When Autumn Falls

by BobA. Troutt

When Autumn Falls

  Still Small Voice

  For the first time in several years, I stood on the edge of the road in front of my old home place at Coldwater Creek in northern Georgia. The house was in ruins, beaten and weathered from years of neglect. The weeds were tall and swayed in the wind. It seemed as if they were voices crying out from the past. The dead trees with their naked limbs stood with their trunks covered in shabby bark. You could hear the whisper of the wind coming up out of the bottom, letting me know that cooler weather was getting ready to move in. The rustic and tarnished walls of the house seemed to reach out as the hole in the roof let the rain cry inside. This is where my life began and in a lot of ways ended. Everyone is gone – Mama, Daddy, and my little sister, Shirley Ann. As I gather my thoughts and look back, I can see it all over again as if it were yesterday.

  It was in the fall of 1950 when I was eleven years old and Shirley Ann was nine. We were helping Mama rake leaves. But, we were doing more playing than raking. We’d rake up a big pile of leaves and then jump in and scatter them everywhere. I always loved the smell, carried by the breeze, of the burning leaves. After a few battles with the leaves and Mama getting onto us, I would lie down on the ground and Shirley Ann would cover me with leaves. She would walk around me and chant, ‘dead man, dead man rise.’ Whenever the notion struck me, I would quickly jump up from the leafy grave and chase her around the yard.

  While Mama and we girls gathered and burned the leaves, Daddy was in the garden pulling up sweet potato vines. Frost was on its way and if you didn’t pull up the vines, mow them down, or dig them up, the frost would go right down the center of the vines and turn the sweet potatoes black, ruining them.

  On Sunday evenings during the summer, Daddy’s brother and his family would always come over. Mama would cook a big meal, and after dinner, we played crochet and ate garden-fresh watermelon and cantaloupe. Some evenings we made homemade ice cream. Daddy and Uncle Bill, Daddy’s older brother, were very close. Daddy’s father died of a heart attack while he was plowing in the fields and his mother died from tuberculosis. He and his brother were taken in by friends of the family when they died. I was young when they died and don’t remember them very well.

  Halloween that fall, Shirley Ann and I dressed up and went trick-or-treating. Although there were not many houses up on Coldwater Creek, we still got quite a bit of candy. Thanksgiving, Uncle Bill and Daddy killed a wild turkey and they did the same for Christmas. A big snow fell that Christmas on Coldwater Creek, about six inches. Everyone was saying it was one of the biggest in a long time. Santa was good to Shirley Ann and me. We got a few toys, some candy, and we both got a new dress. But what Mama gave me made me speechless. She gave me my first diary so I could write down my innermost private thoughts. I was so happy. At first, I didn’t know what to write. Mama saw I was struggling with it so she took me in her arms and whispered to me, “It will come to you; be patient.”

  Dear Diary,

  December 25, 1950

  Mama gave you to me as a Christmas present so I could keep my thoughts always in my memory. I love you as my best friend, a sister you could say. I want to give you a name. Now let me see. I know, I’ll call you Angel. You will be my guardian angel. Merry Christmas, Angel. Bye, for now.

  Angel,

  1951

  It has been a good year. On my 12th birthday, Mama bought me some paper dolls. Shirley Ann wanted to play with them, but I wouldn’t let her. The summer was long, hot and dry. I don’t remember getting much rain. Fall was pretty. Mama and I raked leaves and watched the squirrels gather nuts. I don’t know what’s wrong with Daddy. Whenever he’s outside and hears an airplane go over, he takes off running into the house and hides under the bed. He says they’re after him. That’s all he tells us. Winter was cold. Daddy and Uncle Bill had to cut a lot of firewood. Well, I guess I’ll close for now. I really don’t have anything much. Shirley Ann turned ten this year.

  Dearest Angel,

  1952

  The year started off good until we got word that Uncle Bill had died. Daddy took it awfully hard. Will you watch over him, Angel, and Mama too?

  After Uncle Bill died, Daddy couldn’t let it go. He seemed to change overnight. He was drinking more and staying out late. He and Mama was arguing and fussing more. It turned our world upside down. Nothing was ever the same after that.

  I remember the first time I saw Daddy hit Mama. I was so scared I ran up to my room as fast as I could and locked the door. When I heard footsteps approaching my door, I huddled under my covers and tried to hold back the tears. The footsteps stopped on the other side of the door. I noticed the doorknob begin to wiggle and I heard a soft thump on the door. I figured it was Daddy resting his head on the door. He whispered, “I’m sorry, baby girl.” That became the turning point in my life.

  Dear Angel,

  1952

  It was at Uncle Bill’s funeral that I first remember Daddy putting his hand on my leg. As they played some songs, he slowly placed his hand on my knee and moved it up and down a bit. I just froze in my seat; I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if I should jump up and get away or what? I was so scared. I don’t think Mama saw. It seemed like forever, but within minutes he lifted his hand away. As I turned toward Mama, she gave me a kiss on the top of my head and brushed my bangs out of my eyes. Back at home when I was laying on my bed, I heard footsteps outside my bedroom door. Daddy would sometimes open the door slightly and peep in, or sometimes he called my name, Christy, but I wouldn’t answer. Sometimes I would wake up and he would be standing beside my bed. I would ask in a startled voice, “Daddy what are you doing?” He would always say, “Just checking on my little girl.”

