I fumed quietly for several moments, then, 'Fatigue, and?'
'She's been throwing up. She has nightmares. I sit by her side when they plague her. She's lost weight. I've been getting her to keep down water and a thin broth. She hasn't told me what happened, just that Therion is gone. No other guardians have turned up. But then, neither have any more of Ceri-talen's servants. Em, I didn't call you because I don't know if more will turn up. But,' he held up his hand, 'I should have called. I've done this before and it's always more effective if you can limit the non-combatants onsite. I told Yu that Jay was down sick and I thought it was contagious. Considering Jay is relying on her to run the café, she has heeded my advice not to come up. If more attackers come, I just have to worry about getting Jay out of here. I know, she's your daughter, and you love her, but my job is to keep her alive and until she recovers and tells me exactly what happened, I do not regret my decisions.' He moved to my side and sat down. 'I do regret that I have distressed you.'
Damn, he was good. I rose and walked around the back of the lounge. 'I'm going to sit with her for a bit. I will limit my visits because I want you to keep doing your job and keep her alive, but I can't stay away.'
Bastien stood. 'That's understandable and reasonable. As I said, I did not mean to cause you such distress.'
I reached Jay's door and paused, looking back, I said, 'Apology accepted.'
Jay
All the dreams were awful. I couldn't remember what happened, just that I was frightened or sad or angry, or all three. I was sure I woke but couldn't recall specifically when or how long for or doing anything; getting a drink, going to the toilet, having a coffee. That was okay with me. I didn't mind if I spent the rest of my life in this bed. Come to think of it, how had I come to be in bed? I didn't remember coming home. The last thing I remembered clearly, was Therion. Therion bleeding, limping, magnificent wings deformed…
I was so tired, I felt like the exertion of just breathing was excessive. My limbs felt too heavy to lift… Maybe I was too exhausted to break from something as fragile as a dream. Although, considering those dreams were more like nightmares, perhaps they had a stronger hold than I estimated. I had the sense I'd been in bed for days, possibly weeks, yet I didn't feel the passage of time. To be honest, I couldn't bring myself to care.
As horrible as the dreams were, I knew that waking would be the worse nightmare. Waking meant accepting that Therion was gone. Forever, as far as I was concerned. The only means for Therion's release was my death. Suicide had occurred to me, but that wasn't a solution. This listlessness, this not eating, not moving; it wasn't any braver, but I didn't think my goal was to starve myself to death. I just couldn't bring myself to bother.
I didn't want to imagine what Therion was experiencing. I dreamt about it anyway. Therion told me what they did to him. He told me of his life, of the things he'd done, yet that didn't detract from the suffering he endured. The world's over-crowded prisons were proof that there were thousands of people who killed who served no master but themselves. I had no illusions. It was in Therion's nature to kill; when he needed energy, when he had injuries, when he felt threatened, but he didn't kill through greed or for power over or to torment.
In my mind, I saw him on the surgical table he described, saw the dragon-woman standing over him, saw the blood, the injuries she inflicted… A comforting warmth suddenly enveloped me. For a moment, I imagined Therion was curled next to me on the bed. He was murmuring softly and stroking my hair, as he had done the last morning we'd been together. Why was he speaking in another language? Wait a minute…
'What are you doing in my bed?'
'On it, not in it. You sound more coherent. Are you feeling vaguely human again, sweetheart?'
Sweetheart? Bastien just called me sweetheart. And he was in my bed! At least he was wearing clothes… kind of. His chest was bare, but he was wearing black jeans.
'You were whimpering in your sleep. Have done so on and off since your return. It seems to help if I comfort you, despite you being unaware of it at the time.'
The tension that had fired through my body at the unexpectedness of Bastien's presence started to ease. 'Oh… uh… thanks. Lucky for you, you resemble a romance cover, so I won't kick you out.' It was a weak jest, but the best I could do considering the circumstances. The closeness made me very aware of him. Particularly how warm he was— weren't vampires always portrayed as having ice-cold skin as well as being heartless in temperament?
