by Helen Bright
He nodded his head. “Tess, if you ever need to talk, my door’s always open.”
“Thanks, Kevin. I appreciate that.”
My hands shook as I opened the door to my room. Who the hell did Kolya think he was? I belonged to no one. Not after last night. Before that I would have happily admitted to being his—just like I thought he’d been mine. Looking around at the half-packed suitcases I knew I’d made the right decision.
It was Nan’s day off today and Jack had taken her to the coast, so I didn’t want to disturb her, but as soon as I saw her in the morning I’d ask if I could stay at her cottage until Jean came home. It was for the best. Kolya’s hot and cold behaviour was messing with my head.
I went into the en-suite and proceeded to run a bath, pouring in the lavender-scented bath and shower gel that Jean had bought me. It said on the label it was supposed to “calm the senses” so I added an extra capful for good measure. God knows I needed it.
After undressing, I lowered myself into the warm, bubble-filled water, resting my head against the back of the tub. I’m not sure if it was the lavender or the heat from the water seeping into my skin, but after a few minutes I began to relax. Until I thought of that kiss again, along with the one from last night. How is it possible that a man can make you cry then turn you on just hours later?
Every kiss I’ve had from Kolya has given me an intense reaction down there. Even though he hadn’t touched me in that way, he’d already given me an orgasm. I’d tried to do it myself since but it never felt right. Even as I slipped my hand below the water line to find the right spot, it just didn’t feel as good as when Kolya pressed against me. Maybe you just can’t do it in the bath.
Girls at school never talked about doing it themselves. They talked about their boyfriends and what they did with them, and I think there was quite a lot of embellishment going on whenever they’d bragged about how good it was.
I didn’t have anyone I could really talk to about sex. I couldn’t imagine ever having that kind of conversation with Nan or Jean, and I was no longer in touch with any of the friends I’d hung around with at school. I knew where my clitoris was situated. I’d studied the very basic leaflet that came with every box of tampons and I’d read enough saucy romance novels to know I was supposed to have a G-spot somewhere inside.
As the water began to cool, I reached for the towel and climbed out. After brushing my teeth, I put on my nightdress and climbed into bed. I needed to close the drawers I’d left open and zip up the suitcase but I didn’t have the heart. Doing so would bring me closer to leaving and though I knew it was for the best, it still hurt to think about it.
After what Kolya said to me when he’d kissed me earlier, I was more confused than ever. I know I’ve no experience with the opposite sex, but the way he looked at me after he’d kissed me—when he was reminding me I was his—I felt like he really meant it.
Remembering how passionately he’d kissed me made my sex throb once again. With my hands already under the quilt, I tugged up my nightdress and began a slow exploration. This time my fingers seemed to hit the right spot almost immediately. I rocked my hips in time with the movement of my hand and closed my eyes, letting myself succumb to each new sensation. I dipped a finger inside me and used some of the wetness I found to rub over my sensitive little nub, and eventually, with a little more pressure and friction, I could feel an orgasm begin to build. Before I could stop them, a soft moan then a gasp escaped my mouth. Just as I was about to come, I heard a quick rap on the door.
“Tess, are you all right?” Kolya asked as he strode into my room. He spotted my suitcase and open drawers and froze. “Are you going somewhere, my love?” He was still shirtless and wore the same grey shorts.
I brought my hands out from under the quilt and pulled it up under my chin. I could feel the heat from the blush in my cheeks. He’d nearly caught me touching myself.
“I thought I’d ask Nan if I could stay with her until Jean gets back from her holiday,” I told him.
“I see,” he said, his voice quiet. “Can I ask why?”
“I think it’s the right thing to do, for both of us, Kolya.”
“I disagree, Tess. A wife belongs with her husband.”
“What if that husband doesn’t want to be with his wife? If he touches her then regrets it. What should she do then?” I cried.
He sat on the bed and took my hands in his. I tried to pull them away but he held them tight.
“You have to understand, Tess. I made a vow. I said I would not make love to you until you were ready. You are only weeks away from turning eighteen. We have to wait. It is the right thing to do.”
