Magic and Mayhem

by R K Dreaming

  Very slowly so as not to startle them, he reached over to a nearby tea table and picked up a framed photograph from it. He turned it around so that they could see. It was a picture of two young boys around seven years old standing with two grey-haired old ladies.

  He pointed at the black haired boy. “That’s Max.” And then at one of the old ladies. “That’s my Granny Hyde. Dad’s mum. She used to live nearby. Dead now, she is. Probably a blessing. It was her garden that I went to that night.” He pointed at the other old lady. “And that’s my Nanna Plumm, mum’s mum. She lived near the Epping Forest. When we stayed with her we got to do some real camping. Fishing too. And cycling. Best days of my life they were.”

  He had gotten a dreamy reminiscent look on his face. Nan was looking like she felt very sorry for him indeed.

  Percy decided it was time to snap him out of it. “So you had etherhopped to your granny’s garden,” she prompted. “And then what?”

  He looked like he had returned to reality with an unpleasant bump. He took a quick sip of his tea.

  “As soon as we arrived, I kicked that watch wizard hard as I could to get him off me. It worked. But it was too dark for me to see where he was. I could hear him chasing me, and I saw the glint of the water, and had this mad idea. So I chucked the walnut hard as I could right into the old river stream at the bottom of granny’s garden. Because if he caught me then I wouldn’t have the wildmagic on me, would I? And what was he going to charge me with? I could say it was nothing to do with me. I thought it was a brilliant idea. I’d come back for it later, wouldn’t I?”

  He got a very sour look on his face, and lifted his mug to drain the rest of his tea.

  “And then what?” said Percy eagerly. “Did your granny find the magic? Did she tell you off for being a naughty boy?”

  She could barely restrain a grin.

  “Nah,” he said, looking displeased with Percy’s amusement. “She’d already been dead and gone a few years. The house had been sold to another family by then. But it was night, and they were Humbles. They didn’t even hear us scuffling out there in their garden. Not until he blasted my leg off anyway. Screamed like a maniac, didn’t I? Couldn’t not scream. It happened just as I was getting ready to etherhop again. And before he could grab me, I was gone.”

  He fell into a deep silence as if contemplating what had happened to him. Through the leg of his jeans, he rubbed the stump of his knee.

  “Where did you etherhop to?” asked Nan.

  “To the meeting point. Old abandoned warehouse out in the east end that we had scouted out. I didn’t dare hop again after that in case they were tracking my wand. And I was bleeding like a stuck pig, and it was all I could do to tie it off and wait. But the other two didn’t come. I waited for an hour, agony it was. In the end I realized they must have been caught. I did the only thing I could. I called Max.”

  “And he hid you?” said Percy, to prompt him out of the silence that he had fallen into.

  He nodded. “He took me to another abandoned warehouse at first. I couldn’t stay in that same one in case Fred and George told the conclave officers where it was. Max did the best he could for my leg without using magic, because I was that afraid someone from the conclave might check his wand afterwards and realize what he had done. He made me as comfortable as he could, and left me for the night.”

  “And he came back the next morning to tell you that everyone thought you were dead?” said Nan.

  Hank nodded. “It was all over the morning papers. And that was when we decided that I should go to a Humble hospital to get myself sorted. Only place I could go. And after things died down a bit, Max let me hide out in this house. It was only supposed to be for a week. Who knew it’d turn into nine years!”

  “And you’ve been looking for the magic all this time?” said Percy incredulously.

  She noticed again all the dirt on his face. It was mud. It was all over his clothes too. It looked fairly fresh, which meant he must have been digging around in muck even today.

  “What kind of stupid idea was that?” said Nan. “To throw a tiny undetectable walnut into a river? How were you meant to find it again?”

  “It wasn’t stupid!” he protested. “We always knew we would have to hide the walnut. It was enchanted to make it undetectable by magic except to anyone who had the password. So all we’d have to do was call it with magic and using the password and it would come flying right out at us.”