  As time passed, Daddy never did that again. He still hugged Shirley Ann and me. He played with us when he wasn’t too tired. But, there was still a side of him I didn’t know or understand. And that was when he was drinking.

  When he was drunk we all tried to stay away from him. Mama, bless her heart, was always caught in the middle. The more Daddy drank, the farther he got from being the daddy we knew. Mama and Daddy began to fuss and fight even more. Daddy was always accusing her of having a boyfriend. He’d come in and search the house looking for him. One time he even took his shotgun and shot holes in the ceiling because he thought she was hiding him in the attic. I remember that day like it was yesterday. The neighbors heard the shots and called the police. Shirley Ann and I cried as we held onto Mama’s dress. The police wrestled Daddy out the door and placed him in the police car. He was kicking and screaming that he would kill him. Mama explained the situation to the officer and he understood. He told her he would take him to jail for the night and let him sleep it off. As they drove off, I remember seeing so much hurt and hatred in Daddy’s eyes as he looked at us through the back window of the police car. The neighbors were still standing on their porches when we went back in the house. Mama tried cleaning the mess with trembling hands, but she just broke down and cried.

  Daddy was released the next morning. We went with Mama to pick him up. He was quiet and didn’t have much to say. He said hi to us and that was it.

  “I’m sorry, baby, it won’t happen again. I just lost it,” he said to Mama as he put his hand on her knee.

  Mama picked his hand up and put it on the seat.

  “I understand, baby, that you’re upset. Things are going to be different now. I’ve done a lot of thinking about it, you’ll see.”

  “That’s what you say every time,” she replied. “But it never gets any better, only worse.”

  “I don’t blame you for not believing me,” Daddy said. “I know things haven’t been right, but I’m telling you, Pauline, it’s going to be different this time. I know it,” he cried. “So, girls, you’re still daddy’s girls aren’t you?” he asked.

  “Sure, Daddy,” we replied.

  I prayed for all of us that it wo
uld be different this time. But, I had my doubts.

  Guess who? It’s me!

  1952

  Hi Angel,

  Things have been pretty good. Daddy has stopped drinking. It has been three weeks now. I’m so proud of him. He’s really trying to make things better for us. He and Mama are like teenagers, you know what I mean. I can say it has turned out to be a better year than I expected. Everyone seems so happy and Daddy has been sober all this time. Well, got to run. Bye!

  One day when I was in the shed out back, I was going through some things and ran across a bottle of whiskey. It was half empty. My first fear was Daddy had started drinking again. I was hoping it was left from when he had stopped. But in a few days, my fears turned into a nightmare.

  We were sitting on the porch that day when Daddy came home from work. We could tell by the way he walked that he was drunk. Mama told us to go to our rooms. As Daddy crossed the bridge over the creek in front of our house, Mama waited for him on the porch. For two days they fussed and fought. Later that evening, I slipped downstairs to check on Mama. When I peeped around the corner of the door, I saw Daddy chasing Mama around the kitchen table with a butcher knife. He was hollering as loud as he could.

  “Where’s he at? Where’s your secret lover?”

  The only time he stopped chasing Mama was to take a drink from his half-pint. When he did, Mama was able to escape and run next door to call the police. I ran out right behind her and stood by the house out of sight. I was scared and crying. Not knowing what else to do, I knelt down beside the house and began to pray. I prayed the Lord would watch over us and help us. At the same time I prayed Daddy would die. In no time, the police were there. I knew he would have to spend some time in jail this time. Mama pressed charges but later dropped them. When he got out of jail, he came back to her crying and begging her for forgiveness. He swore it would never happen again. He promised he would get help.

  “Just be patient with me, Pauline. I’ll change,” he pleaded.

  Dear Miss Angel,

  1953

  I did a bad thing today. I prayed that my daddy would die. I know it’s wrong to even think of such. But he makes our lives so hard and miserable. I don’t know how much more we can take. I love Daddy, at least I think I do. He’s so mean at times. Angel, will you please help us? I don’t really want Daddy to die.

  Two days later, Daddy didn’t come home from work. Mama and Shirley Ann had gone over to Aunt Sarah’s house leaving me home alone. I was showering with the bathroom door locked. Startled, I thought I heard something pop or snap. But, I couldn’t tell because I could barely hear with the water running. I pulled the shower curtain back. I didn’t see anything so I went on with my shower. Without warning, the shower curtain closed in around me. I could hear the curtain popping off the hooks. I screamed as two arms wrapped around me and lifted me out of the tub. I kicked and screamed, but I couldn’t break loose. The sickening smell of whiskey filtered through the shower curtain. Whoever had hold of me, carried me into the bedroom and threw me onto the bed. I fought so hard to get away, but I was overpowered. I was no match for him because I was too small and weak. I struggled up from the wet shower curtain and saw my drunken daddy holding me back.

  The trauma was so intense I passed out. When I woke up, I knew something bad had happened. I realized I had been raped by my own daddy. As I tried to regain my composure and come to my senses, I looked about the room and was shocked he was still there. I tried to run, but he grabbed me and slammed me against the wall. He whispered in my ear that if I told a single soul he would kill Mama and Shirley Ann. He said Shirley Ann was a pretty girl, too. I begged him not to hurt us. He placed his face on the back of my head and asked me if I understood. I promised him I wouldn’t tell anybody and he could do whatever he wanted to me but not to Shirley Ann. He released me and told me to get dressed and that we would play again later.

