Fear of Fire and Shadow

by S. Young

  Haydyn shrugged. “I don’t care. My body aches all over but I feel so awake! I’ve been sleeping forever, Rogan. Don’t make me go back to bed.”

  I laughed and pulled her tight, afraid to let go of her. “Don’t ever do anything like that to me again.”

  She huffed against my shoulder. “It’s not like I could help it. Oh, Rogan.” She retreated, her eyes brimming with love. “How can I ever thank you for what you did for me? Raj explained everything. How you went all the way to Alvernia, into the mountains, for the cure! Rogan—”

  “You would have done it for me.”

  “In a heartbeat.”

  “Well, it took a little longer than that, but—”

  “Can I perhaps …?” Matai appeared at our side, his eyes fixed on Haydyn as if he couldn’t believe she was real.

  Reluctantly, I stepped away to let the two lovers embrace.

  I raised an eyebrow at Wolfe when they kissed in front of Raj. Raj, for one, didn’t look surprised.

  “Ah … happily ever after,” Valena sighed dreamily from the doorway.

  Chapter 33

  If I could have wished for anything in this life, then I would have wished for Valena’s words that day to be true.

  But unfortunately, life just doesn’t always work out that way.

  Haydyn and I had much to catch up on once we returned to the palace.

  The sight of Haydyn put paid to all the rumors and gossip of her illness that had spread across Sabithia and even into the neighboring provinces. Calm swam through the provinces like the tide flowing in at night. With the evocation stronger than ever, word reached the palace that Markiz Solom Rada had begun working on ridding Vasterya of the rookery as well as his little army he’d been building.

  It was too late, however.

  The Guard had been sent out to arrest the markiz. He would be tried before the court of the Rada for treason. Jarvis was furious and left little doubt in my mind that the markiz would be dismissed from the Rada and imprisoned.

  Moreover, upon my discovery of the mages, Jarvis was interested in conducting some kind of census to discover just how many mages were being born every year. The thought of magic truly returning to our world swept Silvera with excitement.

  I received a letter from Kir confirming the rumors in Vasterya and the worry in Pharya over the markiz’s arrest. He promised to keep me informed while the Rada dealt with the markiz. As we wrote back and forth, I was glad for his friendship again. He was unsurprised to learn of my betrothal to Wolfe, having discerned Wolfe’s feelings for me during our time in the rookery.

  I grimaced at that. I really had been a blind fool.

  Jarek was surprised to learn of my betrothal to Wolfe. He was a little skeptical even, but nonetheless happy for me, proving I was right when I suspected I was nothing but a mere flirtation to him.

  The Iavii, now that they were caught in the trap of the evocation, agreed to settle in a few acres of land on the northern border of Javinia. As for Tiger, Bird, Vrik, and a few others, they were imprisoned in the palace jail for murder, theft, and kidnapping. No one questioned it, now that the Dyzvati reigned supreme again.

  Haydyn was so busy at first with meetings with the Rada that I couldn’t seem to get her to sit long enough for me to explain my concerns. Finally, exasperated upon hearing she had a meeting with a dignitary from Alvernia, I urged Haydyn to postpone it and talk with me. There was much she needed to know, including the fact that Markiz Andrei was not a good match for her.

  Seeing how troubled I was, Haydyn agreed and we headed to her suite. My palms were damp and my heart raced with all I had to tell her.

  “I haven’t spent nearly enough time with you, Rogan, and after all you’ve done—”

  “Haydyn, don’t—”

  “We haven’t even had time to discuss your betrothal to Captain Stovia. Wolfe, Rogan! You’ve barely given me any answers to how that really came about. And none of that fluff about realizing how you felt about one another.” She grinned, her eyes bright. “I want the luscious details.”

  So I told her. But not just about Wolfe. I told her everything that had happened to me. She already knew some of it. About the Iavii and the rookery. But this time, I didn’t leave out any details. I told her about Alvernia. About the good people of Hill o’ Hope. About the mountain man. About L and the Moss family.

