I channelled my father and pulled together a half smile. 'I don't know, does my natural odour pass your sensitive nose?' My smile disappeared quickly, I didn't have the energy to hold it in place, or the heart.
Bastien literally picked me up like I was a doll. 'At least I'm not a werewolf, they can get pret-ty fussy. And they stick their noses in some fairly awkward places.' I started to laugh, until he added, 'But I think clothes might be in order, unless you want to become a naturalist.'
'Oh, for goodness sake,' I groaned, realising that just as he was clothed and soaking, I was naked and soaking.
It was weird, because I didn't feel naked as he helped dry me off and get dressed. He did it in a very non-sexual manner. 'You've had experience at this,' I realised aloud.
'At dealing with naked women?'
He said it light-heartedly, but to me it seemed like the comment was not meant to try to distract me from my grief, but to deflect the significance of my observation. I wasn't about to let him off, though. I swiped the t-shirt he handed me and pulled it over my head. 'With dealing with grieving people. Women, I think, more than men.'
I was right, because his expression darkened and he turned away. He masked the move as if he was intending all along to pull his wet t-shirt off and wander back in the bathroom to hang it over the shower screen. He grabbed a towel from a shelf in there and paused for a long moment before he said, 'I've seen a lot of death. Caused a lot of death.' He turned towards me, not really towelling himself dry, but holding the towel to his chest. His eyes were frosty-cold and sharp. 'Do not mistake me for a human, despite my kindnesses, Jay. Nor am I like Therion, I seek no redemption. Some of the death I've caused has been needless and not entirely honourable.'
'I know,' I said meeting his gaze evenly. 'Think of it in this context— my mother has met criminals far less sane and far crueller than you can imagine. Some are like Archmore's lot and they hurt children. Many go to jail, just as many walk free because they can't convict them. She has accepted you and Thomas, and she knows you're not angels. Therion has shown honour and loyalty, we trust his decision to bring you into our lives.' I went over to my dresser to get some socks. 'Anyway, my original point was that you know how to handle a grieving person.'
'As I said, I've seen a lot of death. Aside from life's normal hazards, I've been through a fair few wars. The first humans I spent time with were a passionate people. If someone died, you knew about it, they'd wail and scream. But I've also been in societies where they sing songs of lament or carry out sombre, but complex rituals. No matter how they acknowledge death, it seems right somehow when they feel it to their core and they show it. I think getting it out is better than holding on to it. When you cry, Jay, I know you're hurting, but I know also that you will survive. The quiet ones... I have seen too many suicides to count.'
His words reminded me of the suicide I'd contemplated. I wasn't about to take my own life. Suicide was never a solution, it just seemed like it when despair darkened your world too much to see the other options and the people who'd be willing to help you get to them. But, right now, I wouldn't mind doing some wailing and screaming. Any minute, I told myself, Therion would appear. He'd step through that vertical puddle and greet me in that low song that was speaking for him. Yeah, I was kidding myself, but it was a lovely dream.
I'd been over and over it, there was nothing I could have done. Therion had bargained with what he had. I could have offered my soul instead, given myself voluntarily over to Ceri-talen. I should have. Why didn't I? Why hadn't I thought of that in time? Had I been selfish? A coward? I wondered whether I could somehow contact Ceri-talen, offer him a trade, my soul for Therion's release. How would Therion react to that? Would he forgive me? Would he understand? I heaved a deep sigh. Even if I knew how to contact Ceri-talen, I knew I wouldn't. Therion would suffer worse if I was imprisoned in his place. It was done now and guilt wouldn't help. Despite that, I wasn't sure this knowledge, this understanding, was enough to get me through this. Could I make the most of this freedom that had been so dearly bought, as Therion had wanted?
Bastien had gone into the bathroom to finish getting changed. As he came out, he considered my thoughtful state and raised his brows. 'Are you okay?'
'What do I do now?' I asked, as a tear slid down my cheek.
He picked up that I was talking about what I should do now that Therion was gone.