  As he left the room, I ran back to the shower. I stood for what seemed like hours letting the hot water run over me. I felt so dirty, angry and mad. My skin turned red from where I scrubbed it so hard with the washrag. No matter how much I washed, I didn’t feel clean. I was finally able to get out of the shower. Hitting my fist against the wall, I cried out, “Oh my God, why?” Still dazed and confused, I slipped on my pajamas and went to bed.

  I was awakened when Mama and Shirley Ann came in. I heard Shirley Ann tell Mama Daddy was asleep on the couch and not to wake him. As Mama opened my bedroom door, the light from the hallway accented the darkness of my room.

  A voice filled the darkness, “Christy, are you alright?”

  I sat up and replied, “Yes, Mama.”

  Angel,

  1953

  Angel, why has this happened to me? I am so sick at my stomach. I can’t eat or sleep. Why do things like this happen? I hate him for what he did to me. I’ll never forgive him. I do wish he would die so we can be safe. I have thought about it over and over in my mind. He’s sick. He has to be or either he’s the devil. I’ll never be able to live a normal life. I hate life. I hate everything. I got to go. P.S.—I was fourteen when Daddy raped me.

  A few days later Mama asked me about the bruises on my arms and legs. I sort of passed it off as a joke and told her I must have been fighting in my sleep.

  Whatever happened to the simple life of waking up every morning at 5:00 or 5:30 and listening to John McDonald’s farm report on the radio or playing with friends all day long without a care in the world? Life used to be so simple, but now it is nothing but a hectic turmoil of bad feelings, hurt, and sick emotions. I don’t believe it will ever be simple again.

  I wanted to tell Mama a thousand times about the day Daddy raped me. But I was too afraid. If only it hadn’t happened or would simply go away. It held fast to me like a cancer. It controlled my moods and feelings, zapping all life out of me. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Mama noticed I had lost a little weight and my appetite was all but gone. I needed to talk to someone, because I’m terrified of him. Unfortunately, there is no one. Back then you didn’t talk about things like this much although it happened quite often. People just kept it to themselves.

  Hi, Angel,

  1954

  I thought I would talk a bit but I really don’t feel like it—never mind. See you, girl!

  Time passed and I could only hope and pray for better things in the future. I hoped! However, not long afterward, Daddy forced himself on me once again and frequently from then on. Each time he did, it drove me into the darkest world. All hope faded. When would it stop? Surprisingly, he stopped and never bothered me again. I hoped and prayed it was finally over. But, I found out later he had starting sexually assaulting Shirley Ann. That’s when I decided to leave and take Shirley Ann with me. Surely things somewhere else wouldn’t be as bad as it was here. I started getting our things together, setting my plan in motion. I packed my diary, a flashlight and some other things I thought we might need.

  Angel,

  I don’t have time to say much, but I found out that Daddy has been messing around with Shirley Ann. I don’t know all the details or how far he has gone, but I can’t let him destroy her life like he has mine. I got to go, leaving soon, talk to you later. P.S.—Don’t know where I’m going yet. Love you.

  After Mama and Daddy went to town to get groceries, I took the money out of my and Shirley Ann’s piggy banks. It wasn’t much but at least we would be able to eat for a little while. We took off across the back yard toward the woods. I told Shirley Ann to run hard and fast. We only stopped to rest, but just for a little while. I wanted to reach the train depot before dark.

  Shirley Ann didn’t have a lot to say. She didn’t really understand what was going on, especially what Daddy had done to her. She cried constantly for Mama. She didn’t realize that if Mama knew it could bring her to her death. Daddy would do anything. I knew that more now than ever
before; he was a monster.

  About an hour later after we left the house, we made it to the train depot. We stayed hidden while we waited for the train to leave. Shortly, I heard the conductor yell all aboard. As the last few passengers boarded, we slowly made our way to the train. One of the doors was partially open so we were able to slip in. As the train began to pull away there was a loud jerking sound and swooshing from the engine. I had no idea where it was going and I didn’t care as long as it was taking us away from home and Coldwater Creek, Georgia. Hours later, the train started to slow down and pull into a station. The words ‘Two Hill’ was on a nearby water tower. If it was the Two Hill I had heard of, we were headed south toward Atlanta. Within a few minutes we were moving again.

  By now, Mama and Daddy had come home and found my note. All it said was that Shirley Ann and I were unhappy there and we needed to get away. There was no use saying anymore. The damage had already been done. Knowing Mama, I’d say the first thing she said was she was calling the law. But Daddy probably stopped her and told her to let us go. He had found a way to hide and cover his sins. We were no more than two runaways to him.

  It wasn’t long until the train finally pulled into the giant train yard in Atlanta. I knew this was the place for us. It would be hard to find us here. When the train stopped to switch tracks, Shirley Ann and I snuck off and raced across the yard to the station. Luckily the train yard was busy and no one noticed us. The first thing I needed to do was find us something to eat. We were starved. As we headed into town, we couldn’t help but notice the tall buildings reaching upward. The streets were crowded and people were going in every direction; the traffic was heavy and loud from horns honking. An uneasy breeze circulated about the street.