  When I drew quiet, Haydyn promptly burst into tears.

  I reached for her hand but she drew away. “Don’t. How can you even touch me after all you’ve been through because of me? That man, Rogan … what he did to you …” She shook her head, her eyes so full of anguish.

  “Haydyn,” I said sternly. “I didn’t tell you to make you feel guilty. Nothing happened to me that couldn’t be dealt with. But I came to question things … important things … about Phaedra. About the way we govern. About the evocation. I need you.”

  She still looked pale and uneasy. “For what? What about the way we govern? What about the evocation?”

  “Didn’t you hear what I told you? There are issues in your provinces, Haydyn. Issues the evocation cannot fix, and I’m not sure it should. What right do we have to suppress human nature? That is not freedom. It is the opposite of freedom.”

  Haydyn flinched like I’d hit her. “The evocation makes sure peace reigns in Phaedra.”

  Frustration burned in my throat. “But what if something happened again to the evocation? We’d be left with a world that isn’t properly governed because we’re so afraid of our true natures. Perhaps we should accept who we are as a people and be true to ourselves. Govern without the evocation.”

  Haydyn stood up now. “I heard all this the first time around, Rogan. I understood. Believe me. The provinces have been left in the hands of the Rada who have relied upon the evocation for everything. Laws need to be instituted to protect people like that kind family you met in the mountains. And they will be. It will just take time.” She drew a breath. “In fact … I’ve decided to move the palace to Vasterya. I was just discussing it with Jarvis and Ava.”

  “What?” I asked, shocked.

  “The province is central. From there, my power will be absolute. It will even reach Alvernia. What happened to you need never happen to anyone again. But as I say, this will all take time. Patience, Rogan.” She smiled.

  For a moment, I was taken aback by how determined and self-possessed Haydyn was. Then again, I had witnessed a change in her these last few weeks. She was taking charge with remarkable aplomb. The sleeping disease had changed her as much as I.

  Still … I needed her to understand. “Perhaps once you’ve set up proper government, you might think about easing Phaedra out of the evocation?”

  Haydyn guffawed. “Are you jesting, Rogan?”

  I frowned. “No.”

  “Why would I take away the evocation? It’s my purpose in life.”

  “Your purpose in life is to reign over your people and take care of them. Make decisions that will better their lives. Not control them.”

  Horror slackened her features. “Control them?”

  I sighed. I was doing this all wrong. “Not control them. That’s not what I meant. I meant …” I searched the room, looking for the words. They landed on Haydyn’s bed, where I’d kissed her forehead weeks before, promising I’d wake her up. “We’re all asleep under the evocation. We’re not free to be truly ourselves. You more than anyone must understand the imprisonment of sleep, Haydyn. We’re not prepared for what will happen when we wake up. We never will be unless we stop relying on the evocation. We have to stop being afraid.”

  Something happened to her as she stood before me. I saw her shoulders stiffen, her spine lengthen, her chin jut. Her eyes were still kind, still loving, but there was obstinance in them. “In sleep we don’t get the choice between dreams and nightmares. With my evocation, Phaedra sleeps peacefully. Without it … it could be a waking nightmare. And why should we worry about there being no evocation? That’s not going to happen. I won
’t let it. You won’t.”

  “I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you ever. And you’re right: I will do anything to make sure nothing ever happens to you again. But surely we should prepare for the worst when we’re talking about securing the future of our land.”

  “I am securing the future of our land. I will marry. I will have children. I will teach those children to use the evocation. After everything you’ve gone through, how can you tell me the evocation isn’t worth it?”

  I could feel myself losing my grip on this discussion, so I said the one thing I thought may penetrate. “It’s dangerous to rely on this, Haydyn. You can’t guarantee your children will be born with the evocation.”

  Haydyn paled. “The Dyzvati reign has not been broken in all these centuries. I doubt it’s going to end with me. But since you insist on being a pessimist, I’ll remind you that the contingency plan, as you suggest, is to enforce the evocation with proper legislation and closer involvement in each of the provinces.”

