Darkness Within

by Carli Castle

  “I understand you have empathy,” his mom said, glancing back at her for a brief moment as Elle nodded. “Can you tell me anything about his state of mind?

  “He seems a little confused, but I can’t get much else,” Elle said, her voice shaking. “He’s also exhausted. I don’t think I’ve ever felt anyone more tired than Lucas is right now. It’s like he has no more will to stand on his own two feet. Like something is preventing him from it.”

  “It’s got to be his powers,” she murmured and looked at Caleb. “I told you this was not a good idea.”

  “His powers are doing this despite you not telling him anything,” he said, and tried to ignore Elle’s look of confusion.

  Lucas began muttering something in his delirium and his mom put her ear close to him. Caleb walked further into the room and Elle ducked out. He didn’t ask her where she was going, because his attention was fully on Lucas.

  He took a seat by the bed, on a fluffy chair Lucas normally kept in the library, but he assumed Elle had brought it in there to stay close to him. He was grateful she had taken the time to come here and be with his brother when he and his mom couldn’t be, but he was also curious as to why she hadn’t contacted his dad so he could take a look at Lucas himself. It was the logical thing to do.

  His knee pounded when he bent it to sit, but it calmed down when he was finally off it. He had been walking too much. Even his shoulder, which was out of the sling, was killing him.

  Lucas raised his head. His eyes were glassy as he stared at both him and their mom.

  “Son,” she muttered. “Tell me how you feel.”

  “Weak.” His voice was so hoarse Caleb had a hard time understanding. “That other power that surfaced is too much for me. I haven’t been able to do much since last night.”

  “I know,” she whispered and turned back to glance at Caleb before she continued talking. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

  At that moment, Elle walked into the room. In her hands there was tray with three steaming mugs. She placed it on one of the bedside tables before stepping back.

  “I made you tea,” she said, not looking at anyone in particular. She looked like she wanted to be anywhere but there, and Caleb felt a stab of sympathy.

  “Mom, what do you have to tell me,” Lucas asked her weakly.

  Caleb waited, but his mom only looked up at Elle.

  “I would rather this stay between us,” she said curtly. “Excuse me, Your Highness, but I am going to have to ask you to leave.”

  Elle flushed a deep pink, but began to nod and retreat.

  “No, whatever you have to say, you can say with Elle here,” Lucas shot back, getting a little strength back into his voice as he defended her.

  “Lucas, I need to tell you something important, and I would rather do it with only family present,” Mom insisted, but before she was done with her argument, Lucas was shaking his head and holding his hand toward Elle. She hesitated for a few beats before she went to his bed side and took his hand. She still didn’t look at his mom and Caleb wondered if she was embarrassed as much as she was defiant. She had a reputation for being the latter, after all.

  “She stays here,” Lucas said firmly. “By my side.”

  Caleb looked at the both of them, equally afraid for Lucas’s heart, and jealous of the obvious devotion in Elle’s eyes when she looked at him. He’d been burned by a Dahl woman, that didn’t mean his brother would run with the same fate. Not that it was smart, because it was still against the law, but his heart rolled a little in his chest.

  “Fine, have it your way,” Mom finally said. Her hands were trembling a little when she stood and began to pace. “What we need to say is of the most importance, son. I only ask that you understand why I haven’t talked about it before now.”

  Caleb sat back on the chair, trying to get comfortable despite his injuries, but it was proving to be a bit harder than he had thought. His side ached, so he breathed slowly in and out as he listened to his mother speak.

  “Shouldn’t you be in bed,” Lucas asked him after Elle had helped him sit up against the headboard.

  “Yes, I should, but this is more important,” Caleb told him and looked at their mom, who was standing in the middle of the room.

  “Mom,” Lucas prompted.

  As his mom opened her mouth to speak, a knock on the door came, and she went to open. She came back just moments later, their father in tow.

  “Son, I heard you weren’t feeling well, so I came by to make sure you’re alright.” His dad looked at Lucas, then at Caleb. “And you should be in bed, what are you doing here?”

  “It’s time,” Mom said before Caleb could respond, and his dad turned to look at her with widened eyes behind his glasses.

  “Are you sure this has to be done right now,” he asked his wife.

  She nodded. “Yes, it’s the right time to do it.”

  “Can someone finish explaining to me what all this is about,” Lucas asked the three of them, but Caleb didn’t open his mouth. This was not his conversation to have, but to listen to. There would come a time when he would have to make the same explanation to the council.

  “Son, there are things you don’t know about me,” Mom began. “Things about yourself that are important for you to know.”

  “You’re frightening me,” Lucas said. “What is happening? Tell me.”

  “The powers you have manifested…” she stopped and took a breath, “the fire and the green thumb, well, they come from me.”

  Lucas just stared at her with blank eyes.

  “Lucas, I was the former goddess of the elements.”

  Lucas laughed, then looked around the room, and when he saw no one else was laughing, his laughter died and a look of confusion took its place. Caleb glanced at Elle, who was looking at his mom like she had just sprouted horns and began spitting fire.