  Eventually, we found a store and bought some candy bars to eat now and some for later. I never thought a candy bar could ever taste that good until that day.

  The next thing I did was try to find a safe place for us to stay. Night time was closing in on us and I had no idea where to look. I looked in some alleys but they were too risky. I didn’t want the police to pick us up and send us back home. We had to be very careful. I guess we walked three miles until we finally found something. It was an abandoned building that was old and run down. We went in and it had a terrible odor; it smelled musty. I didn’t see anyone around so we made our way up to the fifth floor. It was trashy and there were a lot of rats. This would do for now until I could find us something better. We didn’t have money for anything else. I’m hoping I can get a part-time job washing dishes or something.

  Shirley Ann was tired and wore out and so was I. She hadn’t given me much trouble, but she was distant and quiet. I worried about her because she was so young. I had no idea how this was going to affect her. I guess time would tell. The hatred was a driving force. I tried not to cry because I didn’t want Shirley Ann to see me. I had to be strong for her.

  Night in the city seemed to fall early. I guess the tall buildings shut out the daylight. I found an old piece of carpet for us to lie on. We ate our other candy bars as the darkness began to fill the room. We held each other tight and talked a little.

  “Christy, can we go home?” she asked.

  “We can’t go back,” I replied.

  “But I miss Mama,” she said.

  “I do to,” I agreed, “but we have to be strong. Mama would want us to be. Things will get better, you’ll see.”

  “But when?” she asked.

  “Hopefully soon,” I replied.

  Without warning she screamed, “Christy, look at the little red eyes.”

  “Ignore them, Shirley Ann, they’re just rats.”

  We were tired and wore out. Our eyes became heavy, and we both drifted off to sleep. However, I was awakened by something crawling on me. I turned the flashlight on and shined it on my legs. It was a cockroach. I jumped up and screamed, waking Shirley Ann. She immediately starting jumping and screaming, and that’s when I noticed she had cockroaches in her hair. Then I thought I heard someone other than her screaming.

  “Shhh,” I hushed Shirley Ann.

  I heard it again. It sounded like heavy breathing filtering through the darkness. I looked again and shined the flashlight in the direction of the sounds. In the distance, I could barely see someone moving toward us. The breathing got heavier as the footsteps seemed to get closer. The floor creaked and gave as the shadowy figure moved closer. There before us stood a tall man dressed in an old coat, pants, and three or four shirts. We were speechless with fear as we held our breath and our hearts raced out of control. I was never so scared in all my life.

  “Well, what do we have here?” a raspy voice asked.

  We were too afraid to speak. He bent down right in front of us.

  “You don’t have to be afraid,” he said. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

  I could barely make out his face, so I shined the flashlight on him. He had a ragged beard and his hair stuck out from underneath his stocking cap filled with holes. His teeth were yellow and he had bad breath.

  “My name is Shadetree,” he said, “and yours?”

  Nervously, I spoke up. “This is Shirley Ann and I’m Christy.”

  “I’d say you are runaways,” he replied.

  We didn’t answer.

  “Oh,” he said, “I travel the city looking for runaways. I find them here and there. I found a little boy here on this floor about a month ago. It must have been an awfully bad thing that happened to drive you this way.”

  We still didn’t say a word.

  “You know, I was like you once. I ran away from home and never went back.”

  “You did,” said Shirley Ann.

  “Did bad things happen to you at home?”

  “Yes, you could say that.”

  “I’ve spent all my life running from my situation instead of facing it. You know you don’t have to face it alone.”

  “We don’t,” replied Shirley Ann. “You hear that, Christy. How do we face it?” she questioned.

  “With the Lord,” he replied.

  “Well tell me where the Lord was when these things happened,” I cried out in anger. “I called on him then and he was nowhere to be found.”

  “He was there,” he said in his raspy voice. “Think about it. Well, I must go and finish my route, but here is something for you,” he said as he placed a sock in my hand. “Morning comes early and there are a lot of children still out there that need my help.”

  “Goodbye,” Shirley Ann said as he left.

  “Goodbye, girls,” he replied as he vanished into the darkness.

  “He’s a nice man don’t you think, Christy?”

  She put her hand down into the sock and pulled out some money.

  “Look, Christy,” cried Shirley Ann. “We have some money. We can eat some good food now instead of those old candy bars.”

  The night went on as I sat and watched Shirley Ann go back to sleep. I fought to stay awake, not knowing if someone else would come by or if Shadetree would come back. There was something about him I didn’t trust.

  Morning came early as the night slipped away. We left the abandoned building and never went back. “Surely, there is a better place,” I thought. I looked for a post office. I had decided to send my diary to Mama. I was hoping if she knew what caused us to runaway we would be able to go back home. I knew going home to Mama would make Shirley Ann happy again. After about an hour of wandering around, I was able to fine the post office. It wasn’t the main office, but a branch off 7th Street. I had decided to mail the diary to Aunt Sarah to give to Mama. I told her to tell Mama that we were fine, we were making it, and she shouldn’t worry. I dropped the package in the mailbox and left to find somewhere to eat. We were standing on 7th Street trying to figure out what we wanted to eat when someone yelled at us.