Before I'd woken my cheek had been resting on his chest, my hand on his abdomen. His muscles sculpted his chest and abdomen into curves no man would be ashamed to have. His chest wasn't as hairy as I'd expected. I turned my attention to his face, which, at first, seemed to be all sharp edges, the cheekbones, the brow, the nose, but the soft gold of his hair made them seem less severe. His eyebrows, I noted, were almost made to arch, most often with a kind of unimpressed amusement. The look in his pale-blue eyes was often a little aloof, a little… predatory, but when he smiled it took away some of the hostility and a roguish mischievousness sparked very easily in them. He was smiling now, but in sad way. Not pity quite, but it was clear he understood I wasn't doing so well.
'What was the language you were speaking?'
He frowned. 'Um, I'm not sure what you'd call it now-a-days.' He looked up towards the ceiling. 'It is probably considered the origin of North Germanic. I've not heard it spoken for, oh, let's just say a long time with the understanding that there's a handful of 'verys' in front of it.'
'Why do you speak it then?'
The question seemed to surprise him. 'I guess because it was the first language I learned here.'
I looked up at the window, it was night, the moonlight streaming in gave me a sense of serenity. I listened to the silence of the apartment. I knew Therion wasn't here— couldn't be here— but I’d hoped for it all the same.
'He's really not coming back, is he?'
Bastien tilted his head. 'You haven't told me much, just that he's gone.' He reached for my hand and squeezed it. 'Do not worry, I don't expect you to relive it this instant. When you're ready, I will need some details clarified. For the moment, rest. Even with the broth I have been giving you to boost your immune system, you will still be weak.'
'Broth?' I frowned trying to remember eating or sipping broth.
'A special mix, I thought it might help you come around. At least it stopped you from throwing up.'
'I don't remember throwing up.'
Bastien shrugged. 'Humans are not used to planes-shifting. You'll feel heavy and lethargic, that's normal. Your mind might also make erratic jumps and you could be more emotional, a little shaky.'
'You sound like you know from first-hand experience.'
'My first time, I cried for no rational reason and I shook as if I was freezing for several hours. Some are hysterical, others almost comatose. If you are not of the, um, magical nature of those breeds to which plane-shifting is a natural ability, it can be quite a taxing experience until you get used to it.'
'Must have been quite some broth. I'm tired, yeah, but my brain isn't as muddled and I don't ache all over anymore. I think I shed my fair share of tears, but... possibly that's because…'
'He isn't here.'
'Yeah...' It was more sigh than word. 'How long have I been back?' Something he'd said earlier indicated he'd been here a while.
'You've been unwell nine days, ten nights.'
Nine days... It had been barely a fortnight. It felt like a lot longer. I frowned. 'What about Mum? Is she back from Sydney?'
Bastien made a groaning sound. 'Oh, that was fun!'
Clearly not.
'You see, when she got back from Sydney, I made the insane decision to explain your absence by saying you and Therion went away for a few days.'
'So when she discovered the truth, she verbally shredded you?'
'I'd have preferred she'd inflicted real wounds,' he answered half-seriously. 'She visits most nights. Your mother's colleagues think I
'm a personal bodyguard.'
It was strange to think that Archmore's organisation had seemed to be the least of my worries recently.
'Are you hungry?' Bastien asked, sounding quite solicitous, like my dad when I'd been sick. I shook my head.
'Coffee?'
'No… thank you. Are Thomas and Amelia here?' I asked.
Bastien shook his head. 'Thomas has his clan duties. Amelia too, but Thomas makes sure she gets time to visit. She's spent several nights by your side. This is the first time you've been lucid.'
'I'm sorry you've all been dragged into this.'
My hand got another squeeze. It was strangely comforting. 'You hardly volunteered.' His eyes crinkled a little as he gave me a reassuring smile, then his expression sobered. 'Therion…' he paused to sigh, then started again, 'A long time ago, Thomas found himself in a situation very similar to this one. I fought to aid him, and did so valiantly, if I do say so myself.' His eyes crinkled again as the smile reappeared briefly. 'Eventually though, we were… what do they say… out-gunned...?'
