Revived: Emerson Falls, Book 4 (Emerson Falls Series)

by Harlow James

  “Okay, so I’m pretty sure you’ve filled Piper in on all the details, but I need to know what the hell happened,” Jess asks around a mouthful of food.

  Reaching for my Coke, I take a sip and then brace myself to retell the story. “Well, everything was fine until we had sex. It was like something happened that night. He was so sure it was what he wanted, but then the next day, he seemed off. I tried to chalk it up to him probably feeling all sorts of things having finally slept with another woman who wasn’t Hannah, you know?” Jess and Pfeiffer both nod. “But then he just became increasingly more distant as the week went on. It’s hard not to take that personally.”

  Jess shakes her head and then finishes chewing her bite. “No, don’t play that game. This is not your fault. You have been nothing but amazing to that man and his son.”

  “I know. But when Hannah’s parents came, that’s when the shit hit the fan.” I spend the next several minutes recounting our fight in the garage, giving the cliff notes version of the argument, even though I remember word for word the declarations that truly stung.

  “I’m sorry, Rachel. I think he’s just scared.” Pfeiffer leans forward in her chair, reaching for my hand.

  “I do too. But I can’t make that go away for him.”

  Jess bobs her head in agreement before becoming emotional again. “Exactly. He has to see the light. And he needs to be honest about what and who he wants… but sometimes being honest about things is hard.”

  “Jess, is there something you need to talk about? I feel like you’re being cryptic as hell.” Pfeiffer shoots her a discerning look like she knows exactly what is on Jess’s mind. I’ve been so consumed with my drama with Luke that apparently I’m in the dark about Jess’s romantic developments. She closes her eyes before popping them open again, and as her lips move to speak, Cash enters the house before she can say anything.

  “Hey, girls. How’s it going?” His eyes light up when he sees Pfeiffer in her chair, walking over like a string is pulling him towards her, taking her face in his hands before he kisses her, leaving her breathless.

  “See! That right there is a man that is not afraid of commitment!” Jess declares.

  “Don’t worry, ladies. Before this woman here, that’s exactly what I feared. But she changed all that,” he says while holding her cheeks in his palms.

  “Ugh. I love you two, you know that. But if you keep flaunting your love around me right now, I’ll be forced to stay in my room until further notice.”

  “Fuck, I’m sorry, Rach.” Cash stands up and then comes over to me, pulling me up to give me a hug. “Don’t worry, I’m gonna make him sorry he ever hurt you.”

  “Oh, yeah?” I chuckle. “How?”

  “Don’t worry about that.” He winks. “Just know some tough love is in order for my good friend, Luke.”

  Chapter 26

  Luke

  “What the fuck did you do?” Cash slugs my arm as he sits down next to me at Skye’s Creations on a sweltering Friday morning. My summer classes only run Monday through Thursday, so Friday’s I have a free day. My mother agreed to keep Grayson for me this morning for a few hours so I could meet with the guys, even though she’s been watching him all week again, just like she did before she broke her hip.

  You see, when you fire your nanny and break-up with her in the same night, you’re forced to face the consequences of your actions in more than one way—like the fact that your childcare walked out the door along with the woman you miss more than you want to admit.

  “What makes you think I’m the one that did something?” I grimace as I rub the spot he hit.

  Cash just shoots me a knowing and offended look as Cooper joins us.

  “Okay, fine. I fired her and broke up with her,” I admit, remembering the look on her face when I told her to get out of my house. Not my finest moment, I know.

  “What the fuck? Why?” Cooper looks shocked as he sits in on the conversation that just started.

  “You’re a fucking idiot. You know she’s staying at my house, right?” Cash asks before all three of us take a sip of our coffees.

  With my eyes focused solely on my light blue cup, I keep talking. “I figured. Is she… is she okay?” I flick my line of sight over to him.

  Cash narrows his eyes back at me and then sits back in his chair. “Why the fuck should I tell you that?”

  That makes my head fly up higher. “What? Why wouldn’t you?”

