The Machine

by Stephanie Julian

  “You don’t seem like the type to wallow.”

  “You don’t know me that well.”

  “Which is why we are here.”

  Her gaze narrowed. “I thought we were here to talk about the students.”

  He shrugged. “Of course. But we can talk of other things too, yes? Or do I miss something?”

  No, of course he hadn’t missed anything.

  Caught in the grip of those bright blue eyes, so direct and mesmerizing, she floundered.

  What did she say to that? What was she supposed to do?

  Did he seriously want to get to know her better? Or was she totally misreading this situation?

  “Then I guess you won’t mind answering a few questions, too.”

  Did she imagine his smile?

  “I am open book.”

  Damn him. That accent made her thighs clench.

  Why? Why now? Why him?

  She wasn’t sure she was ready for another man in her life. Up until this moment, she hadn’t been sure she wanted another man in her life. At least not for the foreseeable future.

  And to fall for a guy who could possibly up and return home to a country halfway around the world?

  How completely stupid was that?

  Who says you’re gonna marry the guy? What about just having a good time?

  “Faith? Are you going to ask questions?”

  As he stared at her with challenge in his eyes, she couldn’t not take the opportunity he was giving her.

  “Are you seeing anyone?” The words rushed out, making her cringe in embarrassment.

  “I am seeing you now.”

  Frustration and a fierce joy at being challenged lit at the same time.

  “Do you have a girlfriend?”

  She enunciated each word so he couldn’t mistake them, and when he paused, her breath caught in her chest. Shit—

  “No. I am not seeing any other woman.”

  “Why?”

  “Because now I am seeing you.”

  She rolled her eyes and she knew he was silently laughing at her because his lips actually curved into a smile. A smile that made her heart beat a little faster.

  “You know that’s not what I meant. When did you learn to speak English?”

  She decided to change up the conversation. The more she heard him speak, the more she wanted him to say. But getting him to talk was like pulling teeth. So maybe she just needed to find the right subject. And apparently they had all night for her to do so.

  “In what you would call high school. I have aptitude for languages.”

  “How many can you speak?”

  “I am fluent in English and Russian. I can speak some German. I can understand a little Swedish. That is all.”

  “Well, that’s a hell of a lot more than I can speak. I understand enough Spanish to be able to communicate, but if I had to hold a conversation, I’d be lost. I envy you.”

  “Why? You could learn if you want.”

  “Someday. Maybe.”

  “Why only maybe? If you want something, you need to go after it.”

  Why did he make that sound like that’s exactly what he was doing now? Did that mean he wanted her? Or was she reading too much into that statement?

  “Like you did with hockey?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did you always want to play?”

  “It is only thing I wanted to do. I had no alternate plan.”

  “But what if—”

  Damn. She didn’t want to bring up his injury. Didn’t want to bring down the mood. And she certainly didn’t want to talk about her own injuries and how they’d derailed her life. But apparently Jake didn’t have the same qualms.

  “What if I had fucked up my leg to the point I could no longer play? Is that what you want to ask? You can ask me anything, Faith. I will answer it.”

  The temptation to simply speak her mind had all sorts of questions popping into her head. Really inappropriate questions. But the man sitting across from her made her think totally inappropriate thoughts.

  Fine. He wanted to ask her questions? She’d ask her own.

  “Okay, yes. What if your leg had been damaged beyond repair? What would you have done?”

  “I probably would have punched a hole through a wall and then I would have gone home and figured out what to do with the rest of my life.”

  “You make it sound so simple.”

  “There is nothing simple about your life being completely rewritten. And what about you? What made you believe you would walk again?”

  She was almost embarrassed to say this now, considering what had happened. It made her seem like the kind of woman who built her life around a man. And that hadn’t been her. She’d thought she’d been in love with her fiancé. She’d wanted to walk down the church aisle to him to start their life together. She’d wanted to be whole. Not just for him but for them.

  “I don’t know what made me believe it. I just knew that I wanted it. I wanted to walk. I wanted to run again. I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone. I didn’t want my fiancé to think he had to take care of me for the rest of my life.”

  “So you worked to get on your feet. And then he left you at the altar anyway.”

  Guess it was common knowledge how Jimmy had dumped her in the most humiliating way possible.

  “Yes, he did. And that kind of thing puts you off guys for a while.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Puts you off?”

  “Makes you not want to date.”

  He nodded. “I understand. But is not your fault he was ass. You don’t need a man who no longer appreciates you.”

  “Yeah, I kinda figured that one out on my own.”

  “Then you know he was ass. Why did you want to marry him?”

  Good question, one that still stung to think of now.

  “Faith?”

  She met his gaze head on. “Because I loved him. And I thought he loved me.”

  “He did not deserve you.”

  “You don’t know me well enough to say that.”

  He shrugged that off. “I don’t have to know you more than I do. You deserve better than asshole who abandoned you when you needed him the most.”

