by Harlow James
“If you’re sure…”
“Yes. We’re almost there. Where are you?”
I survey my surroundings, mentally going through a checklist of what I’m going to do once Grayson arrives and how I’m going to handle this after the fact. Fuck, there’s my anxiety flaring up again. “Uh, I’m at the Newman building right now, room 204. Text me when you get here.”
“Okay, son. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize, Dad. Just take care of Mom. I’ll see you soon.” I end the call and then run my hand through my dark brown hair in frustration. “Fuck.”
Ushering back inside, I try to finish up our discussion early and thankfully end right in time for my dad to text me that he and Grayson have arrived.
“Hey, buddy!” I greet my son as he runs to jump in my arms.
“Hey, Daddy. This is where you work?” He asks, looking around at the campus. Ashland Community College is actually quite beautiful. Mature trees reach towards the sky in between pale green two-story buildings and parking lots. In the center of the campus is a small lake where a few families of ducks and geese have staked their claim, and there are several open fields of grass where students gather to study or relax between classes.
“Yup. This is daddy’s new work,” I answer as my dad rushes up to us.
“Hey, Luke. So sorry again,” he says, handing me Grayson’s backpack and then straightening his coat around his body. The wrinkles on his face are more pronounced from the worry he is clearly feeling.
“Don’t apologize, Dad. Just let me know how Mom is, okay? Keep me updated.”
“I will,” he nods. “I love you both.” He leans in to kiss Grayson on his rosy cheek from the cold air and then pulls me in for a hug. “We will talk soon.” I watch him hobble back to his car and take off before realizing Grayson has ran off towards the lake.
“Grayson! Hey, come back here!” Running after him, I manage to reach for the neck of his jacket before he topples over the edge of the small cliff that traces the boundaries of the pond. It’s not a long fall, but certainly won’t feel good if you topple over it. “You know better than to run away from me, young man!”
“But Daddy… there are ducks!” My son is completely oblivious to the fact that he almost gave me a heart attack.
“Yeah, I know, but listen to me…” I bend down and turn his head to face me, commanding his attention with my voice and my eyes. “Don’t do that again, do you understand?”
He nods, his gaze wide. “Yes, Daddy. Hey, Daddy?”
“Yeah, bud?”
“I’m worried about Grandma. She fell really hard.” His little lip trembles as he stares at me, causing me to instantly soften my tone.
“Me too, bud. Did you see her fall?”
His head bobs up and down again. “Yeah. She slipped in water on the floor. She was washing dishes.”
“It was an accident, buddy. Sometimes it happens. That’s why we have to be extra careful when we do stuff.”
“I know. She got to ride in an ambulance though!” He perks up at that idea, my son who’s obsessed with doctors and anyone who helps make people feel better when they’ve been hurt.
“That is pretty cool.” I fake a smile, even though the image of my mom hurt makes my chest ache. I’m not naïve to the fact that both of my parents are getting older, but instances like these make me more aware of their increasing age. I know I’ll need to help as much as I can once she’s out of the hospital too, so I mentally assess my schedule as Grayson continues to speak.
“Yeah, really cool. Hey, Daddy? Can we feed the ducks too?” He points over my shoulder, as I turn to see what he’s talking about. And as if my eyebrows could reach my hairline, the image of a woman throwing bread crumbs all around her takes me by surprise, her small body completely surrounded by birds as if she’s completely unafraid they will attack her when she runs out of food.
“Um…” I manage to get out before Grayson takes off in the direction of the woman. Following closely behind, we arrive a few feet away, maintaining a safe distance as the geese squawk and honk at her for more.
“Can I help?” Grayson asks, peering up at the woman from his limited height.
Turning to face us and absorb the fact that she’s being watched, her beautiful smile instantly lights up her face. “Of course! Here,” she speaks and then digs into the bag of bread and hands a slice to Grayson. “Do you want to help too?” She addresses me, but I barely register her words. I’m too busy admiring how at ease she is around all of these birds and how out of place yet exactly perfect she looks right now.
