Heart of Conviction: Nathan (Conviction Series Book 1)

by Aly Nichole

  His half attempt to give me something I wanted wasn’t genuine. The stutter and shake in his words said more, a lot more.

  His fingers ran through his hair. “Yeah, sorry. Um, I’ll leave my information and—”

  “What’s the holdup, intern?” Nathan’s voice startled me, and I squeaked.

  His eyes roamed over me. “Hey, Angel, everything okay?”

  I laughed. I didn’t know what else to do. How was this my life? My brother dead, baby daddy showed up, and Trey was out there, and then some billionaire doctor wanted me.

  I felt Nathan take my hand, pressing his lips to mine.

  “Tell me what you need.”

  My laugh turned to a sob, and I shook my head. “I don’t know, Nathan.”

  The wall was tan, or was it peach? No, it was tan. What the fuck was wrong with me?

  I sat in my chair in my office, pretending the world didn’t just go to shit and up in smoke in less than a week.

  They released Sadie with RJ on Sunday, and she went to her apartment. And that was the last time I spoke with her. She fought with me about the gifts Red got her to keep them. But she refused to talk to me since.

  Today was Thursday, four days. And I had no fucking clue what I did. Why was she shutting me out?

  After discovering James, the fucking intern, was Princess’s biological dad, I freaked out. I called Ira and promised no matter what, I would help her. And I got things together for her brother’s funeral, and I paid for it all. Did she know that? I didn’t get the chance to tell her when she shut the door on me.

  Fuck, I kicked off the floor and spun in a circle. I fucking loved her, and I wanted to tell her and hold her hand through everything that was happening. Instead, I was hiding in my office, and she was not answering my texts or calls for four fucking days.

  I slammed my hand down on my desk. This was bullshit.

  “You’re scaring your employees.” Ira deadpanned from the doorway.

  My brother dressed too much like my dad some days. He was in an all-black specially made by MadVineDesign, suit with a black undershirt and black tie. He had his hair neatly trimmed and edged.

  “Big case today?” I asked and refined from making a dig at him. He was doing so much for Sade, but my bitterness was getting the best of me.

  His perfectly stupid eyebrow raised. “Yeah.”

  I tapped roughly against my desk. “Win?”

  “Yep.”

  “Is James fighting Sade, or has anything happened at all?” Fuck it, I needed to know. My brother had to have some loyalties to me.

  He sat across from me and brought his ankle to his knee, leaning back—no care in the world.

  My fingers tapped faster, and my knee bounced. “Are you serious right now?”

  Ira sighed, “Sadie and Mr. Cornell are waiting to talk until after the funeral.”

  My body slumped in my chair. Okay. That wasn’t too bad and, honestly, probably the mature thing to do. “All right. Anything on Trey?”

  “Why aren’t you asking Sadie these things?” His smug tone grated on my nerves.

  “Fuck you.” It hurt. She left me with nothing, took my fucking heart, and ran.

  I felt Ira’s stare burn my face. I shook my head and grabbed my tablet, thumbing through my patients.

  “Maybe you should just go to her place and talk to her.” .

  I grunted. “I don’t want to push her when she’s grieving.”

  The lies tasted like ash on my tongue. My heart hurt, and I was scared she would reject me more if I showed up at her door.

  My brother rolled his eyes. “Go to her.” He stood up and straightened his jacket out, nodded his head, and left.

  My brother was never one for words outside the courtroom. But he was right. I needed to talk to her, fight for her.

  I said goodbye to my nurses and headed to Sade’s. I shouldn’t have let it get this far in the first place. God, I’m an idiot.

  My hand knocked on her door, and I waited. I had a key, but I wanted to respect the space she put between us a little more since I came here unannounced.

  I heard her on the other side of the door. Princess wanted to answer, and little RJ was fussing. Fuck it, I pulled out my key, put it in the lock, and walked in.

  My heart broke at the sight before me. Princess had her favorite shirt on, and shorts and her hair was a rat’s nest. Sadie had dark circles under her dull eyes. Her hair was a mess on top of her head. Her shirt had pit stains, and her shorts had bloodstains. Little RJ was in nothing but a diaper and sat in a swing. Sade had a bottle in her hand, and her other was in the cast.

