Bad Habits: A Dark Anthology

by Yolanda Olson

  My first day at the Convent, I was given a tour of the facility. The pamphlets had given me the conventional rules and some non-conventional ones. Since I was coming in untarnished, virginal, I was obviously expected to stay that way. The vow of silence was my choice. It seemed to kill two birds with one stone.

  One, it would let me take in as much knowledge as I could at the convent. Two, and this one may be the most important, the cops could not compel me to testify to anything if they ever realized it was me that put a large dose of rat poison in Rita’s special creamer only she was allowed to use. My hope was, it would be a long slow death. Also, since I was here, I would be forgiven for that act.

  Mother Superior seemed quite pleased with my vow of silence since I was new, and, needed to absorb knowledge, that was until the two priests stepped in to take over my training. They said they wanted to make sure I was being watched as closely as possible.

  Sadly, since then, she had treated me like a leper. It wasn’t like I had a choice. I would not choose to be used for such degrading acts, but if that is my path, then that is what I shall do.

  So here I am, sheltered in my own room. It’s not like I don’t hear or see things the other girls do. For me, when I am with the men, I feel like I am doing something positive.

  With Father O’Rourke, his carnal desires and pain predilections are tempered by having a living canvas. It helps me know how much pain I can withstand. When I cry, it is purging for me, purging of my soul. It also saves another soul who may not be as strong as I am.

  With Father Clarence, well, if he can think of me as the young boy he needs for his fantasies, it saves a real young boy from going through it. I would rather be part of the deviance then worry about the psyche of someone else who doesn’t comprehend what is happening.

  I choose to lay in bed to pray, when it is my evening prayers. It helps me relax after my long day, but it also lets me drift over my consciousness. It feels like I actually come out of my body, hover over, and watch what is happening.

  I’m generally watching myself lying on the wooden structure I sleep on, but sometimes, once in a while, I see one of the sisters sneaking in. Sometimes just to stare at me, which is creepy, of course there is always Sister Hanleigh, who leaves me a treat, for whatever reason I am not sure, and twice, I have seen Mother come in, walk over, and run her fingers through my hair while whispering a prayer.

  I wish she was that comfortable with me while I was awake. Watching from afar, or maybe I am dreaming and it just seems real, it is truly the only time I am at peace.

  Chapter 6

  Mrs. Otis

  6 Months Ago

  I really wish I could take Julia home with me. It is so frustrating knowing Rob is in the law force and there isn’t shit we can do.

  At least she was brave enough to come to me when no one else here wanted to stick their nose in it. What a bunch of pansy asses. I feel so blessed to have a priest in my family. Uncle Clarence will take great care of her. She just needs to get through these next few months with that nasty woman since social services refused to open a case up.

  Rita

  That stupid little bitch got me called into the office trying to get me in trouble, after she tried to run away? She will pay dearly for this.

  I feel somewhat bad I am selling them to sex traffickers, but in fairness, what were they actually going to do with their lives after school anyway? Hook. That’s what.

  I was just getting them a boss who would take care of them. Now Julia who has given me nothing but trouble was trying to take away my new cash flow? Fuck that. Let the goddamn convent have her. I would give Sheila and Marco her picture so if they saw her outside in the church garden, they could grab her free of charge.

  Fucking cunt deserves everything that is coming to her. Tonight, since they are leaving her with me, I will make sure she knows who the boss is.

  Julia

  Trying not to smile on the way home, I knew Rita was pissed off. They told her I was not to have any repercussions or they would open up a case.

  She told them she had nothing to hide, in fact they were welcome to take me. She had called their bluff. She knew they didn’t want me either. Even that didn’t bother me. I had a calling for the first time in my life. Everything seemed to be coming together.

  Clutching the pamphlets tight, I couldn’t wait to get to my room and read about my future. Mrs. Otis gave me a small personal sized bible she kept in her desk. I wanted to start right away on it. I glanced at Rita who was being unusually quiet.

  “I won’t give you any more problems.” I said quietly.

  She turned around sneering at me, “No, I don’t suppose you will.” Then stormed inside the house.

  I may have really screwed up. But it didn’t matter. I would be long gone soon.

  3 Months Ago

  Rita

  She walks around like she is superior. I’ve had it. Can’t take it anymore. Her smartass remarks need to be tamed. Before she leaves, she will understand how bad it could’ve been the whole time she was here. I was kind – until now.

  After everyone went to bed, I went to her room. She was secluded to her room after school every day so that made it easy to know where she was. I had a lock on the outside of the door. Unlocking it, I slipped inside, shutting it.

  She sat up, looking at me quizzically. Knowing something bad was going to happen, she scooted to the edge of her bed, I thought she was going to stand. Instead, she bent down and grabbed a ratty old shoebox from underneath.

  “What do you want?”

  “This is my house and I can go where I want.” Little bitch was going to learn a lesson. Slapping the paddle on my legs, I knew I had her attention.

  “You aren’t touching me with that.” Julia sneered.

