Liam's Anchor

by Donna Michaels

  Her gloves must have been those touch-screen kind, because he always had to take his off when operating his phone.

  Phone…

  Shit. “Who was that?”

  “Brett,” she replied, bumping him with her hip so he’d slide over and share his rock. “He’s with Finn at your cabin. They wanted to call search and rescue when we spotted your tracks in the snow leading to the woods, but we figured they weren’t necessary. Not when we have your shadow.” She leaned over to pet Trident’s shoulder. “Good boy, Trident. You did good.”

  The dog gave a quick bark.

  Liam grunted. “Didn’t meant to cause any alarm.”

  “Then why the hell did you enter the woods alone?” She straightened to frown at him. “You have more sense than that, Liam.”

  “You’re right. I do. But I also wanted to be alone…without Trident.”

  Her frown deepened. “But why?”

  “Because he’s too tuned in to my moods,” he said. “Look at him.”

  Trident still had his paws on Liam. He’d moved from his shoulders to his upper thighs.

  “It’s okay, buddy,” he said, using a calm, slow tone. “I’m okay. Just needed some air.”

  Trisha stared at him through those still narrowed eyes. “I think perhaps you’ve gotten too much. How long have you been out here?” She took off a glove and grabbed one of his hands. “Jesus, Liam. You’re like ice.”

  He glanced down at the hand she held. He made a fist, noting how the skin over his knuckles turned white. He shrugged. “I don’t know. Hour or so, I guess.”

  Although, truthfully, he had no damn clue.

  “Did you talk to Stacy?” his sister asked, stopping his crushed heart mid beat.

  “Why? Did something happen?” He stopped stroking Trident to face her. “Is she okay?”

  “She’s fine. Calm down.”

  Trident butted Liam’s arm with his nose. So, once again, he resumed stroking the dog’s fur while reassuring him in a low, relaxed tone.

  “I just meant, did you talk to her after you left your office yesterday? Brett said you were on your way to catch her before she left for the holiday. So, did you catch her in time?”

  He blew out another cloud of breath and nodded. “Yeah. I saw her.”

  “And? Did you tell her you love her? Grovel? Beg her to stay? Promise not to leave? Tell her about your late wife?”

  Shit.

  Liam stiffened then slowly met his sister’s sad gaze. “Knew I shouldn’t have told the damn guys.”

  “Wrong, Liam. It’s good that you told them. But you should’ve told your family a hell of a long time ago. We would’ve been there for you. God, I’m so sorry.”

  She slid an arm around him and tugged him closer.

  His chest squeezed tight, an act it’d been doing so much lately that it felt permanently bruised. “My fault she’s dead. Not something I wanted to share with anyone,” he said.

  After he spent a few minutes answering Trisha’s questions about Marisol, he pulled away from her warmth.

  Then shivered.

  Damn. Maybe he’d been out longer than he thought.

  “Brett told me all about it.” She grabbed one of his hands between hers and rubbed it. “That wasn’t your fault any more than it was my fault that school exploded on my last mission.”

  Brett was also his confidant, too. The man had been the one to tell him what had happened on that mission to haunt his sister. “You’ve got yourself a good man.”

  “I know. Got myself a pretty good older brother, too.” She bumped his shoulder with hers, then let go of his hand to grab the other and started the rubbing treatment again. “Likes to change the subject a lot, but he does give good advice. So, I’m going to give it back. Stacy’s a good woman. Let her in.”

  Same type of advice he’d given her back in August. It’d worked for her, but it hadn’t for him.

  He closed his eyes and inhaled through his nose. “I tried.”

  “Try harder.”

  He opened his eyes and shook his head. “No. She’s better off without me. I want her to be happy.”

  “She was happy with you, Liam. I saw it. Everyone at Royal Pines saw it, too.”

  He tugged his hand free. “Until I left and hurt her again.”

  “Then fight for her, Liam,” Trisha said, her voice full of conviction. “She loves you. She doesn’t know you left because you didn’t want her to possibly die. You need to tell her about Marisol. She deserves to know. And you deserve to let go of your guilt.”

