The Machine

by Stephanie Julian

  Faith stood on his other side, staring down at him with a slight smile. As if she didn’t know what kind of response she’d get from him.

  He guessed he should have expected that. Even though they had been going to the same therapy sessions for the past three months, they really hadn’t spent a lot of time together.

  Probably for the one reason Jake refused to acknowledge.

  He admired her.

  Bullshit.

  Fine. He liked her. He liked her a lot.

  She was smart, strong, and determined.

  And, okay, yes, he wanted her. He had for months. But that did not matter one damn bit. It couldn’t. He wouldn’t let it.

  He had a plan and he’d already had one major setback. This injury had blown his five-year plan off track.

  A relationship wasn’t in the plan until after he reached the NHL.

  Sex, yes.

  Anything else?

  No.

  He acknowledged Faith’s compliment with a nod. “Thank you. I appreciate your words.”

  Apparently, so did other parts of him, as his heart pounded against his ribs and his stomach felt hollow.

  Her smile widened and now his lungs felt as heavy as lead weights.

  He needed to cut this off now.

  With another nod, he forced himself to release her gaze and look away.

  Maybe she would think he was an ass and leave him alone.

  You are an ass.

  Yes, but he was an ass with a plan, one that didn’t include a relationship with a woman at this stage of his life.

  And this woman deserved more than he could give her.

  *****

  “Faith! Hey, I’m so happy to see you. It feels like it’s been months. How’ve you been?”

  Faith’s smile was genuine as she stepped up to the bar. “Hey, Soph. Nice to see you, too. But I’m pretty sure I saw you earlier this week.”

  Sophie Tsoukalous laughed as she hugged Faith over the smooth wooden bar. Sophie had ducked behind to help the suddenly overwhelmed waitress serve the influx of customers.

  “Okay, you’re right. You’re always right. I’m just so damn happy you’re here. Sit down and have a drink and keep me company while I get this order together.”

  “Thanks for inviting me along tonight. I’m happy to be out of the house. The last few weeks, I’ve been totally head down at work. We’ve been swamped.”

  She’d also been feeling a little down, if she were honest. The past few days, she’d only wanted to come home from work and hide in her apartment.

  It’d become her refuge. And her excuse.

  But she wasn’t going to bring that up now. Not tonight, when everyone was in such a good mood.

  “I totally know what you mean. Usually January is slow, but everyone must have cabin fever because we’ve been busier than normal. What’s going on at work?”

  And again, she censored herself. “A few of the kids have had issues. And the new boss is making some changes.”

  She shrugged, like it was no big deal when actually it’d been a huge deal. She just didn’t want to talk about this now. Again.

  She’d made the mistake of telling her mom what’d been going on at work, which had only served to set her mom off.

  Shelly Donovan had always been Faith’s biggest cheerleader, but after the accident, she’d become a fierce mama bear who didn’t know how to take a step back now that Faith was back on her feet again.

  Her mom had gone so far as to tell her to quit her job and move back home if it was too much for her. As if Faith couldn’t take care of herself.

  She’d wanted to cry and scream at the same time. But she wouldn’t do that to her mom. She couldn’t do that to her mom. She understood that her mom only wanted to help.

  But sometimes that help felt more like chains.

  The frustration with her mom and the fact that several of the children she worked with were facing some major health setbacks had combined to make things pretty shitty this week. But the issues with the school itself…

  Something in her expression must have clued Sophie in to how bad it really was because her friend put down the pitcher she’d been filling and leaned closer.

  “What’s going on?”

  She shrugged, smiled, attempted to downplay. “Nothing really. Just—”

  “Faith.”

  Sophie’s worried expression shut down Faith’s gloss-over in a split second. But that still didn’t mean she wanted to talk about it. Especially not here and not tonight.

  “There’s been some rumors about downsizing.”

  Sophie frowned. “From the new boss?”

  She nodded. “Yeah. But I don’t want to talk about it tonight, okay?”

  For a second, Faith didn’t think Sophie was going to let it go.

  Then Sophie sighed. “But you know you can talk to me whenever, right?”

  Faith’s smile became very real. She didn’t have a lot of female friends left from high school. Many of them had left the area to find work all over the country. Sure, they kept in touch but it wasn’t the same.

  When she’d met Bliss that day more than two years ago when she and her mom had been searching for her wedding dress, she’d gained so much more than yards of fabric that she’d sold for pennies on the dollar after Jimmy had flaked on her.

  She’d found a tribe. Bliss and Sophie, Jess, and more recently Vivi. Women she enjoyed hanging with and, more importantly, liked. And who liked her.

  It made her feel whole again when she’d been so fractured after Jimmy’s betrayal.

  “Yes, I know. And I appreciate it. I just don’t want to even think about work right now. It’s Friday and I don’t have to work for two days and I’m out and free.”

  Sophie was laughing by the time she finished and nodding her head.

  “Yes, you are. But—” Sophie’s gaze slid over Faith’s shoulder. “Hey, Jake. Man of the hour. What can I get you?”