  “Hey, girl,” I heard someone say.

  Looking around I saw a woman coming
toward me, and she looked mad.

  “Hey, you,” she said as she approached. “This is my street. “Find you some other corner to stand on.”

  I grabbed Shirley Ann by the hand, turned and walked away. But, I could still hear her mumbling.

  “Those young things think they can take over anytime and anyplace. Go on, get out of here,” she yelled at us.

  I thought she was crazy. I didn’t know people owned corners. We were just looking for a place to eat.

  We made our way into a small restaurant not far from the crazy woman’s corner.

  “Come on, Shirley Ann, let’s eat.”

  Shortly, the woman from the street came in and sat at a table near the window. She ordered a cup of coffee. We were sitting directly across from her. I told Shirley Ann to ignore her. But, she started talking to us anyway.

  “Hey, kids, what are you doing in Atlanta?”

  I never said a word.

  “You ain’t no runaways are you?” she asked.

  “No ma’am. We’re just passing through.”

  I was afraid she would turn us into the police and that was the last thing we needed.

  “You better stay off 7th Street,” she warned. “I’ve got enough competition as it is.”

  “We will,” I said even though I had no clue what she was talking about.

  “My name is Jo Lee,” she said. “I don’t mean to come down hard on you. The streets are not for you; I can tell by just looking at you. If you’re not careful you could get killed. It’s a cruel world out there. What’s your name?” she asked.

  “I’m Christy and this is Shirley Ann, my sister.

  “Hey look, girls, I’m sorry,” she replied. “I didn’t mean any harm.”

  “That’s okay,” I said.

  Finally, the waitress brought our food. Jo Lee saw me bring out the sock with the money in it.

  “Hey, Christy,” she said. “That is your name isn’t it?”

  “Yes,” I replied.

  “Where did you get the sock?” she asked as she got up and came over to our table.

  “It was given to us.”

  “Yeah, by this nice man,” spoke up Shirley Ann.

  “What was this man’s name?” asked Jo Lee. “Do you remember?”

  As I was about to tell her, Shirley Ann spoke up, “Shadetree was his name. Don’t you think that’s a funny name?”

  Jo Lee didn’t say anymore. She just sat down with us and finished her coffee.

  “Is something wrong?” I asked.

  “No, I’m alright. Hey, girls do you have a place to stay yet?”

  “Well...,” I started to say when Shirley Ann butted in.

  “No we don’t.”

  “Good, you can stay with me. It’s not far from here.”

  We finished eating and followed Jo Lee to her apartment.

  I was sure by now Aunt Sarah had received my diary and given it to Mama. I know she will keep it from Daddy and go straight to the police. Hopefully, we will be able to go home soon.

  Once at Jo Lee’s apartment we spent time getting to know each other. I told her why Shirley Ann and I were in Atlanta. I was still nervous because she was a stranger, but somehow I was beginning to feel happiness again. We didn’t know what was going on with Mama and Daddy. We had been with Jo Lee for several days now. One night as we sat around relaxing, Jo Lee started talking about her life. She was put up for adoption when she was a baby. She never knew her mom and dad. She was adopted by Charles W. James and his wife, Olene. Things were good for her for about ten years and then it all went bad.

  “Charles raped me like your daddy did you. I put up with it as long as I could, then I made up my mind to leave. I’ve been on the streets since. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you; you don’t belong out there on the streets; you’re not the type. Plus, you would never make it.”

  “What about Shadetree?” I asked trying to change the subject. “You acted funny when I mentioned him.”

  “Shadetree gave me a sock of money a long time ago when I first came to Atlanta. He’s an angel so to speak. He works for Angels Unaware in Nashville, Tennessee. It is a community church organization that helps prostitutes, runaways, abused children, and battered women. It’s a good thing. They have a two-year program to help people like us. I tried it for a year and a half and dropped out.”

  “Why, Jo Lee?” I asked.

  “Too much hatred I guess,” she said as someone knocked on the door.

  Shirley Ann ran to see who was there. It was three of Jo Lee’s street friends, Melissa, Shelena, and Lorelle.

  “Hey, girl, are you ready?” asked Lorelle.

  “Just a minute,” Jo Lee answered as she grabbed one shoe while trying to put on the other.

  “Are you alright?” asked Melissa and Shelena in unison.

  “I didn’t know you started a babysitting service, Jo Lee,” Melissa said with sarcasm.

  “Oh, I didn’t. I’m just helping them out for an old friend, Shadetree.”

  “Shadetree,” laughed Melissa. “What kind of name is that? If we don’t get out there on the street, Sweet Daddy is going to get us.”

  “You do know Sweet Daddy’s name,” said Shelena.

  “Ain’t that Shadetree guy some kind of religious nut roaming around town at night?” questioned Lorelle.

  “Okay, come on,” shouted Jo Lee, “you have no idea what you’re talking about. Hey, Christy, lock the door and don’t let anyone in, okay.”

  “Okay,” I replied as she closed the door behind her.

  “Do you think we’ll ever get to go home?” asked Shirley Ann.

  “Maybe someday,” I said as I comforted her in my arms.

  “Do you think Mama still thinks about us?”

  “Sure, she’s probably thinking about us right now. Just close your eyes, think about Mama, and blow her a kiss,” I suggested to her.

