Mercy's Angels: Elizabeth

by Barbi Barnard

  “Perfect. And you can make arrangements for the school bus to pick Belinda up here. Some of the others let their children catch the bus here at times. I will leave your card and key in the kitchen when I get them. I have some calls to make.”

  I make it to the office and find Kenneth had left the access card. I dig for Charlie’s keys and remove all that don't belong. I'll need to turn them over to the lawyers. I call up the local homeless shelter and ask for a few people for a day job. Packing up Charlie's things isn't something I want to do. Giving a few people a job and anything they can use will make them feel better. With all that taken care of I can return to the kitchen for a bite to eat. I seem to be hungry for a big breakfast buffet.

  When I get to the kitchen I hear voices. It seems I wasn't the only one hungry today. I find a few of the guys giving Mooki a hard time about making their favorites. I smile at the teasing and see he is holding his own. Belinda is quietly sitting away, but I see her grinning along with them. I grab my mug and get a refill while everyone is distracted.

  I take a seat and grab the attention of the room. I like seeing the table full. I like the thought that Tiffi will never be alone in life again. I receive nods and smiles from most. Kenneth gives his trade mark invisible hat tilt and Greg gives a wink.

  “Good morning men. I see we all had the same idea for a cooked breakfast. I hope you don't scare Mooki off. The food yesterday was very good.”

  “Greg started it. Told him he wanted biscuits and gravy then Match said he wanted pancakes and bacon. But Mooki is holding his own.” Seeing Stephen throwing them under the bus is new. I think he found his voice. I like it.

  “Good morning doll. It's nice to see your beautiful face. If you have time today, we can take that ride.” I smile at Greg, but don't commit to anything. I'm not sure if I want to be alone with anyone just yet.

  “I have some people coming from the homeless shelter today. I need to stick around and see they do what I need and get them paid.” I turn to Kenneth and wait for a lull to interrupt. “Kenneth I need you to grant a bit more to Mooki's access card. He will be taking over Charlie's old rooms. If you have time of course.” I hope that didn't look rude to Greg. I just can't be alone with him right now.

  “Elizabeth, we can do any work you need.” Hearing Greg offer the help makes me smile.

  “I'm sure you could. But if you did it, then a person who really needs the money loses out.” I see the hurt look disappear from his face.

  “You know best. It's nice that you try to help so many.”

  With breakfast over and everyone on to their day, I can get started with Charlie’s things. I have the boxes set up and labeled. I just need to keep the personal stuff like pictures, letters and banking information. His clothes and shoes can go to the shelter and the furniture just needs a good cleaning. Time to pull the big girl panties on and get started.

  It took six hours to get the rooms finished. I had to make the guys take a lunch break. They worked like demons today. Box after box of personal papers were stuffed in the back of a bedroom closet. I guess I need to have them delivered to the lawyer as they all said private. With a few crisp hundred dollar bills for each, the men wave as they drive off loaded down with what they wanted to keep. Just as I was ready to quit for the day, I see Mooki and another car park.

  “Hello Miss Elizabeth. Care to meet my mother?”

  “Of course I do. How do you do ma'am?” I get a smile and a soft hello. I can see where Belinda gets her shyness from.

  “Mother wanted to see where we would be staying.”

  “Well, go show her around and get settled. If you need help with anything just find one of us. We all want you to be happy here.”

  Sitting in the office I do busy work. Check on the bands I have booked. Check on the progress for the end of summer bash. The Pen has opened for the night so I keep an eye on that also. I need to put up that dress code that Tiffi mentioned. The Welks girl is barely covered again. I swear she makes a point of not wearing clothes in public. If it wasn't for the fact that she brings in forty to fifty people with her I would ban her. I watch as she goes toward the pool tables. If she bends over I will know if she wears underwear. Yes ma'am, she wears underwear. I wasn't the only one to see either. She now has three men giving her the attention she wants. It's time to turn the cameras off.