  “I thought I would help deliver pitcher you are holding as hostage.”

  Sophie’s grin spread. “Sorry. Faith and I were chatting. Here you go. I’ll be over with the food as soon as it’s up. I’m gonna go help with that order now. Be right back.”

  Sophie disappeared into the kitchen behind the bar, and Faith expected Jake to take the pitcher and leave.

  He didn’t.

  Turning, she looked into his eyes and found him staring down at her.

  She realized when Jake stared at you, he had laser focus. As if he could see directly into her brain and pick out the information she didn’t want him to see. Or anyone else, for that matter.

  “Come. Sit. You look like you are in pain.”

  She wanted to laugh, if only because he’d picked up on something Sophie hadn’t.

  Apparently she’d managed to hide it from everyone else but, yeah, her leg did hurt. Her left one. It continued to give her trouble and she’d been coming to terms with the fact that this would be her new normal. Neither of her legs was ever going to work like they used to before the accident.

  And for the first time, she didn’t want to cover it up.

  “Okay.”

  Surprise flashed through his gaze and his lips curled in a grin she wasn’t sure she’d ever seen on his face. To call him devastatingly handsome at that moment might not have been doing him justice.

  But her leg chose that moment to do more than ache, and she grimaced.

  His hand curled around her upper arm. And, like that day in therapy when he’d taken her hand, she had the same reaction.

  Heat. Desire. Longing. Whatever you wanted to call it. Unexpected and unwanted.

  Yeah, are you sure about that?

  Like before, she crushed out that little voice and told herself to stand down.

  “Lean on me if you must.” Then he looked toward the table. “D, get a chair.”

  Now her stomach fluttered and she’d be damned if she let that happen.

  The little voice in her head laughed hysterically.<
br />
  Wrenching her gaze away from Jake, she looked to the table. Derek must have jumped to do Jake’s bidding because, when she turned, there was an empty seat next to the one Jake had been sitting in.

  Well, damn. Look at that. Right where she really didn’t want to be.

  Liar.

  She bit her tongue before she actually told herself to shut up. Instead, she concentrated on not limping as she crossed to the table.

  Amazingly, no one gave her the look. That same look almost everyone gave her when she showed any kind of weakness. The pity look.

  Speechless, she leaned on Jake as she walked to the chair. Easing onto the seat, she waited for someone to ask her if she was okay.

  She really freaking hated that question. It was right up there with “How are you holding up?”

  That one set her off more than most. Probably because it was what Jimmy had said to her almost every day before the wedding.

  “What is that look on your face?”

  Jake’s voice brought her out of her head, and she turned to look at him. Really look at him.

  He wasn’t that far away and he’d even leaned in a little so he didn’t have to yell to be heard.

  The music was loud, though not overpowering, but the guys at the table were pumped from the game, laughing and dissecting every play at high volume.

  Totally out of nowhere, she wondered what Papa Tsouk, Sophie’s dad, thought of all the noise in his usually quiet bar. Then she smiled because anyone who knew Papa Tsouk knew his default volume was loud.

  “Why are you smiling?”

  She snorted out a laugh, throwing up a hand to cover her mouth. He sounded so…superior.

  “What? Are people not allowed to smile around you?”

  His brows rose over those cool blue eyes, and she found herself wondering what he’d look like if he were leaning down to kiss her.

  Shit, this is bad.

  “People smile around me all the time. Actually, I like when people smile at me. I have just never seen you do it.”

  She shrugged. “We don’t spend a lot of time together.”

  He nodded, his expression turning thoughtful. “That is not true. You and I share many of the same friends.”

  “We do.”

  “And we take therapy at the same time three days every week.”

  “I guess now that you’re back on the ice, I won’t be seeing you there anymore.”

  He didn’t respond right away, and she had no idea what he was thinking because she thought that’d been a pretty straightforward statement.

  Instead, that intense gaze examined her expression. For what…she had no clue.

  “I will miss our sessions together.”

  Her mouth dropped open as she tried to think how to answer that. Because it made no sense at all.

  “But…we didn’t have sessions together. Sure, we were in the same room but—”

  “I found your presence helpful.”

  Okay, that made her snap her mouth shut in surprise.

  “You…what? Why?”

  For the first time since she’d known him, he looked uncomfortable and her bemusement blew up into full-on confusion.

  What the hell was he trying to say? What was she missing? Because she was damn sure missing something. She opened her mouth to say something, anything—

  And Jake looked away, his hand reaching into his shirt pocket for his phone.

  “Excuse me. I must answer this.”

  He pressed his thumb on the screen, but his gaze remained on hers.

  And then he started to speak in a foreign language.

  Oh my god. It was beautiful. She had no idea what he was saying, but it made her want to lean closer just so she could have him speak it directly into her ear.

  This must be his native Czech. He spoke so fluently, or at least it sounded fluent to her, who had no experience with it.

  After a few seconds, Jake nodded and said, “Excuse me” then got up from the table and walked out the front door.

  While she continued to stare after him like an idiot.

  “I’m pretty sure he’s talking to Lad.”

