Must Love Cats

by Brown, Tara

  He’s right. I know he called and emailed and tried to see me. I broke his heart.

  It takes a second to find my voice, “I saw your dad out with someone, not your mom.”

  “My dad has affairs. I know. He’s disgusting. It’s why we don’t speak.”

  “So when you introduced me to him, he knew who I was right away. I think he thought I might say something to you, which I was never going to.” My stomach hurts as the memory floods my mind. “He showed up at my place when you were at class. He knew you wouldn’t be there. I was studying and he came in without knocking. He told me you had a bright future, medical school and becoming a surgeon like him.”

  “Jesus,” he whispers.

  “He said I had no place in your future.” The words burn the same way they did. I can’t shake off the weird and dirty feeling they give me. “I was the daughter of a cop and secretary and not good enough. And that I would distract you from school. He said you were already talking about not going to Ontario because of me. He asked me if I wanted to ruin your whole life. If I could handle being responsible for crushing your dreams.”

  “What did you say?”

  “I said you were twenty-two years old and you could make your choices.”

  “That went well I bet.” He scoffs.

  “No. It didn’t. He told me I didn’t even know you. That this was what you always did. Falling for a new girl all the time. He showed me the medical records of the girl who’d had an abortion the month before we met. You broke up with her and left her pregnant. A mess he had to clean up. Your baby he said.” I hate those words, knowing what James said. That Sam is sterile.

  “He lied!” he blurts. Rage flickers in his eyes but a haunted expression takes its place. “I’ve never gotten anyone pregnant in my life.” His voice breaks and I hate myself and his dad and this story.

  Seeing the raw pain on his face is more than I can take. I blink and tears stream my cheeks. The words fall from my lips, “He offered me money, said he would pay for my university so I didn’t end up being the next girl you ruined the life of. I got angry and asked him to leave. He said I was forcing you to choose between your family and me. Because if you chose me over them, they would disown you. And they wouldn’t pay for medical school.” I wipe my face and hate myself for being so stupid. “Liz was there. She was sleeping in my bed, drunk from the night before. She heard the whole thing. She wanted me to tell you what had happened.”

  “But you decided to let my dad choose for me?” He hates me too.

  “No!” I snap. “I decided not to ruin the relationship you had with your family and get you disowned. We’d dated for two months, Sam. And not really dating. We both said it was a summer thing,” I say and pause, not wanting to continue in this direction.

  “I loved you! Goddammit, I still love you.”

  Those words finish me but I offer what I have for an excuse, “I was twenty years old and stupid. I believed your dad when he said I was blue-collar trash who would end your relationship with them.”

  There’s nothing else to say so I stare at him and hope he sees how it happened.

  “I can’t fucking believe this.” He blows past me, leaving me standing in the garden.

  Fifteen years later and the truth doesn’t set me free or provide a sense of release. Instead, I’m numb and cold and the regret I’ve had over it all is heavier than ever.

  2020 just keeps slapping harder and harder.

  Chapter 25

  April 4

  The spring day is cold as I walk up to the hospital to meet James with a stack of clothes for him and her.

  He comes out the front doors with a bright expression on his face.

  “Well?” I ask when we’re close enough.

  “She’s doing great. It’s placenta previa. She’s bleeding but she and the baby will be all right. More bed rest and a C-section in just under six weeks. I talked to her doctor. She’ll be fine, I promise. It’s honestly such a relief. How’s the house and cats?”

  “Good. Mom and Dad are staying at your place now. Mom’s cleaning. Dad’s probably washing all your vehicles and servicing them. The pets are amazing. Kids are busy living their best life,” I say, trying to stay positive. I hate Liz being in the hospital.

  “And how are you?”

  “Good. Romeo is settled in nicely. He’s ruling the roost. He loves the window seat. He sits there and chirps at the birds. If I leave, he runs to the door when I come home. He’s so happy.” I laugh and hand him the bag of clothes and toiletries. “Here.”

  “You’re a lifesaver.”

  “I know what it’s like to be with Liz when she’s not wearing deodorant.” I wrinkle my nose.

