness of her statement made me laugh. I couldn’t help it. My father trying to make amends. What a fucking joke. James squeezed my hand and my mother just looked confused.
“He doesn’t want to make amends. He wanted money and for me to con the only person who cares about me.”
“What do you mean?”
I shook my head. Didn’t she get it?
“He wants all of this.” I waved around the room. “To take James’ family for all their worth. And when I refused, he beat the shit out of me.”
She took a step back as if she’d been slapped in the face.
“He… Oh my god.”
After all this time, my mother was still stupid enough to believe every word my father said. I should be disgusted with her. I felt sorry instead. Sorry that she was blind to his bullshit.
“I thought he was getting better… He’s off the drugs, Ellie, I swear. I thought he wanted to reconcile with you, not… not ask you… I’m so sorry.” She looked at James. “She told you he asked her to do that?”
“Yeah, before we were even together,” he said.
“And you still wanted to be with her? Even after her father threatened her and your family?”
“I love your daughter.”
He said it like it was simple. Like love was the only reason he needed to be with me.
“Ellie has been through so much and she deserves happiness,” he continued. “She’s kind, caring, respectful, not to mention beautiful and I count myself lucky she wants to be with me.”
My mother looked between us, her expression telling me everything I needed to know. She saw what was between us.
“You know where he is, don’t you, Mum?” I asked.
“Yes.”
What I was going to ask her to do next would determine our relationship with each other for the rest of our lives, but I had to. It was the only way James and I would be free of my father. I’d protect him from my family just as he’d protected me.
“I want you to turn him in.”
“Wh…What?”
“I have evidence of what he did to me and I’m going to the police. You need to turn him in.”
I felt James stiffen next to me. He’d been the one to make sure we documented my injuries whilst I hadn’t wanted to. Now, I was grateful he’d insisted. I was officially done with my father. It might not stick, but I had to do something. I had to make sure he understood I meant business and I wasn’t going to let him walk all over me.
“Ellie… I…”
“You what? You can’t? You can’t turn in that monster? He beat you for years, Mum. Years. How can you stand there and tell me you were okay with that? Why did you even come here?”
She wrung her hands out in front of her.
“I wanted to see you. He only just told me where you were.”
“He told me I would only see you if I agreed to what he wanted. He’s manipulating you and trying to do it to me, don’t you see that? He’s not changed one bit. I don’t care if he doesn’t hit you anymore, he’s still controlling you.”
At this point, I didn’t care what she did. I was still going to the police with the evidence we had. I was going to tell them about his involvement with the Daniels, something I’d refused to do before because I thought he was dead. I thought wrong. My parasitic father latched onto life by the balls and he wasn’t letting go for anything. So I had to do the right thing. I had to stop him. Make him pay.
“I need to think about it,” she said after a long moment of silence.
I wanted to be angry, but instead, I was resigned. She hadn’t left him after he sold me. Why did I think it would be any different all these years later? The conflict in her expression was clear. She might love me, but she still loved my father more. She always had.
She put her arms up as if asking me to embrace her. I shrank back into James’ side. He looked down at me, his expression making my heart thump. His ocean blue eyes spoke of his understanding and love for me. How did I get so lucky? James wasn’t perfect, but he was it for me. As long as I had him by my side, I could face anything.
“She struggles with physical contact,” he said, looking back at my mother.
Her expression fell and she put her arms down.
“She seems just fine with you.”
Her tone was icy, but I knew she was hurt that I wouldn’t hug her.
“She trusts me.”
Her gaze levelled on me instead.
“You let your boyfriend hold you but not your own mother?”
How dare she say that!
I stepped away from James, letting go of his hand.
“You don’t get to stand there and say shit like that to me, you have no idea what I went through.”
She looked stricken.
“Ellie, I—”
“No, Mum, what I do and don’t do with my boyfriend is quite frankly none of your business. He is the only person I feel safe with after everything the Daniels and Dad put me through.”
I’d had enough of her and her attitude already. She thought she could waltz back into my life and everything would be okay. Grabbing the bottom of my t-shirt, I ripped it off and turned around. My mum’s gasp echoed in my ears. And when I looked up at James, his eyes were full of compassion. He knew how difficult it was for me to show anyone my scars, particularly the ones marring the skin on my back.
After a moment, I pulled my t-shirt back on and turned to her again. Tears welled in my mother’s eyes but the sight of them didn’t make me feel anything. If that made me heartless, I didn’t care.
“I didn’t even know if you were alive. All those years I was kept by the Daniels and I thought Dad might have finally gone too far. How could my own mother abandon me in my time of need if she was still alive? But you did and I don’t think I can forgive you for it. Just like I’ll never forgive Dad for selling me to the Daniels in the first place. So you do what you want, Mum, but don’t come back here. Not if you’re going to continue to take his side.”
We stood for the longest time, no one saying anything as tears slipped down my mother’s face. I still felt nothing. All my sympathy towards her had dried up years ago. It hurt. Her taking my father’s side over me, but if I let that pain fester inside me, I’d never be free. I was damned if I was going to let anyone make me feel like shit after the world had eaten me up and spat me back out again. I deserved better parents than the ones I’d been granted.
“I’m so sorry, Ellie,” she said finally before she turned and left.
When the door shut behind her, I felt James’ hands on my shoulders, squeezing them gently as he rested his chin on top of my head.
“Are you okay, sweetheart?”
“No, but I will be.”
I leant back against him, needing his warmth and support. He wrapped his arms around me before dropping his head so it was level with mine and pressed his cheek to my face. I gripped his arms with my hands, feeling his muscles tense and relax under my fingertips.
“Do you really want to turn your father in?”
“Yes. I don’t want him threatening you or your family and I don’t want him in my life. The only way I can keep us both safe is by reporting him.”
He clutched me tighter. James kept me grounded and I would do anything to protect him, just like he would do for me.
“Okay, but I’m coming with you to the station.”
I smiled. As if I would prevent him from doing so. I needed him there with me.
“I’m so proud of you,” he whispered.
“You are?”
/> His hum vibrated across my back.
“Yes, you’re standing up for yourself. You’re so fucking brave and fearless, some days I’m in awe of you, sweetheart.”
I turned in his embrace so I could face him. I planted both hands on his chest as our eyes met.
“I’m only this brave because I have your support.”
He smiled, reaching up to tuck my hair behind my ear.
“You make me want to stand up for myself. To do the right thing.”
I waited for him to elaborate, knowing that wasn’t the end of it.
“I’m going to end this bullshit with my Dad once and for all too.”
Seeing the determination in his face made my heart soar. This was my man and I was so damn proud of him too. Seeing how far we’d come in such a short period of time. Both of us ready to face our demons. That was something else.
“You do?”
He nodded, stroking my cheek.
“I love you so much, sweetheart. You make me want to be better.”
The shit with my mother might not have made me well up, but this did. James made me feel so many things. He was my balm. The person who supported me no matter what. I knew he’d always be there for me, just as I was there for him.
I rose up on my tiptoes, my hands curling around his neck.
“You’re already pretty amazing as it is.” I kissed him softly. “I love you too.”
And together, we can do anything we set our minds to.
Chapter Twenty Five
James
“What the fuck is this, James?” Dante said as he stormed in and slammed his tablet down on my desk.
I eyed him warily for a moment before looking down at the article open on the tablet.
A manhunt has been launched after police issued a public appeal for information on the whereabouts of Richard Kirkwood who has been implicated in the sex trafficking scandal which rocked the country three years ago. Kirkwood disappeared along with his wife after police issued a warrant for his arrest. Few details have been released, but we gather that Kirkwood sold his own daughter to the Daniels when she was only a teenager.
