Heart of Conviction: Nathan (Conviction Series Book 1)

by Aly Nichole

  She nodded. “I should put Hailey to bed.”

  I tightened my hold on Hailey and stood up. “I’ll put her to bed for you.”

  Hailey’s room was plain, much like the rest of the house. It reminded me of my childhood when Ira and I shared a room. Just a bed and dresser with a few toys piled in the corner. I placed her on her Zombie Hero bedding. She was going to go nuts when she realized I was related to the star of the show.

  I walked back out, leaving her door cracked. Out in the living room, Sadie was on the couch with her feet up. She turned and smiled.

  “Did she stay asleep?”

  “She was dead to the world.” I picked up her feet and placed them in my lap, and rubbed them.

  Sade blanched. “What are you doing?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m rubbing your feet.”

  “You don’t have to do that.” She tried to pull away.

  I held them and gave her a pointed look. “I want to. Your feet are probably killing you.”

  I didn’t wait for her to take them away again and applied pressure to the bottom of her foot.

  She moaned, sinking further into the couch. I adjusted her feet away from my dick. I didn't want to get the wrong idea. She needed to relax and not worry about unwanted advantages. But every little sound she made, mademe increasingly harder.

  “My brother used to be amazing and smart.”

  I leaned back, stroking her calf, and patiently waited for her to continue.

  “He would help me with homework and take me to my practice. Zac always took me with him to hang out with his friends so I wouldn’t be alone at home.”

  She paused, as though even her happier memories with her brother were now tainted by the present. “But when he went to college, he got into the wrong crowd, and then he was this stranger. He was stealing. I never saw him sober again. I got a job and saved every penny, and begged my mom and dad to help me do an intervention. But then Zac and his friends robbed my parents. They took my great grandma’s wedding band and several guns from my dad. My parents refused to help after that.”

  My heart broke for her. I wanted to pull her into my lap and promise to take away all the pain and that nothing bad would ever happen to her again. But I knew better than to make promises I couldn’t keep. Life was too unpredictable and liked to kick your legs out from under you.

  “When I refused to give up helping him, they cut me out too. And now I’m alone, and his dealers won’t leave me alone.”

  Her face streaked with tears. I put her feet down and gently pulled her into my side. She placed her head on my chest.

  “My sister, Sara.” I cleared my throat. My little sister was complicated, and trying to explain was a headache and a half, but I knew it would help Sade.

  “My family’s complicated and long-winded on how we are all related.” She snorted. I could help but smile. I’m sure Sade probably Googled and got lost trying to figure it out.

  “But Sara came to live with us after her grandparents passed. She was eleven. My mom and dad showed her love and never treated her any differently than the rest of us. But when she turned sixteen.” I sighed. The different memories of her rebelling flashed by quickly. “She got this attitude. Sara believed the world owed her, and it got worse as she got older.”

  My fingers traced circles on her side. I was trying to find the right words. “My sperm donor wasn’t a good man. He ditched my mom not long after I was born. He went to prison when I was nine. Sara was obsessed with him and found herself with the wrong people. She’s an addict now, living with him. She won’t give up her party lifestyle, and Sara drained her trust fund. Every couple of months, she comes to one of us begging for money.”

  “Do you help her?”

  I shook my head. “Not anymore. When she refused to go to rehab and apologize to my parents, I cut ties with her.” My sister was lucky that all I did was cut her off after her last stunt.

  Sadie leaned up. “I won’t help him anymore either.” She stayed snuggled into my side.

  Before I realized it, Sadie’s body relaxed, and her breathing evened out. I pushed her hair back from her face. Laying here relaxed, I could see her young age. My hand went to her belly. My hand laid on her stomach, and quick thumps landed against my hand. I let out a sharp breath. It has been fifteen years since I felt something so precious.

  “Nathan?” Her voice comes out groggy.

  “Hey, I didn’t wake you up.”

  She shifted, laying her head on my lap. “No, little man is kicking up a storm.”