Her deep brown hair with subtle blonde highlights is pulled off her neck into a high ponytail, her ears covered by a maroon fleece headband to protect her from the cold weather. A navy blue peacoat is hiding her torso, but her long legs draped in denim peek beneath the bottom of it, leading down to leather boots that are covered in mud. Her cheeks are red too from the winter air and her lips are glossed over in a cherry tint that makes them shine in the sunlight. And then her eyes hit mine and the green hue is so vibrant, I get lost in how unique the color is.
“Daddy! Help us!” Grayson pulls me from my thoughts, my intense perusal of this woman that completely catch me off guard.
“Uh, sure, buddy.” Reaching for the bread, I begin to tear off pieces and toss them as far as possible. Sure, I see these birds every day on campus, but I’ve never been this close to them before. Other professors share horror stories of the bird attacks they’ve seen or survived, so I’ve made sure to stay clear.
“I’m Grayson,” my son shares as we watch the birds scatter around us. “What’s your name?”
The woman peers down at him again while reaching for more bread. “I’m Rachel. What are you doing here today, Grayson?”
“Feeding the ducks with you, duh!”
“Grayson!” I chastise him, reaching for his shoulder as Rachel chuckles beside us. “Sorry…”
She shakes her head amusedly. “No, it’s no problem. I liked his answer. Have you ever fed the ducks before?”
“Nope. This is my first time here. My daddy works here,” he explains and then points at me. “This is my daddy.”
I can’t help the laugh I let out. “Yeah, in case you didn’t figure that out on your own,” I scoff as she smirks back at me. Reaching to shake her hand, she meets me halfway. “I’m Luke.”
“Rachel. Well, I mean, you do have dark hair and his is blonde. You never know…” She shrugs before bending down to hand more bread to Grayson.
“My mommy had blonde hair,” Grayson says so easily, but the cut it leaves in my heart doesn’t ebb as quickly.
“Oh. Well, then that makes sense.”
“I’m not supposed to be here though. My grandma fell and had to go to the hospital. But she got to ride in an ambulance!”
Rachel crouches down to eye level with Grayson, clearly concerned by his admission. “Oh, my gosh. I’m so sorry, Grayson. Is she going to be okay?” His beanie covered head turns to me now, waiting for the answer with concerned eyes.
“She should be okay. They think she might have broken her hip, but I’m waiting to hear more.”
“I’m so sorry. I hope she pulls through.”
“Thanks. Problem is, I still have one more class to teach today and now I have to cancel it.”
Rachel looks up at me, then back at Grayson, before she stands tall again and gives me an inquisitive look. “Uh… what if I watch him for you?”
I’m sure the look on my face is beyond perplexed, but the fact that this woman just offered to take care of a child that isn’t hers after barely speaking to us is beyond crazy.
“I’m sorry. I just realized how that must have sounded right now.” She lifts her hands in the air in surrender. “I swear, I’m not a crazy person who just feeds birds for fun and picks up random children,” she spits out at a speed that is impressive. “I actually just came from a meeting at the enrollment office. I just moved here and was looking to start the credent
ial program to become an elementary school teacher, hoping to be able to start this summer. But there aren’t any spots open until the fall.”
“Yeah, that program fills up fast. Sorry if this sounds rude, but why should I trust you with my kid?” Rachel straightens her spine and lifts an eyebrow while I stand there assessing her. My whole body is on alert now as I contemplate whether I should take her up on her offer or run for the hills. As a parent, I’m sure the fact I’m even contemplating this should render me incompetent to look after a child. But the other part of me says I should trust her—why, I’m not entirely sure just yet.
Her face finally softens as she looks down at Grayson. “That’s a fair question and all I can tell you is, I like kids. Grayson seems great and you’re in a pinch. We can stay right here so you can keep an eye on us. And if anything happens, feel free to report me.” She reaches into her pocket and retrieves one of those wallets that acts as a phone case as well, offering me her ID once she wiggles it free.