  Her mouth split in a grin she immediately tried to tone down. But of course Jake had already seen it.

  “Why do you smile? Is truth.”

  “Maybe I’m smiling because I like how you think.”

  “Then you think I am right.” His expression turned haughty. And so damn attractive. “Of course, I am right.”

  “You’re always very sure of yourself.”

  “Because I am always right.”

  Now she caught a glimpse of a smile on his lips and her smile widened.

  “Always? How can anyone always be right?”

  “Maybe I am just that good.”

  “And maybe you’re just full of yourself.”

  He shrugged again, looking so damn confident she wanted to rub up against him like a cat. “How will you know unless you spend time with me?”

  She sucked in a short breath and blinked. Wait. What? Had she heard him correctly?

  “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

  His expression sharpened, losing the hint of a smile he’d had a second ago.

  “Yes. You do.”

  Her brain short-circuited and her lips parted but she couldn’t think of anything to say.

  Jake’s eyebrows rose. “Have I finally made you speechless?”

  Yes.

  She swallowed hard. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

  It was the only thing that came to mind and it was weak. And, damn it, she wasn’t weak.

  “Why do you think that? Because we will be working together?”

  She latched on to that as her excuse.

  No, it’s not an excuse. It’s the truth.

  “Yes.”

  He shrugged that off as well. “That is poor excuse. Even you know that.”

  The man was going to drive he
r to drink.

  “No, it’s not. Things get messy—”

  “You are not my boss. I am not yours. Your company will not be paying me. No conflict.”

  He was right. There was no conflict. Except the one he was creating right here and now.

  “It’s just not that simple.”

  “Why not?”

  Because she loved her little circle of friends and didn’t want to be the one on the outside looking in when he decided to move on. And then it’d be weird with their friends…

  Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren’t you?

  Her nose wrinkled and she wanted to stamp her feet like a toddler having a temper tantrum.

  Keeping her expression from showing what she was thinking was almost impossible, and he continued to watch her with that laser focus.

  Damn him. She really liked him and now she just wanted to smack him.

  And, yes, she wanted to see more of him.

  Go ahead. Take a chance.

  She took a breath—

  And the server returned with their dinners, giving her another minute to think about what she’d been going to say.

  The server retreated after giving Jake a look from beneath long dark lashes, and Faith set her attention to her plate.

  Jake let her get away with it for a few long seconds while they started to eat, but she knew he wouldn’t let her go for long.

  “Do you no longer date?”

  Luckily, she didn’t have food in her mouth or she might have choked. As it was, she had to take a sip of her drink to make sure she could speak.

  “Why would you ask that?”

  “I am looking for reason you wouldn’t want to go out with me.”

  Her eyes widened and her lips parted. “Are you always like this?”

  “Like what?”

  “This blunt.”

  “Why would I not be?”

  All right, he had a point. That didn’t mean she had to agree.

  “Maybe because you can turn people off.”

  “Are you turned off? Or maybe I should ask if you are turned on?”

  She felt a blush try to creep onto her cheeks and battled it back ruthlessly. She didn’t want to give this man any more ammunition.

  But she couldn’t deny that she liked the attention. She just didn’t have to admit it to him.

  “I think we should go back to talking about what you’re going to be doing with the students.”

  “I will do whatever you want me to do for the students. For however long you want me. I will agree to do whatever you want.”

  She had a feeling he didn’t mean with her kids.

  And maybe she wanted to take him up on that.

  *****

  Jake watched Faith’s cheeks flush and wanted to reach across the table, frame her face in his hands, and pull her in for a kiss.

  He believed he’d shown enormous restraint until this moment. But now, finally alone with her, he wanted more.

  He wanted her to look at him like she wanted him. Yes, he’d caught a few glimpses of what he thought was desire since they’d sat down. But now he wanted confirmation. He wanted her to admit she wanted him return and then they could see where this went.

  Slow down. No need to rush everything. Why are you always in such a hurry?

  As a lull dropped into his conversation with Faith, he heard his mother’s voice in his head.

  She’d said that more than a few times to him growing up. He’d always been ready for the next challenge, the next league, the next stepping stone on his way to the NHL. These past few months had been painful, not because of his leg, but because of the wait. He felt like he’d been backsliding and that had been the worst of all.

  But now that he had forward momentum again, he wanted to skate flat out.

  And he wanted to get Faith out of her comfort zone and into his bed.

  But stubborn appeared to be her middle name.

  If his mother were here, she would be laughing at him. Yes, he did appreciate the irony.

  He also appreciated Faith.

  “Have you always wanted to work with children?”

  His question brought her gaze back up to his and she swallowed before she answered.

  “No. It wasn’t something I ever considered until I realized I couldn’t return to my previous job.”

  “Did you want to go back to what you were doing?”

