Finding Hope at the Loch (Loch Lannick Book 7)
Page 10
As they approached the Mackenzies’ place, Elspeth was chatting to customers outside the cafe. She wandered down to the water when she heard Isla and Lexie calling to her. They exchanged a few words and Isla told her sister she was having a great time. Lexie was fairly certain that was a lie but didn’t comment.
“Do you want to head back?” Lexie asked after Elspeth wandered away to serve a group of hikers who arrived at the cafe.
“Okay,” Isla agreed with a look of relief.
They fell silent as they paddled side by side. The only sound was the water lapping at the shore and the occasional screech of the seagulls overhead.
“You’re getting the hang of it,” Lexie remarked, breaking the silence.
“Yeah. I’m getting used to it. And I’m starting to see the appeal of kayaking. I love going out on my boat, but it’s not the same when you have the noise of the engine. This is much more peaceful.”
“It’s a great place for clearing your head,” Lexie agreed.
Isla nodded. “It’s definitely good stress relief.”
“You’re still finding the wedding planning stressful?” Lexie asked, not quite sure it was a conversation she really wanted to get into. She had to admit she was jealous of how enthusiastic and supportive Isla’s family were about the wedding.
“I’m not so much stressed as annoyed,” Isla said.
“I don’t get it.” Lexie was probably about to offend Isla but she couldn’t help but be honest. “It seems like you have everything so easy. You’re getting a fairy-tale wedding in a castle, and Logan and your family are falling over themselves to organise everything. I’m not sure what the problem is.”
Isla slowed her paddling. “That’s the problem – no one gets it. Everyone looks at me like you just did. As though I’m spoilt and ungrateful. It all sounds perfect to everyone else, so no one can understand why I don’t want it.”
“You really don’t want it?” Lexie asked.
“No. But I never really had any choice. Logan decided everything, and then everyone thinks I’m a terrible person because I don’t care what flowers we have or about the weight of the paper the invitations are printed on. I feel like we’re spending loads of money on things that don’t matter. I love Logan and I want to marry him, but I want it to be about that and not about seating plans and chair covers and all these tiny details that feel so irrelevant.”
Lexie focused on the strokes of the paddle in the water. She still found it hard to fathom how Isla could be so against a wedding that seemed so perfect to her, but she could also see how frustrating it must be to have everything arranged for you if it wasn’t what you wanted.
“And I hate the idea of being the centre of attention,” Isla went on. “I spend most of my time trying to hide away from people, and I’m going to have all these people looking at me. And half of them are people I barely know. Logan invited all these people because he makes friends with everyone he meets. If it was up to me we’d celebrate in the garden with family and a few close friends. But it’s not up to me.”
“Can’t you talk to Logan? Tell him it’s not what you want?”
“Are you serious? Have you seen how excited he is?”
“Yeah. That’s true. But it doesn’t seem fair that he’s organising everything without stopping to check you want it too.”
“The problem is he misses his dad,” Isla said sadly. “I’m fairly sure the main reason Logan wants a big wedding is because he thinks the more people who are there, the less he’ll think about the person who isn’t. So I’ll go along with it for Logan. And I think I’ll probably enjoy it on the day. I’m just sick of feeling like the bad guy. I have to be careful what I say so I don’t upset anyone. Except I’ve never been very good at watching what I say. I upset Elspeth about the cake. I didn’t mean to, but it was the one thing I actually had an opinion about and I guess I wasn’t supposed to have an opinion about it.”
Isla shifted her attention to the shore and Lexie was sure she was trying to hide the fact that she had tears in her eyes. “Sorry,” she said. “I’m ranting.”
“It’s fine.” Lexie stared ahead. “Kind of ironic, though. I’d love your wedding.”
“You want a big wedding in a castle?”
“I’m not bothered about the castle. But I’d like being the centre of attention and having loads of people there to celebrate with us. If I could choose, I’d have a quick ceremony at the registry office and then a big party at the pub. I don’t care about anything fancy, but I’d like to pick flowers and a cake and a band. I’d want everyone I know celebrating with me.”
“See, I’m the opposite,” Isla said quickly. “I want the ceremony but not the party. I want it to be all about the vows and not about the material stuff.”
Lexie couldn’t help but smile. “You’ve just made me feel really shallow.”
“Sorry.” Isla grinned as the activity centre came into view. “You can have what you want, though, can’t you? The wedding in the pub.”
“Probably not,” Lexie said. “Dad doesn’t really approve of me and Nick getting married.”
“Really? I know he’s been a bit funny about it, but does he seriously have a problem with it?”
Lexie nodded. “He’s definitely not happy about it. And that’s not the only issue. He said we can have the wedding at the pub, but only if I don’t invite my grandad.”
“That sounds petty.”
“Yep. So I don’t know what we’re going to do.”
Isla looked wistful as they approached the jetty. “Just remember the party doesn’t really matter. You and Nick love each other and want to spend forever together. That’s the important bit.”
Lexie beamed as she dragged her paddle over the water to spray Isla. “I had no idea you were such a romantic!”