  I gave her a bittersweet smile. “I’m not going to convince you otherwise?”

  My best friend shook her head and then laughed softly at my expression, her eyes pleading with me to understand. “You wanted me to wake up, Rogan, and take control of my lands. Well, this is what I see now that I’m awake.”

  I sighed heavily. Haydyn was right, of course. All these years, all I had ever wanted was for her to be the kralovna I knew she could be. I had just never realized that when she did, we’d see things differently. Governing Phaedra, making decisions for our people, had never been my journey. My journey had been saving the person who was destined for that … and in saving her, I found myself. I wanted to make a difference, and I could only do that through Haydyn.

  I wasn’t ready to give up on what I believed in. It would take time, but maybe one day I would convince her that freedom to be who they were, good or bad, was what our people really deserved.

  I thought of Wolfe and how I knew he’d support me in my decision to stay on to advise Haydyn, even if we did not see the same future for Phaedra just now.

  Thinking of Wolfe made me think of Matai.

  “And Matai?” I asked, almost dreading her reply.

  Pain and sadness painted a bright sheen in her eyes. “An alliance with Alvernia would be advantageous for everyone. It’s difficult enough sticking my nose in the Rada’s business, but as the wife of the son of the Rada of Alvernia, it would be within my rights to do what I could for the land and its people. I could bring so much to your friend L and her family’s life. But … if I marry Matai, a man of lower rank, then people will see it as a weakness. They’ll know I married for love. They might think me frail and too sensitive to rule. I cannot afford to be seen as weak.”

  I flushed with anger, not only on Matai’s behalf but because I was terrified Haydyn would make the wrong choice and spend her life miserable because of it. I knew what it was to love now, and I didn’t want her throwing that away. “I told you,” I argued, “you have all the power. They’re not going to object to anything you do.”

  Haydyn sat down, leaning over to take my hand in hers, her eyes begging me to understand. “I need time to think on it. I’m still holding the ball. I’ll make my decision then.”

  I remembered Wolfe’s warning when I refused to marry him. “Matai won’t wait forever, Haydyn.”

  She pulled back from me again, hurt in her beautiful and kind gaze. “You were the one who told me to make my own decisions. Now you’re angry because you don’t agree with them!”

  I closed my eyes, my shoulders slumping in exasperation. Again … she was right. I glanced up at her through my lashes and nodded. “You are correct.” I tried to shrug off my misgivings. Haydyn wasn’t a little girl anymore. I had to let her make her own choices and believe she could cope with the consequences when they came. “I am glad you’re making your own decisions. Our opinions may differ but … all that matters”—I took her hand again—“is that I have faith in you. I went to the ends of the world because of that faith. I’m not going to give up on it now.”

  She grinned back at me, relief thrumming visibly through her.

  “Now, if we cannot agree about the evocation, have faith enough in me to believe when I say that Markiz Andrei and his son are not good men. They are not suited to rule at your side.”

  Her eyes widened at the fierceness in my voice and she slowly nodded. “I believe you. I’ll find another way to gain influence in Alvernia.”

  Relief filled me but I still worried for our future. For Haydyn’s future. For her happiness and for the wisdom of her decisions. I had seen the truth of Phaedra because I’d journeyed through it.

  Perhaps it was time to stop coddling Haydyn and push her out into the world. “Mayhap,” I pondered, “it might not be such a bad thing if you were to see Phaedra for yourself.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Visit the provinces. All of them.”

  She considered this. “I suppose I could do a coronation tour once I’m kralovna.”

  I smirked. “I was thinking something a little more daring.”

  Haydyn raised an eyebrow. “Daring how?”

  “You. In disguise. Traveling the provinces with a guide. A very capable, albeit a little rough around the edges, guide.” I pictured L leading Haydyn through the provinces and although I experienced more than a pinch of fear for Haydyn’s safety, I needed her to make an informed decision about the evocation. She couldn’t do that without seeing the world for herself, without everyone sugarcoating it for the princezna, soon to be kralovna.