I gave a half shrug and a nod. 'It'll do.'
'Indeed,' Bastien agreed with a slight tilt of his head. 'There we were, out-gunned, and close to losing everything and Therion came along. He was relatively new in his redemption then and it seemed, at the time, like he happened upon us by chance, but I know, now, that Aurealis wanted us to meet— why? I'm still not entirely certain. She calls in favours often enough to convince me she wasn't being altruistic, but I think she also wanted him to have a friend.' He was still holding my hand and his grip tightened slightly. 'Even as strong and resilient as I am, I may well have died but for his intervention. Thomas definitely would have. That gratitude alone would have brought us as soon as he asked… Over time, though, and other encounters, we developed a friendship. I think he felt a kind of kinship. We understood him.'
I smiled sadly. 'He is a hunter, like you. He doesn't feel the guilt he is told he should feel when he kills. He doesn't understand it— the need to feel guilt when it is necessary for his survival.'
Bastien didn't nod, but his expression confirmed my words. 'The loss of such a,' the vampire hesitated before he said, 'friend… is no easy experience to endure.'
I shrugged, feeling self-piteous for a moment. 'Well, at least you just have to wait until I kick the proverbial bucket and you'll soon see him again.'
His grip changed from gentle to painful, and I grunted. 'What?' His forehead knitted into a deep, intense frown. 'How will your death resurrect him?'
Suddenly, I deflated, all the energy seeping out of me as I realised I hadn't explained and would have to relive that dreadful memory. Seeing the effect the question had on me, Bastien immediately forced the furrows in his brow to smooth and released my hand.
'Please, Jay, I know it hurts, but I must understand.' His voice was gentle, but he was clearly tense.
I looked away from him, I didn't want to see his expressions as I told him. I moved away from him and propped myself up against the shelves that form my bed-head. Bringing my knees up, I wrapped my arms around them and rested my head on my arms, turning it to look out the window.
'He won. Therion won…' my voice broke. 'He killed Qu-te-se, but…'
He was a good listener. He didn't interrupt with questions or voice his own objections or anger, though I felt the emotions emanating from him at times. He knew I just wanted to get it out as fast as possible. I felt him still completely when I related how Qu-te-se broke his wings. He laughed softly when I described how he stole Qu-te-se from Ceri-talen. And he went very still when I described the bargain he made with Ceri-talen. When I finished, he was quiet. I was grateful, I felt absolutely spent. I found myself lying again, curled up next to Bastien, crying silently, and then my eyes drifted closed.
I woke later. It could have been hours or minutes. The filthy headache had, thankfully, dissipated to an annoying drone. I was less disoriented and remembered it was Bastien with me, not Therion. His arm was around me again and I'd tucked my head into his chest. I could smell whatever fragrance was in his shampoo. I hadn't dreamed this time, or I didn't remember dreaming… Regardless, I was relieved not to be caught in the grasp of nightmares. I heard a heartbeat thrum through Bastien's chest.
I jolted up. 'Your heart just beat!'
'Hmmm?' He was reading and paused to look down at me, his expression questioning.
'Your heart just beat,' I repeated. 'Just the once.'
He smiled benevolently. 'Oh, it will again.'
I considered that for a moment. 'Another myth?'
'Not quite.' He put the book on the bedside table. 'It's easy to see how it came to be believed we have no heartbeat, a doctor will check for thirty seconds, perhaps a minute. A non-medically trained person will wait even less. And not all people can easily or accurately find a pulse. It would require good timing for someone to catch our heartbeat.'
Well that put a twist on things. It made sense, they drank blood to get nutrients just like we ate food, and the heart's job is to get those nutrients around the body by pumping blood through our circulatory system.
'How come you don't die?'
'We can, if wounded severely enough. It's just fortunate we have rapid regenerative abilities.'
Interesting.
'How can you see, by the way?' I asked nodding towards the book he'd been reading. It was pretty dark with just the moonlight coming through the window.
'Nocturnal, it's like daylight in here for me.'
I shrugged, fair enough.