  She paused and he could tell she was thinking about her answer.

  “Yes. And no. I mean, I enjoyed working with the residents of the community but it was difficult sometimes. You would get close, form bonds. And one day you’d walk into work and their room would be empty because they’d died overnight. You were constantly reminded that anyone could be gone in the blink of an eye.”

  And that hurt her. He could see it on her face though she tried not to show it.

  “So working with these children seemed easier?”

  She sighed and shook her head. “Of course not. It’s just…different.”

  “In a better way.”

  She thought about that for a few seconds. “Yeah, it is. I like working with the kids. It’s a new challenge every day. Sure, some days suck. The kids have a bad day, or I have a bad day. Or something screws up their schedule and we all have a bad day.”

  “You like having a schedule, yes?”

  “Is there a problem with that?”

  “No. I like schedules. They help keep you on track. But they can also make you rigid.”

  Her back stiffened even as she tried to hide it. “So you think I’m rigid.”

  “No. But I think you can be unwilling to bend. Sometimes you need to.”

  Okay, he wasn’t wrong. But still.

  “You don’t know me well enough to be able to say that.”

  “Maybe. But I know from watching you at therapy that we are much alike.”

  “You watched me at therapy?”

  “And you did not watch me?”

  For a second, he thought she might stick out her tongue at him. But then she settled for a shrug and her expression made it clear she wanted to lean across the table and smack him. Or kiss him. Or both.

  Or maybe she would just chalk tonight’s dinner up to stupidity on her part and simply never meet her friends for drinks after a game until Jake got called up to the Colonials or left for another team.

  “Can we just agree to admit to a mutual…admiration and move on from there?”

  His question made her blush again. He loved watching the color fill her cheeks.

  Instead of answering, she turned her attention back to her dinner and ignored him for several long seconds.

  He could tell she wanted to say something but he had no idea how she would respond.

  “Faith.”

  Would she continue to ignore him?

  Lifting her head, she met his gaze head on. “Sure, we can move on.”

  “And the mutual admiration?”

  Her eyes narrowed. “You’re determined to make me dump my food on your lap, aren’t you?”

  “I think I would be happy to have gotten a rise out of you.”

  “Is that why we’re here? So you can torment me?”

  “I don’t want to torment you. That is not on my agenda.”

  “Now you have an agenda?”

  “You did not figure this out yet? You are a smart woman. Of course, you did.”

  He wondered if she had already realized that she was on his agenda in ways he wasn’t sure she could handle.

  “I’m not sure I want to know what’s on your agenda.”

  “Yes, you do.”

  She stared into his eyes. “Okay, fine. I’ll bite.”

  Yes, please.

  He paused, watched as her cheeks flushed a little brighter. “Maybe I would like that.”

  Now her eyes widened as her mouth opened on a silent gasp.

  She had walked right into that one and he wasn’t at all sorry for pushing her. He wanted her out of her comfort zone. Wanted he
r to speak her mind.

  Do you really want to do this? With this woman?

  Yes, he did. Who wouldn’t? She was beautiful and smart and pushed at him in ways he’d never had a woman push him before.

  “Do you want me to?”

  He didn’t answer right away, let her watch him smile and give her a little glimpse of what he felt for her, how he burned for her.

  “Tell me more about this school you work for.”

  She blinked up at him, her lips parted as if she wanted to say something but couldn’t figure out what to say.

  He grinned wider at the thought that he’d made her speechless.

  Now her gaze dropped to his mouth and heat spread through his body. It’d been months since he’d allowed himself to want a woman. Hell, to even think about a woman.

  For the past nine months, he’d focused solely on getting back to the ice. And now that he’d achieved that goal, he should be focused on becoming better, on getting his shot at the NHL.

  But…he found himself thinking more and more about Faith.

  “What do you want to know?”

  He didn’t care. So long as she continued to talk.

  “Does the school value you?”

  Her head tilted to the side and he watched her silky hair spill over her shoulder and down over her right breast. His chest got tight as he thought about running his fingers through her hair then letting his hands mold every inch of her body.

  He was finished lying to himself. He wanted Faith. He wanted her enough to put in the time and effort to establish a relationship with her.

  And he didn’t just want to sleep with her. He liked her. He also knew if he told her that, she’d shut him down faster than he and Lad used to shut down opposing offensive lines.

  Faith had walls. He wasn’t opposed to scaling those walls, but he knew he was going to have to be careful about how he did it.

  “I believe they do, yes.”

  It took him a second for his brain to catch up to her response to his question.

  “And do you enjoying working for them?”

  She shrugged and her gaze dropped for a second. “I love working with the kids. Bureaucracy…not so much. There’s always something I can’t do that I want to do. Or there’s just too damn much red tape.”

  “Does this red tape make you not want to work with the students?”

  She shook her head immediately. “No. It just makes me fight a little harder.”