  He sucked in a breath then coughed as the cold air dried his throat and chest. “I don’t want her to end up like Marisol.”

  He couldn’t go through that again. Not with Stacy.

  But he sure as hell deserved the guilt. Not just for Marisol but for her brother Roberto, too.

  Trisha cupped his shoulder and squeezed. “Liam, I’m a true believer that when it’s your time to go…you go. That’s what happened to your wife. It’s what happened to her brother. It’s what happened to those innocent children from my mission.” She paused to draw in a breath. “So, you need to accept that sooner or later, Stacy is going to die, whether you’re with her or not. It’s not about karma. It’s about your time to go. It could be quick or drawn out. You could be young or very old. Doesn’t matter. You go when you’re meant to. No one knows when, that’s why life is called a gamble. And we need to live it to the fullest. Not hide from it. I don’t know about you, but I’d want to be with the person I love and spend every moment possible with him, rather than be alone without having ever accumulated those memories.”

  As he stared down at the hand he used to pat Trident’s back, his sister’s words penetrated the thick fog surrounding his brain…and made sense.

  She was right.

  He wanted more memories with Stacy. Wanted them badly.

  Straightening his back, he slid an arm around Trisha and squeezed tightly. “How’d you get so wise?”

  She chuckled and leaned against him. “I learned from the best. My big brother. He’s a dragon slayer, you know. Slays demons too.”

  The tightness in his shoulders and chest eased, and Liam found a smile for the first time in what felt like days. “Wow, he sounds awesome.”

  “Because he is.” She grinned.

  Trisha’s confidence in him and her love were a gift. He was so damn lucky to have her for a sister. “You’re pretty awesome too.”

  “I know.”

  Trident moved away to sit by Liam’s feet, and even more of his anxiety disappeared knowing the dog was more relaxed.

  She smiled at him. “I take it you feel better, given that your mood detector just signaled you’re in a better space.”

  “Yep.” He rose to his feet then held out his hand to help her up.

  “Know what else is pretty awesome about my brother?” she asked, a twinkle in her eyes. “When he wants something, he’s the move-heaven-and-hell kind of guy.”

  She was right. It was everything or nothing with him. If he didn’t give everything, he’d end up with nothing.

  So, he just needed to figure out what demon Stacy needed him to slay in order to prove how much she meant to him.

  Not leaving.

  Not abandoning her.

  He wasn’t. He’d never leave her again.

  He just needed to prove it. And an idea started to form on exactly how.

  “Uh oh.” Trisha smirked. “You’ve got a plan.”

  “Yep.” He smiled. “Yep. But I’m going to need some help to pull it off.”

  And a Christmas miracle wouldn’t hurt, either.

  Chapter Twenty

  It was Christmas Eve and Stacy was grateful for many things. Like the fact her sister and niece had arrived an hour ago, safe and sound, despite last night’s snowfall and resulting snow-covered roads.

  Thankfully, her sister had been able to leave earlier than expected so the sun was still shining as it slowly slipped in the sky. Tracy and Reanna we
re currently in the front yard building a snowman, while Stacy watched from the den window, along with Slater.

  Last night, she’d claimed the couch in here. There was no door on the room, which suited her and Slater just fine. A sofa, blanket, and pillow were plenty good for her, and she’d brought Slater’s cat bed and other necessities for their stay.

  Luckily, Slater and Cilantro kept their distance from one another, although her uncle’s dog seemed to enjoy barking at every cat sighting. Currently he was barking at her cat, who seemed to make a point of walking around on higher ground. Slater was a natural tease.

  Sighing, she refocused on the fun outside, glad she’d left the extra bedroom for her sister and niece. The animals’ antics would no doubt have kept them up at night. The bedroom was supposed to be for them anyway, since Stacy hadn’t planned to sleep here.

  She hadn’t planned a great many things, but they’d happened anyway.