  We both sat in silence, closed our eyes and blew her a kiss. When I opened my eyes, Shirley Ann’s eyes were closed tight and she had a pretty smile on her face.

  “What do you see, baby?”

  She hushed me and within a few minutes she opened her eyes and said, “I saw Mama, Christy. She was wearing a flowing white gown. Her hair blew in the wind and she told me she would see me soon.”

  “That’s good, girl. Maybe it won’t be too long, and she can hold us like she used to.

  We went to bed right after that. Jo Lee didn’t like for us to stay up too late. As we climbed into bed, Shirley Ann still talked about seeing Mama. She talked about it until she went to sleep. Around 3:00 in the morning I heard Jo Lee come in. It sounded like she had a man with her. I was so tired I just dozed back off to sleep. I woke up again around 5:00 in the morning. I was thirsty and needed something to drink. As I got out of bed and headed to the kitchen, I tried my best not to wake anyone. As I passed through the living room, I saw someone sitting in the dark smoking. The fire on the end of their cigarette flickered about.

  “What’s your name?” a voice out of the darkness spoke.

  I turned on the kitchen light and turned towards him. “I’m Christy,” I replied.

  “Well, Christy, how old are you?” he asked as he eased out of the chair.

  I didn’t answer. I nervously backed up against the cabinets and held my breath. Luckily, Jo Lee came out of her bedroom.

  “Norman, what’s going on in here?”

  “Nothing,” he replied. “I was just saying hello to Christy. Isn’t that right?” he replied.

  “I think it’s time for you to leave, Norman,” she said.

  “Okay, okay,” he agreed. “It was nice meeting you, Christy.”

  “Sure,” I mumbled.

  When he left, I found comfort in Jo Lee’s arms.

  “Who was that?” I asked.

  “Oh, that was Norman. He’s been out of town for the last month. He’s one of my clients.”

  “Why do you
fool around with a creep like that?”

  “He pays real good,” she replied. “But, I’ll warn you now. Stay away from him. He has a slight mental problem and doesn’t take his medicine regularly.”

  “I don’t understand, Jo Lee,” I replied. “If he’s crazy and doesn’t take his medicine why aren’t you afraid of him? It shouldn’t matter if he pays good. Money is not what life’s all about.”

  “Wait a minute,” she interrupted. “Money may not be what it’s all about, but it pays the bills and buys food.”

  “Oh, come on, Jo Lee.”

  “Look, I’m sorry, Christy, you can’t stay here any longer. I know Norman. Once he gets his mind set on something, he becomes abusive and there’s no stopping him. Girl, he is dangerous and I don’t want to put you and Shirley Ann in harm’s way.”

  I yelled for Shirley Ann to wake up and get our things packed up. She didn’t understand why we had to leave so sudden.

  “Watch your back,” said Jo Lee.

  “We’ll be okay,” I replied. “But, I am worried about you.”

  “I’ll be fine,” she answered. “He’s not the only man with money,” she laughed. “Hey, I have a little nest egg,” she said. “It’s not much but it will buy you and Shirley Ann a bus ticket.”

  “I can’t take that,” I replied. “You’ll need it yourself.”

  “No, I insist,” she said. “Do you know where ya’ll are going?”

  “We may go to Nashville.”

  “Well, this won’t get ya’ll to Nashville, but it should get ya’ll to Chattanooga,” she said as she hugged me tight.

  “Thanks,” I replied.

  As I went to help Shirley Ann gather our things, Jo Lee opened the closet door and pulled out a big bag of clothes and wigs.

  “Here put these on. I don’t have time to explain, just trust me,” she said.

  We didn’t argue with her. We put the pants, shirts and wigs on. Our whole appearance changed. We both looked like tomboys. Jo Lee drove us to the bus station. The money she gave us was enough to get our tickets. We hugged her goodbye and boarded the bus. After that we were on our own.

  Unaware of things back home, Shirley Ann and I had boarded the bus. As the bus left the terminal, we waved goodbye to Jo Lee and to Atlanta. During the bus ride we talked about home. We missed Mama and Daddy so much. We wished we could go back, but there appeared to be no way. We were on our own now and had to make the best of it. I still thought we were better off being out of that house. Shirley Ann used to cry a lot, but now she just sits and stares. How do you tell someone so young why such terrible things happened to her? There’s no way, not without causing more pain. I guess time will heal the wounds, but it will be a tough road to healing. That’s the scary part.

  Hours later we could see the lights on the outskirts of Chattanooga. Chattanooga looked so big and the lights were so pretty. Jo Lee had told me about a campground she had stayed at a few times. It was outside the city but I was sure I could find it. I told Shirley Ann we would look for it as soon as we reached the bus station. However, as I looked out the window I saw a sign that read ‘Coon Creek Campground, Two Hills Road.’ Immediately, I jumped up and told the driver we wanted off. He didn’t want to because it was against policy. But, a short ways up the road, he pulled over and let us off right next to the sign that read ‘Two Hills Road, Coon Creek Campground Straight Ahead.’ We started walking toward the campground. Even in the dusk of the evening, we saw how beautiful the park was. The tall trees stood boldly against the mountain background. The sky was clear and the peaks of the mountains twisted upward into the sky, accenting the sounds of the birds and other creatures in the woods. We finally reached the entrance, but there was a chain stretched across the road with a sign that read ‘Temporarily Closed for Repairs’. I looked around but didn’t see anyone so we slipped under the chain and ran down the path as fast and far we could go. The weather wasn’t bad, we could deal with it. We set up camp as far away from the entrance as we could. We didn’t want to be spotted. Our timing was just right. It wasn’t long until darkness blanketed the campground. The sounds of crickets and frogs in the background created an eerie feeling. As night hovered over us, we became sleepy and the sounds that once grabbed our attention slowly faded into the night.