  “Angel.” I sighed. I should have been here instead of licking my wounded pride.

  Her sob bounced off the walls. I stepped over the toys and dirty diapers and wrapped my arms around her.

  “I’m here. I got you, Angel. Sorry, it took so long.”

  I took charge and got Sade in a bath, then fed the kids. Princess went in the shower and fought me when I tried to give her a fresh shirt to wear. I was going to murder my brother.

  After RJ went down, I cleaned. Sade was MIA. I hoped she was taking a nap herself. I checked her pill bottle and noticed there was barely any missing—this woman.

  I sighed. Princess in fresh clothes, hair unknotted, and watching her favorite shows. I grabbed her pills and went to Sade’s room.

  She sat on her bed in lounge clothes. Her eyes were unfocused on the wall.

  I cleared my throat, and she turned to look at me. Her eyes had more life than before.

  “His memorial is this weekend. I tried to push it back more, hoping my mom and dad would change their minds, but—” her shoulders slumped, and tears fell from her eyes. “I can’t do a damn thing because of my arm, and I can feel the damn stitches and — and—” she sobbed.

  I sat on her bed and pulled her gently into my lap. “It’s okay, Angel.”

  “They caught Trey. And he confessed to everything. Just like that.” She hiccupped and sobbed into my chest.

  My hands rubbed up and down on her back. I rocked us, hoping it was soothing. I was afraid to say anything and make it worse.

  It didn’t take long for her to quiet down, and her breathing evened out. I picked her up and laid her in the middle of her bed, and covered her up. I brushed my lips against her forehead and whispered, “I love you, Sade.”

  I let Sade sleep for a few hours. I called Red and asked her to do some shopping. And I asked Wyatt to make something nice for Sade to play during the memorial service Sade planned for Zac.

  I had little RJ in my arms snuggling, and Princess curled into my side when Sade came out of her room.

  She looked much better. The dark circles were shades lighter. “I’m sorry.”

  I shook my head. “No, Angel. You went through a traumatic birth and lost your brother. I should have been here helping you.”

  I was a fucking idiot and a shit doctor. For fuck’s sake, she had an emergency C-section and a broken arm all by herself in this apartment fuck. I cleared my throat. “I’m sorry, Angel.”

  She wobbled over to me and curled on the opposite side of Princess.

  My chest expanded, and I closed my eyes. Everything was exactly the way it’s supposed to be.

  “All right, you need to take your pills, and then I’m checking your stitches.” I untangled myself from my girls and put RJ in the swing.

  I handed her pills, and her phone rings.

  Sade closed her eyes and answered the phone with the speaker on. “Hello?”

  “What in the world is someone from the Center keep calling me?” A shrill voice came out of the phone.

  I scrunch my nose at the awful fucking sound.

  “Probably to inform you about Zac’s memorial,” Sade answered. Her fingers rubbed her temple.

  I smirked. Red could be a petty bitch. I was sure she called purposely over and over.

  “I told you I wasn’t paying for anything. You need to tell them to stop calling.”

&n
bsp; I bulked. Was this woman joking?

  Sade had tears falling down her face. “Mom, that’s not why they were calling.”

  “Sure, why else would they be calling this much?”

  Unable to help myself, I answered, “Because my sister-in-law likes to make sure the family knows when their child will be put to rest. So since we have you on the phone, it will Saturday at eleven at the Center.” I leaned over and ended the call.

  Sade stared at the phone for a few moments. “She doesn’t care, no one cares, my brother died.”

  My heart hurt for her. I was mad at her brother because he got them into this mess, but he saved her from God knew what. And for that, I was thankful for him. “I care, Angel. Come on, let’s get these pills in you and check the stitches. Fuck your parents.”

  It took little prodding to get her to take the pills, and I had her lay back down for another nap. She needed the rest.

  “You should be ashamed of yourself.” My mother lectured me. The moment she stepped into Sade’s apartment, I got an ear full.