  I have avoided people enough today. I make my way to the kitchen and grab a quick bite before taking a walk through the bar. I see many of the regulars and stop to say hello. I try to keep it short as there are many here. I congratulate the dart team that's in the lead with their standings and offer a free drink. On the way to Sarah I spot Greg and Kenneth, at the back, in the booth surrounded by a few women. One is all over Kenneth and another is trying to crawl into Greg's lap. Feelings of jealousy come over me. But why? I don't have feelings for him. He doesn't have feelings for me either. No man is ever going to have feelings for me.

  I got the dart team set with the drinks and move through the crowd. Nodding my head hello and only stopping to speak when necessary. I just don't have it in me to socialize tonight. I think a walk outside would be better. I turn to make it to the door when a hand on the elbow stops me. “Will you dance with me? I've know you over 20 years and have never danced with you.”

  I look up to see Greg with a smirk. “I was just going to take a walk outside. The smoke in here is killing me.” I hope he believes me. My heart is pounding and I feel shaky.

  “I'll walk with you. There's a big crowd inside and out.”

  “Oh. Okay. Lead the way.” It’s nice out tonight. The sun has set and the temp has dropped to give it a soft balmy breeze. We walk in the quiet and I settle.

  “Can I ask you something?” His voice startles me and I jump.

  “Sure Greg you can ask me anything.” I know I'm going to regret those words.

  “Why do you avoid me? Do you hate me?”

  “No, I don't hate you and I don't avoid you either. Hell, we live at the same place. We see and speak almost every day.” I try to laugh it off to sound like it surprises me to hear this. I have a feeling he sees way more than I want him to.

  “Bullshit Lizzy. Every time I try to get close to you, you find something that just can't wait. We used to be friends.” We have stopped in the middle of the walkway. His voice is loud, but he’s not yelling.

  “I did everything you asked of me while you were with Richard. I never came around. I only saw Jenni when you were busy. Now I'm here and you are treating me like I have rabies. What gives?” His voice isn't so much hard as it is harsh. It has a pained sound to it. He is running his hands through his hair and pulling.

  I'm stunned. I have no idea where to start to explain how I feel toward those statements. Were we friends? I never told him to stay away. I've been friendly. “I don't mean to make you think I'm pushing you away or avoiding you. I'm so very glad you’re here for Tiffi and you and Jenni have always been able to talk. As to the other, I don't remember telling you to stay away. I never saw you again till after he went to jail. I have seen you maybe a handful of times since then. That's all on you not me. I never moved or changed my number.”

  I see him trying to stay in control. I haven't ever seen him out of control. I don't know how he is. Will he use his anger on me?

  “Are you trying to lie to me or yourself?” He steps closer.

  “I'm not lying to either of us.” I step back.

  “I call bullshit! Richard and Axel both told me you said to stay away. That you were happy with Richard and didn't need any friends. So I stayed away. I kept Swift and Lauren away. Just as you asked. Seems like now is the same. You still don't need friends.” Now he is yelling. People are looking, but not interfering. I'm pissed now. I will not be embarrassed in my own yard. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

  “I can't believe you or this conversation. I never, never said I was happy with that monster. I hated him then and I still hate him. He made my life hell. The whole damn club did. I wait
ed for you to get back. I waited for you to look for me. I waited for you to save me. To get me out of there. I gave up when Axel's friend told me how you spent the money you got for bringing me in.”

  His jaw is clenched. His fists are balled. His anger is plain to see. “You're full of shit. If you weren't happy why the hell did you stay? You married him. You raised my sister as your own. Then you took in a club whore's kid and raised her too. You did that because you thought she was Richard's. Don't play innocent now.”

  I'm shaking. I haven't been this angry in years. I can feel the tears and I'm fighting them. I won't show him weakness.

  “Answer me Lizzy! I deserve a damn answer!”