  I hadn’t been asleep long when it felt as if someone was watching me. I opened my eyes, but stayed as still as possible. Trying not to move a muscle, I cautiously looked about. I noticed the fire had only a few embers flickering. I decided it was safe to get up. But, I was wrong. Standing before me was a man, Norman Reid. He grabbed me and placed his hand over my mouth. He had followed us from Atlanta. I bit his hand, and he removed it from my mouth. I screamed and told Shirley Ann to run. She was startled and didn’t understand what was happening. When she did, it was too late. Norman caught her by the arm and threw her to the ground. She hit her head on a rock and lay motionless. He grabbed me again and forced himself on me. I cried out into the darkness of night as he raped me. After raping me, he started beating me. When I awoke, he was gone. I crawled over to Shirley Ann’s lifeless body. Her little arms dangled by her side as I held her in my arms. As tears fell from my eyes, I gently rocked her and cried out unto God.

  “Why, why God is there so much hurt and pain. We didn’t do anything wrong,” I cried. “We were just being children.”

  Exhausted, I had to lie down. I was hurting so bad. I eventually fell off to sleep with Shirley Ann in my arms. I slept for what seemed like hours, but was awakened by Shirley Ann calling out for Mama.

  “Christy, I see Mama again. She is wearing that long flowing white dress.”

  Feeling helpless, my eyes filled with tears as a warm breeze blew about us.

  We stayed huddled together until the next day. We left the campground to find a phone. We both wanted to call home. I called Aunt Sarah to see if it was alright for us to come home. That’s when I found out that Daddy had killed Mama and he was in the Georgia State Prison for life and could be facing the death penalty. He killed Mama after she took my diary to the police. They arrested him for statutory rape and child abuse. After he read excerpts from the diary, he pled guilty and was released on bond. A few days later Mama was found dead and Daddy was in a crazy drunk. He was charged with murder. Daddy received life without the possibility of parole for Mama’s death. He was still awaiting trial for the two charges of rape and child molestation. They were seeking the death penalty by carrying over judgment of the murder trial.

  That information made me numb all over. I was stunned and Aunt Sarah could tell. She asked me if we were alright; I told her we were fine. She asked if we were coming home. I wanted to say yes, but I told her we couldn’t right now but we’d keep in touch. I couldn’t tell Shirley Ann about Mama and Daddy, but eventually I would have to. I told Aunt Sarah goodbye and not to worry about us.

  Our next destination was Nashville, Tennessee. We lived on the streets for the first two years; it was so hard. I started prostituting to make ends meet. Once I got used to it, I wasn’t as bothered by it like I was in the beginning. I tried my best to keep Shirley Ann in school. Unfortunately, she was dealing with her own issues and ghosts. I missed Jo Lee and wished she was here with us. I needed someone to talk to and she seemed to understand me. She wasn’t judgmental or quick to condemn. If she knew I was prostituting, she would probably kick my behind. No, I know she would kick my behind.

  I finally got enough courage to tell Shirley Ann about Mama and Daddy. She took it hard, knowing she would not get to see her again on earth. She rebelled and rejected the fact that Mama was dead and gone. Fortunately, as the months went by, she accepted it and went on with life.

  Usually, I would work with another girl on Dickerson Road and sometimes Trinity Lane, but today I decided to do something different. I was working lower Jefferson when I noticed a homeless man walking toward me. He was tal
king to himself as he pushed his shopping cart. He stopped right in front of me. He looked around and up toward the sky as if I wasn’t there. Still talking, his eyes finally met mine.

  “God is all seeing, all knowing, and all powerful, but yet things happen.”

  Before I could walk away he called me by my name. I asked him what he said, but he just repeated the same thing.

  “God is all seeing, all knowing, and all powerful, but yet things happen. Figure that.”

  He turned to walk away, but I put my hand on his cart and asked him how he knew my name.

  “Lucky, I guess,” he said as he reached for a card in his pocket and handed it to me.

  I took it and slipped it into my pocket without looking at it. He gave his cart a strong push and I took my hand away. He was gone just as quick as he came.

  My night soon passed, but I kept wondering how he knew my name.

  The next morning as I was going through my things, I came across the card in my pocket. ‘Angels Unaware’ I read to myself. I remembered Jo Lee talking about that. I started to put it back in my pocket when I noticed on the back it had Jesus Loves You—Shadetree.

  I hurriedly got dressed to go to the mission on Eight Avenue. I took Shirley Ann with me. I was hoping they could help her. We took a taxi because it was quicker than the bus. The buildings downtown were tall. It hurt my neck to look up at them. It was drafty too and the cars speeding and honking made it even worse.

