A Soldier and a Liar
Page 29
“I thought we were a team,” Al says. “I trusted all of you. Then I find out everyone’s been keeping secrets this whole time, and I’m just supposed to ignore that?”
“You’re sure one to talk,” I say with a snort.
She whirls around to face me, expression furious. “I’ve never lied about who I am as a person—and you’re the last person I want to hear talking right now. You think I can’t tell you’re hiding things from me? You think I never noticed those nights you disappeared from our room? I never asked you about it because I trusted you. But now I think that was just a mistake.” She laughs once, short, humorlessly. “This entire team was a mistake. I don’t care what secrets you all have. You can keep them to yourselves and deal with them yourselves. I don’t want anything more to do with any of you.”
I grab the front of Al’s shirt and shove her into the wall with my arm against her collarbone. “Are you fucking kidding me?” My voice comes out low and with all the anger I’ve been holding back these last four days. “You don’t want anything more to do with us? You say that after you ran back when we had the perfect chance to escape and Paul got killed because we went back for you? It’s your fault he’s dead. If you hadn’t destroyed the plan because of your own selfish, reckless—”
“I never asked you to come back for me. That was your choice.”
“You seriously think I would’ve considered leaving you for even a second?”
She hesitates.
I let go of her. “Was it even worth it? Did you kill him?”
“… No. He ran away.”
I laugh. “Of course.” But as much anger as I feel toward Al, the bulk of it isn’t really directed at her. Not truly. I’m the one who gave the order for Peter and Paul to follow me. The way was clear and I could’ve sent them to safety. But I didn’t. They didn’t know Al. Going after her wasn’t something that involved them. But I dragged them into it. Paul’s death was my fault.
“So you’re going to snap at us about keeping secrets and then not even reveal your own?” Erik asks drily. He laughs, a harsh, sarcastic sound that seems more suited to the Mendel we all first met rather than the Erik we’ve come to be friends with. “Wow, what a just, upstanding teammate you are, Johann.”
Al’s eyes flick to him furiously. “Fine. You wanna know? I’m a girl, and I’m looking for my brother to get revenge against him for killing our parents. I saw him with the rebels at that meeting and tried to kill him, but he got away.” At Erik’s blank look of shock, she asks disparagingly, “Happy now? So glad we finally have everything all out in the open.”
“What do you mean you’re a girl? And you’re trying to kill your own brother? You think those aren’t secrets worth—”
“Can we just stop already?” Jay asks. He doesn’t speak with authority, but maybe because it’s one of the only times he’s spoken, all of us look at him. His eyes are downcast but not defeated. Just tired. And resentful. “This isn’t helping anything. The ones we should be angry at are the Council, not each other. Being divided like this doesn’t do anything to help us.”
Al, Erik, and I share a glance.
“Then what do you propose we do?” Erik asks slowly.
Jay closes his eyes for a long moment. When he opens them again, he finally stands up. “We fight back. We all know how this stupid trial is going to go. So before they can screw us over any further, I say we break out of here.”
“Break out?” Al asks incredulously. “That’s your plan? We’re surrounded by starlight metal, in case you forgot—no gifts, remember? How exactly are we supposed to get out of here?”
“You rely on your gift way too much, Al,” I say when Jay hesitates. I flick the card I’d been playing with out of my pocket. The one I swiped from a guard on our way over here. “Some Etioles are so wary of Nytes’ gifts they forget to watch out for the normal things like sleight of hand.”
They all stare at me.
“What?” I ask. “I lived on the streets before I joined the military. You think I didn’t pick up a few useful tricks? Besides, I do believe I’m our resident expert on prison breaks. I know what needs doing and what needs to be stolen.” I raise an eyebrow. “That is, if you’re all feeling up for it?”
We all share a long look. There’s still a lot of anger and distrust. But more than being upset with one another, we despise the Council. None of us wants to remain here to be pushed around by them any longer.
Jay puts his hand forward. I place mine over his. Al’s over mine, and Erik’s over hers.
“Let’s get out of this dump.”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
THERE HAVE BEEN so many people who have helped me with this book in so many ways over the years that it feels impossible to be able to sufficiently express my thanks to everyone here. But I’m sure going to try.
First of all, I have nothing but gratitude for the team that made my book into what it is today. My truly amazing editors Holly West and Anna Poon, who have shown an endless amount of patience and understanding toward me, even when I was being difficult or asked way too many questions or was just generally panicking. You guys are the best. To Jean and Lauren, who believed in my story and gave it the chance to go out into the world. To Katie K., who created a truly badass cover for my book (it’s so epic and I love it so much. Thank you!). And to all the many people on the Swoon Reads team who worked on this book whom I don’t know by name: thank you, my behind-the-scenes saviors!
