Xavier Cold

by Michelle A. Valentine

“I am,” I whisper. “And it’s yours. And . . . I’m keeping it. You can either be a part of it’s life or not—up to you—but I’m going to be a mother.”

  Xavier releases Jorge’s shirt from his grasp and his eyes soften. “Anna . . . I. I can’t. I’m sorry.”

  He steps back, and I realize he’s running from me yet again because things are hard, but I refuse to let him walk away from me so easily this time. I jump out of the car and chase him down to the edge of the gated lot where I grab his arm.

  “You can’t keep walking away from me,” I tell him.

  “You don’t understand, Anna. This changes everything. I came here to beg you to come back to me because I’m selfish bastard who can’t stand the thought of losing you, but now, I know I was doing the right thing to let you go. It’s one thing for me to ruin your life because you can leave me any time you want, but a baby—if it’s stuck with me, it has no choice. I won’t ruin my kid’s life. I’m too much of a fuck up to be a father.”

  “No, you’re not. This baby deserves to have you in its life.”

  I can clearly see the struggle in Xavier’s eyes and as he takes a step back from me, I know I’m losing the battle to make him see he’s a good man.

  “Don’t,” I whisper. “Don’t leave me again. It’s now or never time, Xavier. I won’t keep playing this game with you. Either you want to be with me or not. Choose.”

  Tears streak down his face as he takes another step back. “I’m sorry, Anna. I can’t.”

  He walks away from me, and I drop to my knees on the asphalt of the parking lot. No air gets to my lungs as I gasp for breath between sobs.

  He’s gone.

  And this time, I feel like I’ve really lost him.

  I’m not sure how long I stay kneeling in the parking lot, but Jorge is soon there, putting his hands around my shoulders and urging me to get up. “Come on, Anna. The bouncer guy says he’ll cover for you. I’ll take you to the hotel so you can check in and get yourself together.”

  I nod and then stand up on my feet. My legs still feel like they’re made of Jell-O as Jorge leads me back to his car.

  Freddy is standing there by the car with a deep-set frown. The pity he feels for me is clear, and I’m sure I look like a pathetic mess because that’s exactly how I feel. “I’ll let the bosses know you are sick, and I sent you home because you were puking all over the place.”

  I stare up at the big teddy bear of a man who has always been so kind to me. “Thank you.”

  “Come on.” Jorge nudges me to get inside the car.

  As soon as I’m inside the car, the sobs start again and I don’t see them stopping anytime soon.

  Later that evening, I’m still crying while I lie on the bed. No matter how hard I try, I can’t stop the tears from falling. Jorge has begun pacing the floor nonstop over the last couple of hours. He’s never been through something like this, so I’m sure he has no idea how to handle a heartbroken woman.

  A knock at the door causes me to gasp. I’m not ready to see Xavier again right now if that’s him.

  Jorge releases a relieved sigh as he hustles to the door and I hear him mutter, “Finally.”

  The door creaks open and the distinct sound of Mother’s voice wafts into the room. “Where is she?”

  “In here. But—” Jorge tells her, and the door hits the side of the wall like she’s forced her way past Jorge.

  I push up into a sitting position in time for her make it down the short hall of the room. My heart thunders in my chest as she stands there, staring at me. She looks just the same as the last day I saw her. Same dark hair, pulled back perfectly in a low-set ponytail, and her makeup perfectly applied. All of that coordinating with the black dress slacks and red blouse she has on.

  I’m going to kill Jorge for calling her.

  Her head tilts and her eyes soften as she rounds the bed and sits down next to me, wrapping her arms around me in the process. “My baby,” she whispers and I instantly begin crying again.

  After she holds me for a long time, she pulls back and inspects my face, tucking a loose strand of my hair away from my face. “He’s done a number on you, hasn’t he? Jorge says you’re pregnant.”

  My eyes cut to Jorge, and he knows he’s betrayed my trust by telling her that.

  He raises his hands in surrender. “I panicked. They were the only people I knew to call who could help you.”