  The things she’d wanted to happen hadn’t, and the things she hadn’t wanted to happen…had.

  But that wasn’t important right now.

  She’d looked forward to this visit since their last visit six months ago. Too bad nothing held the same appeal as everything had a few days ago. Before she’d walked away from Liam.

  As much as Stacy hated to admit it, the fact she’d been the one doing the walking made no difference. She still felt broken. Shattered. Like she’d never be whole again. She inhaled and the breath tightened her already too tight chest.

  Her mother’s absence had hurt deeply. Her father’s suicide had devastated her, but it never ripped through her, shredding her apart. Not like Liam’s leaving, or whatever she was supposed to call it.

  His belief that karma would get them if they spent time together.

  Or the fact he’d—

  No. She wasn’t going to visit that pain right now. She refused to linger in that hell, especially since no answers existed there. Just the ache.

  Because she’d allowed her heart to get involved. Allowed herself to fall in love with Liam again. Or as she’d already admitted…still.

  And what really sucked was that he loved her too. And he’d admitted it, but she couldn’t bear to hear it. She’d been clinging to a tenuous hold on sanity and if she’d allowed him to speak, to explain as he’d asked, she knew she would’ve caved and set herself up for a lifetime of constant, devastating disappointment from him.

  She sucked in another breath and refocused on the fun outside only to notice the yard was empty except for a very mis-proportioned snowman.

  “So, I think it’s time we sat down, and you tell me what’s going on, Stacy,” her sister said from behind her, scaring the bejezus out of her and her cat.

  Slater jumped down to the floor, but Stacy’s heart was still hammering near her throat when she turned around to find her sister sitting on the couch and two steaming mugs on the coffee table in front of her.

  “Reanna is enjoying her hot chocolate with Uncle Clayton, so you and I are free to enjoy ours while we talk.”

  She forced a smile and sat on the couch, not in the least bit looking forward to this conversation, which she knew would happen because her sister was the master interrogator of the family.

  “So, who is he?”

  After taking a moment to sip her hot chocolate, she set it back down then faced the inquisitor. “Liam.”

  Tracy’s brows rose. “The same Liam from California?”

  She nodded, then told her as briefly as possible what had transpired during the past few weeks. Although the ache in her chest was still there, some of the weight gripping her shoulders seemed to have disappeared.

  “And you don’t know what he wanted to tell you?”

  She shook her head, still not sure she’d done the right thing. Maybe she should’ve let him talk. No, she would’ve caved. Over and over, she’d chastised herself for not giving in to him, before patting herself on the back for being strong and resisting him.

  The debate swirled in her head constantly, night and day.

  “So, what are you going to do now?”

  She missed Liam. So damn much. God, she was an idiot for it, too. And knowing that if she called, he would probably come running, made it that much harder to keep from picking up her phone.

  She’d promised not to fall for him while they enjoyed the few weeks he was here, but she had failed. So that hurt was on her. Not him. But the part where he showed up the next day and thought he could spout pretty words and she’d take him back for another what? Couple of weeks? That hurt.

  Maybe he hadn’t shown up to play on her feelings for him…

  Or maybe he had.

  Shrugging, she got up from the couch and returned to stare out the window. “I don’t know. Nothing, I guess.”

  “That doesn’t sound like the sister I know,” Tracy said, coming to stand next to her. “She’s a go getter. A doer. Finds something and fixes it. She helps others have fun. Maybe it’s time she found something fun for herself.”

  As her sister spoke, Stacy’s gaze strayed to the old Victorian down the street. The one with the For Sale sign still visible, despite the snow.

  She stiffened then smiled. “You know what? I’m going to do it.”

  “You are? Ah…do what?”

  “I’m going to call the number on that sign over there and make an appointment to tour that house.”

  Tracy glanced in the direction Stacy pointed then smiled. “Yes. Go for it. You’ve always wanted a house like that.”

  She laughed. “I know.” She fished the phone from her pocket and called the number on the sign, disappointment creeping in as the phone kept ringing.