  He just shakes his head, the look of complete disappointment displayed for all to see. “I can’t believe how fucking stupid you are, Luke.”

  “Hey! You don’t know what happened, okay? You’re only getting one side of the story.” I’m trying to defend myself, but at the same time, I know I deserve most of the blame.

  It’s my fear and shortcomings that lead to the break-up—the night I keep replaying over and over while I lay in my bed at night, wishing she were next to me. That thought keeps me awake too, especially since I never let her in my bed, or my room. Just like I never fully let her in my heart, either.

  Cash is right. I am a fucking idiot, but I also know that this is for the best. I can’t be the man she needs, not when I have my son to focus on and my heart still belongs to another woman, even if she is dead.

  “Then enlighten me please.” Cash waves his hand, opening up the floor for me to spill my guts. But I can’t because the shame I feel is weighing me down. “That’s what I thought. You’re going to let your fear and cowardness prevent you from loving a woman that is perfect for you.”

  “Fuck you, Cash! You have no idea what you’re talking about!” I shout and stand as he meets me eye to eye.

  “Hey, guys. Knock it off. We don’t need to do this here,” Cooper interrupts as people around us start to stare and whisper.

  “Fine, then let’s go to the parking lot.” Cash shoves his chair into the table and we follow suit, turning on our heels to walk out to our cars.

  “Now tell us. Why are you pushing her away? Why is that woman who has been nothing but incredible to you and your son sulking on my couch and crying in her ice cream?” Cash stands tall, his arms folded across his broad chest, his sunglasses covering his icy blue eyes. But I know if I could see them, he’d be envisioning strangling my neck with his bare hands.

  “She’s been crying?” I look up at him, praying he’s lying, but also knowing he’s probably telling the truth.

  “Of course she’s been fucking crying. You broke her heart.”

  “Well, mine was broken five years ago, Cash. And no matter how much I want to let her heal it, I don’t think she can.”

  “Is that what this is about? Hannah?” Cooper chimes in.

  I let out a long sigh. “Yes, and no. Fuck! It’s complicated, alright?”

  Cash shakes his head mockingly. “No, it’s not. You’re the one making it complicated.”

  “With all due respect, Cash. You have no right to tell me what to feel or do, okay? Until you lose the love of your life, you have no idea what’s been going through my mind while navigating developing feelings for another woman, alright? So fuck off!”

  Cash rips his sunglasses from his eyes and gets right in my face, his nose almost touching mine. “You’re right. I don’t know what that’s like. But I did almost lose the woman that I love more than life itself, and I think that was more terrifying… the fact that I had in her my hands and she almost slipped away. And then here you are. You’ve been given a second chance, man. Rachel is amazing and she fucking loves your kid,” he says, poking a finger into my sternum. “I know you’ll always love Hannah, but she’s gone. She’s not fucking coming back. And now there’s this woman here who’s very much alive and just wants to love you, and for you to love her in return. The question is, why won’t you let her?”

  I swallow the lump in my throat as he backs away. And I don’t speak because I don’t know why I won’t let her. I don’t have an answer for that question, so I don’t respond.

  “We care about you,
Luke, and just want to see you happy, brother. You deserve that.” Cooper pulls my attention to him as I stand there frozen still.

  “You need to figure out what you want, Luke, and don’t dawdle. Because every moment you spend in this shelter of guilt and fear that you’ve built, is one second longer you’re living without her by your side. We’ve all seen it these past few months… that woman has brought you back to life, man. You’d be a fool to let her walk away.”

  Cash and Cooper back away from me, leaving me standing there in the parking lot as the two mirrors of honesty I’d been avoiding hit me hard with the truth. After sitting in my car and staring off into space for a while following that conversation, I make my way back to my parents’ house to pick up my son.

  “Luke, we’ve got a problem,” my mother mumbles when I return to her house and meet her in the kitchen.

  “I don’t know if I can handle another problem right now, Mom. My hands are kind of full.”

  “Well, this involves your son, so you need to handle it.”