  “She had a baby and lost her brother, and you left her alone.”

  I thumped my head against the wall. RJ was happy in Red’s arms, and Hailey was munching on something my mom gave her.

  “You tell him, Mama D.” Red cackled from where she sat.

  I stuck my tongue out like the adult I was before I addressed my mom. “It won’t happen again. It was a shock that she shut me out.”

  I knew better. When I was grieving, I shut people out for a long time before Red pried her damn way into my heart and forced me to open up. I should have known better than to let Sade do it.

  My mom’s hazel eyes roamed over me. “Good, I don’t want to have to disown you and replace you with Sadie.”

  I recoiled and looked at my best friend, who was laughing her ass off. “What the hell, mom.”

  “She has my grandbabies. If it’s between you and her, I’ll take her.”

  I snorted, of course, she would. “Well, I’ll just make sure she never leaves me, so there won’t be a choice.”

  “Good answer, baby.”

  I looked over to Red. “Has Gails put in his two-week notice or anything?”

  Red’s brow pulled down. “No, why?”

  I snorted. “I saw the fucker last week talking to one of the board members. We had a few words.”

  Samson talked to me a couple of days later after my confrontation with Gails and asked my opinion. I didn’t hold back and told him exactly what I thought of him.

  “Seriously? Fuck, I better start head hunting doctors again.” Red groaned.

  I nibbled my bottom lip. “You know, what if we set stuff up with colleges like residents could work at the center to get hours? I mean, we could still have the primary doctor to oversee everything, but to help them out, we could rotate.” I thought out loud.

  It could work, and then maybe we wouldn’t have doctors leaving left and right.

  Red tilted her head, and her eyes focused on something in the distance. “I’m going to look into that. I think we could work something out, and it would help a lot if we had more than two people staffed there.”

  Mom added some thoughts, and an idea was coming together. I gave her some contacts for local deans and the hospital chairs.

  “Can I please be the one to fire Gails?” I put my hands together and puckered my lips. “Pretty please?”

  “Oh, yeah, sure. You can totally fire Gails. That’s not unprofessional at all.” Red deadpanned.

  “Nathan would have way too much fun.”

  I whipped my head around to Sade. She had a slight smile played on her lips. The dark circles that plagued her eyes were all but gone.

  “Hey Angel, sleep, okay?” I walked over and pulled her to my chest.

  “Yes, thank you.” Sade snuggled closer.

  My mom and Red shared a smile.

  “I hope you don’t mind, but I shopped and filled up your fridge with easy meals, and I brought a few outfits Maddi didn’t want anymore that maybe you could wear on Saturday.” Mom informed my girl.

  Sade’s face turned and stared at her kitchen and then at the stack of neatly pressed dresses. “Thank you.” Her voice was low and unsure.

  I kissed the top of her head. “Hey, I think we got it from here. You guys can head out.”

  My mom kissed my cheeks and pulled Sade into a hug, and whispered something into her ear I couldn’t hear.

  Sade gave a watery smile. “I will. Thank you again.”

  “All right, Angel, let’s get you some food, and we can snuggle on the couch.”

  Nathan had a death grip on my hand, or maybe it was me who was gripping his hand. There was so much going on between my upcoming testimony for Trey's trial and my parents disregarding the memorial for Zac. I cried more often than I smiled. Nathan never pushed or pried. He was a rock for me to anchor to.

  James asked if we could meet and talk about Hailey. Ira and Nathan were against it, and it was a fight. But I couldn't just go on the defensive. I just didn't have it in me.

  Nathan squeezed my hand as I sighed and leaned into his shoulder. "We can leave, and Ira can talk to him and see what he wants."

  I looked over to Ira, who sat with Hailey and Sam at another table. Nathan had a hard time bringing her here. But something told me I should.

  "No, it's okay. I just want to get this over with and go home." I wanted to be home with Nathan, Ryland, and Hailey snuggled on the couch.