Rachel Zanetti. Twenty-six. Resident of New York.
“Go ahead, take a picture,” she urges while turning to assess where Grayson is. His arm is shoulder deep in the bag of bread now as he chucks whole slices onto the ground, giggling as the birds close in on him, honking and gawking while they wrestle each other for every last crumb.
Reluctantly, I reach for my phone in my pocket and snap a shot, then take a picture of her standing in front of me too just in case I need to describe what she was wearing later.
“Now, give me your number and I’ll give you mine.” She rattles off her digits as I enter them in my phone and then I call her so she has my contact information, all the while my mind reeling that I’m actually considering this.
“Daddy! There’s no more bread!” Grayson whines as he runs up to us.
“That’s okay, buddy. Say, how would you like to hang out with Rachel for a while so Daddy can teach his last class?”
Grayson’s face lights up like fireworks on the fourth of July. “Really? Yes!” Rachel and I both chuckle at his excitement.
“Okay. Can you promise to listen and not run off?”
He nods. “I promise, Daddy!”
“Cross your heart?”
He drags his finger in the pattern of an X across his chest as his eyes widen and he becomes super serious. “Yes, Daddy.”
I let out a defeated breath. “Okay then.” As I move to stand, I find Rachel staring down at us, smiling.
“I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this... but midterms are coming up and I need to go through a few more topics before the test.”
“I get it, I do. I remember how stressful this time in the year is as a student. I can’t imagine the pressure as a teacher. But I promise I’ll take good care of him. It’s just for a few hours, right?”
“You have no idea what you just agreed to. My son is full of energy and will talk your ear off.”
“Well, I love to talk too, so it’s perfect.” She ruffles his hair beneath his beanie and then finds my eyes again. “What room is your class in?”
“204. Just over there.” I point across the lawn to the building I spend more time in now than my own home.
“Then we will stay around here so you can see us through the window in case you get freaked.”
My head is telling me I’m crazy, but my heart is telling me this woman is actually a good person just trying to help someone out.
“Okay,” I relent. “I have about an hour before my next class. Let me get him some food so he doesn’t tell you he’s hungry every five seconds, and then we’ll meet you back here in about forty-five minutes?”
“Sounds great. I’ll wait in my car. My lunch is in there.”
“We’ll see you in a bit then.”
I usher Grayson to the car and strap him in, his mouth moving at lightning speed as he tells me how excited he is to feed the ducks some more while we drive to a fast-food chain to get some lunch. On our way back we stop at a gas station where I grab a package of hotdog buns since they were out of bread and a hot chocolate for Rachel, giving him something to feed the ducks with again and a small token of my appreciation for her help.
When we arrive back at the college, I see Rachel is waiting for us on one of the benches in the gazebo adjacent to the lake, staring out over the water. She looks so peaceful and at ease in that moment, I almost feel bad for ruining it.
“Rachel! I’m back!” Grayson shouts, halfway scaring her as her hand finds her chest and her eyes widen in surprise.
“You are! I’m so excited! Are you ready to have fun?” She asks as she stands and then her line of sight focuses on me. That green—it’s like freshly cut grass on a warm, spring day—vibrant and stark and completely mesmerizing.
“Yes! And we brought hotdog buns so we can feed the ducks some more!”
She eyes me curiously as I shrug. “The gas station was out of bread. This is for you too,” I add, handing her the hot chocolate as she accepts it.
“Got it and thank you,” she flashes me an easy smile and then crouches down to Grayson. “Let’s get to it then, Grayson!”
“Are you sure about this? You really don’t have to…”
“Nonsense.” She stands up again. “I had nothing else to do today, so this is perfect. I’m glad I made a new friend.” She reaches for Grayson’s mitten-covered hand as he finds hers.
“Go teach, Daddy. I’ll be fine,” my son declares confidently, not bothering to turn around to say goodbye to me as they begin to walk off.