Of course I have to thank my mom for raising me as a reader, and both her and my stepdad for their constant encouragement of me pursuing my dreams—even when that led to me getting an English degree and moving halfway around the planet. And my fullest thanks to Kristin Dodson, who first made me seriously think that I could become a real writer. I’d always written as a hobby, but because of your passion for writing and your belief in mine, I felt like my dream could become more than that.
Perhaps the true MVPs here are Paris Powers, Sydney Catlin, and Natalia Bravo, who read the very first draft of my book back in high school when it was, well, terrible. But none of you ever showed anything but enthusiasm for it and supported me so much—and continue to do so even now. You all mean the world to me. And my thanks to Ricardo Angulo, Georgia Jackson, and Shane Hall for reading my next-but-still-truly-awful draft in college, and especially to Ricardo for also reading the next version I wrote from scratch. You read a lot of my crap, and wow, do I appreciate that immensely. And thanks still to Karen Brown, for guiding me through a much later and hopefully less horrible draft. You’ve been an amazing mentor and supporter to me over the years.
To Megen Nelsen, without whose constant encouragement and amazing advice, I might have quit pursuing the publication of this story long ago. You are such an inspiration and wise as well, and I wish you ALL the success. To Maria Dones, whose writing makes me want to become a better writer myself, and who helped me out in many a time of panicked anxiety. To Hannah Azok, and our many, many hours spent writing and editing together in various Gustos and Saizeriyras across Tokyo. You made this process, which could be so overwhelming at times, so enjoyable. Thank you.
My endless thanks to Elena Nielsen, who has done so much to keep me sane through pretty much the entire publishing process when I was far from home, family, longtime friends, and basically every support system I’ve ever had. You helped me through a lot of hard and stressful times, and I don’t have words for how much your ceaseless support has meant to me.
And of course, my thanks to all the readers who helped get my book published in the first place! Swoon Reads is such an amazing community, and I am so thrilled and thankful to be able to be a part of it. Everyone’s enthusiasm and encouragement has been so amazing. It is such an honor to be an author chosen by such passionate readers, and I hope I was able to do well by everyone.
So much effort and passion has gone into this book from a huge amount of people, and I am beyond happy to have been able to share this journey with everyone. It’s truly been a
humbling experience, and I wouldn’t change a thing. To everyone, thank you so, so much.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Caitlin Lochner is a long-time nerd, traveler, and architecture enthusiast who worked as an assistant English teacher in Tokyo for three years before pursuing her MFA in Creative Writing at the University of Central Florida. She can typically be found absorbed in books, games, or manga, or else obsessing over said books, games, and manga. A Soldier and a Liar is her debut novel. You can sign up for email updates here.
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
1. Lai
2. Jay
3. Lai
4. Jay
5. Lai
6. Lai
7. Lai
8. Jay
9. Lai
10. Lai
11. Lai
12. Lai
13. Lai
14. Jay
15. Lai
16. Lai
17. Lai
18. Jay
19. Jay
20. Lai
21. Lai
22. Jay
23. Lai
24. Lai
25. Lai
26. Lai
27. Lai
28. Lai
29. Lai
30. Jay
31. Lai
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Copyright
A SWOON READS BOOK
An imprint of Feiwel and Friends and Macmillan Publishing Group, LLC
175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10010
A SOLDIER AND A LIAR. Copyright © 2019 by Caitlin Lochner. All rights reserved.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Lochner, Caitlin, author.
Title: A soldier and a liar / Caitlin Lochner.
Description: First edition. | New York: Swoon Reads, 2019. | Summary: Four supernaturally gifted teenagers—a self-conscious perfectionist, an amnesiac, a fighter looking for revenge, and a secretive telepath—are forced to work together to save their sector from the threat of a rebel takeover.
Identifiers: LCCN 2018020073 (print) | LCCN 2018035037 (ebook) | ISBN 9781250168252 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781250168269 (ebook)
Subjects: | CYAC: Ability—Fiction. | Secrets—Fiction. | Cooperativeness—Fiction. | Science fiction.
Classification: LCC PZ7.1.L6225 (ebook) | LCC PZ7.1.L6225 So 2019 (print) | DDC [Fic]—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018020073
First edition, 2019
eISBN 9781250168269
swoonreads.com