Isla spluttered a laugh and winced at the cold water. “It’s a closely guarded secret. Don’t tell anyone.”
“No one would believe me anyway.” Lexie brought her kayak parallel to the jetty and stood to get out. “This is the part when you’re most likely to end up in the water,” she said as she hopped out with ease. “Hang on a second and I’ll walk you through it. If you don’t get your balance right you’ll––”
She sucked air through her teeth as she turned to see Isla standing in her kayak. Lexie could tell she was going to fall but couldn’t do anything to stop it as Isla’s legs wobbled and sent the kayak pitching to one side. It was impossible not to laugh as Isla splashed into the water. Beginners never listened when she told them getting out of the water was the hardest part. Everyone thought they could step easily onto the jetty. Lexie only made it look easy.
“Are you okay?” she asked, biting her lip to quell the laughter as Isla gasped for breath in the cold water.
“I hate kayaking!” Isla said through ragged breaths.
“I bet you’re glad I made you wear a wetsuit now,” Lexie said, amused.
Chapter Sixteen
Nick’s car pulled up outside the house just as Lexie arrived home.
“Good timing,” he said as he stepped out of the car in a pair of khaki trousers and navy shirt. He always dressed smartly for work.
She pulled on his shirt collar to kiss him. “You look very cute.”
“You look very happy! I thought you might be stressed after the kayaking trip with Isla. Did she cancel it?”
“No. She actually turned up. And the look on her face when she fell into the loch will keep me smiling for a long time!”
“You didn’t happen to get a photo, did you?”
“Unfortunately not.” She followed Nick to the front door and waited while he opened it.
“And did you figure out why she’s developed a sudden interest in kayaking?”
“She’s still claiming she wanted to try something new, but I’m not buying it. She probably lost a bet or something. There’s no way she spontaneously decided to take up kayaking.”
“Did she enjoy it? Apart from falling in?”
The conversation shifted to what they were going to have for dinner, then Lexie went for a shower while Nick cooked. Once they’d eaten, Nick disappeared upstairs to do some work. He’d said it would only take half an hour and then he’d be back to chill out in front of the TV with her.
In the living room, Lexie opened up a wedding magazine that her mum had bought to give her ideas. After flicking through a few pages, she threw it aside again and picked up her laptop to check over her notes for the hike she’d planned for her Wednesday morning group. It was supposed to distract her from thoughts of weddings, but it wasn’t at all effective.
She mulled over what Isla had said about the wedding being about the vows and not the party. Without fully registering what she was doing, she switched to a browser and opened a website for weddings at Gretna Green. Scrolling over the information about the history of the place, she could see why it appealed to Nick so much. He was always interested in the history of places.
The testimonials from couples who’d got married there were fun to read. They all gushed about their special day and how wonderful it had been.
“What are you doing?” Nick’s voice broke the silence and made Lexie jump.
“You scared me,” she said as she snapped the laptop shut. “Why are you sneaking around?”
“I’m not sneaking around. You were just too absorbed in the Gretna Green website to notice me.”
She sighed at being caught out and opened the laptop again.
Nick sat beside her. “Why are you looking at that?”
“Because I think it’s where I want to get married,” she said flatly.
“Really?”
“Yes. No stress, nobody else to worry about. Just the two of us.”
“I thought you wanted a big party?”
“That’s what I’d previously imagined, but I was talking to Isla and she was saying how it should be about the vows, not about the party and all the details.”
“Surely it’s about all of that. Of course the vows are the most important thing, but the wedding is about celebrating your vows with the people close to you.”
“I just think it’s going to end up so stressful. My family aren’t as easy-going as yours. It’s going to be one issue after another.”
“It will all be fine.” Nick put a hand on her back then gently massaged her neck. “I already told you I’ll make sure you get your dream wedding. I promise.”
Lexie put the laptop aside and leaned into Nick. “Thank you.”
He kissed the side of her head. “Now can you stop worrying about the wedding and give me a foot rub while we watch TV?”
“You know that’s never going to happen. I don’t love you enough to touch your feet. I have another idea, though.”
“I thought you might. Does it involve me rubbing your feet?”
She shuffled along the couch and swung her legs up, nestling her feet in his lap. “It does indeed!”
Despite Nick’s reassurances that Lexie would get the wedding of her dreams, she couldn’t shake the feeling of negativity that loomed whenever she thought about getting married. She decided to avoid the subject completely around her dad and had even brushed it aside when Leana and Mary had mentioned it during her shifts at the pub that week. It never felt like a relaxed conversation. At some point she was going to have to confront the one worry that she was trying her hardest to ignore.
It was incredible the effect her birth mother still had on her despite not being a part of her life. Lexie hadn’t spoken to her since she’d had a stint living with Stephanie when she was a teenager.
“I’m going to call my grandad,” Lexie told Nick on Saturday afternoon. She’d only just got back from working at the activity centre and had the remainder of the weekend free.
“Are you okay?” Nick asked, looking up at her from the couch.