  Finally, we arrived at the mission. It appeared to have been an old warehouse. As we approached the doors, we were overwhelmed by so many people coming and going. We made our way in and inquired about the mission. They took us in a room and explained the purpose of the mission. I informed them about Shirley Ann’s situation and asked them what they could do for us. We had to fill out paperwork, and then we were escorted into a room to talk with Scott and Brenda Robertson.

  Scott was an ex-vice cop and did all the talking. He retired from Metro and started the mission to help prostitutes, runaways, abused children, and the homeless. He spoke to me first and then Shirley Ann. He told me it was a two-year program. I would have to work a decent part-time job and live at the mission. I would also have to study for my GED, attend Bible study, go to counseling, stay drug and alcohol free, and attend church once a week. It didn’t sound too bad. He asked if I was game. I told him I would do it for Shirley Ann. After talking with me, he spoke to Shirley Ann. She told him she was okay. Shirley Ann told him she would do it for me if I would do it for her. We were accepted into the program. Scott told us we would be free to leave whenever we wanted. He wanted us to think about it and let him know before we made our decision.

  A few days later as I was working down on lower Jefferson, I saw the homeless man across the street. I yelled at him but he acted like he didn’t hear me. I ran across the street and stopped him. I asked him if he remembered me, but he looked at me puzzled and confused.

  I said, “You asked me some questions and called me by my name. How did you know my name out of all the people out here?”

  He looked up and replied, “It’s odd that you were not bothered by my statement only by me calling you by name. I knew your name because it was engraved on the locket you wore around your neck.”

  I was dumbfounded.

  He turned and questioned, “Have you decided yet?”

  I said, “Decided yet about what, the mission?” I looked closely in his eyes, “Mr. Robertson is that you? Are you Shadetree?”

  He turned quickly and walked away.

  A few days later there was a knock at our door. Shirley Ann went to see who it was. Surprisingly, Jo Lee stood at the door with her bags. We embraced with a long hug. We were excited to see each other. We told her to come on in. It was so good to see her again. She said she was able to make a deal with Sweet Daddy and he let her go. She was no longer prostituting. She wanted to live a normal life and had decided to move to Nashville. After she updated us about herself, she wanted to know how we had been. I told her Shirley Ann was going to school and I was working.

  “That is great,” she replied. “So Christy, what type of work are you doing?”

  I just dropped my head because I knew she would be disappointed.

  “Oh, no, Christy, you’re not,” she cried. “Girl, haven’t you suffered enough in your life already? Well, you’re just going to have to quit. We are going to get a real job! We are going to start with the Angels Unaware Program tomorrow, all three of us. They have counselors to help people like us, and we are going to take advantage of it.”

  “All for one and one for all,” we all shouted in unison.

  I didn’t have the heart to tell her about Norman and the campground. It just wasn’t the time. Early the next morning the tree of us made our way to see Scott at the mission. He went to work right away to get us on the right path. Jo Lee and I got a part-time job outside the mission. Because Shirley Ann was in school, she only worked a few hours in the mission cafeteria. We took the program seriously. We were determined to turn our lives around.

  A year had almost passed and we were doing better. We were still rough around the edges and still had a long way to go. The more we let go, the more the Lord helped us. One of our golden rules was that God doesn’t make junk.

  One day, we got an urgent message to see Scott in his office. As we made our way to his office, we didn’t know what to expect. Everything had been going so well. When we arrived, he told us he had been checking into our backgrounds. He had found something interesting and wanted to talk to us about it. We didn’t know what to think. Scott asked Jo Lee if she had been put up for adoption and she said she had. According to the state adoption records and the Board of Trustee Adoption Agency she, Shirley Ann, and I were full-blooded sisters. According to records, Mama and Daddy had a daughter when they were real young and placed her in the Chattanooga Children’s Home. She was later adopted by Charles and Olene James. Mama and Daddy eventually married and had us. It was official; we were all sisters. There was not a dry eye in the room. Between sobs there were shouts of joy. I didn’t know what to think. We were at a loss for words. All we could do was cry and hug each other’s necks. That was the happiest we had been in a long time. Things turned around for us after that. We were a new family. We had each other and that meant the world to us. We couldn’t ask for anything better.

  Unfortunately, when life takes a turn for the better there is always something that will happen to remind you of the bad times. It happened to Jo Lee and me as we were walking home from work. Norman Reid cornered us in an alley and held us at gunpoint. We tried to talk our way out of the crazy mess, but he wouldn’t listen. He started talking about the campground, but Jo Lee had no idea what he was talking about. She asked me what he talking about, but I wouldn’t tell her. I told her it didn’t matter. However, Norman gave her all the details. About that time I heard the hammer of the gun click. He pointed the gun at us as we stood in fear. We were frozen in our tracks and couldn’t move a muscle. Without warning, a shot rang out. When we opened our eyes Norman lay dead at our feet and Sweet Daddy was standing before us with a smoking gun. He waved and ran off down the street. The last of our nightmare was over.

  From what I gathered, Jo Lee’s freedom from the streets came by helping Sweet Daddy bring down Norman Reid for some past debts. We all stuck to our commitments and finished our programs with high honors. We now work for Scott as counselors. God really doesn’t make junk. He took our broken, abusive, tragic lives and made three beautiful people.

  *****