by Helen Bright
Nan was busy sorting through the cupboards. She turned my way and said, “The kettle’s just boiled. I’ll have a cuppa if you’re making one.”
I grabbed two cups from the cupboard and proceeded to make our tea.
“There you go,” I said while handing over her tea. “What are you looking for, Nan?”
“The deep pie dish. The one I make the apple and pear cinnamon sponge in. I was going to make one later but I just can’t find it.”
“Did you check the men’s kitchen? Franco and Ivan love anything with cinnamon.”
“I haven’t. Though I don’t know why. If anything goes missing it’s usually over there. Do you fancy going with me to retrieve it once you’ve had your breakfast?”
“Umm, no, I’d better not,” I replied. I could feel the heat of the blush colouring my cheeks.
“Tess, is there a reason why you don’t want to go?” she asked.
“I can’t face them. Not today, anyway.”
“Can’t face who? Ivan and Franco?”
“All of them, Nan. Not after last night.”
“Why, what happened last night?” she asked. She seemed an equal mix of concerned and confused.
“Last night Kolya and I, you know, for the first time. I’m not sure if any of them came into this part of the house. Nate and Kevin live here so they probably know. I’ll be so embarrassed if they say anything, or if they just look at me, even.”
Nan smiled and placed her hand on my arm. “Tess, you and Kolya are married. What you do behind closed doors shouldn’t concern anyone else—as long as things are consensual. I’ve known Kolya a long time. He’s a good man and someone I trust will take care of you. But if there’s anything you need to talk about, no matter how embarrassing or inappropriate, you can always tell me. I might not have all the answers but I promise to help if I can.”
“We didn’t use protection,” I told her. “Like you said, I know Kolya will take care of me, but what if I end up pregnant? I don’t know the first thing about babies. I know I want one someday, but I don’t know if I’m ready for that just yet. What if I’m totally crap at being a mum? My own mum was terrible. It was me who looked after her. My grandma is a royal bitch, and probably holds the title of The World’s Shittiest Mother and Grandmother. What if the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree? What if I’m incapable of being a good mum due to genetics?”
“Like you said, you took care of your mum. You loved her even though she wasn’t a good mother to you. You have it in you to care for someone and to love them unconditionally. And I will be here to help you every step of the way, along with Kolya and the rest of his staff. Your little one, when it comes, will be loved and spoiled by everyone, Tess. You have no need to worry about that. But I understand that you are young and probably need time to adjust to becoming an adult before you bring your own child into the world. Did you discuss this with Kolya?”
“I was going to, but then he said he didn’t want to be an older dad who looked like his child’s grandad, and I think he was worried about his fertility, too. I get where he’s coming from, Nan, I really do. I just… I don’t know. Maybe I should talk to him about it again. I said we didn’t have to use anything but now I’m just not sure.”
“Tess, if it’s not the right time for you, we can go to the pharmacy and get you the morning-after pill. Kolya is your husband, not your keeper. He shouldn’t have any say over your body.” She said this in all seriousness. Knowing she had my back, whatever my decision, almost made me cry.
“No, Nan, it’s fine. I’ll be okay. I’d rather talk to Kolya about it first. Thanks for offering to help though. I really appreciate it.”
“Tess, you are like family to me. The daughter I never had. I’ll always be here for you no matter what happens in your life,” she declared with a reassuring smile. “Now, are we going to get my pie dish while I’m still in a baking mood?”
“I don’t know. Do you think they’ll be able to tell if they see me? Do I look different?”
“You look happier. Less troubled than you usually do. Why? Do you feel different, Tess?”
Did I feel different? I suppose I did really. I felt more relaxed, definitely. And I also felt like I belonged here now. In Kolya’s home. Our home. The home in which we would raise our children. Together. I now had specific roles that entitled me to be here: wife, lover, and eventually, mother.
I looked at Nan and smiled. “Yes, I do feel different. More settled, I suppose.”
Placing my hand over my lower belly, I began to look forward to what the future might bring.
24
Kolya
The day had dragged and hadn’t been as productive as I’d have liked. Thoughts of Tess filled my head, taking over completely.
I shouldn’t have come in today, no matter how important my meetings were.
I needed to be at home with my wife. Preferably in bed, enjoying the pleasures only she could give. Pleasures I had denied myself for so long.
I looked over the plans on my desk once again, trying desperately to be more critical of our latest design. It was something both my engineering team and I did numerous times before final approval, but today I found myself unable to criticise anything on the drawings in front of me. I pulled up the 3D image on the monitor and studied it closely.
The SAM (surface to air missile) launcher will tick many boxes for our buyers. It’s smaller and lighter than our other anti-aircraft designs—meaning it’s easily transportable—and we have created new technology that will send the missiles it will carry further than any other SAM on the market.
Our first anti-aircraft weapon had been what finally propelled KOLCAT into the big league as far as weapons providers were concerned. My team and I knew this missile launcher—WREX.24065, or Rex, as the designers like to call it—will be a game changer in the world of modern warfare. The new computerised targeting methods, combined with our advanced engineering, make it currently second to none.