  Her adjustment caused my hand to move to the middle of her belly. More kicks landing on my palm.

  I could feel her eyes on me. I went to pull my hand away, but she caught it and put it back.

  We sat like this for several minutes. I relished in the small kicks.

  “He really enjoys kicking your hand.”

  I chuckled. “Should I move? I didn't want it to be uncomfortable for you.”

  She played with my fingers. “I’m actually very comfortable.”

  I continued to lay my hand on her belly as her fingers traced them. It was very domesticated.

  “Nathan, this feels like more than a friendship.” She whispered.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. I knew she was right, but something in my gut tightened. “Maybe, does it make you uncomfortable?”

  She shook her head. “I like whatever this is.”

  “Me too.”

  It was another family dinner Sunday, and my mom was weeping. Ira and I were hiding in the den with Mick and Mase.

  “So you’re going to sign on with the 49ers?” I asked Mick. My older brother was tall and broad with brown hair and dark eyes. Another adopted Valentine.

  He shrugged. “If not with them, I think I’ll go over to the high school. I could teach and coach. I’m just ready to be home.” I wondered when he would finally give up traveling. He had been bouncing between teams across the country for nearly a decade.

  “I’m thinking about staying close to home for a while, too,” Mase revealed.

  It wasn’t a shocker after his impromptu visit to my office. I looked at my brothers, they both looked run down. “It would be nice to see you guys home more, and I know it will thrill Mom to have more of us around.”

  “What are you going to do then, Mase?” Ira asked, his eyes never leaving his phone.

  I pushed down the urge to smack the damn thing out of his hand. I knew he was trying to get a bill passed to help LGBTQ plus families have better rights for adoption and fostering. I thought, but I tuned him out when he started speaking lawyer.

  Mase ran his fingers through his hair. “Um, I have a few promotional things I have to do yet. But I need a break from everything. Relax for a little while and decide later what’s next for me. My agent and I are arguing about it. But Cynthia has got him off my back, mostly.”

  I remember him mentioning his new assistant. “How is the new assistant working out?”

  “It’s been over a month, and she has made my life amazingly easier and absolutely a shit show all in one,” Mase answered with fake enthusiasm.

  I went to open my mouth for a sarcastic comment but stopped when Dad walked in.

  Dad jogged to the bar and poured himself a drink. “I should have run out with Wyatt.” He grumbled and took a large sip of his amber liquid.

  My brothers and I looked at each other before we glanced back at him. I knew better than to ask. Ever since Wyatt announced he was going to MIT in the fall, my mother began going through empty nest syndrome and tried to fill her time with whatever she could think of.

  “I need to find her a hobby before my dick falls off.” My father collapsed into a chair.

  We all cringe and start throwing shit at him.

  “Dad, what the fuck?” I scrubbed my face, trying to get the mental image out of my head.

  “You boys are old enough to know, your mom and I have a healthy sex life, and now we’re basically retired, and no one is
ever home to cock block us.”

  I was going to kill my dad. This was his payback for us being shits as kids, but this was a whole new level talking about things that should never be talked about.

  My dad smiled wide and got comfortable in the chair. He looked smug as fuck.

  I tilted my head and let out a heavy sigh. “Maybe I should holler for Mom and tell her you are complaining.”

  He narrowed his eyes on me. “I’ll tell her about Sadie.”

  I stared at him unblinking, and he met my stare with a raised brow. The fucker was always a step ahead of me.

  “I think a trip with Mom would be good for you both. You never do anything without us.” I changed the subject off of me.

  Dad snorted and took another drink. “I already have a cruise booked for around the world. It’s three months long.”

  I snorted. Of course, Dad had a plan. I should have known.

  I looked over to Ira, who finally put his phone down. We shared the same amber eyes and mixed skin. He was older by two years, the same age as Mickey. He had both his arms covered in tattoo sleeves and across his chest. His neutral look was in place. Ira looked scary if you didn’t know him.

  “Dinner,” Mom hollered.

  We gathered at the dining table—all eight kids and Sam. Julie’s partners were not with her this time.