  “But…” Lucas began and stopped. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

  “It will once I explain everything,” Mom said. Dad put his hand on the small of her back, lending silent support.

  Lucas looked from one to the other. “Are you…” he began, but their father shaking his head gave him the answer he was seeking before he even finished the question.

  “I’m a mere mortal, as nice as it would be to be a god,” Dad said.

  Lucas stared from his dad to his mom, back to his dad, then back to his mom again. They weren’t making sense. If his mother had been a goddess, he would have known. He would have noticed something. He would have seen.

  But hadn’t he?

  He thought back to his life at home.

  There had been times he had wondered how it was that she could just grow a plant in mere days, when other people—even with their magic—would have to wait for weeks, sometimes months, to get a sprout. It was in the way she seemed to know what all three of her sons had been up to even before they did. The way she just knew things that would happen. She said she wasn’t clairvoyant, that she just got feelings sometimes, and he had believed it, because many people were like that. However, she was a lot more accurate than most clairvoyants.

  He wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

  “I’m the reason you have those powers, Lucas,” his mother said softly.

  Lucas gripped Elle’s hand a lot tighter than before, because he saw truth in his mom’s eyes, heard it in her words. He just knew.

  Elle was completely silent beside him. Even her breath was inaudible, and he wished he had been the one to reveal his powers to her. Not his mother in company with his brother and father.

  “Which one were you,” he asked, but he knew. There was only one possibility, unless he was the son of the fallen goddess, which wasn’t possible. Right? None of the books talked of her having children during her time as a mortal. It was still a possibility, no one really knew everything she did while she was a mortal.

  “I was Demetria, Witch Goddess of Earth.”

  Elle’s breath hitched beside him, the on
ly sign that she was listening to everything still.

  “I was the one that defeated Udyia,” Mom continued in the deafening silence in the room. She wouldn’t quite look at him. “Well, I was the one to stop her from getting all four powers. She was strong with the other three, and I had a hard time thwarting her plans to take over everything. She was too hungry with power, too far gone. When I brought her in front of the grand high council, I was given her powers, along with the powers she had stolen. She was stripped of all traces of magic, and was to be banished to earth. They were to have a meeting to decide it, and while they did, I had a vision. The powers of Naiad, Goddess of Water, included visions.”

  Lucas thought of all the times when he knew exactly what someone was going to say before they said it, or those times when he had briefly seen what would happen right before it did.

  “The vision came like I was seeing all of it happen. If Udyia was banished to earth without powers, she would become something of darkness. Her power hunger already knew no bounds, and to obtain the power that had been taken from her, she would possess the bodies of those who could get it for her.”

  “Is that where Shadows are born,” Elle asked her.

  “Shadows are what Human Sorcerers become when they become possessed by Udyia,” Mom answered. “Other magical men and women do not become Shadows the same way Human Sorcerers do. We never knew why.”

  “So those men I killed were Human Sorcerers,” Lucas asked her, a shiver running up the back of his neck. He was a killer. He had killed men. Men that could have had families, wives, children. The back of his eyes prickled as he swallowed down the sour taste in his mouth.

  “Once they’re full Shadows, there is nothing we can do to reverse it. When they are full Shadows, it mean they have killed thirteen innocent souls for Udyia, with the promise that she will give them the power they feel they deserve. A full Shadow has knife-like claws, and they will kill anyone who crosses in front of them.”

  “And why haven’t you told me any of this until now,” Lucas furiously demanded, trying not to shout with frustration.

  “Please, son, understand where I was coming from,” Mom pleaded, but he’d heard enough.

  “Understand what? That you would have rather lied to me my entire life, than tell me why I was going through this?”

  “That is not why…”

  “No, that’s too easy, isn’t it,” he continued. “You would much rather have innocents die to protect your shame for being the one who put us in this situation.”

  The flash of hurt that crossed his mother’s face filled him with shame. Even through his anger, he knew this was not her fault. Her sister going dark was not her doing. He breathed for a minute before saying anything else that he could come to regret.

  “That was unfair, I’m sorry,” he muttered and mom nodded, though the tip of her nose was pink, like it turned when she was about to cry.

  “I have my reasons for not telling you any of this before,” she said, her voice full of tears, though her face remained dry. “After you were born, you displayed the powers straight away. They were killing you. You are only part god, because you were conceived while I was still a goddess, but you were born when I was human already, and your father is human. I gave up my throne to be with your father, and I was stripped of my godly powers. Because you’re not a full god, your body can’t handle the powers.”

  “And this is why I become weak whenever an incident happens,” he finished for her. It made sense now.

  “That’s why your hands burn, and why you’re in bed right now because of them,” his father said.

  “My hands didn’t burn yesterday when I used my fire,” he told his parents. “There has to be a reason for that, right?”

  “I don’t understand how all of it works, exactly, Lucas, but you will continue to become weaker as the other powers manifest. Now that you know you have all four of them, they will begin to surface, and they could consume you.”