“Fine. I just haven’t spoken to him in a while. I want to check he’s okay.” She went upstairs and sat on their bed to make the call. Usually it was Wesley who called her. He was good about keeping in touch. The urge to speak to him had been brewing all week, since Angus had asked whether Stephanie would be invited to the wedding. Lexie wondered if her birth mother was aware that she was engaged.
Her grandad answered the phone in his loud, gruff voice. It made her smile immediately. He always verged on shouting on the phone. His hearing was fine so Lexie wasn’t sure why. It was as though he thought he had to shout to be heard so far away.
“This is a nice surprise,” he said. “I was going to call you tomorrow.”
She asked how he was and made idle chit-chat for a while. As usual, he gave her an update on all his friends at the local social club. She knew far more about their ailments than she really wanted to.
“Have you spoken to Stephanie recently?” Lexie asked when the conversation began to wind down. She usually avoided mentioning Stephanie, and she could hear the surprise in her grandad’s voice as he stuttered over a reply.
“N-not this week. Last week, I think. She’s still living in Manchester. Hardly ever visits any more.”
“Does she ever ask about me?”
Again, there were a few false starts before he responded. “I … Well … I try and keep her up-to-date with what’s going on with you.”
That meant he told Stephanie about Lexie, not that Stephanie asked. Lexie’s stomach felt heavy. “Did you happen to tell her that I’d got engaged?”
“Yes. I’m sure I mentioned it. Why, has she been in touch?”
“No. I only wondered if she knew. No reason. It doesn’t matter.” As her throat felt thick, she just wanted to get off the phone. “It was nice to talk to you,” she said. “I’ll call again soon.” She said goodbye and ended the call abruptly.
It took a while before she summoned the energy to stand up and go back downstairs.
“How’s Wesley?” Nick asked.
Lexie flopped beside him on the couch, feeling a wave of exhaustion spread through her. “He’s fine.”
“Are you okay?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.
“Grandad told Stephanie about us getting engaged.”
“Is that a problem?”
“No. Just that she knows. And once we set a date for the wedding she’ll know about that too. I don’t want to tell Grandad not to tell her.”
“Are you worried she might turn up at the wedding?” Nick asked.
“No.” Tears stung her eyes. “That would involve her caring about me so it’s never going to happen. The same as she won’t send a card or a gift, and she won’t message to say congratulations and wish us well.”
Nick took her hand and squeezed it gently.
“Part of me still wants her to get in touch,” Lexie sniffed. “Even though I can’t stand her and know she’ll never get in touch. I want her to care about me. And I know that I’m going to keep hoping that she’ll suddenly have a personality transplant and realise she has a daughter who she’d like to connect with.” Pausing, she ran her fingers under her eyes to catch the tears. “I’m so pathetic.”
“It’s not pathetic.” Nick scooped an arm behind her shoulders and drew her to him. “She’s the pathetic one.”
Lexie snuggled into Nick, taking comfort in the scent and warmth of him. “I can’t stop thinking about eloping,” she finally murmured.
Nick drew away from her. “Seriously?”
“Yes.” She nodded. “My family is so dysfunctional. I don’t want family issues to overshadow our wedding. And I don’t want to end up like Isla, hating every moment of the planning. I want to do something that’s all about us and no one else. And Gretna Green looks really lovely.” She waited as Nick seemed to mull it over.
“I don’t think it’s what you really want. Not deep down. I don’t want you to compromise on what you wan
t because you’re worried about your family causing issues.”
“But what if it’s not a compromise? What if I’ve looked at all the options and changed my mind about what I want?”
Nick pushed his head back into the couch. “I don’t know …”
“I thought you liked the look of Gretna Green? You know they have a museum on site with loads of information on the history of it? And didn’t you say you have ancestors who got married there? It would be special to stand in front of the anvil, right where they stood.” Her mouth ran away from her, desperate to convince him. “I like the idea of it just being us. I can already imagine us in front of that anvil, promising to love each other forever. It’d be so romantic. And they do these wedding packages where you can stay in a hotel and they arrange everything for you. There’d be no stress what-so-ever––” Nick had been trying to get a word in and finally silenced her with a finger on her lips. She laughed. “I know I sound slightly hysterical but I’m really set on the idea.”
His left eyebrow twitched upwards. “You had me at museum.”
“Really?” She snatched his hand from her face, beaming.
“If you’re sure it’s what you want, it’s fine by me. I just want you to be happy.”
“You’re the best.” She pulled him towards her and planted a big kiss on his cheek.
“You’re really sure about this?” he asked.
“Yes!” It might not have been her first choice, but she really was excited by the idea.
“Okay, then. Let’s have a look at dates.” Nick picked up his laptop and found the website. “Approximately when are we thinking of? Spring?”
“I guess spring would be a nice time to get married.” Lexie peered at the calendar on the website. “Or we could do it sooner. It says here you need to file the paperwork twenty-eight days in advance. So theoretically we could get married on this date …” She pointed to a Thursday in October.
“That’s next month,” Nick said.
“You have two weeks off work then for half term so we wouldn’t be in any rush getting down to Gretna and back. I could take some time off too.”