  Nathan grunted, and I couldn't help but gaze at him. My eyes started on his face. His eyes were darker today, and he was sporting thick stubble along his jaw. His shirt showed every line and divot of his muscles.

  "You keep looking at me like that. I'm going to have to punish you." His voice sent shivers down my spine.

  "My doctor said I wouldn't be able to resume any strenuous activities for another three weeks." It felt good to tease. So much of my time, I was in misery.

  My thoughts ran over the memories of my brother. I mourned the brother who picked me up after cheerleading practice. The brother that woke me up on a Saturday morning to go to the beach. He watched cartoons with me and never left me behind.

  My big brother, we were a team against my uptight parents.

  Nathan gave me a predatory smile, "Angel, who said you would do anything but watch?"

  My lips parted, and heat pooled in my lower abdomen. "You're evil."

  Nathan opened his mouth to say something but slammed shut, and his eyes shifted to something behind me.

  I turned my head. James stood next to our table, and his hands were shoved deep into his pockets.

  "Thank you for agreeing to meet me."

  I cleared my throat. "Of course."

  "Jesus, intern, take a fucking seat. You're making me jumpy as fuck." Nathan's voice was light, but his body was tight, and his knee bounced underneath the table.

  "Oh, sorry." He quickly sat down and put his hands on the table. His eyes kept wandering over to where Hailey and Ira sat.

  "What exactly did you want to talk about?" I finally asked after a few minutes of him staring.

  He shifted his weight in the chair. "Um, I just — I just wanted to see her once, and then I'll sign off."

  I let out a sharp breath and shook my head. "You'll sign off?"

  James scratched his fingers through his hair. "I don't know if I could be her dad. Not after nearly six years of not being there."

  I squeezed Nathan's hand, and my eyes looked past James to my daughter. I had raised her by myself with no support. What could James bring to her life? Would he actually stay in her life, or would he bail again when it wasn't on his schedule?

  Would it be easier for everyone? But would it be the right thing?

  "Is that what you really want, James?" I asked. Nathan's knee bounced faster.

  I knew this was hard for him. He told me before he wanted Hailey all to himself, but he couldn't imagine not being in his child's life.

  His eyes flickered over
to my daughter again. "Yes, I would be open to being part of her life if she ever decided that later. But right now, I just — I'm not father material."

  "Ah, bullshit, I've seen you with the kids at my practice. You would be fine—Jesus, intern. Be real with us. If you want to be part of her life, then say so we'll work it out." Nathan bit out. I placed my hand on his knee.

  It would be more peaceful, and having it easy would be amazing right now. My life was messy and complicated. And I wanted to hide under covers while Nathan took care of everything. But what would Hailey miss? What if James was amazing, and he helped her when I couldn't, or Nathan?

  I needed to add Nathan to my plans because even when he angered me and I wanted him to leave me alone. I loved the man, and I needed to tell him soon because he was something special. Ugh, god, I was all over the place.

  "I — I want to try," James finally conceded.

  My jaw locked. "You don't try. You either do it or don't. I'm willing to work something out, but you have to be in it one hundred percent, or you don't do it at all."

  Hailey already had a shit beginning with me as her mom and dealing with the mistakes I made over the last several years. I couldn't let this man add to the damage.

  "Can, can I meet her, please?" His chin went to his chest.

  Nathan looked at me, his face blank. I could read it though, he wanted me to say no. But I couldn't because once we left here, it would be handed over to Ira, and all communication would go through him, and if James signed away his rights…

  "Yes, but I'm not telling her who you are. Not until you decide." My heart was in my throat.

  He nodded, "Of course."

  Nathan waved his hand at Ira.

  Ira raised one brow and looked almost pissed, but he helped my daughter clean their table and walked over to us.

  "Nate, you promised ice cream if I was good for Uncle Ira, and I was good, so I want a triple scoop with sprinkles and chocolate stuff." Hailey climbed into Nathan's lap.

  Nathan smiled down at her. "Anything for you, Princess."

  Ira snorted as he thumbed through his phone.

  "Hailey, baby, this is Nathan's colleague. James." I quickly introduced him before I lost my nerve.