The Machine

by Stephanie Julian

  If it was, he’d call her back when he got to his apartment. But when he saw the name on the screen he swiped to answer before it could go to voicemail.

  “Hey, I watched games this weekend.” Lad’s voice seeped into his head through Jake’s earbuds, Lad’s native Russian oddly reassuring to Jake, who knew the language as well as he knew his own. “You were on a tear. Strakas said you give them heartburn. I think that’s good. I know they are afraid of losing their positions. Trade talk heats up and their names have been out there a lot.”

  With a grin, Jake turned his head back toward the window he’d been staring out of for the past hour as the team made its way back to Reading from Ottawa.

  “I think most people give the Straka brothers heartburn, but it’s nice to hear. How are you?”

  “Fine. I’m more interested in how you’re feeling. I would’ve called Friday night but I knew you would not want to talk then.”

  Lad was right. Lad was almost always right and Jake missed his sounding board.

  “No, it was a pretty shitty night.”

  “But you made up for it last night and today. You handed Ottawa their ass.”

  “I definitely had better games.”

  “But you still don’t sound happy. What’s up with you?”

  “Nothing. It’s nothing. Just…”

  “What? Did you hurt yourself again or—”

  “No, nothing like that.” He paused. “It’s—nothing. Just have a lot on my mind.”

  “So the girl is messing with your head?”

  He thought about blowing that off, but this was Lad and no one around him could understand a word he was saying.

  “A little, yes.”

  “Break it off.” Lad’s voice held supreme confidence. “You need to focus. You’re almost here. Don’t fuck it up now.”

  “I know. I just… I think maybe… I want to keep her.”

  Jake swore he heard Lad laugh.

  “You know she’s not a stray animal, right?”

  “Fuck you, asshole.”

  Jake said that in English because he liked the way it sounded in that language. And it made Lad laugh.

  “And there’s the Jake we all know and love. So have everything. You will soon be NHL player. It’s not like you’re not used to hard work. Put the time in with her.”

  “And if I get called up?”

  “So you have to work a little harder at making your relationship work. It happens.”

  In his mind, Jake saw Lad shrug, as if it wasn’t that big a deal. “And if she takes a job in another city?”

  “Then there is always phone sex. What’s so special about this one? And if you say, ‘She completes me,’ I will puke.”

  Jake laughed, shaking his head. “What if I tell you she makes me happy.”

  “Then I will say you’re a lucky bastard. And since I’ve met Faith, I know that is probably fact. I like her. She seems sweet.”

  “She is. She’s also tough and takes no shit.”

  Lad laughed loud and long. “You are so screwed, you know that, right?”

  “I do.”

  Especially if she decided not to upend her entire life for a professional hockey player, who could be traded across the country in a moment’s notice or be out of a job at the end of the season and have no idea what he was going to do with his life.

  “She would be stupid to sign on for this life.”

  “People in love do crazy things. And if she loves you, she’ll do it.”

  “I didn’t say I was in love.”

  Lad made a sound over the phone that Jake had no trouble understanding. “Then you are lying to yourself. Don’t do that. It never ends well.”

  *****

  Faith opened the door to Jake Monday night, her heart pounding in her throat.

  His gaze narrowed as he looked at her.

  “What is wrong?”

  Shaking her head, she didn’t say anything as she shut the door behind him. And before she could answer his question, he leaned down to kiss her.

  Backing her against the door, he stole her breath, caused her heart to beat even faster than it already had been and made her shudder with absolute desire.

  For several long seconds, she let everything else fall away. Everything except him. Winding her arms around his shoulders, she plastered herself against him. His hard body radiated glorious heat and she soaked it in.

  It’d only been two days since she’d seen him last and she’d missed him immensely. How was that even possible?

  Her arms rose to wind around his shoulders and she arched into his body, hands cupped around his neck so he couldn’t move. He hadn’t gotten his hair cut recently and she’d noticed the length had started to brush the collars of his shirts.

  She loved running her fingers through it and tugging on it and hearing the sound he made when she did.

  But before she could do any of that, he pulled back and stepped away.

  “Now. What is going on?”

  And the choice she had to make feel squarely on her shoulders again. For those few wonderful seconds when he’d been kissing her, she’d been able to put it out of her mind and concentrate only on him.

  Now…

  “I missed you.”

  His gaze narrowed but she heard the hitch in his breath that told her he liked what she’d said.

  “And I missed you. Tell me what is happening with you.”

  She sucked in a breath. “I heard from the school in Charlotte.”

  He took a step back and she immediately wanted to grab him and pull him back to her. His expression didn’t change but she knew that was no indication of what he was thinking.

  “And they offered you the job.”

  He said that with no doubt in his voice.

  “How did you—”

  “They would be foolish not to want you.”

  The absolute certainty in his voice brought quick tears to her eyes and she blinked them away.

  His next question had a harder edge. “Are you going to take it?”