“For whom, Kolya? This seems to be all about you and what you feel is right. What about me and my feelings?”
“Please, Tess, don’t make this difficult.” Kolya brought my hands to his face and began to kiss my fingers. In a matter of seconds his eyes widened and his nostrils flared: he knew what I’d been up to when he’d walked in. I thought he might stop what he was doing, but he didn’t. After kissing each finger, he sucked them into his mouth, groaning when the taste of me hit his tongue.
“Did you think of me?” he murmured.
“Yes,” I admitted. My previous embarrassment replaced by nervous excitement.
Kolya let go of my hands and grabbed the quilt. He closed his eyes for a moment; his brows furrowed and teeth clenched. It looked like he was at war with himself—like he was struggling to come to terms with something. A strange sound tore from his parted lips. At first it sounded like the whine of a wounded animal, then it changed, becoming a deep and guttural growl. When his eyes opened I knew the fight was over.
My eyes never moved from his as he tugged the quilt down below my knees. My nightdress was still bunched up around my waist, leaving me exposed to him, but he didn’t look down. I felt his hands moving slowly up the insides of my thighs and my breath caught in my throat. Only when his thumbs brushed over the wetness at my core did his eyes open.
The embarrassment I thought I’d feel when he saw my naked lower half was strangely absent. Instead I felt emboldened by his obvious appreciation.
Kolya leaned down and pressed his lips against my sex, gently at first, then the pressure increased as his tongue breached my folds. I let out a breathless gasp as he thrust his tongue inside me, then he slowly traced the tip from my opening to the sensitive little bud hidden below my cleft. He pulled back slightly to place kisses around my lower lips and the inside of my thighs before his tongue retraced the path his lips had travelled. He used his thumbs to open me up to him before sucking gently on every exposed part of me.
There’s really no other word for the noise I made when he fluttered his tongue rapidly over my swollen clit, other than scream. It was ecstasy. So many feelings came crashing over me at once, resulting in both anxiousness and panic, then an overriding need to come. I ran my hands through Kolya’s hair, unsure whether I wanted to pull him closer or push him away. When he gently slipped a finger inside me the choice was taken out of my hands. The orgasm hit me hard and sent me soaring. My body seized with involuntary spasms, my back arched without any effort. I cried out his name over and over, moaning and panting as his tongue and lips continued their pleasurable assault. I came again, my body readily accepting the second finger he slipped inside me.
I lay there in utter bliss as he brought me down from the orgasmic high.
“That was amazing,” I told him. “But I want more, Kolya. I need to know what it feels like to have all of you.”
He gazed up at me, his wide shoulders spreading apart my thighs, his short, neat beard glistening wet, wearing my pleasure like he owned it.
Kolya’s eyes were hooded and full of the promise of more, making me sigh with relief. He wasn’t going to stop. Not this time.
Pressing tender kisses to my lower belly—followed by soft, wet licks—he made his way up my body, pausing for a moment to rid me of my nightdress. When he arrived at my breasts he cupp
ed them gently, rolling each of my nipples with his thumbs and forefingers. My nipples hardened under his expert touch and I moaned deeply when he increased the pressure. Just as his touch became almost painful, he replaced his hands with his mouth, causing a flood of heat and arousal to pool in my sex. Though I’d never made love before, I knew my body was ready for him. I didn’t expect to feel any pain; I’d been using tampons for a while so I knew there’d be no barrier to stop him. And even if there was pain, I’d willingly take it.
He pulled away from me slightly, making me think he’d changed his mind. When his hands went to the waistband of his shorts, I let out a huge sigh of relief. The sigh turned into an anxious gasp when I saw Kolya’s long, thick cock for the first time. I licked my lips nervously; those previous feelings of want and need changing to “What the fuck was I thinking?”
“Touch me, Tess. I’ve waited so long for your caress.”