  “You want answers? Okay. I got some answers for your condescending prick ass.” My voice is cold and toneless. I'm not yelling or screaming. “I wasn't allowed to leave. I was chained to a fucking bed for two months. I was forced to use a bed pan or the trash can for those two months just to pee or shit. I was raped every day. Sometimes by one man sometimes by many. Sometimes all at once. When I was let up to shower I had a guard. I was not allowed any clothes or even a cover. I had eleven feet of chain attached to my leg for four months. Those were the months I had freedom. I could walk around the room and go pee in a toilet. I didn't leave Richard’s room for almost six months total.” I can see the disbelief in his eyes. He doesn't believe me. I continue to let him have it.

  “When I was finally given clothes and allowed out of the room, I was taken to the front of the clubhouse. You yourself know what went on there. I was allowed to entertain their friends then. That's where I saw Jenni for the first time. Barely five years old sitting at a table coloring in a book while I was raped for sport.”

  “When Jenni asked for a mom I was dressed up with ribbon and bows. I was presented and declared his old lady and was a present for Jenni. That got us a house and out of the club. I thought it would get better. And in a way I guess it did. I was only raped four or five days a week instead of daily.” I take a deep breath and look at him. I see he is not sure about my story. Not sure if he believes me

  “I was told that for you to be a full member you had to bring in fresh meat. Young girls were preferred so they let you and other prospects find them and invite them in. You found me. Me! I heard all about how you spent that money. So forgive me for having an issue with men. Forgive me if I don't crawl all over you. Forgive me for not falling at your feet begging for your time and attention. I kept your sister from my fate by taking her place. Her being Richards’s daughter didn't mean shit. He was just waiting till she was older. I was forced to marry him. I knew he was stealing from the club. He made me open the accounts at the bank. I wasn't given a choice about marrying him. If I didn't, then Axel was going to visit Jenni that night. He was going to rape her if I didn't marry Richard. Some choices huh?” I am spent. I am so empty inside. I want this to be over.

  “Are those enough answers for you? Did you get enough? Do you feel better knowing my side? Are you happy now? But please listen closely when I say this. Don't you ever call me Lizzy again. She's dead. And you helped kill her.”

  I have to get away. I can't believe I just told him that. I have never told anyone that. I haven't had to think about those days in so many years. I run. I have to get away from the memories before the tears fall.

  Chapter Four

  I let the phone ring again till it goes to voice mail. I haven't answered it in three days. I've had calls from everyone. Tiffi being the most persistent of all. I drove around all night then ended up just down the road at the bus lines. I parked my car and took a taxi to Jenni's house. Without the car here, I might not be found for a bit. I need time alone. I need time to process the conversation with Greg. I need “me” time. A nine-one-one text from Tiffi cuts that off.

  “Please call me.”

  “I won't look for you. “

  “I won't say anything.”

  “Let me hear your voice.”

  Time to tighten the elastic in the big girl panties and call her.

  “Momma, is that you? Please tell me you’re okay. I'm so worried about you.”

  “Calm down baby. I'm fine. Just had some things to take care of. My phone died and I didn't have the charger.” Cross the fingers so the lie doesn’t count.

  “Momma, Greg said you were upset when he last saw you.”

  “Oh, baby, no. Greg worries too much. I'm just checking out some bands for the blast. The Pen runs itself now. You’re taken care of by Nick and Jenni is riding the wind. I thought it would be the perfect time for a short vacation. I'll be back soon.”

  “Oh, Momma. I'm so relieved. I thought it was something bad.”

  “No Baby it's nothing bad. Just a little thoughtless on my part by forgetting to let you know. I promise I won't do it again. Love you.”

  “Love you too, Momma. See ya soon?”

  “Yeah, baby. Soon. Bye.”

  “Bye, Momma.”

  Well that went better than I had hoped. She seems fine with my answers and no one knows where I am. I can go back to hiding and feeling sorry for myself. I just need a few days to get the Elizabeth back that this town knows.

  ***

  I awake from my nap to see Kenneth sitting across from me. He has no expression on his face at all. I don't see anger or worry. He is just watching. I have questions running through my head. How did he get in? How did he know to come in? Why did he come in? Oh the list is long. I sit up so that I don't feel as vulnerable as laying down in front of him. “Hello.” I got nothing.