  Letting out a long breath, I pinch my nose while I encourage her to continue. “Okay. What is it?”

  “Grayson is wondering where Rachel is.” She lifts her brow at me, flashing me that look that only mothers can give.

  “I know, Mom. He’s been asking non-stop since she left last week.”

  “And what have you told him?”

  I stumble, trying to buy time before I tell her the same lie I told my son. “That… that she’s on a vacation.”

  “Luke!” She admonishes, walking closer to me now. “You need to be honest with him.”

  “Fuck, Mom. I know, okay? But what am I supposed to tell him?”

  She sighs. “I don’t know. I didn’t know what to tell him either. I just bribed him with ice cream to change the subject.”

  “Nice.”

  “Well, there’s no manual on how to parent a child, Luke.”

  “Yeah, well, there’s no manual on how to move on after losing your spouse either, Mom.”

  Her arm comes around my shoulder as she pulls me into her. “I know you care for her, Luke. And you’ll always love Hannah. No one says you have to choose between the two of them.”

  “But don’t I, Mom?”

  “There’s room for both of them in there.” She points at my chest. “You just need to move some things around.” Flashing me a wink, she glides outside to collect my son while I reel from the second bout of advice I’ve received today. And then later that night, I get an even bigger dose.

  “Daddy, I miss Rachel.”

  “I know, bud. I miss her too.”

  He snuggles into me as I try to tuck him into his bed, my hand stroking through his blonde hair. “Why did she leave us? Does she not love me anymore?”

  My head falls to the side as my chest aches even more than it already is. “No, bud. She still loves you very much. It’s just…”

  “Did you guys get in a fight? My friend from the park says sometimes his mommy and daddy get in fights, but then they kiss and make-up.”

  Finally, a slight smirk emerges from my frown I’ve been sporting for over a week. “Yeah, Rachel and I had a fight.”

  “Then you need to kiss her!” He exclaims, sitting up tall in his bed now.

  “Um, that’s not…”

  “I know you know how to kiss her, Daddy. I saw you.”

  And suddenly, it’s not an ache in my chest, but the steady thumping of my heart I feel. “What? When did you see me, bud?”

  “Lots of times. I got up to go pee, but you were on the couch with her and you guys were kissing.”

  “Wow. Uh, why didn’t you say anything?”

  And then my son peers up at me with those dark brown eyes, the same ones his mom used to use on me to get what she wanted. “Because I want Rachel to be my mommy, Daddy.”

  I can’t help it, I choke on the emotion in my throat as my eyes well. “But you have a mommy, Grayson.”

  “I know,” he mumbles while looking down at his lap. “But she’s my mommy in heaven. I need one on the earth too, Daddy. And I want Rachel to be her.”

  The first tear falls as I move to brush it away. “You want Rachel to be your mommy?”

  He nods and then looks up at me again. “Yeah. She’s fun and pretty. And she makes us smile. But you don’t smile anymore, Daddy. Not since she left. And I miss her. A lot.” His eyes start to well now, so I pull him in close to me, rubbing my palm along his back.

  “I miss her too, buddy.”

  “You just need to kiss her again, Daddy. And then everything will be okay.” I can’t help but chuckle silently at how simple my son thinks the world is. But then again, what if it is simple? What if I really have been making it more complicated than it needs to be this entire time?

  She loves my kid. She loves me. What else is there? Can it really be as easy as just letting myself live in the present, knowing Hannah will now be my past?

  I tuck my son in his bed, kissing his face before exiting his room and making my way over to mine. As I lie in bed and drift off to sleep, someone else helps me see the light, a visit in my dreams that puts everything into perspective.

  “Hannah!” I throw my head back and scream into the sky, tears pouring from my eyes as Lenny wraps me in his arms and helps me to the ground. But the next few moments are all a blur as the sharpest pain I’ve ever felt radiates from my chest, blanketing me in a darkness I’ve never felt, and slicing through me with such precision, I don’t know what part of me hurts the worst.