  “Yeah, I don’t know how such a small and adorable creature can smell like that.”

  “Skunks. So cute and so stinky. Makes no sense. It’s what I used to call her to bug her. Skunk.” I lean against the bench outside and grin. “How long are they going to keep her?”

  “Two more days and she’s allowed to go home.” He winces. “But no stairs. No lifting her legs. No exertion.”

  “She might need to come stay with me after all,” I offer.

  “Yeah, maybe.” He doesn’t sound fond of that option. “At least you have a doctor next door. That would be a bonus.”

  “Yeah, we haven’t met yet. He left some wine basket in the hallway for me, thanking me for the TV. Has good taste in wine.” I lift my eyebrows. “Who knows, maybe he’s my soul mate.”

  James and I both laugh. He’s probably laughing because he doesn’t think I have a soul mate. Whereas I’m questioning whether I have a soul at all. There has to be a reason I’m this unlucky. And I did drug someone with ketamine.

  “That poor guy. He needs a break.” He shakes his head. “Saddest story I’ve ever heard.”

  “What, the doctor?”

  “Yeah, caught his wife cheating with his best friend. She left him for the guy, and they got married and now have a bunch of kids,” James says it and pauses. “Similar to your story but in his case, he had just found out he was sterile and couldn’t have kids. Now he’s around forty, single, and lives alone. I think he actually wanted a family too. Nicest guy.”

  “How do you know so much about him?” I cock an eyebrow, mocking him as he always does Liz and I for our gossipy ways.

  “Sold his house a few years after his wife left him and helped him buy the apartment. He’s the reason I bought the apartment across the hall. I was showing him that one and decided it was a good investment.”

  “Until your leech of a sister-in-law needed to move in.” I wink.

  “She’s the worst.” He offers a wide-eyed expression. “Speaking of terrible sister-in-laws, what’s the plan for the day?”

  “Well, on the way here, I figured out it’s Saturday. So I’m pretty excited it’s my day off.” I laugh. “This working from home is for the birds. I liked it for about a week. Working in my pajamas and drinking my home-brew coffee every day. Now I hate it. I miss my coworkers and the shitty office coffee and the whole office environment. But then I see the news out of Italy and New York, and I’m pretty happy to be working from home in a province with almost no cases.”

  “No kidding. It’s hard to complain when we’ve skated through this plague thus far.” James lifts his mask he took off when he got outside. “This thing is suffocating me, but I watch the hospital staff wearing triple masks and realize I have nothing to complain about.”

  “I know,” I agree.

  “I should get back though. Thanks for coming.”

  “If you want me to do a shift and stay with her, let me know. I could come tomorrow,” I put it out there but I know him.

  “That’s okay. Thanks though.” He gives me a kind smile. “You should work on that meet-cute with Sam. Get started on your life with your soul mate.”

  “Sam?” The name hits home. “Sam?” I repeat.

  “Yeah, the doctor across the hall.” He waves. “See ya in a couple of days.”<
br />
  “Okay.” I wave and walk backward, wondering if it could be the same person. I decide it’s impossible. Sam moved to Ontario last I heard. The memories of that summer have stuck with me for fifteen, almost sixteen years. I’ve often pondered if I should have done things differently, and if I had, what would my life look like now.

  I push down the sadness his name always brings and walk back to Helen.

  When I get home, I stop in the foyer to check the mail. Shawnee is on her way over so I hang around the foyer for a moment to wait for her.

  A knock on the glass doors draws my attention. I turn, seeing Anthony waving at me. I wave back and walk to him, leaving my mask on though he isn’t wearing one.

  “Hey,” I say, smiling but aware he can’t see it.

  “I was jogging past and wanted to see how you are.” He is the sweetest guy ever.

  “I’m good. Thank you so much for yesterday. I’m sorry that happened.”

  “You and Rod broke up?” he asks.

  “Yeah, he has been having an affair with his best friend’s wife for fifteen years. Technically, she was with him longer than me.” I scoff.