'Recover.'
The answer made me laugh bitterly. It seemed so very practical and also quite terribly impossible. It wasn't that Therion was gone that I didn't think I could get over. As it was, getting used to Therion's absence was probably never going to happen, but I'd been through that before when relatives passed away. This was different in that I knew he would suffer. Every moment I was alive, Therion paid for it in suffering. How could I not feel guilt? Or shame? Or anger? How could I 'recover' knowing that?
'You will recover because to do anything else, Jay, is to waste his sacrifice. Besides Therion can well care for himself. Even after he allied with Aurealis, Therion commanded respect from his own kind. He will survive this.'
'But he will suffer, Bastien. There's a creature there called Ulyn who made a habit of torturing him, he will be back within her reach.'
Bastien huffed softly and then gave me a patient look. 'Trust me, I know all about Ulyn. I didn't say he wouldn't have a difficult time. My assurance was that he has handled it before and he will do so again. You must remember, Therion placed enough value on you to do this. You can return his gift in one of two ways: you can discard it, be weak, allow your grief and guilt to swallow you. Or you can…'
'I know,' I groaned. 'Just don't expect it to be easy for me.'
'I don't, that's why I'm here. Grieving is fine. When it comes, shed the tears that come with it, but do not let yourself drown in them. No one who loves you wants that.'
I heaved another sigh. He was right, gifts were things you didn't have a say over usually. People gave them to you and you either liked them or you didn't. Of those you didn't want or like, some you diplomatically turned away, some you kept until you found a new home for them, others you accepted gracefully out of respect and appreciation of the effort spent getting them. I could drown in my tears or find a way to cope. I had with my gran, and my father. It had taken time and even now it still hurt to my core when I remembered a particularly good time I'd enjoyed with them only to realise they were no longer there. It would be the same with Therion.
Bastien placed an arm about my waist and started guiding me towards the main room. 'Come, let's go to the kitchen and you can tell me what least makes you feel like throwing up when I insist you eat.'
Therion
[Dragon – Two Steps From Hell featuring Úyanga Bold]
It was dark, pitch black.
I laughed, well, between the dryness of my throat and the pain caused by breathing, it was more of a silent effort. The one time I needed sunlight, the one time I would have been thankful to burn in the light of the Sunlit Meadows, and I was in shadow. Still, I found it comforting, perhaps if I closed my eyes, I could just fade away.
The stone was cold.
I wondered how far I'd fallen. I could not look up. I was face down, where I landed. One moment Ceri-talen had me within his talons, his wings creating a hurricane of wind about me, the next, he just let me go. I had seen we were not under the mountain range where the central city of Unia-littah was, but the shadow valleys, a misnomer, for the name does not adequately describe the place. At the foot of the mountain range the landscape is all black rock and ice until it reaches the edge of a forest. Great, seemingly bottomless crevices branch out from the mountains, leaving massive cracks in the rock, which is how the area came to be dubbed the shadow valleys. I'd flown through them many times— you did not have to drop too far below the tops of the cliffs to be completely in shadow, and at the bottom, you could see a sliver of the sky, but never sunlight. From the darkness around me, I must be at the bottom of one of those chasms.
This was the start of my punishment.
Good.
I did not want to feel well and whole.
I was pretty sure that, in addition to my wings, every major bone in my body had been broken in the fall. And more than a few minor bones. The physical pain was barely noticeable. I did not care if I spent eternity here.
Ceri-talen
I paced back and forth in an ever-tightening line. I was between planes, but Therion would be able to feel me, even if he could not see me.
Arrogant child.
Foolish child.
How he dared!
First his betrayal, exchanging the supremacy of a realm of shadows to corrode in the light, opposing me outright, thwarting my gatherers, killing his own brethren, and then this most recent offence; taking Qu-te-se.