  “I think we should have a going away diner for Wyatt,” Mom announced.

  Mom was of average height with dishwater hair and hazel eyes. She was the embodiment of wholesome.

  Wyatt groaned. “Mom, we don’t need to make a big deal.”

  “Wyatt, you are my last child leaving this house.” Mom gave him the look, and I winced. Thank God I wasn’t on the receiving end of that look. I hated that look.

  She gazed around the table at all of us. “I feel like I didn’t even raise any of you.” Her lip wobbled, and her eyes filled with unshed tears.

  My heart broke. I knew how much guilt Mom had. She and Dad worked so hard for years where Ira, Mick, and I were babysitters. I rebelled so hard. Mom felt she missed out on our childhood.

  It didn’t help that Mase was famous at fourteen and Maddie at sixteen. At seventeen, Lily was working for them. I was out of the house at seventeen, and now Wyatt was leaving at sixteen. Ira and Mickey are the only two that made it to eighteen before going off to college.

  “Danni.” My dad said my mom’s name with tenderness.

  My mom waved him off and wiped at her cheeks.

  “Just a small diner with just us.” Wyatt caved. He must have realized how much Mom needed this.

  I wondered how Sadie would fit in here. She would fit right in, I bet. Red would love her, and my mom would adopt her so quickly along with her kids.

  I was falling hard and fast.

  Nathan was nibbling on my neck. His rough hands squeezed and cupped my breasts.

  “Please, Nathan.” I panted. My body craved him. I needed him so much I couldn’t think straight. Nathan’s masculine scent scrambled my brains. Oh god.

  “Shh, Angel, I’m going to take care of you,” Nathan whispered in my ear and his hands traveled down my stomach. His lips were on my neck and his teeth scraped against my skin.

  I bucked against his rock-hard body. “You’re teasing me,” I whined. My hands gripped his shoulders.

  Nathan chuckled and left a trail of kisses down my body till he reached the promised land.

  “Yes,” I hissed. My hand gripped his hair.

  “You like that?” His breath brushed against my clit.

  “Please, Nathan,” I begged and tried to push his face where I needed him.

  He lifted his face, and his amber eyes darkened. When he opened his mouth, his voice buzzed.

  “What?” I jerked back, confused. His voice buzzed more.

  My body jerked awake. My phone rang as my clit pulsed. My hand quickly went under the band of my underwear.

  My phone rang again. I growled, grabbing it awkwardly, not stopping myself from applying pressure against my nub.

  “Hello?” I answered without looking who was on the other end. My focus was on my other hand.

  “Morning, Sade.” Nathan’s voice was liquid sex and dangerous to my current predicament.

  My body arched to the sound of his voice. My fingers applied more pressure. “Morning, Nathan.” I panted, failing to keep the moan out of my voice. I pulled my phone back to check the time. “It’s seven. Is everything ok?” I closed my eyes and attempted to calm my racing heart.

  Nathan cleared his throat. “Yea, I wanted to catch you before I got busy and ask if you wanted to meet for lunch or maybe dinner today.”

  “Um,” I couldn’t focus on what he was asking me. My brain was confused between my fantasy and reality. His sexy voice was fueling my desire and the pure need to get off. I couldn’t stop myself from rubbing my clit automatically that always brought me to a quick orgasm.

  “Sade?” Nathan said my name with concern.

  My orgasm washed over me. “Nathan,” I moaned his name. My toes pointed and my heart raced against my chest. And my brain finally woke up.

  Oh my god! What did I just do?

  My face burned. “I’m sorry, my brain isn’t functioning just yet. I was asleep when you called.” I prayed he wouldn’t know what I just did with him on the phone. I sat up and wiped my hand on my sheet. I needed to change them, anyway.

  He was quiet for a moment before he groaned. “Angel, Sade, fuuck.” I heard a thunk.

  “Yes.” I squeaked out. Shit, shit. A hole needed to open up and swallow me.