  Turning, Faith saw Derek watching her with an odd look on his face.

  “What?”

  That quickly morphed into a smile.

  “Jake. He’s probably talking to Lad. They’re pretty close.”

  It took her a second but her brain finally kicked in. Derek was talking about Jake’s former linemate.

  “It’s nice that they keep in touch.”

  Derek’s smile turned wry. “Yeah, those two do a little more than keep in touch.”

  As her brain sputtered at the implications, Will reached behind Robbie, sitting between him and Derek, and smacked Derek on the back of the head.

  Derek yelped. “Hey. What the hell?”

  “Don’t be a dick,” Will said. “They’re not an item. They’re more like two halves of the same brain.”

  “That’s what I meant.” Then Derek grinned. “Okay, maybe I was being a little bit of a dick. But come on. Those two are connected on a psychic level. Lad’s been playing well with the Colonials and I’m happy he got the call-up. But together, man, they’re gonna be unstoppable.”

  From across the table, CJ Young chimed in. “Where’d you learn that big word, D? Sesame Street?”

  Derek took the ribbing in stride. “Yeah, I watched it after I tucked you into bed last night, smart-ass. Let the adults in the room talk now.”

  The conversation on the other side of the table devolved into a profane game of who could insult the other person better, but Derek kept up his conversation with Faith.

  “Lad and Jake were drafted together and spent the past couple years perfecting their game down here. Talk was, they’d get pulled up together this year. Jake’s injury fucked that up. Lad’s playing great, but I’m sure he misses having Jake with him. Like I said, they were attached at the hip for a couple years and then Jake got lit up.”

  Her heart gave a little fish flop that she told herself was a normal response to that story. Anyone with a heart would want to curl their arms around Jake’s broad shoulders and hold him close.

  Okay, maybe not Derek or any of the guys here, but any of the women. Not just her.

  “I know he’s been working his ass off at therapy,” she said. “Hopefully tonight will be the start of his comeback.”

  Derek shook his head. “I just hope he doesn’t push himself too hard too fast and fuck his leg up again. I’m not sure how long the team’ll keep him. I mean, they have money tied up in him now and they’ve stuck by him so far, so that’s good. You just never know in this game where you might end up next week.”

  Will said something to Derek then that made Derek turn, but Faith couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d said.

  Jake could get called up at any time or, worse, get traded to anywhere in the country or, hell, even Canada.

  That sounded…terrifying.

  She liked having her own little corner of the world. She’d never had a huge urge to move all over and live in far-off corners of foreign countries. Sure, she wanted to travel, but two weeks sounded like a good amount of time to be gone.

  Not years. She didn’t want to live in a brand-new city every couple of months.

  Call her a stick in the mud. Call her a homebody. Whatever. She didn’t care.

  She loved having her own apartment. It was her space. Her home. It was where she felt safe.

  To have your entire world upended within a matter of seconds…

  Been there, done that. She didn’t suggest it.

  The front door opened and Jake walked back through. His lips had a curve that suggested a smile and the lines of stress on his face seemed to have faded.

  And not one of the guys made a joke. Amazing. She might not have believed it if she hadn’t been sitting here.

  The conversation continued like he’d never left, and he slid back into the seat next to her without a word.

  She bit
her tongue for several minutes while talk turned back to tonight’s game.

  Derek ragged on Will for a penalty early in the first period. CJ and Robbie got into a back-and-forth about a ref’s call in the third period that almost gave the team a penalty shot.

  And occasionally, Jake would comment on one of the conversations going on around him. But mostly, he listened.

  Well, they made one hell of a pair, Faith thought, when she’d sat there for five minutes without saying a word.

  “How is your leg?”

  She’d been turned away from Jake, smiling at something Derek and Robbie were talking about on the other side of her, but now she turned to face him again.

  And let herself really look at him.

  He definitely looked less stressed, less tightly wound than he had before.

  “It’s better now that I’ve been sitting. Sometimes it just doesn’t cooperate the way I want it to.” She paused but couldn’t stop herself from prying. “You look…better than you did before you took that phone call.”

  His eyes narrowed, but in a flash, he blinked away the contemplation she thought she’d seen in his eyes.

  She figured he’d blow her off or, more likely, ignore her fishing statement. They didn’t know each other well, and she didn’t really think they ever would. They didn’t have a lot in common, except a circle of diverse friends who could be gone the next day.

  And when she thought about it like that, she got sad.

  “Yes. It was good to hear from Lad. We have both been busy and he…”

  She waited but when he didn’t finish his thought, she almost gave him an out but just as she was about to speak, he continued.

  “He is kicking ass in Philadelphia.”

  “You miss him.”

  When his eyebrows rose, she thought for sure she’d pushed him beyond his comfort zone and he’d shut her down.

  “Sorry, that’s none—”

  “We were good team. We worked well together. Now… He is working well without me.”

  She turned so she could face him directly without having to crank her neck. She still had some range-of-motion issues with her neck that only time would heal, if ever.

  “But you’re back on the ice now and you had a great first game.”