He'd planned it, too. Luring Qu-te-se to the domain of that trumped-up, self-righteous, interfering meddler was no serendipitous accident, he'd intended it, conspired to take one of my most-powerful hunters. Aurealis had been so smug, so proud of him. He should not have been able to do it. I had not granted him the ability to return the spirits he took, to revive the vessel. There, too, was Aurealis's meddling hand. She'd ruined him. Not just physically by changing the way he absorbed energy, she had also made him soft. Weak! I had created a formidable hunter and she twisted him into this… this—
Unable to contain my rage any longer, I plunged through to the plane Therion was on, roaring in fury. Scooping up his prone form, I slammed him against the cliffside.
'You dare feel self-piteous! Laying there like the world has ended. Whimpering over your petty injuries. Mourning your supposed love now lost.'
Therion's body hit the rock wall and dropped to the ground rolling to stop just before my front talons. I leaned down.
'You think this punishment. The punishment has not even begun!'
I snarled out a breath of flame, the black and midnight-blue of it misting about him to become harmless shadows. I was angry but I did not intend to kill him. Destroy him, maybe, for how else would I be able to undo the damage Aurealis had wrought?
'I gave you everything. I made you strong, built up your resilience, taught you to lead— And you, how do you repay my gifts? You betrayed me,' I hissed out the last words. Drawing my head back I looked down at him. His body was broken, but that was just the start. I would have to break his mind, too, if I wanted to restore my prime hunter to his former strength. No. Not just back, stronger than before.
'What lies did you allow yourself to believe? What deception fooled you into believing your betrayal justified? I created you, how could you turn against me?'
Suddenly Therion surged up, his magical nature the only reason he could move at all.
'You did not create me, you stole me!' he snarled, his fangs flashing.
Inwardly, I found myself pleased. There was a strength in him still. He would need that resilience to endure the following trials.
'You waited for my mother to go hunting, you stole into her den and you took me from her, just like you steal all those earth-realm spirits. Just like you want to steal Jayden Emerline Thaneton. You call yourself a god, you are naught but a thief.'
I narrowed my eyes, so she had told him a form of the truth. But not all of it.
I leaned my head down, meeting his gaze. 'And what of your father?' I asked, my eyes narrowing as I scrutinised his reaction. 'Did she mention him? Who he was? Am I the thief Aurealis alleges or am I the father denied his child because he refused to let the mother raise a weak kitling?'
He stumbled back, the broken limbs barely able to hold him up and then slowly sank to his knees. Never once did his gaze leave mine. Know my words are true, I willed.
A frown creased his brow as uncertainty filled him, robbing him of the defiance that had given him the strength to rise. He closed his eyes in pain, but not from his broken body, his mind and emotions caused him much more suffering. Slumping back, he tried moving his wings, but they were too damaged. A distant part of me was tempted to show him mercy, to heal his injuries, but that would make me no better than Aurealis; coddling and over-protective. That was no way to return him to the magnificent hunter he'd once been.
He leaned to the side, first attempting to put his weight on his hand, but neither hand nor wrist could bear it, so he leaned on his forearm. His hair had fallen forward, the gold streaks seemed to glow, taunting me with his betrayal. I willed them back to blood-red. The glow faded for several moments and then brightened. I increased my will. Abruptly, the glow faded, but his markings stayed gold.
I whipped my tail angrily, striking the cliff wall and causing a rock fall. I diverted the rocks away from us as I fumed. What power was this?
This was my domain. My realm.
Mine!
Therion's voice diverted my attention. 'If you are my father,' he looked up, 'who, then, is my mother?'
'As far as you are concerned, she is dead, for she is ascended.'
Therion shook his head slightly. 'What kind of father allows his child to be tortured?'
'Not tortured, made stronger, more resilient. You cannot deny your ability to withstand grievous injuries and continue fighting despite them is due to the endurance built up under my supervision.'
His expression became one of scorn, his frown deepening as he said, 'Instead of abandoning me to Ulyn's depraved mind to 'build up my endurance', how about doing something really useful, like making my wings less vulnerable to breaking, or improving my response to the fury so that even when it is high, I can retain a rational mind? If you are so powerful, so all-knowing, why can you not solve the mystery of what has rendered the therilgalen incapable of reproducing? And considering how all-knowing you proclaim to be, why did it not occur to you that a consequence of exerting such tight control over me would be that I would desire freedom all-the-more, making Aurealis's offer compelling?'