  “Elizabeth, we were worried about you. Thought you skipped town on us. You doing okay?” His tone is soft. Kind. Caring. I'm shocked. He's asking if I'm okay. People were looking for me.

  “Yeah I'm fine.”

  “Greg isn't. Seems he went on a bender and hasn't stopped. You want to talk about it?”

  “Nope. There isn't anything to talk about. I need coffee. You want some?”

  I need to keep my hands busy or he will see the shaking. What did Greg tell him? Who all did Greg tell? Who heard and is repeating it? As the coffee drips I continue with busy work. I wipe down everything in sight. Line up the items on the counter. Anything to stay active. To stay numb. Not turn around and look at him.

  “Elizabeth, please listen to me. I would never betray anyone I care about. I care about you. With that being said. I was in the parking lot the other night. I heard everything.”

  Oh good Lord. Just let the world end now.

  “I also have a relative that was in the club back then. I know the whole story. I know what happened to you. I know who did it. And I also know what Greg was told.”

  Can it get any worse? Are they gossiping about me at the Pen? Does Tiffi know?

  “Greg was told a different story than what you were told. You don't know what he was told any more than he knew about you. He wasn't an officer. He didn't know anything that he wasn't told. That's the way the club worked.”

  The coffee is done and I can't even pick the mug up because of the shaking. The tears are falling and I can't stop them. If I turn around he will see it all.

  “Let me get your coffee while you go wash your face.”

  “Th....tha...thanks. Cream and sugar please.”

  “Sure doll. Take a minute and pull yourself together.”

  I run to the bathroom. I feel so exposed. Kenneth knows everything. He will either look at me with pity or as a club toy. How am I supposed to see him every day? How am I going to face the others when he tells them? He won't stay quiet. He is an officer in the club. He can't keep secrets from his brothers. It's law. It's code.

  “Come on out, doll. Your coffee is getting cold. I'm not here to judge you. I just want to make sure you're alright. We're going to sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee as friends.”

  I want to believe him. I need to be able to trust again. I slowly open the door and see his smiling face. He holds out his hand and gently leads me back to the kitchen. I wrap my hands around my mug and slowly bring i
t to my lips. The heat is soothing. It calms me. I want to give him a chance. I look up. I don't see lust or pity. Just concern. Maybe I can believe him.

  “Tell me how you met Greg.” His tone is neutral. No inflection at all.

  “I was a street kid. He would sneak me in to use his shower. A friend was seeing another guy in the club.” Short blunt answers are all I give.

  “How did it all go downhill?”

  “I walked into the wrong Clayton door. You said you knew the rest.”

  “Yes. I know the rest. Wish I didn't. To be honest I puked for an hour the other night. There are only two people alive from that time. Richard and Axel. I can't tell you who knows about it or doesn't. I can promise it won't come from me. I can also promise that no one will ever touch you again, that you don't want to.”

  “Greg told me when they came the first time that the club thinks he claimed me. That it's the reason they never bother me. I never believed I was safe from them. I have looked over my shoulder for thirty years. How they believed he claimed his step-mother is beyond me. It's ridiculous.”

  “Is that how you see Greg? As a step-son?”

  “Well he is.” Why does no one see that?

  “Why? Because you were blackmailed into marrying the man who fathered him. Is that what it takes to be a mother?”

  “No, not morally, but legally.”

  “I can tell you that he doesn't see you as a mother figure. He looks at you as the beautiful woman that you are. He is half in love with you. Just like the rest of us. He does feels guilty that you raised his child for him.” He holds up his hand when he sees I'm about to interrupt.

  “We all know he didn't know about Tiffi, but he still feels guilty about it. He has no guilt in this. And you have no guilt in yours.”

  “Kenneth, I haven't been in a relationship… ever. I never had a boyfriend or a lover. I had rapists. I will never be clean from it. Greg and the rest of you guys need to find a nice girl and settle into whatever kind of life fits y’all. I am not the least bit good for anyone.”