The raw hunger in his voice elicited a different kind of reaction than the one I’d had only seconds ago. I knew in that moment that he craved the joining of our bodies as much as I did, and although he’d had years of sexual experience, for him, making love to me for the first time would mean so much more. I began to feel more confident—as if there’d been a sudden shift in the balance of power. Yes, Kolya owned my pleasure tonight, but I owned his, too.
I wrapped my right hand around his length as far as it would go. His cock felt…good. Hot and hard, yet the skin surrounding it was soft to the touch. I ran my hand over him gently. He felt slightly veiny in places but the head was so smooth, and there was a sticky, clear fluid leaking from the tip. Kolya threw his head back and groaned. He looked like a work of art that you’d pay to see. Every muscle in his perfect body had tensed; his facial expression a strange mix of both pleasure and pain.
I’d caused that. I made this beautiful, strong man throb in my hand.
The fear I’d had at the size of him quickly fled. When he opened his eyes and looked down at me I nodded my head. It was time.
Kolya rested his left forearm at the side of my head as he kissed me. I could smell and taste my essence on his lips but it didn’t bother me. He placed his right hand over my own and began to rub his length over my sex, lubricating it with the slickness he’d created. Even though I wanted this more than anything, I still tensed when I felt the blunt head of his erection at my opening.
Kolya let go of his cock and placed his finger over my clit. It didn’t take long for him to have me moaning softly, undulating my hips to take him deeper inside me. He removed his fingers and spoke in hurried, whispered Russian before looking into my eyes, saying, “Forgive me, Tess.” Then he thrust his hips forward, burying his thick, hard length deep inside me.
I cried out from the shock and discomfort of the sudden invasion. It wasn’t exactly painful; I just felt uncomfortably over-stretched. He swore in both English and Russian before resting his forehead against my own, exhaling a long, deep breath.
“I will treasure this gift you have given me, Tess. I will hold it in my heart along with your first declaration of love.”
I put my arms around his shoulders and held his loving gaze. “Everything we do will be a first for me, Kolya. Is your heart big enough to hold it all?”
“My darling, before you, my heart was an unfeeling, broken mess. Only my son caused it to beat. Now it beats for you, too, and it’s stronger than ever. You have mended what was broken, Tess. There are no words of gratitude adequate enough for all you have done for me.”
“Then show me, Kolya. Now. Like this. Show me with your body how much I mean to you.”
He withdrew almost all the way then pushed back in slowly. I can’t say it was pleasurable, it just felt…wrong. Unnatural, even. I had something huge inside me that felt too big to be there. It wasn’t until his lips met mine in an all-consuming kiss that the feel of him began to change. His kiss took over my thoughts and feelings; his lips never leaving mine for even a second as his tongue mimicked the actions happening down below. It was as much an assault on my senses as it was on my lips.
The change, when it happened, wasn’t a gradual thing. It was as though someone had switched on the pleasure button and what had previously felt wrong, now felt Oh, So, Right!
My hips seemed to tilt towards him of their own accord and a flood of arousal eased his way. Kolya trailed kisses over my jaw and down my throat, pausing at my collarbone to suck on the skin. When he came to the scar below it he placed gentle kisses over and around it, whispering in Russian once again.
His lips trailed even lower, yet he was still moving inside me. I cried out his name when he suckled on and around my sensitive nipples. Everything began to feel too much—like my breasts had a direct line to my clit, causing it to swell and throb as he rocked against me. I pushed up against him, needing to feel more of…this…of us, and the intense feeling building inside me. Kolya kissed his way back to my mouth and held me as the orgasm raced through my body. His thrusts became harder and deeper, and I felt the exact moment he jerked inside me as he came.
23
Tess
I woke up alone, much to my dismay. Kolya had a meeting in London this morning so he’d had to leave early. I must have been dead to the world when he’d left my bed; I’d not even heard the helicopter take off. But then again, Kolya and I had been pretty active last night.