  “What a piece of shit.” He gasps. “I’m sorry, Lil. That’s bullshit.”

  “That is exactly the word for it. Scandalous bullshit,” I agree and catch a glimpse of Shawnee approaching with bags of snacks. We’re marathoning the second season of Sense8.

  “Hey, girl,” Shawnee says as she approaches.

  “Hey. Anthony, this is my best friend, Shawnee. Shawnee, this is Anthony. We work together.”

  “And he saved you yesterday. Of course.” Shawnee pulls down her mask and smiles wide. It’s her flirty smile. She’s risking COVID to show it to him.

  He offers something quite similar back. “Oh, I don’t know about that. I just made sure Rod got on his way. He gets crazy when he drinks. Usually it’s fun crazy.” He waves it off.

  “So you work with Lil?” Shawnee keeps the conversation going, and I start to feel like a third wheel.

  “I do. I’m one of the newer property managers. I love it. It’s such a diverse job. I am taking my realtor course as well.” He nods at me. “Her brother-in-law, James, has been mentoring me. Well, he was before the plague hit,” he jokes, flashing another smile.

  Shawnee meets his smile and adds a little eyelash batting.

  “Oh yeah, I forgot about that,” I say, completely uncomfortable witnessing this but if I leave, I’ll be cockblocking. As a wingwoman it’s my responsibility to stand here and keep the conversation going.

  “James is the best,” Shawnee says.

  “He really is. So cool and amazing at real estate but humble. Even though I think he might be one of the most successful in the city.”

  “Oh, he is,” Shawnee confirms. “He’s a platinum realtor. Top five in the city.”

  “Wow,” Anthony adds, as if he didn’t already know that. “And what do you do?”

  “Photography. It’s more of a hobby.” She sets me up for the brag. God help me.

  “Don’t listen to her. She’s one of the most sought-after photographers on the East Coast. Google her, Shawnee Kimathi. Her work is amazing.”

  “Kimathi?” His brow knits and it becomes real. “No way. Is your dad Dr. Adamu Kimathi?”

  “Oh my God, yes. How do you know him?” Her eyes widen and I take a step back.

  “I sat in on a lecture of his, a couple of years back. He was doing a series on success in business and the connection it has with athletes. It was fascinating. He’s a genius.” Anthony doesn’t know this, but he has done the very thing that will endear him to Shawnee for the rest of her life. “His life story is captivating too. Being born in Kenya but adopted into a Canadian family and ending up here. His adopted parents’ family has roots to the underground railroad.”

  “My great-great-great-grandpa helped get people across the border into Canada,” Shawnee adds.

  I take another step back.

  This scenario started as a possible hookup, maybe one-night stand considering there is an eight-year age gap, but now I’m seeing so much more than a casual encounter. They are clicking.

  The Deep‘n Delicious cake calls to me from the bag in her hand. I contemplate her need for sex and my need for cake and make a weak choice. I’m a bad friend.

  “I have to run upstairs. Let me just grab these.” I hurry over, interrupting but they’re so enthralled they don’t notice me.

  When I step into the elevator, my heart swells.

  I just watched a perfect meet-cute.

  Even in the time of plague, death, and chaos, people can fall in love.

  There is hope for the world.

  And maybe hope for me.

  But until I’m ready for that, I have cake and a cat.

  I’m luckier than a lot of people.

  And today is one of the days I can see that.

  Chapter 26

  April 30

  It’s been almost four weeks since the placenta previa and Rod incident.

  Four weeks since Sam last spoke to me. His ability to avoid running into me is remarkable. No more mail in the wrong box or random elevator meetings.

  I’m just glad I never told Liz or Shawnee about accidentally having sex with him, or we’d be discussing the situation nonstop.

  “Can you get me some water, Lil?” Liz asks. She’s back at my place because she needs the elevator. We’ve spent two weeks together, with James coming and going. It’s been nice. Like being kids again without needing to be told to go to bed.