  “Then why haven’t you found it?” said Nan.

  “Because I had to spend months hiding out before I could come back to Max’s! I didn’t even tell him where the walnut was, because he might be my best friend, but when you’re on the run, you start being suspicious of everyone. And anyway, I think he didn’t want to know.”

  “But you came here in the end,” said Percy. “You’ve been here for nearly nine years. Why haven’t you found it yet?”

  “By the time I got back, they’d dug up the old river and filled it in! Diverted the stream! Can you believe it? Of all the rotten luck. The Humble Local Council had redone all of the gardens in my granny’s street that backed onto that river stream. They’d blocked off the land where it used to be. The whole thing was a building site. It’s a park for the kids now and a school. With all the bulldozing and the foundations they were building and whatnot, the walnut could be anywhere along that whole block of land!”

  Nan gave a high-pitched giggle. At his despairing look, she covered her mouth with her hand.

  “Sorry,” she said. “It’s just… You’ve been searching all that land for nine years?”

  He nodded. “Walking up and down, up and down in the middle of the night, all on my dead leg, all by myself. Digging up all the likely spots, praying that I would find it.”

  “Digging it up by hand?” said Percy, eyeing up the mud that was drying his hands and sleeves.

  “No other option,” he said. “Because this was where I etherhopped to on the night of the heist, the conclave started keeping a close eye on any magic use in this area. Max was the only wizard left in this neighborhood, so they must have realized someone was doing magic here with a wand that wasn’t his.”

  “How do you know?” said Percy.

  “I used magic to search for the first couple of weeks and then suddenly one day a couple of watch witches etherhopped to right near me. I only just managed to escape them in the dark. It put the fear into me so bad that I haven’t used a wand in years. Not even to make a cup of tea! Got rid of my own wand years ago, but that stolen one I got my hands on is gathering dust upstairs in the sock drawer.”

  “You’ll never find it without magic,” said Percy. “Not in a million years!”

  “I will!” he insisted. “I’ve been using a Humble’s metal detector. You wouldn’t believe the things I’ve learned having to live like a Humble. Really useful, it’s been. I’ve narrowed it down to a few places it had to be. They’re where I haven’t been able to get to because of people being around or because it’s a bit hard to dig up, but I’ll get there eventually. I’ll find it. You’ll see!”

  “Why didn’t you ask Max to use the password if you’ve narrowed it down so much?” said Nan disbelievingly.

  “I don’t have the password,” he said miserably. “Only Fred and George know it. It was their idea. They never did tell me. I have to find it by hand.”

  “You won’t,” said Nan. “Because your time is up. You’re a horrid man. Your poor ex-wife has been grieving for you all these years, horrified that you’d been ether-flayed. And here you are, sitting pretty, without a care in the world!”

  “Without a care?” he wailed. “Have you got any idea what torture it’s been to live like this for nine years? Do you think it’s any kind of a life? It is as bad as being dead! I wish I had been arrested. Then maybe I would still have my leg!”

  “Well you’re about to get your wish,” said Nan primly. “Because we’re going to have to call the Conclave of Magic now, and let them know where
you are.”

  “Please don’t,” he begged. “Please, please don’t!”

  “We have too,” said Nan irritably. “Don’t you care that Juliet’s life is in danger? The sooner that the conclave find that stolen wildmagic, the better. The Sheedy cousins are hunting her down like an animal because they think that she knows where it is! The poor woman is in hiding! And she’s heartbroken because they’ve killed the love of her life. Poor Brad Jolie is dead while you’re alive. It’s hardly fair!”

  He gave a strangled laugh.

  “What’s so funny?” said Percy suspiciously

  “Poor Brad Jolie? He might be dead, but he’s the lucky one.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?” said Nan angrily.

  He sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He shook his head. “Nothing. And anyway, Brad Jolie was never her husband, was he? Because I’m still alive.”

  He gave a funny little grin.

  “And you think that’s funny?” said Nan. “Do you think she’s going to be laughing when she finds out?”