After he’d made love to me the first time he suggested we shower. He’d come straight to my room after playing basketball yesterday and sex appears to be quite a messy act where sheets are concerned. We’d gotten clean in between soft, slow kisses but that changed when Kolya pressed me up against the cold tile and devoured my lips like a man possessed. He began to tease my sex again with his skilled fingers and showed me how he liked to be touched. I wasn’t sure I was doing it right at first; I didn’t feel confident in gripping him as firmly as he’d told me. But then he began to flex his hips, causing me to stroke him faster, and I watched in pure fascination when he came on my belly. When his breathing had slowed a little, Kolya dropped to his knees and made me come with his tongue once again. I supposed I should have offered to return the favour but I was a little anxious about it, if I’m honest. He’s not a small man down there and I was sure I’d gag and mess it up. Kolya never even suggested it, though he’d been more than generous with me on that front.
When we came back to bed we talked well into the night. He told me how he’d been feeling about being with me sexually. How he’d wanted me to be ready so I’d not regret giving him my virginity. I was annoyed that he thought me too young to make that kind of decision, but I also felt relief that I’d not been pressured into having sex—like Sarah and some of the other girls at school. Kolya respected me enough to wait, even though he wanted me so desperately.
I also spoke to him about contraception and the fact we’d had unprotected sex. He said he’d always worn a condom whenever he’d been with a woman—something he hadn’t done since he met me. I told him I was about mid cycle, so we’d taken a big risk by not using anything. He looked me in the eyes and said he didn’t regret anything about our lovemaking, and if I were to become pregnant with his child, he would be the happiest man alive. I didn’t know what to say to that. I knew I wanted children someday, but I’d just left school without finishing my A levels and hadn’t even had a job. I told him if I ended up pregnant at eighteen years old, I would be like the typical stereotype of someone from my background. Kolya dismissed this with a laugh before saying, “So a pregnant teenager with your background is usually married to a billionaire and is chauffeured around in a luxury car or flies in a helicopter to avoid traffic. And I suppose they would all have an unlimited budget with which to purchase designer maternity clothing and baby items, along with the very best in private antenatal care during their pregnancy.”
When he put it like that I could see how different it would be, but I still couldn’t imagine myself as a mum, not just yet, anyway.
Kolya noticed how quiet I’d gone
and turned to face me. He kissed my lips lightly and gazed down at me, saying, “Tess, I’m forty-one. I know men are supposed to be able to produce active sperm their entire life, but I know of quite a few men my age who’ve had problems conceiving a child. If you want to have a family with me, we should think about doing it within the next couple of years. I don’t want to be an old father of a young child. I want to be fit and active enough to play football with them, and not show up at a school event looking like their grandfather.”
For the first time I was able to see our relationship from Kolya’s point of view. I always looked to him to be the strong one who would guide me through my insecurities. But I wasn’t the only one feeling insecure. I hated to think that Kolya felt anything other than complete happiness about our relationship. So I made a decision, right there and then, declaring, “I think we should forget about contraception, Kolya. Like you said, I won’t have the same financial worries as other young mums, and we are married. Besides, I might not get pregnant for ages yet. I mean, you hear of some people trying for a baby for years and—”
Before I could finish speaking, Kolya had taken over my mouth with a passionate, toe-curling kiss—one that made me instantly wet and ready for him. He ground his sex against my own and had me moaning and chanting his name over and over. Just as I began to come, he pushed inside me and made love to me slowly, telling me how much he loved and adored me with every thrust; how he would always be there for me whenever I needed him, and what my words had meant to him. We climaxed at the same time, showering each other with kisses and further declarations of love and hope for our future.
It seems strange to say that a sexual act was beautiful, but that’s what it was to me. Beautiful and meaningful, and falling asleep in my husband’s arms after we’d shared so much intimacy was the icing on the cake. But that was last night. Now I had to get up and face everyone. They must have known what we’d been doing. It was still quite early when Kolya came to my room. Most of the men would have gone to the older part of the house, but Nate and Kevin lived in the extension with us. What if they’d heard us? I hadn’t been quiet when I’d been in the throes of orgasm. It had happened so many times, too. I debated staying in my room all day so I wouldn’t have to face them, but I was hungry and needed at least two cups of tea to start the day. So, after taking a shower and dressing, I walked into the kitchen to face the music.