  “Oh, no?” Funny she thinks she can tell me what to do. Walking closer to her, she rustled the lid off of the box.

  “See this?” She looked at me with dead eyes, “just remember, it could be you.”

  Taking a double take in the box, I realized it was carcasses of animals. Birds, squirrels, dogs maybe? What the fuck was wrong with her? Looking up slowly at her, I saw the knife she was clutching.

  “Give me a reason Rita.” The girl spit out.

  Fucking crazy bitch. She thought she had me, I would do her one better. “You may be able to protect yourself, but for every night you don’t allow me to punish you before you leave, Thomas and Lucy will receive your paddling.” Smiling I turned around to walk out.

  “They will arrest you if you bruise them.”

  “Ah, but they don’t go to school yet, so who will know? It’s not like any of the teachers, besides that young cunt, listen to you, and even she is getting tired of your mouth.” Laughing, I walked out seeing the doubt on her face.

  Julia

  She wouldn’t dare, would she? And what if she was right? What if Mrs. Otis was tired of hearing me complain?

  I don’t think she will do anything to the babies. She can’t be that evil.

  Putting the lid back on the shoe box, it occurred to me, she was the only person I had ever shown it to. I need to hide it so she can’t show anyone else. I always knew there was something different about me, I just needed to see what was inside of living creatures. The rush I got by opening them up, and then holding their beating heart in my hand until it beat its very last time, was indescribable. I never shared that with anyone.

  Climbing off the bed, I went to the closet and found a loose vent. I put the box in and pushed it back, as far as it could go but not so far so I could still reach it. That’s when I heard it. The sound of Thomas screaming. The bitch did it. She took her anger out on the little ones.

  I banged on my door. It opened up, she hadn’t locked it. Walking out to the room of the younger ones, she looked up at me maliciously, took the toddler off her lap, “It is Julia’s fault you have to get a whipping.”

  The big tear drops were more than I could handle. Looking at her, I saw the vindication
in her eyes.

  She knew she had won this battle. She walked me back to my room, made me drop my pajama pants and underwear, bend over the bed, and paddled me. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of crying. It stung on my bare skin, but I wasn’t giving her anything.

  It only lasted for two weeks, she would paddle me ten times on my bare butt. It was beyond purple, my whole bottom was black. I could barely sit down. I never cried in front of her, or screamed in pain.

  Eventually, she got bored and forgot about it. I never did. On the day I left, I put a heaping spoon of rat poison in her coffee creamer. She would not allow anyone else to use it. If we drank coffee, we drank it black. She deserved to have her insides eaten up by the acid, destroyed by her selfish ways.

  Chapter 7

  Sister Purity

  Sundays were my favorite day of all in the Convent. We would of course go to worship and hear Father Clarence’s sermon, then we each had our own regimen of what we needed to do.

  I had read and reread the bible Mrs. Otis had given me so many times, I could recite verse. What a beautiful thing, the scriptures. It spoke of joy, hope, truth, justice, hell, and our eternal damnation. I finally found my way home, is how I always felt when I read.

  Having only a few menial chores, I tried to get those out of the way right after the sermon. The floors were assigned to me. The kitchen, and the two long communal bathrooms.

  There was nothing more satisfying then doing the work of the Lord. It was a time of learning as well. No one paid attention to the lowly servant on her hands and knees scrubbing the floors.

  Starting in the kitchen, I took my bucket of water, getting on my knees on the marbles floor wasn’t a chore really. If I could keep God’s house clean, then it was my duty.

  There were a few workers who were employed by the church to do the grounds keeping and general maintenance. They were in the kitchen eating and general gossiping. I took in the information about who would give them pleasures under her habit, who they wanted to try and convert, and who was right at that moment helping their fantasies out. It was interesting to see the more pious the sister it seemed, the bigger the slut.

  Finishing up, they barely gave me a glance. I made sure I looked very plain every day. Almost homely, but not quite. I could put on a fashion show and blow them all away, but that wasn’t what I was there for.

  Moving on to the bathrooms, I saw Sister Hanleigh in the last stall, cleaning up like I try to do every week. She smiled at me, then walked out. I wasn’t really sure what her deal was, but something about her made me want to find out.

  Thankfully, the second one was empty. It usually was emptier because it was the furthest from any classes or work areas. There was an incident many years ago that shut most of that side down. No one would speak of the incident, except to say it happened.

  After dumping my mop bucket, I went to my secret place. No one ever came to look for me, so I could wander around. Of course, I was very curious when I first came and wandered all over the place.

  I found the secret area by accident. Trying to find a place where my box could be hidden, but still close, I found another hidden room that was just off of a hallway that attached to a door right inside my closet. I almost missed it. Accidentally, I leaned back on a section to take a break from moving stuff around and dusting. Before I knew what happened, I fell backwards into a dust filled hallway.

  I took a candle to look around. Obviously, I wasn’t the first person to find this, but whoever had, it had been a long time. The dust was two inches thick, there were bugs crawling all around. And to me, it felt like my soul was at peace.