  “She’s not going to be happy that you’re alive,” said Percy. “I think she’s going to hate you.”

  “Please don’t tell her,” he begged. “I can’t bear for her to hate me.”

  “Of course we have to tell her!” said Nan scathingly. “Why would we keep that a secret from her?”

  “Please, I’ll tell her myself after I’ve found the wildmagic. Please!”

  “Leave you here to look for it?” said Nan, looking highly offended. “And trust you to stick around? Do you think that we’re stupid?”

  He shook his head. “Not stupid. Just have some sympathy. You said that she’s heartbroken. She’s grieving. Do you think she needs to hear now that she wasn’t really married to the man she thought was her husband? Just give me a week. I’m begging you. I will have found the magic by then. I’ll hand myself in!”

  “I don’t believe you,” said Nan, standing up and pointing her wand almost fiercely at him. “And don’t you try anything.”

  He stayed sitting in his chair, sunken into it like a cowering puppy. He looked very strange, with his shaggy overgrown hair and beard and all the mud all over him. The photographs of him in the newspaper had been of quite a handsome man. The years had really taken their toll.

  “Handing me in won’t help her,” he said quietly. “The conclave will never find the walnut. Took me near a decade to narrow it down. I’ll never tell them where. Her life will still be in danger because Fred and George won’t be able to get to me when I’m in prison, so they will still try to get to her. Please don’t do it. Just let me find the magic myself.”

  Nan stomped her foot in rage. “You horrid man!” she said

  “Not horrid,” said Percy suddenly. “Just desperate, aren’t you? You’ve been searching for that thing for so long it’s the only thing you know how to do.

  He nodded tiredly. He didn’t even deny it.

  Percy tucked her arm into Nan’s. “Let’s go Nan,” she said. “Our work is done here.”

  Nan looked at her in disbelief, and shook her head. “No way!”

  Percy nodded at her firmly. “We are going to give him the week that he asked for.”

  Nan was now shaking her head almost frantically. “No! If he tells me where he’s narrowed it down to, I can use my wand to try and get it.”

  “It won’t come without the password,” he said. “It’s not even worth trying, you being an underage witch and all. Won’t you get into trouble?”

  Nan glared at him mutely.

  “Please just let me find the walnut,” he said determinedly. “I’ve been looking for it for so long. All I want to do is give Juliet a few ampoules of wildmagic. Just a few to make up for everything I’ve done to her. And apologize. And then you can hand me in. Please!”

  “And me!” said Percy suddenly.

  “What?” He looked confused.

  “You have to promise to give me two ampoules of wildmagic as well,” said Percy.

  “You can’t!” Nan said to Percy, sounding scandalized.

  “I need it,” said Percy. “Remember? To find that special person not in my life?”

  Realization of what Percy meant came into Nan’s eyes. She glared. And this time, when Percy tried to drag her out of the house, she did not resist.

  9. The Bait

  “I cannot believe you asked him for two ampoules of stolen wild magic,” hissed Nan at Percy as they left Max’s house.

  “I only told him that so he wouldn’t run for it,” said Percy.

  “What?” said Nan, looking astonished.

  “Ha!” said Percy. “You fell for it too.”

  “But… Those ampoules of wildmagic are one of the few things powerful enough to let you etherhop across into the Magicwild. It is almost impossible to get there. I thought you wanted to use them to find your dad.”

  Percy shrugged. “I mean, I wouldn’t say no if someone was going to offer me two ampoules of wildmagic, but I only told him what I said because if he thinks we’re all in it together, then he’ll feel safe staying in that house looking for the wildmagic. It’ll buy us the time we need.”

  Nan looked back anxiously towards the house, which was still dark inside. Hank Hyde was so afraid of being caught that he never ever turned on the lights in the front of the house.

  “I really don’t think he will run,” said Percy. “Didn’t you see? He was filthy. He didn’t have a life. All he’s been doing for nine years is searching for that walnut. I think he’s addicted to it. I think he might have even gone a little off his rocker.”

