To Have and to Hold
Page 4
CHAPTER IV IN WHICH I AM LIKE TO REPENT AT LEISURE
WHEN we had passed the mouth of the Chickahominy, I broke the silence,now prolonged beyond reason, by pointing to the village upon its bank,and telling her something of Smith's expedition up that river, ending byasking her if she feared the savages.
When at length she succeeded in abstracting her attention from theclouds, it was to answer in the negative, in a tone of the supremestindifference, after which she relapsed into her contemplation of theweather.
Further on I tried again. "That is Kent's, yonder. He brought his wifefrom home last year. What a hedge of sunflowers she has planted! If youlove flowers, you will find those of paradise in these woods."
No answer.
Below Martin-Brandon we met a canoe full of Paspaheghs, bound upon afriendly visit to some one of the down-river tribes; for in the bottomof the boat reposed a fat buck, and at the feet of the young men laytrenchers of maize cakes and of late mulberries. I hailed them, and whenwe were alongside held up the brooch from my hat, then pointed to thepurple fruit. The exchange was soon made; they sped away, and I placedthe mulberries upon the thwart beside her.
"I am not hungry," she said coldly. "Take them away."
I bit my lip, and returned to my place at the tiller. This rose was setwith thorns, and already I felt their sting. Presently she leaned backin the nest I had made for her. "I wish to sleep," she said haughtily,and, turning her face from me, pillowed her head upon her arms.
I sat, bent forward, the tiller in my hand, and stared at my wife insome consternation. This was not the tame pigeon, the rosy, humble,domestic creature who was to make me a home and rear me children. A seabird with broad white wings swooped down upon the water, now dark andridged, rested there a moment, then swept away into the heart of thegathering storm. She was liker such an one. Such birds were caught attimes, but never tamed and never kept.
The lightning, which had played incessantly in pale flashes across thelow clouds in the south, now leaped to higher peaks and became morevivid, and the muttering of the thunder changed to long, booming peals.Thirteen years before, the Virginia storms had struck us with terror.Compared with those of the Old World we had left, they were as cannon tothe whistling of arrows, as breakers on an iron coast to the dull washof level seas. Now they were nothing to me, but as the peals changed togreat crashes as of falling cities, I marveled to see my wife sleepingso quietly. The rain began to fall, slowly, in large sullen drops, and Irose to cover her with my cloak. Then I saw that the sleep was feigned,for she was gazing at the storm with wide eyes, though with no fear intheir dark depths. When I moved they closed, and when I reached her thelashes still swept her cheeks, and she breathed evenly through partedlips. But, against her will, she shrank from my touch as I put the cloakabout her; and when I had returned to my seat, I bent to one side andsaw, as I had expected to see, that her eyes were wide open again. Ifshe had been one whit less beautiful, I would have wished her back atJamestown, back on the Atlantic, back at whatever outlandish place,where manners were unknown, that had owned her and cast her out. Prideand temper! I set my lips, and vowed that she should find her match.
The storm did not last. Ere we had reached Piersey's the rain had ceasedand the clouds were breaking; above Chaplain's Choice hung a greatrainbow; we passed Tants Weyanoke in the glory of the sunset, allshattered gold and crimson. Not a word had been spoken. I sat in a humorgrim enough, and she lay there before me, wide awake, staring at theshifting banks and running water, and thinking that I thought she slept.
At last my own wharf rose before me through the gathering dusk, andbeyond it shone out a light; for I had told Diccon to set my house inorder, and to provide fire and torches, that my wife might see I wishedto do her honor. I looked at that wife, and of a sudden the anger in myheart melted away. It was a wilderness vast and dreadful to which shehad come. The mighty stream, the towering forests, the black skies anddeafening thunder, the wild cries of bird and beast the savages, uncouthand terrible,--for a moment I saw my world as the woman at my feet mustsee it, strange, wild, and menacing, an evil land, the other side of themoon. A thing that I had forgotten came to my mind: how that, after ourlanding at Jamestown, years before, a boy whom we had with us did eachnight fill with cries and lamentations the hut where he lay with mycousin Percy, Gosnold, and myself, nor would cease though we tried bothcrying shame and a rope's end. It was not for homesickness, for hehad no mother or kin or home; and at length Master Hunt brought him toconfess that it was but pure panic terror of the land itself,--not ofthe Indians or of our hardships, both of which he faced bravely enough,but of the strange trees and the high and long roofs of vine, ofthe black sliding earth and the white mist, of the fireflies and thewhippoorwills,--a sick fear of primeval Nature and her tragic mask.
This was a woman, young, alone, and friendless, unless I, who had swornto cherish and protect her, should prove myself her friend. Wherefore,when, a few minutes later, I bent over her, it was with all gentlenessthat I touched and spoke to her.
"Our journey is over," I said. "This is home, my dear."
She let me help her to her feet, and up the wet and slippery steps tothe level of the wharf. It was now quite dark, there being no moon, andthin clouds obscuring the stars. The touch of her hand, which I perforceheld since I must guide her over the long, narrow, and unrailed trestle,chilled me, and her breathing was hurried, but she moved by my sidethrough the gross darkness unfalteringly enough. Arrived at the gate ofthe palisade, I beat upon it with the hilt of my sword, and shouted tomy men to open to us. A moment, and a dozen torches came flaring downthe bank. Diccon shot back the bolts, and we entered. The men drewup and saluted; for I held my manor a camp, my servants soldiers, andmyself their captain.