This was the first time since brainstorming our ideas that drawings of the launcher had been created. My team from KOLCAT UK had travelled down to London from Northampton to discuss where we were at so far with the design, and had brought the first drafts along for me to study. In less than a year we should have the first prototype ready for testing. With the sophistication of today’s technology it’s now much quicker to bring our ideas into fruition than when KOLCAT was in its infancy.
Work had always been a priority for me. I’m ashamed to say that my focus had been on building my company in my younger years, instead of building my family. When I lost Catherine that had to change, and it did for a while, until James went to study in the States. Don’t get me wrong, I still worked most days, but I made sure I was there for my boy as much as I could be. Nan was a godsend. I wouldn’t have coped in that first year without her and Jack. I don’t think I could have carried on some days without her presence and support.
Although KOLCAT is still very important to me, I am determined not to let it take over my life this time around. Tess and any children we have will be my priority going forward. James has gotten to an age where he doesn’t need his father as much. It happens to us all, and was something I felt keenly when I first noticed it.
A month after he’d moved to the States, our phone and video calls became less frequent. College and new friends replaced father-and-son time. Women speak openly about empty-nest syndrome but it affects men, too. Nan and I found ourselves suffering from it for weeks after James left. To help her cope, Nan joined a nearby yoga class and took on extra work as a seamstress—not because she needed the money, she just needed something to fill up her time. I worked like crazy and hit the gym when I came home, hanging out with my guards where possible. The things we did helped, but the loneliness and empty feeling was still there.
Neither of us have felt that way since Tess came into our lives.
My thoughts drifted away from the 3D image in front of me, and once again I pictured Tess in my mind’
s eye.
I watched her sleep for thirty minutes this morning. Wayward curls had covered her pillow and shoulders. Tess had slept on her front, her face turned to the side. She looked calm and serene. I’d watched her sleep many times over the past few months but this morning was the first time I’d seen her look peaceful since hearing about Sarah’s death.
I’d placed my hand on her lower back, just above the rounded cheeks of her shapely bottom. The weight and muscle tone she’d gained after coming to live with me gave her curves I’d often fantasised about touching and kissing. She was exquisite, and she was all mine. I kissed the many freckles on her shoulder before whispering I love you, then I left her room so as not to wake her when I took a shower. I was hard enough to hammer nails but I didn’t take myself in hand like I had so many times since meeting her. It seemed wrong to relieve myself of something that belonged to her now.
It felt good to belong to someone again. More than good, actually. It felt…right. Like my world was finally as it should be.
When I’d walked into her room and saw her half-packed suitcase, I felt chilled to the bone. She’d been ready to leave me and it had been my fault. By trying to do the right thing I’d made her feel unwanted. Undesired. But that couldn’t have been further from the truth.
When I’d smelled then tasted her essence on her fingers, I knew I’d not be leaving her bed without having more.
She’d thought of me when she touched herself. It made the erection I’d had since I’d kissed her fingers, even harder. She told me she wanted all of me. She already had my heart and soul, the only thing I’d not given her was my body. With the taste of her still on my tongue, I let go of those misguided scruples that had almost made her leave, and buried myself inside my untouched wife, claiming her virginity in the most exhilarating act of lovemaking I have ever experienced.
Everything about last night was perfect. But then again, my wife is perfect, so how could it have been anything less?
Seeing Tess completely naked for the first time both thrilled and settled me. Undressed, she was all woman. Her pert breasts filled my large hands with a little to spare; tawny pink nipples stood proud from slightly paler areolae; a neat triangle of copper-coloured pubic hair covered her sex. She looked like a goddess, so I worshipped her with everything I had.
I couldn’t wait to do it all again.
I took out my phone and scrolled through the live camera feeds at home, needing to know what Tess was doing. She was in the kitchen with Nan peeling apples and pears. I longed to erase the distance between us but I had set up a video conference call to my office in the States, and James would be sitting in on the meeting. I enjoyed seeing him become more involved in KOLCAT. He had fresh ideas and was already displaying sound leadership skills. I am immensely proud of my son and the man he is becoming. Although I don’t want to wish the years away, I cannot wait to see him take over KOLCAT in America. James is a born leader; KOLCAT will thrive in his hands.
I closed the camera feeds and was about to put my phone away when it rang.
“Hello, Yannis. How are you this fine day?”
“Ready for the break, my friend. I will be arriving in London tomorrow evening. Will you be at the hotel or at home in Oxford?”
“I will be at home tomorrow. I’m finding it hard to be away from my wife, so I’ll work from home for the next couple of weeks.” I had forgotten about Yannis’s plans to visit. While I couldn’t wait for Tess to meet him, I wanted to spend some quality time alone with her.
“You should take her on a spectacular honeymoon, Kolya. I’m sure whatever you have going on at work can wait.” Yannis’s tone was quite reprimanding, a complete change from what it was two weeks ago with regards to Tess.