'Did I sleep or just switch off for a few minutes?'
'You slept. Another day has passed.'
Another day! He hadn't been kidding about the fatigue from planes-shifting. It had been almost a fortnight now, and here Bastien was still waiting on me to get myself together, I thought, feeling annoyed at myself. I needed to start making more of an effort to get back on my feet and let Bastien get back to his life. Despite the determination behind this decision, my heart wasn't really feeling it, and I could hear it in my voice when I said, 'I'm feeling a lot better than yesterday, you know I think I can probably manage on my own now.'
He must have heard it too, because he laughed kindly and replied, 'Nice try, but you're not getting rid of me any time soon.'
I shook my head. 'Bastien, I am a grown woman...'
'I am quite aware of that,' he interrupted gently. 'I'm also aware that you are independent and completely capable of caring for yourself. These facts will not deter me from staying.'
That sounded pretty final. In truth, as much as I wanted to be alone to curl up in the dark and pretend the world didn't exist, I was glad he was here.
'Speaking of your self-caring capabilities, you may want to shower. Your natural perfumes are all well and good, but only when you wash regularly.'
This brought a horrified expression to my face. 'Stop right there. I get the idea.'
Bastien got up and helped me out of bed. 'Oh, Em dropped in. She checked in with Yu and told me to tell you that Yu said…' he stopped as he lost his train of thought. 'Uh, how about I just go with— the café is doing fine; there were some rostering issues, but Em helped her figure it out. She's happy to hear you're showing signs of improving, but urged me to make sure you rest and not rush back into things.'
I smiled. 'Yep, that sounds like her.'
He made sure I was steady and then went out to the lounge. I padded to the bathroom. My limbs still felt heavy. I moved slowly. It felt like it took an age to get the water to the right temperature and even longer to shampoo and condition my hair. By the time I was done, I found myself leaning against the cold tiles with no great inclination to move. I let the water softly pummel my face. It reminded me of the rain, which reminded me of Therion. Great, just great. I wanted so much never to forget him, but right now I wished I had no memory of him at all.
I remembered standing with Therion in the rain one of the nights soon after we'd become lovers. He'd been murmuring to me in that song of a voice
of how he liked to just stand in it and feel each drop of rain run down his skin. His wings had been positioned to provide me with cover, but I'd asked him to move them, admitting I'd enjoyed more than one walk in the rain. He'd closed his wings and rested his hands on my waist. It had been so blissfully peaceful. I'd felt content, complete, happy.
I don't think I was sobbing too loudly, but my tears gave the water a run for its money. Then my legs gave out and I hit the soap dish on the way down. I didn't feel it, just registered it happened. I was shaking despite the warm water. It was colder down here, I guess because I was closer to the source when I was standing, and now, crumpled on the tiles, I was quite a bit further away. All this passed through my mind as a kind of background babble.
Bastien must have heard, because suddenly he was next to me, on his knees, gently pulling me out of the shower, or trying. I didn't want to go. Irrationally, all I could think was that Therion liked the rain… I said as much to him and he just stopped, just like that. He arranged himself around me, clothes and all. At least he was barefoot, but the jeans and t-shirt were pretty much soaked by now anyway, so I guess it didn't make much difference. Slowly, I stopped trembling and although I still felt the tears, they were slower and I didn't feel like I was suffocating.
'I'm sorry, I…'
Bastien looked down at me and gave me a reassuring smile. It was sad but understanding. 'There is no need to say sorry. I understand grief. I know at times it is overwhelming and at others, you need the armour or release of other emotions. Sometimes you need to shut down your emotions entirely for a while. Whatever you need to do, I won't judge you.'
'My dad, when he was dying, he'd joke. He'd always make jokes. He even joked that life was too short not to laugh when you could. My mum, she shut off. Became distant. Dad said she needed it, or the hurt would have been too much. I love— loved, still love Therion, I don't want to shut it all out like Mum. I can't.'
'As I said, you don't have to, not with me. Now that we have that cleared up, though, do you think we can leave the shower?'
Soul Taker's Redemption Page 52