'I gave you freedom,' I retorted, heaving in and out a frustrated breath, filling the air with shadow flame that turned into a mist that shrouded the ground. 'And you used it to betray me.'
Therion pushed himself back to his feet. 'You lied to me, you tortured me, you enslaved me, you robbed me of my ascendance. I did not betray you. I took control of my fate. I grew far stronger under Aurealis's guidance than I ever did serving you,' Therion spat back.
'Your perception is warped, Therion. Your connections, your friends, your love, they are not strengths, they are weaknesses.'
'You are the one who is weak. Without your servants, who would gather the energy you use to give you strength? You fear that we will abandon you, so you make us so we crave much more energy than we need, then ensure that we cannot hold it for long, forcing us to deliver the excess to you or die. You… You have no genuine loyalty. You are not capable of earning it.'
I swiped at him, the strike lifting him up and tossing him some distance down the floor of the crevasse. Stalking after him, I growled, 'Impudent child. You know nothing.'
He was curled up on his side, his body trembling, overwhelmed by its injuries. The shadow mist left over from my flame swirled about him
My dark-angel, my creature woven from shadows, my masterpiece— as powerless as an infant without sunlight. Aurealis had done far more than expose him to her flawed perspectives, she had contaminated him with her disrespect of me and her contempt for my way of life. I was a god of destruction, I created through it. I presented the obstacles that forced humans to innovate, to create tornado warning systems, to rebuild, to engineer around flood-prone areas and regions susceptible to earthquakes. I created balance. I renewed.
I had already known I would need to destroy Therion in order to rebuild him, but now I saw just how desperately he needed it. Until then, his only value was as a renewable energy source. With one talon, I rolled him onto his back.
He opened his eyes, looking up at me with apprehension.
I placed one foot upon him, my talons splayed about him, not quite a cage.
'You will lea
rn the right of all your wrongs soon enough. For now, I will teach you the first, most important rule you should never forget…'
I lifted my middle talon and placed it on his collarbone, letting him feel the sharp point.
'You are mine, to do with what I will.'
Using my talon, I pierced his spirit, tapping into his core energy and drawing it into myself.
Therion arched back, agony filling his body and his mind. I paid little heed to it, revelling, instead in the feel of the flow of power as it rejuvenated my spirit. I did not quite drain him, he needed enough to renew his reserves. It had never been a swift process, a spirit like his would completely rebuild itself in time, but the quality of his spirit meant it did not, could not, occur rapidly. His regeneration was already delayed by his low energy reserves, taking from his core spirit like this would bring it almost to a halt. But I had him back now and I was in no hurry to return him to the main city— how could I let my subjects see him like this, his spirit as shattered as his body? No, I would take my time. I would show him how weak his value of friendship made him, how it exposed him. I would show him just how wrong he was. But first, I would give him what he asked for.
I lowered my head down until I could feel the ground beneath my jaw. 'You want independence? Make your own way back to my temple.'
And I left him there. Broken on the cold, stony ground. See how he fared with no spirit energy and no sunlight to renew him. With his destruction Therion would evolve, grow, become stronger than ever before…
If he survived.
Therion
[Believer – Imagine Dragons]
I had no notion of time. I occasionally noted the lightening of shadows that indicated the passing of night into day. Whenever I tried to move or even twitch, my whole body was consumed by agony. It didn't take me long to stop trying. I actually slept. Never have I slept before. I rested by entering a meditative state where I could choose to dream, or astrally explore, or to simply rest. This was complete unconsciousness. In a way, I was thankful for the oblivion, not only was it a refuge from a memory where Jayden existed, but it provided a shelter from the physical pain. I also found it disturbing and I often woke feeling utterly vulnerable.
Soul Taker's Redemption Page 53