  The spark of adventure lit in Haydyn’s eyes. “You mean, sneak about Phaedra, pretending to be a commoner?”

  I nodded. “For research. L Moss could be your guide.”

  A slow smile pushed at the corners of Haydyn’s mouth. “You would really aid me in running away from the palace?”

  “If it allows you to have the knowledge you need to make the decision you think is best for our world, then yes.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “It might not change my mind about the evocation, Rogan. In fact, I’m certain it won’t.”

  I shrugged. “If it doesn’t, then I’ll support whatever decision you make. But how can you rule Phaedra unless you truly know it?”

  She raised a delicate eyebrow. “You believe I can do this?”

  “I believe you can do anything.”

  Haydyn beamed. “Then I think we better send for a messenger. Miss Moss is required at the palace.”

  Epilogue

  Although Haydyn’s happily ever after was uncertain, I knew I was as close to mine as I would ever be as I sat beside Wolfe on the cliffs outside the Land’s End cottage. After weeks of traveling, I wanted nothing more than a bit of haven out here on the cliffs, away from everyone else. The quiet was wonderful. Back at the palace, Haydyn was arranging my wedding to Wolfe while juggling our clandestine plans for her journey through Phaedra.

  Now and then, I’d feel more than a stab of worry that I was putting our future kralovna in unnecessary danger, but I had to believe this was the right thing for everyone.

  As for my wedding to Wolfe, it was to take place the first day of the autumn season, and Haydyn was turning it into a lavish affair that made my head spin and my ears bleed.

  Wolfe had finally come to my rescue and absconded with me to the cliffs.

  I sighed contentedly, snuggling into his side, loving the drizzle of sea spray that caught on the wind and kissed my cheeks. I knew I would have to deal with all the trappings that came with being a vikomtesa—the large wedding, getting to know the dowager vikomtesa. Wolfe’s mother was a bird of a woman who twittered at me nervously.

  She was gentle and kind, and I could see how easy it must have been for Syracen to hurt and abuse her. We were a different breed of woman, but for Wolfe’s sake, I would try to be a good daughter to her, even if that meant discussing dress fittings, menus, and sheet music. I’d have plenty of time in which to get to know her better, as W
olfe had agreed to move into the new palace in Vasterya so I could work with Haydyn, but only under the condition that we didn’t leave his mother behind in Silvera. Of course, this would all be after Haydyn returned from her research trip.

  One bright spot in my busy social schedule was L. The two messengers I’d sent into the Alvernian Mountains (two of the Guard well equipped to deal with the harsh hills) had returned two days ago from their visit with the Moss family with a message from L.

  They had agreed to come to the wedding and more importantly, L had agreed to act as Haydyn’s guide.

  I couldn’t believe it. I’d thought it would take blackmail to get L off that mountain of hers. I couldn’t wait for Haydyn to meet her. I wouldn’t push L to meet anyone else in society if she didn’t want to. I knew what their reaction to her rough speech and unladylike ways would be, and she was too good a person to be subjected to that. But, deep down, I secretly hoped that after traveling with Haydyn, L may come to like my world. Mayhap even think of making a new life in Vasterya with me and Wolfe and Haydyn.

  I smiled inwardly. It was a bit of a fairy tale, I knew. But I could hope.

  And if L and her family did decide to return to the Alvernian Mountains, then I’d make sure they were sent supplies every month, and perhaps have a larger home constructed for them. Wolfe had already told me to rein in my plans for the Mosses in case I overwhelmed them. But I wanted to overwhelm them. With kindness. Appreciation.

  They’d saved my life.

  And I’d owe L once more when she brought Haydyn home safely to me after their trip.

  “When does the princezna plan to move us to Vasterya?” Wolfe asked quietly, stroking my back.

  I shivered at his touch, still amazed that he had this effect on me. “As soon as the rookery is depleted. And she has architects overhauling one of the mansions in Pharya for her arrival. She’ll no doubt live in the fanciest mansion we’ve ever seen until palace construction is completed.”