  Her gaze dropped for a second and she took a deep breath. “I need the job. I need to be able to support myself. This job will let me.”

  His jaw clenched, as if he had something to say but was holding it back. She didn’t want him to hold back.

  “Jake, don’t—”

  “Don’t go.” His voice held a command that immediately put her back up. But the look in his eyes… “There will be another job.”

  The look in his eyes sparked blazing lust in her gut, a desire that spread like gasoline-stoked fire through her blood.

  How did he do that to her so easily? All he had to do was look at her a certain way and she wanted to give him anything and everything he asked for.

  But she knew she couldn’t. After struggling to put her life back together for the past two years, from regaining her mobility to regaining her independence and getting back to work, how could she just toss is all aside like it meant nothing and follow him wherever his job took him?

  How crazy was she that she wanted to throw away this job opportunity and stay with him?

  “We’ve been dating for two weeks.” Even she heard the uncertainty in her voice. “We barely know each other and you want me to put my life on hold for you. For how long? Until you decide we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together? And what? Then I get to follow you around from team to team? How would I even hold down a job?”

  “You wouldn’t need to.”

  She could tell he knew the split second the words left his mouth that it was the absolute wrong thing to say to her. She opened her mouth to tell him exactly that and he held up one hand to stop her.

  “No. Wait.” His words held a harsh edge she’d never heard from him before. “Just listen to me for one minute. I know any relationship we have will need adjustment. If you want to work, we will find a way to make that happen. But there are other options for you. We will work this out.”

  “If I want to work?”

/>   The hardened edges of her heart bristled at the suggestion that she simply be nothing but his girlfriend. As if she didn’t have a career and aspirations for herself.

  “Why would I not want to work? I wasn’t raised to sit around all day and get my hair done and my nails painted and—”

  “That is not what I meant and you know it.” He shook his head, frustration finally seeping through his usual cool. “You could volunteer. If we are in Philadelphia, there are so many places that would be happy to have someone with your skills as a volunteer. Organizations for disabled children. Hospitals. Charities. Think about what you could do for those children.”

  Damn him, for showing how well he knew her because, if she were being truthful, she had thought about just that. And what did it say about her that she was seriously considering it? But…

  “So I’m just supposed to smile and say, ‘Sure,’ and follow you around for the rest of my life?”

  “No.” His expression flattened out, as if she’d hit a nerve. “I want you to come with me because you want to be with me. I want you to be with me. I want to spend my life with you. And I don’t care that it has only been weeks. I am sure. All I need to know is if you want that too.”

  Even the hardened parts of her heart shivered in reaction because she did. She might be crazy to even think about it but… She did want to be with him.

  But the rational part of her brain, the stubborn part that had gotten her through two years of rehabilitation, the part that remembered the look on her dad’s face when he’d told her that Jimmy wasn’t going to marry her. That part questioned how she could even be thinking about giving up her career and her independence for a man who could do exactly the same someday.

  Except…Jake wasn’t Jimmy.

  The rigid line of his jaw flexed. “Faith.”

  Uncertainty held her immobile. “It’s just not that easy.”

  “It is if you trust me.”

  Was that it? Did she not trust him?

  Can you trust him?

  When she couldn’t make her mouth move, he released a quiet sigh and stepped around her to open the door.

  She didn’t turn, didn’t want to watch him walk away.

  “I know this is sudden.” His voice had that hard edge to it she recognized. He’d gone icy with control. And it burned her to the core. “I know you have been hurt. I don’t want to hurt you. But I don’t know how else to show you how I feel without being compared to another man. I love you, Faith. I know those words might not mean much to you but they still mean a hell of a lot to me.”

  Then he left.

  Chapter Twelve

  “How did your interview go?”

  Faith heard the trepidation in her mom’s voice and knew she shouldn’t have picked up this call only minutes after Jake had left.

  Her head still reeled from everything he’d said, everything he wanted. Her heart ached and she could barely breathe because of the pounding of her heart. Half of her wanted to follow him, to demand he stay and fight until they had this figured out. The other half of her knew it was never going to be that easy.

  Because she knew, if she committed to a relationship with Jake, she would be the one to make the most sacrifice. She’d be the one to give up her job to follow him.

  But she’d told her mom about the interview and of course her mom wanted to know what had happened.

  Still, she should’ve waited at least until tomorrow to call her mom. She’d wanted to talk to her mom on her own terms.

  She’d been saying that a lot lately. Her own terms. She wanted everything on her own terms, but the world didn’t work that way, did it?

  “It went well. Really well, actually.” She paused to take a breath. “They offered me a job five minutes after the interview. I’m still going through the email with the details but…it’s a good offer. A really good offer.”

  Her mom’s indrawn breath was all the signal Faith needed to know how she felt. Of course, her mom’s words offered a different take.