  “Hannah,” I sob, wiping my eyes at just the right moment to see the firemen move to place a yellow tarp over her body still situated in her seat, her head with closed eyes hanging lazily to the side of her neck out the window, her spine clearly broken, blood dripping down her face.

  But it’s not Hannah this time. No. It’s Rachel—bleeding from the head and sitting there lifeless, as the same panic I felt before comes rushing back.

  How did Rachel end up in the car? Where was she going? Why is Rachel dead now too?

  “Luke…” A soft voice I haven’t heard in years pulls my eyes to the left.

  She’s fuzzy as the soft glow of white light around her comes into focus, blinding me while my eyes try to adjust. And as they do, the woman I never thought I’d see again stands before me, her smile and face more gorgeous than I remember.

  “Hannah?” I struggle to speak, standing from my knees on the ground, afraid to move in case she disappears while the commotion around me freezes.

  “Hi, Luke. Jesus, it’s about time you didn’t fight waking up at this moment.” She rolls her eyes at me and then smiles, catching me off-guard.

  “What?”

  “I’ve been trying to reach you for weeks, you know, before you did something stupid. Apparently, I’m too late.”

  Standing there, slack-jawed, I can’t find any more words.

  “Yeah, I kind of thought this is how this would play out. I know you’re confused, but I need you to listen to me. We don’t have much time, okay?”

  “Hannah… God, I miss you.”

  She tilts her head at me and smiles. “I miss you too, Luke. But I see you every day… you and Grayson. God, what an incredible boy we made, huh?”

  “Yeah, he’s amazing. You watch us?” The red and blue flashing lights are still swirling around us, the scene of the accident still frozen in time while Hannah speaks.

  “All the time. I’m just here, basking in how you’ve managed to handle all of this, proud of the father you are. Who would have thought I’d be the one to go so soon, huh?” She’s trying to joke with me, but all it does is remind me she’s not here.

  “Hannah…”

  “It’s okay to move on, Luke,” she whispers, reaching out for me. I swear, I can feel her hand in mine, even though I know this is all a dream.

  “I don’t want to forget you.” Tears fall from my face now as the surrounding noise comes back louder.

  “I know you could never forget me, Luke. But
that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. That woman,” she points to the car, bringing my attention back to Rachel sitting there in the same position Hannah was. “That woman is made for you, Luke. She’s your second chance.”

  I shake my head, fighting to hear the words from my wife, the one woman I thought I was supposed to love forever.

  “I know you’ll love me forever, Luke,” she says as if she’s reading my thoughts. “But I am your past, and that woman is your future. She’s right there, Luke. All you have to do is save her.”

  “What?” My head swivels back to face Hannah as she stares at me. “Is she okay? Is she hurt?”

  She nods. “Yes, she is hurt. But you have the power to change that. She loves our son like her own and puts up with your stubborn ass. She’s selfless and genuine. What else does she need to show you for you to accept it? She’s the one.” She squeezes my hand and then turns my face back to the scene of the accident.

  The paramedics are extracting Rachel’s body from the car, placing her in the black body bag. “Run to her, Luke. Don’t let her go.”

  “FUCK! NO!” I try to move my legs, but several more responders come over now, the pause button on my dream being lifted as they wrestle me to the ground. And as I fight them with all the adrenaline running through me until all I can do is lie there, Hannah stares down at me from above.

  “Live your life, Luke. Mine is over. But yours is just beginning. I’ll see you on the other side of the stars.” She blows me a kiss and then dissipates, a cloud of white dust trailing away as she vanishes, and then I’m jolted by something heavy, thumping against my chest before the darkness of my room comes into view.

  Flying up in my bed, my chest heaving and my heart thrumming wildly in my ribcage, my head twists around the room, searching for a sign that it wasn’t just a dream. But I know it was, even though it felt so fucking real. I reach up to feel my cheeks, realizing the moisture there was from the tears that escaped while I was sleeping, the dream where Hannah sent me a message, loud and clear.

  I throw my head back on my pillow again, trying to get control over my pulse and my breathing, but my mind is racing as I stare at the white ceiling above me.