  Walking into a room, I saw a full length mirror. Cleaning it off with my robe, I was enthralled with it. This would be perfect for me to perform self flagellation. When I had first been taught about it, I knew this was the missing piece.

  Father O’Rourke gave me my discipline and explained the significance of it. It was a small whip that had seven cords that symbolized the seven deadly sins and seven virtues. There were three knots on each cord representing the number of days Jesus remained in the tomb after bearing the sins of humanity. He explained, I should inflict agony on myself to suffer as Christ and the other martyrs did.

  I practiced self-flagellation in order to remind myself of everyone’s continued sin, depravity, and vileness. The pain, as the whips tore at my tender flesh, were nothing to me in my mind, compared to what others had to bear.

  I needed to repent for the lives I took, even though it was something my psyche insisted on. There weren’t any small creatures in here, just bugs. A lot of them.

  After I whipped myself, I would do my prayers in front of the mirror. Falling in the dirt and grime is where I truly belonged. As I felt the blood dripping down my back, I could hear the scurry of the legs scuttling up my back to partake. Never pausing my prayers, or opening my eyes, I only envisioned being covered in maggots. It is truly what I deserve.

  After I have felt God has heard me, I stand up, shaking the critters off of my back. I know no one else would understand. Maybe Hanleigh, I’m not sure. She seems like me, but I’m not sure.

  Glancing back at the carved circle in the wooden floor behind me, I know my time is waning. It was quite a discovery when I first found it. Not wanting to tell anyone about this place, I drew it on a paper and asked O’Rourke about it. He looked shocked.

  “That is evil. Never make a drawing like that again.” He threw it in his fireplace.

  I wasn’t allowed a computer, so I couldn’t research why it was evil. When I walked around the circle, it felt almost like it was beckoning me. Pulling me in.

  I never had an evil feeling. Sometimes it was a tug of war trying to walk away from it, but it was never volatile towards me. Only welcoming.

  My theory was, maybe it was only evil because of the dark things he had done in his life. I would be subjugating him, to help heal his wicked ways very shortly.

  Only a few more days, and my voice would be heard.

  Chapter 8

  Sister Hanleigh

  Trying to keep my chores and prayers up, I know I am the invisible and forgotten one of this group. That will always be fine with me. I was put through the same training that the Purity is having to deal with, with the two Priests.

  It has made the other women just act as if I don’t exist. I wish I could save her. Knowing they deny her one meal, I try to smuggle her in a snack. She looks at me as if she doesn’t trust me. I guess when I was in her spot, I didn’t trust many either. Honestly, I’m not sure I could say I trust all of them now. However, I was here to do the lord’s work, not make friends.

  Purity I am concerned about and have agonized several times if I should go to Mother Superior over her. I found her box under her bed. It had the most peculiar things in it. A knife of all things, and small bones. There were also some drawings in it, along with some dried up bodies of dead bugs.

  Placing it back where I found it, I really wanted to take it and burn it. The whole thing felt vile in my hands. Now trying to figure out how to discuss it with her.

  I wanted her to know I was a friend, an ally if she wanted. I went through what she was experiencing with the two men. As bad as I hate to admit it, it did make me stronger.

  Sister Purity

  Why was Sister Hanleigh in my room with my box? Peeking around the corner, I saw her contaminate all of my special items. She would pay for that.

  The surge of anger that went through me made my knees weak. Literally had to root myself in the spot so I wouldn’t throttle her. How dare she touch my stuff.

  At least she didn’t find my entrance to my secret lair. As far as I knew, I was the only one who went back there to worship. Maybe it was time to speak, and confide in Sister Hanleigh. She would soon learn the penalty of snooping through things that were none of her business.

  Hiding in the shadows, I let her leave the room. I would chance her coming back, then she would be all mine.

  She left my room
with a concerned look on her face, oblivious to me being in the darkness watching her.

  Walking in my room, I looked at the calendar. One more night, and my silence would be broken. Taking my box out, I pulled the knife, tucking it in a fold with a safety pin.

  Kneeling in front of my bed, I pulled my worn bible out, and stayed like that for hours. Reading, praying, and deciphering God’s word, put me in a dazed state.

  When I felt a feather like touch on my shoulder, I knew it was her. She couldn’t resist butting in where it wasn’t her business. I glanced up to see Hanleigh's face smiling down at me. Forcing my lips to upturn at her, I took her proffered hand, and stood up.

  “Purity if you need anything, anything at all, please let me know.”

  Deciding it was time, I hadn’t had my fix in a long time, never with a human, but there was a first time for everything.

  It was early, but I thought God would forgive me. “Come with me.”

  She looked at me, her eyes rounded with surprise. Nodding, she assented.

  I turned to my secret entrance, knowing she would follow. Hearing her exclamations of shock as I walked her down the quiet dark hallway. I could feel her excitement as she looked around.

  The mirror grabbed her right away. She turned from side to side checking herself out. Then she saw my discipline hanging on the side. With regret in her features, she turned to me, “Purity, please tell me you don’t think you need to whip yourself with this.”