I have seen worse favored companies, but doubtless the woman besideme had not. Perhaps, too, the red light of the torches, now flaringbrightly, now sunk before the wind, gave their countenances a morevillainous cast than usual. They were not all bad. Diccon had thevirtue of fidelity, if none other; there were a brace of Puritans, anda handful of honest fools, who, if they drilled badly, yet abhorredmutiny. But the half dozen I had taken off Argall's hands; the Dutchmenwho might have been own brothers to those two Judases, Adam and Francis;the thief and the highwayman I had bought from the precious crew sentus by the King the year before; the negro and the Indians--small wonderthat she shrank and cowered. It was but for a moment. I was yet seekingfor words sufficiently reassuring when she was herself again. Shedid not deign to notice the men's awkward salute, and when Diccon, ahandsome rogue enough, advancing to light us up the bank, brushed by hersomething too closely, she drew away her skirts as though he had been alazar. At my own door I turned and spoke to the men, who had followed usup the ascent.
"This lady," I said, taking her hand as she stood beside me, "is my trueand lawful wife, your mistress, to be honored and obeyed as such. Whofails in reverence to her I hold as mutinous to myself, and will dealwith him accordingly. She gives you to-morrow for holiday, with doublerations, and to each a measure of rum. Now thank her properly."
They cheered lustily, of course, and Diccon, stepping forward, gave usthanks in the name of them all, and wished us joy. After which, withanother cheer, they backed from out our presence, then turned and madefor their quarters, while I led my wife within the house and closed thedoor.
Diccon was an ingenious scoundrel. I had told him to banish the dogs, tohave the house cleaned and lit, and supper upon the table; but I hadnot ordered the floor to be strewn with rushes, the walls draped withflowering vines, a great jar filled with sunflowers, and an illuminationof a dozen torches. Nevertheless, it looked well, and I highly approvedthe capon and maize cakes, the venison pasty and ale, with which thetable was set. Through the open doors of the two other rooms were to beseen more rushes, more flowers, and more lights.
To the larger of these rooms I now led the way, deposited her bundleupon the settle, and saw that Diccon had provided fair water for herface and
hands; which done, I told her that supper waited upon herconvenience, and went back to the great room.
She was long in coming, so long that I grew impatient and went to callher. The door was ajar, and so I saw her, kneeling in the middle of thefloor, her head thrown back, her hands raised and clasped, on her faceterror and anguish of spirit written so large that I started to see it.I stared in amazement, and, had I followed my first impulse, wouldhave gone to her, as I would have gone to any other creature in so diredistress. On second thoughts, I went noiselessly back to my station inthe great room. She had not seen me, I was sure. Nor had I long to wait.Presently she appeared, and I could have doubted the testimony of myeyes, so changed were the agonized face and figure of a few momentsbefore. Beautiful and disdainful, she moved to the table, and tookthe great chair drawn before it with the air of an empress mounting athrone. I contented myself with the stool.
She ate nothing, and scarcely touched the canary I poured for her.I pressed upon her wine and viands,--in vain; I strove to makeconversation,--equally in vain. Finally, tired of "yes" and "no" utteredas though she were reluctantly casting pearls before swine, I desisted,and applied myself to my supper in a silence as sullen as her own. Atlast we rose from table, and I went to look to the fastenings of doorand windows, and returning found her standing in the centre of the room,her head up and her hands clenched at her sides. I saw that we were tohave it out then and there, and I was glad of it.
"You have something to say," I said. "I am quite at your command," and Iwent and leaned against the chimneypiece.
The low fire upon the hearth burnt lower still before she broke thesilence. When she did speak it was slowly, and with a voice which wasevidently controlled only by a strong effort of a strong will. Shesaid:--
"When--yesterday, to-day, ten thousand years ago you went from thishorrible forest down to that wretched village yonder, to those huts thatmake your London, you went to buy you a wife?"
"Yes, madam," I answered. "I went with that intention."
"You had made your calculation? In your mind you had pitched uponsuch and such an article, with such and such qualities, as desirable?Doubtless you meant to get your money's worth?"
"Doubtless," I said dryly.
"Will you tell me what you were inclined to consider its equivalent?"
I stared at her, much inclined to laugh. The interview promised to beinteresting.
"I went to Jamestown to get me a wife," I said at length, "because I hadpledged my word that I would do so. I was not over-anxious. I did notrun all the way. But, as you say, I intended to do the best I could formyself; one hundred and twenty pounds of tobacco being a considerablesum, and not to be lightly thrown away. I went to look for a mistressfor my house, a companion for my idle hours, a rosy, humble, docilelass, with no aspirations beyond cleanliness and good temper, who was toorder my household and make me a home. I was to be her head and her law,but also her sword and shield. That is what I went to look for."
"And you found--me!" she said, and broke into strange laughter.
I bowed.