  Lucas fought another wave of nausea, and he didn’t know if it came because of the weakness his powers left behind, or because of the new information. His limbs were shaky, even as he lay in bed.

  There had to be something someone could do. He couldn’t just be doomed to die like this, without having done anything to help.

  Then another thought came and Lucas almost laughed out loud.

  “This is why I have a post in the council.” He directed it at Caleb, who looked uncomfortable. “You needed me close to keep your eye on me.”

  Caleb said nothing.

  “So Caleb had a right to know, but I didn’t. Great.” He sounded like a sulky child, even to his own ears.

  “I was told nothing,” Caleb said. “I saw the rare instances when your fire powers surfaced when we were kids, and having studied all the ins and outs of magic, I knew they weren’t normal. I tried talking to mom, but she wouldn’t say anything about it, she just dismissed it. Still, I talked to King Patrick, who thought it was a good idea to keep you close so we could observe you. I found out about mom by chance, as I listened to a private conversation, and she told me who she had been. I knew of no details.”

  “And you couldn’t have explained any of this to me when you plucked me out of the life I wanted to have and put me in one I hated?” he shot angrily at Caleb.

  “It was never my intention to lie,” Caleb defended himself. “In fact, I wanted to tell you everything from the start, but it wasn’t up to me.”

  “That’s a nice sentiment, wanting to tell me everything,” he snapped, wishing he had the strength to get up from the bed and pace a little, maybe throw something at the wall. If it wasn’t for Elle sitting next to him, he would have already gone crazy with the amount of anxiety all this information brought him. He could only imagine what she was thinking. She now knew he had lied about the first night with his injuries. She knew what he was. She knew everything.

  “You are the one that can help us get rid of Udyia for good,” his mother said, coming closer to him. He wanted to flinch away when she reached for his hand, but didn’t. “I was part of the reason why she became what she is, and there is not one day that goes by that I don’t wonder how different it would all be if I had told the high priests of my vision before they banished her. But I was too late, and now we’re all paying the consequences of that. All the innocent people she reaches and destroys are paying for what I didn’t do.”

  “First you tell me these powers can destroy me, and now I’m the one that can use them to save everyone. Choose a side,” he said more roughly than he’d intended. “How am I supposed to just accept all this and be some sort of savior? I don’t even know if I will survive this.”

  Elle’s hand tightened on his.

  “I think you are a lot stronger than you realize,” Dad said.

  “Do I need to remind you all that I can’t control any of these powers? What happens when I create a tornado, or an earthquake, and kill more innocent people around the world?”

  “I understand how you feel,” Mom said.

  “No, you don’t,” he shouted at her. “You were already a goddess when you were given these powers, or however that happened for you. It’s not the same.”

  “Yes, but I was destined for one power only and ended up having all four. Do you think I wasn’t terrified when I was in charge of all four elements? That I had to control all of it by myself, while my three sisters were dead and I had no one to turn to.”

  Her words made something in his chest turn over.

  “If I could turn back time and stop all this from happening, I would. Believe me,” she said quietly, standing. “But I can’t, and now it’s up to you to decide what you want to do.”

  “How do I do it?” he asked her.

  “I don’t know, but we can figure out a way if you let me help you.”

  Before he could reply—when he would have said that he needed all the help he could get, she turned around and walked out.

  Moments later, after his family was go
ne, Lucas tried to stand on still-shaky legs. He needed to pace, do something to let out the nervous energy coursing through him. Elle said nothing as she helped him up. He wanted to talk to her, to explain, but he didn’t know what to say. When he looked down at her, her face was pale. He touched her earlobe and she flinched a little. His stomach rolled.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered and she met his gaze.

  “I don’t understand why you would lie,” she said.

  “Are you sure you don’t understand why?” he asked her instead of spewing nonsense in trying to explain himself.

  She sighed. “You lied to me.”

  “Because none of this is very believable. What would you have thought of me if I had told you I killed people with my power no one else around here seems to have?” he inquired and watched her expression change a little. “I’m not part Phoenix, I’m not anyone who should be able to create fire out of nothing, but I do. And I can’t control it most of the time, and it’s scary.”

  She looked at him with sad eyes, but she still said nothing.

  “Would you have wanted to be with me knowing I’m a murderer?”

  “You’re not a murderer.”

  “Yes, I am, Elle. I killed three men and I have to live with that now. They could have had families, parents, spouses, children. And I took them away from that.”

  “They did it to themselves by letting in the darkness, Lucas. That is not on you,” she said from where she stood, making no move to come closer. “You defended yourself against an imminent threat. Anyone would have done the same. I just wish you would have trusted me.”

  He didn’t want to talk about it anymore. This was a burden on his shoulders that he didn’t see getting lighter. He wanted to close his eyes and forget about it.

  “You’re right, and I’m sorry.” And he meant it. Finally he didn’t feel like he was deceiving her in any way. Still, there was the fact that his powers could consume him. What did that mean for them?