  “They?” I question. “What do you mean they?”

  “Don’t be angry at Jorge, dear. He did the right thing by calling us. We’re here to help you. Your father is downstairs, and he forgives you—”

  “Forgives me? I did nothing to him. He’s the one who was smothering me,” I tell her.

  Mother licks her lips but continues to stare at me with her beautiful green eyes. “Perhaps, we are guilty of sheltering you too much, but you have to believe we did it because we had your best interests at heart. It hit us when you left the way you did that you weren’t a little kid anymore. You’re a grown woman, capable of making your own decisions, and if you come back home with us, we promise we will do our best to lighten up and give you freedom.”

  I wipe under my eyes. “I love you, Mother, but I can never live at home again. Father will never stop seeing me as a little girl he can control unless I stand on my own two feet.”

  She pokes her bottom lip. “But with a baby, Anna, life will be difficult without help.”

  “I know,” I tell her. “But I’ll manage. I’m ready to accept the responsibility.”

  Mother pinches my chin between her forefinger and thumb and sighs. “My little girl is all grown up and going to be a mother. I can’t believe it.”

  She smiles which in turn makes me smile, and somehow I know Mother and I will find a way to work out our differences.

  My father, on the other hand, will be a different story.

  Chapter 28

  Xavier

  I sit on the edge of my bed and bawl like a fucking baby. It killed me to walk away from Anna, but how can I be a father? I’m not cut out for it. I don’t want to be the reason the kid eventually turns into a monster like me.

  But what I do want is for Anna to be happy. I swore I would never make her frown, and that I would be a good man to her, yet here I am, breaking those promises.

  I wish I were different.

  I wish I were better.

  I wish I could give her the happily ever after that she craves—like the ones in those romance books she reads.

  It’s then, in the confusion in my head, I do something I haven’t done in a long time. I fall to my knees in the middle of my hotel room and fold my hands to pray.

  I raise my head up toward the ceiling. “God? I know I stopped talking to you after you took my mother away from me, and you probably don’t give a shit about me either way, but I need your guidance. I need a sign in what I need to do. I love Anna. God, I love her so much that it scares me to lose her. She’s my everything, but I’m willing to let her go if it’s the right thing to do.” Tears drip down onto my shirt. “What should I do?”

  A gentle knock at the door causes my head to snap in its direction. No one knows where we are staying so having a visitor startles the hell out of me.

  I hop up on my feet and then dry my face with the sleeve of my T-shirt.

  I open the door and, at first, don’t see anyone until I drop my gaze about four feet. Standing there is a little dark-haired girl, wearing a pink dress and clutching a teddy bear to her chest.

  “Da? Da?” is all she says. Clearly she’s still in the babbling phase of her communication skills.

  I furrow my brow just as a woman from down the hallway scoops up the child into her arms.

  The woman grimaces as she stares up at me, obviously intimidated by my towering frame. “I’m so sorry. No. No. Anna. Stay with Mommy.”

  My mouth falls open, and for the first time in my life, I swear I’ve witnessed a miracle. I asked for a sign, and the man upstairs sure as hell provided me w
ith one.

  It’s clear to me at that moment what I’m supposed to do. I need to find a way to make things work with Anna, and say to hell with all the things that could happen because I’ll fight to keep her and my baby safe until my last dying breath.

  Anxious to see Anna and begin groveling for her forgiveness, I sprint all the way back to the hotel where I know all the wrestlers are staying.

  I burst through the doors and cut in front of the line at the concierge desk. “What room is Anna Cortez in?”

  The woman, who is obviously put off by my behavior, looks at me with a resting bitch face. “We cannot give out that information. Now if you don’t mind step away from the counter.”

  “Fine,” I say. “You don’t want to tell me, I’ll just go up and down every hallway searching for her. I think I’ll start here in the lobby. Anna! Anna?”

  My voice commands the attention of the entire room and every head turns in my direction.