  “Of course,” I pause the show on the new big screen TV on the wall of my bedroom and hurry to the kitchen. I get us both a water as Romeo meows at my feet, circling and purring. “Do you need food?” I ask, but instead of going for his bowl, he runs for the door.

  He stands on his back legs and scratches at the wooden door.

  “What are you doing?” I ask and walk to him. “Do you want to go in the hall?” I open the door for him, a bit confused on what he thinks he will find out there.

  Sam’s door opens at exactly that moment. Our eyes meet but the attention is quickly diverted to the cat sprinting in his direction. “Why hello, little man.” He scoops Romeo up and scratches his head. “Letting him roam the halls now?” he asks, not meeting my gaze.

  “No, it was weird. He started scratching at the door. I’ve never seen him do that before.” My voice is small and my stomach flutters with nerves.

  “Maybe he missed me.” He nuzzles his face into Romeo’s fur.

  “I miss you,” I admit. It’s a big thing for me. “I’m sorry I never told you,” I blurt, not meaning to but I hate this.

  His eyes flicker to mine, revealing that haunted emotion is still there. “No,” he says softly, “I’m the one who should be sorry.”

  “I should have talked to you and told you what happened. I see that now,” my voice cracks. “And I wish I could take it all back. Do it differently.”

  He walks over, holding my cat. “We still can, Lil.” He comes closer than I expect. “Because I have never gotten over you.”

  My heart bursts. I imagine it’s like a mini light show with fireworks in my chest. “Me either,” I confess.

  He lowers his face to mine, whispering a kiss on my lips. It’s hesitant in its desperation, but the cat in his arms starts to struggle. “Come on,” he says and pulls me to his door.

  “I have to tell Liz I’ll be right back.” It’s hard to walk away from him, but I do it, taking the cat with me. I put him down when I’m inside and walk for my bedroom.

  “Where’s my water?” Liz asks as I go into the bathroom and strip off my clothes. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m going to Sam’s for a bit!” I shout at her as I jump into a cold shower and begin soaping up, ensuring my hair doesn’t get wet. I don’t bother with shaving anything, it’s Covid times. Surely, he can look the other way on some leg hair and an old-fashioned bikini line. Really old-fashioned. Au naturel.

  “O
h my God!” Liz yells. “Sam’s?”

  “Yeah.” I’m shivering when I hop out and towel off roughly. I pull on similar yoga pants and another white tee shirt and gray hoodie. It’s close to what I was wearing three minutes ago.

  “You’re just leaving the bush as is?” she asks when I hurry from the closet. “I’m having a baby in a matter of weeks and my vagina looks better than yours.”

  The comment makes me laugh but I don’t even have time for a retort. I wave and run away, trying not to heave my breaths as I close the door gently and walk to his place.

  My hands are shaking and my heart is hammering in my chest, but I exhale and lift my hand to knock.

  The door opens before I can. He smiles. “Hi.”

  My stomach flips and flops and tingles. “Hi.” I sound giddy. Shit.

  “Wanna come in?” He steps back, revealing the inside of his apartment. Something I have never seen. It’s nice. Identical to mine but with different furnishings. It’s cleaner than I remember his place being in college. His TV is stupidly large.

  “It’s nice,” I say and wonder how this will happen. Are we going to small talk or jump each other or slowly start kissing?

  “Can I get you a drink?” he asks and closes the door.

  “Sure,” I offer pleasantly. “Happy belated birthday,” I add.

  “Thanks. Spent it working. It was not how I planned it to go but what can you do?”

  The tension in the air is so heavy it makes me sweaty. Or maybe that’s the shower mist still on my face.

  He walks to the kitchen and pours two glasses of red wine from a bottle he has on the counter, freshly opened. He brings it to me and lifts his as I take it. “Cheers.”

  “Cheers,” I say and clink my glass against his. He sips but I let the wine slide down my throat, finishing the glass in one shot.

  His eyes widen. “Nervous?”

  I nod. “You?”

  “No.” He grins. “This is the part I’m good at.”

  That makes me giggle nervously like an idiot.

  “You doubt me?” he asks, taking my cup and putting them both down on the side table text to us.