  Shoot. It was Christmas Eve. Chances were the realtor’s office was closed.

  Just as she debated on whether to leave a message, someone picked up only to inform her someone had already put an offer in on the property yesterday.

  Disappointment funneled through her already hollowed-out chest, increasing the ache.

  “Sorry,” Tracy said. “I’m sure you’ll find another one.”

  She nodded, trying to put on a brave face. Unfortunately, she could still feel.

  “Yeah.” She nodded. “And in the meantime, I’m living rent free at Royal Pines, thanks to my incredibly generous bosses. So, I’ll have more money to fix up or purchase whatever I happen to find in the future.”

  “Exactly.” Tracy grinned, pulling her in for a hug. “And you know Reanna and I will be happy to lend a hand in the renovations. My daughter does have a great eye for paint choices. She’s the finger-painting champ at preschool.”

  They laughed as they sat back down on the couch and finished their hot chocolate, talking about their favorite subject—Reanna.

  The little girl with bouncing light brown hair came racing into the room, her face glowing, blue eyes bright. “Did you see it? Did you see it? Look! Santa’s outside!”

  “Oh, honey, he doesn’t come until good little girls like you are sleeping,” her sister said. “It’s not even dark yet.”

  “But he’s outside. Honest. And in a sleigh, ‘cept no reindeer. They must be resting for later ‘cause he has a horse instead.

  Frowning, she met her sister’s bewildered gaze before Uncle Clayton cleared his throat in the doorway, his hands full of coats.

  “You should probably put these on and come out onto the porch,” he said.

  And something in his tone had Stacy’s pulse skipping a beat.

  Reanna grabbed their hands and did her best to drag them off the couch, shoving coats into their hands before rushing to the door while struggling to get her arms into her pink puffy princess coat.

  By the time Stacy reached the door, she had donned her coat but had no clue what was going on, only that seeing her niece so excited made her smile. And they were in such short supply the past few days that Stacy embraced it, eager to go outside and continue to humor her niece.

  Tracy and her uncle also had their coats on when her uncle opened the door and th
ey filed out onto the porch.

  “See? It’s Santa, and ooh, Mom. Look!” The excited little sweetheart jumped up and down, before she turned to her mother. “He has a dog. Do you think he brought him for me?”

  Staring at the big horse hooked to a large red sleigh that was adorned with twinkling lights and fresh green garland, Stacy sucked in a breath as all the air in the universe vanished the instant Liam jumped down, wearing a Santa hat with Trident in tow, wearing a big red bow.

  Oh, God. Why was he here? And with a horse attached to a sleigh, of all things.

  He couldn’t possibly think recreating that old Christmas card she used to have on her fridge was going to soften her up. Because it didn’t…except, it did, dammit. The guy didn’t play fair. Her mind raced to figure out a way to refuse to talk to him but how could she in front of her uncle and sister and beaming niece?

  Shoot. Why was he putting her in this position?

  The urge to flee was so strong her body shook, and Liam appeared to read her mind or body language because he stepped in front of her, using his big, sexy body to block her escape. And her sister and uncle stopped her from retreating.

  Traitors.

  “Are you Santa?” Reanna asked, stepping forward, excitement in her eyes.

  “No,” he said, but with a soft smile. “I’m his helper.”

  Reanna nodded. “Thought so. You’re too handsome. And skinny.”

  Stacy might’ve laughed with the others. She wasn’t sure, because it was all too surreal. Like a fantasy from so long ago.

  “Hear him out,” Tracy whispered, a hand on Stacy’s back in more of a support position than restraining one.

  “Stacy.” His voice was low, and remorse clouded his gorgeous green gaze, and it wasn’t fair because it still managed to send goose bumps down her arms.

  It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him to leave but her stupid throat was tight and burning because just looking at him increased the ache.

  “I’m so sorry,” he said, the tightness around his mouth and eyes matching the rigid set of his shoulders.

  And her foolish heart cracked open. Stupid thing. Just a moment ago, it’d been shriveled up tight thanks to him.