  “Sir! Lower your voice. Please, sir!” The woman keeps trying, but I ignore her and begin walking toward the elevators when a man I vividly recognize from Atlanta steps in front of me. “What are you, crazy? You can’t go around yelling for my daughter like that.”

  I stare down at Anna’s father. “What are you doing here? She doesn’t want to see you.”

  He narrows his eyes at me. “I could say the same thing to you. I heard what you did. Got my daughter pregnant and then ran out on her. What happened to all that preaching you did to me, huh? The same rules not apply to Mr. Superstar?”

  He’s right. I did give him the tenth fucking degree for not treating her right, and I haven’t been doing much better myself lately.

  “You’re right. I’ve been screwing up. But I’m going to do my best to beg her forgiveness.”

  Mr. Cortez sighs and rubs his chin. “My daughter will forgive you because she’s a good girl and knows the words of the Good Book. Forgive and you will be forgiven.”

  “Luke, six, thirty-seven.” When he quotes the line of scripture, I remember reading that passage over and over as a kid, wishing Grandmother would apply that rule to herself every time she told me she hated me.

  He lifts his eyebrows in surprise. “You know HIS word?”

  I lift my chin. “I do. And I believe he put the two of us together for a reason. She’s my angel and has been saving my life since the day I met her.”

  He smoothes back his dark hair as he contemplates what I say. “She’s in room four, thirty-two.”

  We are far from friends, but it seems we have an understanding now when it comes to the type of relationship his daughter and I share.

  My lips pull into a tight line and I nod my head. “Thank you.”

  I turn and head for the elevators and jump into the first one that opens, pressing the button to the fourth floor.

  I make it up to the room and take a deep breath before I raise my hand and knock on the door.

  When the door opens, it’s not Anna who opens it, but the guy I was so ready to kill earlier, and he doesn’t look too pleased to see me.

  I shove my hands deep into my pockets so he knows I’m not here to cause any problems. “Anna here?”

  The man doesn’t make a move to clear out of my path, and I’m impressed that even after what I did to him, he’s willing to stand his ground. “I don’t think she wants to see you right now.”

  I swallow hard. “I know I fucked up. At least let me come in and apologize to her.”

  He shakes his head. “You hurt her enough. Why don’t you—“

  “Jorge,” Anna calls from inside the room. “It’s okay. Let him in.”

  Jorge? The same Jorge she was supposed to marry? I eyeball the guy, and it’s clear why her father would pick a guy like that for her. He’s the complete opposite of me in every way, and probably more deserving of her than me, but I refuse to allow him to have her.

  Jorge steps back and I pass by him.

  Anna’s sitting in the middle of the bed in her room. Her legs are curled underneath her, and her face is red and swollen where she’s been crying.

  Jesus, I’m a piece of shit for doing that to her.

  A woman with the same dark hair and green eyes as Anna pushes up from the bed and approaches me with her hand extended. “I’m Maria Cortez. Anna’s mother.”

  I nod, easily seeing the example. “Xavier Cold.”

  “I figured,” she replies. “My daughter is a good girl. Make this right with her.” She turns back to Anna. “Call me if you need me, mija. Our offer for you to come home always stands.”

  Anna nods. “Okay.

  Maria kisses the top of Anna’s head and heads toward the door. “Come on, Jorge.”

  “You don’t think we should stay?” he questions as she passes by him.

  She grabs the door handle. “No. They can handle things from here.”

  Jorge sighs, and it’s easy to see that while Anna may be over him, he’s not over her and it kills him to leave her alone with me. But, he’s an obedient guy and does as he’s asked. “Goodbye, Anna.”

  When we’re alone in the room, I clear my throat. “When did you find out about the baby?”

  “After my very first show on Tension. I fell, and had to get checked out by the trainer. They drug tested me and gave me a pregnancy test.” She quiet for a moment. “I tried to call and tell you, but you never answered me.”

  Things begin to click. Not only was she upset that she thought I was blowing her off, but she was going through some real shit and I wasn’t there for her.