“You know where I’ll be!” I shout as Rachel turns to look at me.
“We know. Now go,” she demands with a flick of her head, and then turns back to Grayson, the sight of the two of them walking together bringing up all sorts of feelings in my chest.
I make my way to the classroom and settle back in, rearranging papers and writing a few notes on the board, turning to look out the window over my shoulder every few minutes. But all I see is my son with the biggest smile on his face as he chases Rachel around, his arms spread wide as he pretends to be a bird while he chases the birds, laughing and completely immersed in being a kid. It’s a beautiful sight, and yet another reminder of how much Hannah is missing of his life. So I commit the moment to memory, for the both of us.
Chapter 2
Rachel
“It appears that I should have stayed out a little while longer, huh?”
My best friend, Pfeiffer, comes walking down the hall in nothing but Cash’s t-shirt and sex-crazed hair. “Shit. I’m sorry, Rach,” she blushes instantly as Cash scurries behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. He buries his nose in her hair, finding her neck and nibbling as she squeals.
“I’m not. At least you know now that your best friend is getting railed within an inch of her life and loves it,” he declares, kissing her temple before scooting around her and heading for the kitchen.
“Believe me, I heard enough over the phone and details in person after she returned home. But now I have the audio confirmation, so thank you for that.” I flash Cash a tight-lipped smile of annoyance before taking a sip of my water.
“Yeah, she’s loud. I fucking love it.”
“Cash!” Pfeiffer admonishes, smacking him upside the head and then falling into his arms in the kitchen.
“It’s okay, baby. Rachel doesn’t care.”
“Correction,” I say, putting one finger in the air. “I don’t care that I know how great your sex life is, but hearing it takes things to another level. One, it only reminds me of how long it’s been since I’ve seen any action. And two, it only clarifies that I need to find my own place, and soon.”
Pfeiffer, who changed her name to Piper Davis when she was forced to leave home, is my best friend from back in New York. She goes by Piper to everyone here, but I still call her Pfeiffer. We grew up together and always had each other’s backs from the moment we met. Almost every memory of my childhood has Pfeiffer in it in some way and being separated from her for almost all of last year
was torture. But when her fiancé threatened her safety, her parents forced her to take on a new identity and leave home. She was gone for eight months, ultimately ending up in Emerson Falls, Oregon, where she met Cash and fell in love with him. Then she was shot, had to return home at her father’s demand and figure out what she wanted out of life. Ultimately, she knew her happiness was here in Emerson Falls with Cash, so she moved back here permanently at the beginning of the year.
I didn’t follow my best friend because I couldn’t stand to be away from her anymore after going so long without seeing each other. The truth is, I needed a change in my life just as much as she did. When Pfeiffer moved back to Emerson Falls, I realized how content she became being away from the high society life we were immersed in back home—country club parties, philanthropic gatherings used as an excuse to flaunt money around and drink, and men who were just as shallow as the holes they shucked their golf balls into.
When she said she was moving back here, I contemplated the move myself. And after about a month, I decided to take the plunge. There was nothing holding me to New York besides my family. But I can see them any time. Plane rides aren’t that expensive and face time is a marvelous invention. I just knew I needed to create a life for myself that was all mine, and teaching has always been my calling. So with Pfeiffer’s encouragement and the not so enthusiastic support of my parents, I vowed to move here and finish my teaching credential in Oregon, hoping to find a place where I belonged.
“Any luck at the college today?” Pfeiffer asks while munching on a few chips straight from the bag.
“Well, yes and no. It seems their credentialing program is very popular, so they won’t be able to fit me in until the fall. But I did enroll, so I’m ready to go when the time comes.”
“That’s good.”
“And I stopped by Tony’s, like you said, Cash. He was thrilled to take me on as a bartender a few nights a week.”
Cash nods in affirmation. “Good. Tony’s the best. If anyone we vouch for is in need, he’s quick to help,” he says, referencing his close group of friends that I’ve briefly encountered over the past two weeks.