"In God's name, why did you not go further?"
I suppose she saw in my face why I went no further, for into her own thecolor came flaming.
"I am not what I seem!" she cried out. "I was not in that company ofchoice!"
I bowed again. "You have no need to tell me that, madam," I said. "Ihave eyes. I desire to know why you were there at all, and why youmarried me."
She turned from me, until I could see nothing but the coiled wealth ofher hair and the bit of white neck between it and the ruff. We stood soin silence, she with bent head and fingers clasping and unclasping,I leaning against the wall and staring at her, for what seemed a longtime. At least I had time to grow impatient, when she faced me again,and all my irritation vanished in a gasp of admiration.
Oh, she was beautiful, and of a sweetness most alluring and fatal! HadMedea worn such a look, sure Jason had quite forgot the fleece, and withthose eyes Circe had needed no other charm to make men what she would.Her voice, when she spoke, was no longer imperious; it was low pleadingmusic. And she held out entreating hands.
"Have pity on me," she said. "Listen kindly, and have pity on me. Youare a strong man and wear a sword. You can cut your way through troubleand peril. I am a woman, weak, friendless, helpless. I was in distressand peril, and I had no arm to save, no knight to fight my battle. I donot love deceit. Ah, do not think that I have not hated myself for thelie I have been. But these forest creatures that you take,--will theynot bite against springe and snare? Are they scrupulous as to how theyfree themselves? I too was in the toils of the hunter, and I too was notscrupulous. There was a thing of which I stood in danger that wouldhave been bitterer to me, a thousand times, than death. I had butone thought, to escape; how, I did not care,--only to escape. I had awaiting woman named Patience Worth. One night she came to me, weeping.She had wearied of service, and had signed to go to Virginia as one ofSir Edwyn Sandys' maids, and at the last moment her heart had failedher. There had been pressure brought to bear upon me that day,--I hadbeen angered to the very soul. I sent her away with a heavy bribe, andin her dress and under her name I fled from--I went aboard that ship. Noone guessed that I was not the Patience Worth to whose name I answered.No one knows now,--none but you, none but you."
"And why am I so far honored, madam?" I said bluntly.
She crimsoned, then went white again. She was trembling now through herwhole frame. At last she broke out: "I am not of that crew that cameto marry! To me you are the veriest stranger,--you are but the hand atwhich I caught to draw myself from a pit that had been digged for me.It was my hope that this hour would never come. When I fled, madfor escape, willing to dare anything but that which I left behind,I thought, 'I may die before that ship with its shameless cargo setssail.' When the ship set sail, and we met with stormy weather, and therewas much sickness aboard, I thought, 'I may drown or I may die of thefever.' When, this afternoon, I lay there in the boat, coming up thisdreadful river through the glare of the lightning, and you thought Islept, I was thinking, 'The bolts may strike me yet, and all will bewell.' I prayed for that death, but the storm passed. I am not withoutshame. I know that you must think all ill of me, that you must feelyourself gulled and cheated. I am sorry--that is all I can say--I amsorry. I am your wife--I was married to you to-day--but I know you notand love you not. I ask you to hold me as I hold myself, a guest in yourhouse, nothing more. I am quite at your mercy. I am entirely friendless,entirely alone. I appeal to your generosity, to your honor"--
Before I could prevent her she was kneeling to me, and she would notrise, though I bade her do so.
I went to the door, unbarred it, and looked out into the night, forthe air within the room stifled me. It was not much better outside. Theclouds had gathered again, and were now hanging thick and low. From thedistance came a rumble of thunder, and the whole night was dull,heavy, and breathless. Hot anger possessed me: anger against Rolfefor suggesting this thing to me; anger against myself for that unluckythrow; anger, most of all, against the woman who had so cozened me. Inthe servants' huts, a hundred yards away, lights were still burning,against rule, for the hour was late. Glad that there was something Icould rail out against, I strode down upon the men, and caught themassembled in Diccon's cabin, dicing for to-morrow's rum. When I hadstruck out the light with my rapier, and had rated the rogues totheir several quarters, I went back through the gathering storm to thebrightly-lit, flower-decked room, and to Mistress Percy.
She was still kneeling, her hands at her breast, and her eyes, wide anddark, fixed upon the blackness without the open door. I went up to herand took her by the hand.
"I am a gentleman, madam," I said. "You need have no fear of me. I prayyou to rise."
She stood up at that, and her breath came hurriedly through her partedlips, but she did not speak.
"It grows late, and you must be weary," I continued. "Your room isyonder. I trust that you will sleep well. Good-night."
On her way to the door, she brushed against the rack wherein hung myweapons. Among them was a small dagger. Her quick eye caught its gleam,and I saw her press closer to the wall, and with her right handstrive stealthily to detach the blade from its fastening. She did notunderstand the trick. Her hand dropped to her side, and she was passingon, when I crossed the room, loosened the dagger, and offered it to her,with a smile and a bow. She flushed scarlet and bit her lips, but shetook it.
"There are bars to the door within," I said. "Again, good-night."
"Good-night," she answered, and, entering the room, she shut the door. Amoment more, and I heard the heavy bars drop into place.