  “I’m sorry, Anna, for everything. I handled wrong. I wish I could go back and have a do-over.” She doesn’t even look at me and I know I’ve hurt her bad, but I need to see her eyes so I can tell what she’s thinking. “Anna . . .”

  “I’m sorry, Xavier, I can’t—“

  Before she has a chance to finish that sentence I drop to my knees by her side. “Whatever you’re going to say, don’t. Please, don’t. Anna, look at me.” She reluctantly shifts her eyes in my direction. “Don’t end this. Don’t end us. I’ll do whatever you want to make you stay with me. I can’t live my life without you, Anna.”

  Her lips twist as she stares into my eyes. “Then tell me the truth, Xavier. Tell me everything that you’re hiding from me. Help me understand you and why you keep pushing me away.”

  I lock my fingers together on the bed in front of me, and then drop my head onto my arms. Telling her everything, it might change the way she sees me. I don’t want her pity—never wanted that—but if exposing the demons of my past to her is what makes her stay, then she’s about to get an earful.

  I raise my head and take a deep breath. “Where do you want me to start?”

  “At the beginning,” she whispers. “Talk to me instead of getting angry all the time.”

  And so it begins. I launch into my earliest childhood memories of all the good times I spent with my mother, and then how things got really hard when she figured out my father, whoever he was, was never coming back. I tell her about all the drugs, living with Grandmother—the beatings she inflicted on me, and lastly about the times I lived on the streets, doing things for money that made me a monster.

  By the end of it, I’m laying next to her on the bed, facing her, pouring my heart out, telling her things I’ve never told anyone else before, and she listens—to everything.

  She never makes a move to judge me, she just listens, and it feels good to get all this off my chest.

  The last thing I tell her, is the one thing I was trying hard to keep from her. Nothing is held back this time as I tell her about the day Kai took me to see Bishop. “That’s why I was with Angie that day. Bishop threatened to hurt you unless I did as he asked. I’m not getting back into business with him, so the only way I could keep you safe, was to keep you away.”

  Anna pushes my hair back off my face. “So that’s why you were trying to break things off with me—to keep me safe?”

  “Yes. I knew I had to because the night you w
ent to Larry’s and drank, one of Bishop’s flunkies was the guy next to you trying to pay your bill. They were showing me they can get to you any time they want. I couldn’t handle it if they hurt you. You’re my reason for living. The only problem is, I can’t make it without you.

  “When you told me you were pregnant today, I lost it, believing I would drag a kid down and make it a monster like me—believing you were better off without me—both of you.”

  She stares into my eyes. “I’m better when I’m with you, and I know our kid will be too. You’re good, Xavier. It’s time you start believing in yourself—see yourself the way I do. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have a family, and I’m willing to give you that chance again, but you can’t check out on me again no matter what happens.”

  “I’ll never leave your side again. I will control my temper—that I promise—it’s cost me too much in my life, and I have more to lose now that I ever have.” My hand covers her entire stomach as I cradle my unborn child. “I’ll love both of you with every inch of my soul until my very last breath on this earth. I swear to you from here on out, no more secrets. I’ll tell you everything—nothing gets between us again. I love you, Anna.”

  Tears fill her eyes. “And I love you. Forever.”

  I crash my lips to hers, while relief floods me and I’ve finally found my heart again.

  Chapter 29

  Xavier

  Walking back into Tension with Anna on my arm feels damn good. For a while I doubted if this would ever happen again, but now after everything we’re stronger than ever.

  Freddy lifts his chin when he spots us, knowing this is a big change from the last time he saw us together. “Sup, X?”

  I throw my hand up to him.

  Walking toward us is Brian with his hair pulled up in a ponytail while holding Kami on his hip and Liv nestled up to his other side. “The two of you back together?”

  I nod. “We are. I couldn’t stay away.”

  I kiss the top of Anna’s head and she smiles when she looks up at me.

  “You two look good together,” Liv chimes in. “Happy.”