  “Oh, wow. That’s great, honey. I’m so happy for you. But…is it going to pay enough for you to move to Charlotte and live there? I was reading about the high cost of living in the city and…”

  Faith bit her tongue and let her mom talk, unsurprised that her mom had already taken it upon herself to research Charlotte. She agreed at the appropriate times, disagreed when she felt she had to and managed to keep herself from sighing into the phone in frustration.

  Everything seemed to be falling on her head at the same time. This job. Her mom.

  Jake.

  It all seemed like a little too much.

  And made her think that maybe this job was exactly what she needed. A clean break. Away from the memories of her accident and her failed engagement and her mom’s over-bearing love and—

  Away from Jake.

  Who would be leaving, too.

  He wants you to go with him. He told you he loved you.

  As he’d walked out the door and didn’t look back.

  Yeah, after you told him you were taking a job three states away.

  No. She couldn’t think about that. Not now.

  He wants you to take that leap with him. And you turned him down.

  “Mom, what if I told you instead of the job in Charlotte, I was going to quit my job and move to Philly with Jake?”

  Her mom’s silence gave Faith her answer. Or so she thought.

  “I guess…I’d say you’re an adult and I can’t stop you from doing what you want to do with your life. But, honey, you wouldn’t be taking a job with Jake. You’d be making a life choice. And I hope you’d think seriously before you make that decision.”

  “It’s not like we’d be getting married.”

  Another pause. “Did he ask you?”

  “No.”

  “Well, you have to give the guy credit then. He’s smart. He knew you wouldn’t say yes.”

  Her breath caught in her throat.

  Oh my god.

  Her mom was right. Jake had known exactly what to say to her to make sure she continued to think about him and not just write him off immediately.

  “Faith?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Do you want to say yes?”

  Of course, she wanted to say yes. The question was, should she?

  *****

  Jake got the call from Coach Scott early Wednesday morning.

  “You need to be in the locker room for morning skate by eleven so I suggest you pack up your gear and leave now. Not sure you’ll get ice time tonight, but with the Matheson trade, I could be wrong. Good luck, Jake.”

  Glancing up at the clock, he realized it was going to be a rush to get on the road, but he took a minute to call his mom, to tell her he’d been called up. She’d been in bed but he knew she’d want to know as soon as possible. She told him to call immediately after the game so he could talk to his brother about his first NHL game.

  He’d thought about calling Faith, but he knew she was in school and wouldn’t be able to pick up. He could leave her a message but couldn’t decide what to say so he settled for a text.

  Have been called up for home game tonight. Wanted you to know.

  As soon as he sent it, he wanted to call it back. Could he sound any more like a dick?

  If you want tickets to game, let me know.

  And since there was nothing more to say, he finished breakfast, showered, packed, and walked into the Broad Street arena around quarter of eleven.

  He tried not to let his brain get overwhelmed on the drive down, had tried to concentrate solely on the excitement. However, by the time he walked into the arena, he had a weight on his shoulders that felt like a ton.

  The sight of two familiar faces waiting for him outside the locker room lifted some of that weight.

  “I am so fucking glad to see you,” Lad said as he wrapped one arm around Jake’s shoulders and hugged him hard.

  “Good to see you, too.” Then Jake reached out his hand to the other man.
“Shane, it has been a while.”

  When Lad released him, Shane pulled him in for a quick hug, as well.

  “Too long, man. Too long. But now we’re going to kick some ass.”

  More of that weight lifted. It helped knowing his friends were happy to see him, but he wasn’t even sure he was going to play tonight.

  “Coach wants to see you before you head out on the ice so we’re here to take you to him,” Shane continued. “After that, we’ll meet you in the locker room and show you around.”

  “And after practice, we will have lunch.” Lad’s rare grin spread across his face. “Tonight, we show this team what we can do together.”

  The next few hours passed by in a progression of sharply defined images. He’d been on the ice here before but never as part of the team. He knew most of the guys from training camp and those he didn’t, Lad made sure he met.

  Being back on the ice with Lad felt like coming home. It was as if the nine months they’d been apart had never happened.

  And it didn’t go unnoticed.

  Coach gave them the news they’d be the third defensive line tonight during the final minute of practice.

  So when Shane and Lad took him to lunch with them and the rest of the team, it was almost surreal. But when everyone started to break off and Lad was taking him back to the apartments where they stayed, he had the overwhelming urge to call Faith and tell her what had happened. He hadn’t looked at his phone since he’d gotten to the arena. The worry that she hadn’t texted greater than the fear of what she might have said.

  Of course, Lad noticed his mood shift immediately.

  “What is wrong? And don’t say nothing because you would be lying. Your head needs to be here so whatever it is you are worried about, say it now.”

  Before Jake could say anything, Shane spoke from the backseat.

  “Have you called Faith?”

  Lad slid him a quick glance, his frown noticeable. “Seriously? You are thinking about a girl? Now?”

  Jake shrugged, figuring he needed to get it off his chest then maybe it would leave him alone.

  “You know Bliss’ll be at the game tonight,” Shane added. “Faith can drive down with her.”

  “I am not sure she will want to be at game.”