“I have something planned that will coincide with Tess’s birthday. I want to give her a honeymoon she will never forget,” I told him.
“How did your meeting go with Monsieur Alleman?” Yannis asked. I sighed heavily then told him about Tess threatening Caroline Dawson and the fact that Alleman had avoided me since.
Yannis laughed loudly before saying, “I wish I could have been there, Kolya. You know how much I loathe Caroline Dawson. I think Tess and I will become great friends.” Yannis laughed again before adding, “Will you and Tess be attending this year’s hoteliers’ ball in Paris? Perhaps they could invite Caroline and sell ringside seats.”
“Very funny, Yannis.” He was starting to annoy me and must have heard it in my voice.
“Relax, Kolya. I know the evening didn’t bring the outcome you wanted, but think about it. Your wife was willing to fight for you in front of a room full of important people. You have someone who values your marriage more than the need to impress anyone. That kind of woman is not so easy to find, my friend.”
He was right, of course. On the evening itself I’d been both shocked and angry with Tess’s behaviour. But the scornful looks she had received as we made our exit angered me more. How dare anyone look at my wife with anything other than respect? Monsieur Alleman could fuck off as far as I was concerned.
There were others within the EU’s political hierarchy who could further my cause. Some might think my endeavours with them were an unnecessary headache. After all, I had billions in the bank and could afford to do this without them. But when you are looking at over a hundred million turnover on a new site within the first four years, the less tax you pay on that the better.
“I am a lucky man, Yannis.”
“Indeed, you are. And I will finally get to meet your beautiful wife in person tomorrow evening.”
I heard the unmistakeable sound of aircraft engines before Yannis told me he was about to board his plane. I wished him a safe journey and told him that I would get Ivan to fly him from London to Oxford.
I would have loved for Ivan to be flying me back to Oxford right then, but at the very moment I hung up on Yannis, my PA told me it was time for my conference call.
25
Tess
It was 9 p.m. by the time I heard the helicopter’s rotor blades signalling Kolya’s arrival. I’d spoken to him earlier and knew he expected to be home around 6 p.m. at the latest, but something had come up at KOLCAT’s German site, so he’d had to sort out whatever that was before he came home. I was sorry that he’d had to work so late, but in a way, I’d been glad, too. I needed to get a few things straight in my head before he came home, the most important being, what should I do about contraception?
I didn’t mention it on the phone, and honestly, I wondered if it was worth all the worry. I also thought it was embarrassing to talk about. I kept thinking about school and those sex education classes we’d had to take. There’d been so much giggling and heckling coming from both the girls and boys in my class, I’d barely heard what the teacher had to say. They gave us booklets and handouts to look at, but most had been used before and someone had drawn a huge, hairy-balled penis on the one I had.
I’d seen condoms before. Mum used to get them free from some junkie support group she went to. She’d often take me with her when we couldn’t pay the heating bills. It was warm there and you could get free tea, coffee, and hot chocolate, along with chocolate chip cookies and fruit. The group was shut down due to lack of funding so Mum’s free condom source went too. I once overheard her talking to Paula, one of her addict friends who was also on the game. Mum told her that some men were willing to pay up to ten quid extra to have sex without protection. As far as I’m aware, she never caught anything, and thankfully, she didn’t end up pregnant. She wouldn’t have been able to stay clean even if she had.
Thinking about how Mum made her living made me cringe. To think that men paid her to do that and more seemed so far removed from what Kolya and I did last night. She’d bring home random strangers: men of all ages, shapes, and sizes. Most looked clean, but occasionally she’d have one that looked positively filthy. She didn’t discriminate if it meant losing out on her next fix.
I could hear someone talking outside so I put
the kettle on to make Kolya a cup of tea. I had one of the new minty hot chocolates that Nan had bought and sat on one of the high stools at the breakfast bar. My hair was still slightly damp on the ends after my shower and I wore a midnight blue satin nightdress and robe that Kolya bought me. I was trying to look sexy for him, I suppose, but the white fluffy bunny slippers probably spoiled the look.
I was grateful there was just me in the kitchen. None of the guys had said anything about me and Kolya today. Jonesy, Lucas, Ivan, and Nate had been in London with Kolya, but I’d seen most of the others and they hadn’t even raised their eyebrows when they saw me. I forget sometimes that I’m dealing with adults now. They aren’t anything like the lads at school or at The Willows, though they all like to joke around, especially Ivan and Jonesy.
Franco had seemed a bit grumpy. After I’d helped Nan with her baking he came to find me and suggested we go to the shooting range. He looked every inch the brooding Italian and I wondered what had pissed him off.
The range felt cooler today, for some reason. I’d worn my new in-ear ear defenders and safety glasses which fitted much better than the others I’d been using. Franco handed me a Glock 17 9mm Luger, though I prefer to use a rifle. I have much better accuracy with my Ruger than any handgun I’ve tried.