  “Poor Juliet,” said Nan. “She’s going to be so shocked when we tell her that he isn’t dead.”

  “Hmmm…” said Percy.

  “What is hmmm supposed to mean?” said Nan. “You have to tell her.”

  They had walked to the train station and arrived to find they had just missed a train. It was a half hour wait for the next one, and by the time they got back to their local tube station in Notting Hill, it was so late that Nan said in a panic, “You’ll have to tell Opal yourself, because if I don’t get home in the next twenty minutes, mum is going to be furious!” She dashed off.

  Percy’s own house was a further walk, and when Percy got in, she found that Opal had locked herself firmly inside her bedroom, and did not answer when Percy knocked on her door.

  Jeeves came floating up the stairs, and said in a hushed tone, “In such a mood, she was when she got back from work. I don’t think she’s cut out for it. She said she’s not feeling well and wanted to be left alone. Didn’t even come down for dinner!” He looked a little offended at this latter part.

  Percy was glad. She hadn’t been looking forward to having that conversation with Opal, especially given the way that she had run off so emotionally from school earlier in the day. She was bound to have another temper tantrum, which would risk putting Gwendolyn in a mood too.

  “Where’s mum?” Percy asked.

  “She went out for the evening to see some friends. You know she doesn’t like to stay home unless she has company.”

  Percy followed Jeeves back downstairs to the kitchen, and gobbled down the crab salad and lobster bisque starters that Jeeves proudly set before her.

  “Why do you always have to cook this sort of stuff when mum comes home?” she complained. “Why can’t she eat what I like for once?”

  But then she said, “Ooh!” as he brought her a main course of roast lamb.

  When she was done, she didn’t have room for dessert, but she couldn’t resist the rich melting middle chocolate cake which looked divine, so she ate that too, much to Jeeves’s delight, and finally staggered up to bed.

  The next morning Percy did not see Opal at breakfast. When she got to school, she did see her teaching English Literature, which was Percy’s first class of the day, but Opal completely ignored Percy, pretending that she didn’t know her.

  This did not go unnoticed by Nan, who whispered, “She didn’t take t
he news well then?”

  “Tell you later,” Percy whispered back.

  When morning break came, Shara was also eager for an update. But Felix was not free. He had to stroll around the school grounds patrolling as part of his undercover duties with Octavia Smythe-Smith. Percy insisted on waiting until lunchtime to talk so that they wouldn’t have to recap the story again for him too.

  When the lunch bell rang, Percy, Nan, and Shara went to their favorite hidey hole out on the school grounds, which was a grassy patch behind the groundskeeper’s shed. It was surrounded by trees, and offered them the privacy that they wanted.

  Nan took out a picnic blanket from her bag and laid it out to cover the slightly damp grass.

  Felix was late. He arrived a few minutes later, slightly breathless from having run all the way.

  “Sorry,” he said. “I had to get rid of Octavia. She’s been really controlling recently. I think she knows something is up.”

  Shara moved over to make room for him on the picnic blanket and he dropped down next to her.

  “She knows you’ve been hanging out with us and she doesn’t like it,” said Shara.

  “She thinks you’re fraternizing with the enemy,” said Nan.

  “Ha!” said Percy. “I bet she’d die of envy if she knew we were working on this case and she isn’t.”

  “She can’t find out,” said Felix, very seriously. “I’d never hear the end of it.”

  “Chill, I’m not going to tell her,” said Percy.

  Percy would normally have loved to rub something like this in Octavia’s face, but not this time.

  Percy pulled out a pile of tupperware from her backpack that Jeeves had forced her to take that morning. He had prepared lunch for all four of them.

  Felix and Shara exclaimed eagerly over the juicy curried chicken sandwiches, and spiced sweetcorn pasta, and the fresh Thai fish cakes that he had made for them all.

  Percy was happy too. This was much more the type of thing she enjoyed over the tiny fancy portions of stuff he’d been serving at home all week.