Start Swimming

by James Fritz

  When I actually think about dying –

  Y

  What’s the point?

  What’s the point in even – ?

  There’s nothing for me here any more.

  XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  What you doing here?

  What you doing here?

  What you d–

  No.

  Let’s just.

  I’m not going anywhere.

  I’m not going anywhere.

  I’m not going anywhere.

  I’m not going anywhere.

  I’m not going anywhere.

  I’m not going anywhere.

  I’m not going anywhere.

  I’m not going anywhere.

  I’m not going anywhere.

  I’m not going anywhere.

  I’m not going anywhere.

  I’m not going anywhere.

  I’m not going anywhere.

  I’m not going anywhere.

  I’m not going anywhere.

  I’m not going anywhere.

  I’m not going anywhere.

  I’m not going anywhere.

  I’m not going anywhere.

  I’m not going anywhe

  I’m not going anyw

  I’m not going any

  I’m not going an

  I’m not going a

  I’m not going

  I’m not goin

  I’m not goi

  I’m not go

  I’m not g

  I’m not

  I’m not

  I’m not

  I’m no

  I’m no

  I’m no

  I’m

  I

  I

  I

  I

  A

  Ahuh

  Ayeh

  Iee

  Ieeeeeeee

  Aye.

  I.

  I

  I

  Ieeeeeeeeeeeoooooooommmm m m m m m

  Ieeeeeeeeeem Ey-um. Eyeeeum.

  I’m. I’m.

  Mmhm.

  I’m nnnnnnnnnnnnnn. Nnnnnnnnnnnnaaaaa.

  I’m

  Nnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooo. No no no no. I’m n not.

  I’m. N not. Guh. Guh. Guuuuuuuuoo. Guoiii.

  Guuuuuuuuoooooooiiiiiii

  I’m. Not. Guhooooooiiiiiii. Goeeeeeen. Goeeeen.

  Ey-um n not Gooen guh. Goeeeing.

  Any

  Any

  Any wuh

  Any wuooooh

  Any wuh wuh wuh

  Any wuh ey

  Ey-um n no goiing any wheee

  Any w-air

  Anywhere

  I’m not goiiing anywuh

  Anywuuuu

  Anyweeooo

  Oh.

  Ngh.

  Ngh!

  I’m nnnnoooooot goiiing aneeeeee

  Aneeeee

  Anywhere! I’m not going anywhere!

  I’MNOTGOINGANYWHEREI’MNOTGOINGANYWHEREI’MNOTGOINGANYWHEREI’MNOTGOINGANYWHERE!

  What does that sign say?!

  Keep off the grass!

  And where are you standing?

  The grass.

  Y

  JAMES FRITZ

  James Fritz’s other plays include Parliament Square (winner of the Judges’ Award at the Bruntwood Prize for Playwriting; Royal Exchange Theatre, Manchester/Bush Theatre, London); The Fall (National Youth Theatre at Finborough Theatre); Ross & Rachel (MOTOR at Assembly George Square, Edinburgh Festival Fringe/59E59 Theaters, New York); Four Minutes Twelve Seconds (runner-up of Soho Theatre’s 2013 Verity Bargate Award, nominated for an Olivier Award; Hampstead Theatre Downstairs) and Lines (Rosemary Branch Theatre).

  A Nick Hern Book

  Start Swimming first published in Great Britain as part of Comment Is Free & Start Swimming as a paperback original in 2017 by Nick Hern Books Limited, The Glasshouse, 49a Goldhawk Road, London W12 8QP

  This ebook first published in 2017

  Comment Is Free & Start Swimming copyright © 2017 James Fritz

  James Fritz has asserted his right to be identified as the author of these works

  Cover image: Andrey_Kuzmin/Shutterstock.com

  Designed and typeset by Nick Hern Books, London

  A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

  ISBN 978 1 84842 707 5 (print edition)

  ISBN 978 1 78001 990 1 (ebook edition)

  CAUTION This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly

  Amateur Performing Rights Applications for performance, including readings and excerpts, by amateurs in the English language should be addressed to the Performing Rights Manager, Nick Hern Books, The Glasshouse, 49a Goldhawk Road, London W12 8QP, tel +44 (0)20 8749 4953, email rights@nickhernbooks.co.uk, except as follows:

  Australia: Dominie Drama, 8 Cross Street, Brookvale 2100, tel (2) 9938 8686, fax (2) 9938 8695, email drama@dominie.com.au

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  South Africa: DALRO (pty) Ltd, PO Box 31627, 2017 Braamfontein, tel (11) 712 8000, fax (11) 403 9094, email theatricals@dalro.co.za United States and Canada: Berlin Associates, as below

  Professional Performing Rights Applications for performance by professionals in any medium and in any language throughout the world should be addressed to Berlin Associates, 7 Tyers Gate, London SE1 3HX, fax +44 (0)20 7632 5296, email agents@berlinassociates.com

  No performance of any kind may be given unless a licence has been obtained. Applications should be made before rehearsals begin. Publication of this play does not necessarily indicate its availability for performance.