  “Did you just do what I think you did?” Nathan moaned into the phone. My body pulsed with want.

  “I need to wake up more. I’ll text you later about lunch or diner.” I hung up the phone before he could reply.

  Oh my god, how was I going to look at him?

  My door creaked open and my daughter’s little round face peaked through. “Mommy.” Her voice was thick with sleep.

  I sighed. My humiliation would have to wait. I patted my bed, and she ran and jumped into the bed next to me. I pulled her close, burying my face in her hair. “How did you sleep, baby?”

  “Good, I had a dream that Nate was my new daddy and the baby’s daddy and we had ice cream every night.” Hailey sighed and burrowed closer to me.

  I blinked back the tears. “Ice cream every night, huh?” I took a deep breath and tried not to think about how much I failed her and failed my son, who wasn’t even born yet.

  “Yep. Can we have breakfast now?”

  I snorted, “Sure, baby, how about some scrambled eggs?”

  My mind kept wandering to Nathan. I wondered if he liked the idea I was getting off to his voice. Would his behavior change? Would he think it’s okay to be more sexual with me?

  My heart thumped against my chest at the thought. I prayed nothing changed between us. It would hurt my soul. Whatever we are to each other in the short time we’ve known each other, I had grown attached to his sarcastic humor and his cuddles.

  I thought of Hailey and how much she loved the ice cream and park dates that were slowly becoming the Saturday routine. What would happen if that all stopped because of this?

  God, what was he going to think?

  I pulled at the ends of my hair. I grabbed my phone to text Nathan. I’m just going to say sorry. It’s the hormones and hope for the best. And say we could meet up for lunch and maybe come over for a movie. Just put the awkward moment behind us.

  “I’m sorry about this morning. I was still half asleep. I’m good for lunch if you still want to meet up.-S.”

  I chewed on my bottom lip, and copper zinged across my tongue. I swiped my thumb along my lip and winced when it hit the tiny split I must have made from chewing on it constantly.

  I ran my fingers through my hair and took a deep breath. My phone dinged.

  “No need to apologize. I loved this morning. I’ll see you for lunch at the diner near the hospital. -N”

  My body flushed
—this man.

  “Hailey, we are going to see Nathan today for lunch, does that sound fun?” I tucked my phone into my pocket. I needed to forget about how fast my heart raced reading Nathan’s text.

  Hailey squealed, “Yes! Can we go to the park after?”

  A snort escaped my lips. “We’ll see.”

  I tried not to squeeze Hailey’s hand too hard as we walked into the cute diner Nathan picked out. My eyes scanned the room and landed on him, and my knees nearly gave out.

  Nathan stood up, and the material stretched, outlining his thick muscles. Lord, only this man could make ugly green scrubs look sexy. His hair was neatly edged, and he had just the right amount of stubble on his lickable jaw. The dream flashed briefly through my mind and I controlled the urge to jump him.

  “There are my girls,” Nathan greeted us.

  “Nate!” Hailey ran from me to the booth and hugged him.

  I rolled my eyes and sat down across from them. “How is your day going?”

  Nathan sighed and slung his arm on the back of the booth. “It’s going. I had a premature delivery. But the mom and baby are okay and that’s what matters.”

  I nodded. “Good. I’m happy it worked out.”

  My heart vibrated against my chest as I checked him over. He had circles under his eyes and several days of stubble along his firm jaw. He worked too hard.

  “How’s Hailey doing in daycare? Is that one kid still bothering her?” His words brought me to the present.

  I cleared my throat and picked up a menu. “It’s the same. I think that the boy is a worker’s son.” I gritted my teeth. It was just last week I had to file a complaint. I picked Hailey up, and she had a bruise and teeth marks and no one could tell me what happened. I needed to find a new place soon. They already told me they weren’t sure if they had space for a newborn.

  Nathan tapped his fingers and nibbled on his bottom lip. “I talked to Red, and she said she could talk to you today about getting Hailey and the little man into the center’s daycare.”

  My mouth popped open. “The Valentine Center daycare?”