To Have and to Hold

by Mary Johnston

  CHAPTER XXIII IN WHICH WE WRITE UPON THE SAND

  DAY after day the wind filled our sails and sang in the rigging, and dayafter day we sailed through blue seas toward the magic of the south. Dayafter day a listless and voluptuous world seemed too idle for any dreamof wrong, and day after day we whom a strange turn of Fortune's wheelhad placed upon a pirate ship held our lives in our hands, and walked soclose with Death that at length that very intimacy did breed contempt.It was not a time to think; it was a time to act, to laugh and makeothers laugh, to bluster and brag, to estrange sword and scabbard, toplay one's hand with a fine unconcern, but all the time to watch, watch,watch, day in and day out, every minute of every hour. That ship becamea stage, and we, the actors, should have been applauded to the echo. Howwell we played let witness the fact that the ship came to the Indies,with me for captain and the minister for mate, and with the woman thatwas on board unharmed; nay, reverenced like a queen. The great cabin washers, and the poop deck; we made for her a fantastic state withdoffing of hats and bowings and backward steps. We were her guard,--thegentlemen of the Queen,--I and my Lord Carnal, the minister and Diccon,and we kept between her and the rest of the ship.

  We did our best, and our best was very much. When I think of the songsthe minister sang; of the roars of laughter that went up from thelounging pirates when, sitting astride one of the main-deck guns, hemade his voice call to them, now from the hold, now from the sterngallery, now from the masthead, now from the gilt sea maid upon theprow, I laugh too. Sometimes a space was cleared for him, and he playedto them as to the pit at Blackfriars. They laughed and wept and sworewith delight,--all save the Spaniard, who was ever like a thundercloud,and Paradise, who only smiled like some languid, side-box lord. Therewas wine on board, and during the long, idle days, when the wind dronedin the rigging like a bagpipe, and there was never a cloud in the sky,and the galleons were still far away, the pirates gambled and drank.Diccon diced with them, and taught them all the oaths of a free company.So much wine, and no more, should they have; when they frowned, I letthem see that their frowning and their half-drawn knives mattered nodoit to me. It was their whim--a huge jest of which they could neverhave enough--still to make believe that they sailed under Kirby. Lestit should spoil the jest, and while the jest outranked all otherentertainment, they obeyed as though I had been indeed that fierce seawolf.

  Time passed, though it passed like a tortoise, and we came to theLucayas, to the outposts of the vast hunting ground of Spaniard andpirate and buccaneer, the fringe of that zone of beauty and villainy andfear, and sailed slowly past the islands, looking for our prey.

  The sea was blue as blue could be. Only in the morning and the eveningit glowed blood red, or spread upon its still bosom all the gold ofall the Indies, or became an endless mead of palest green shot withamethyst. When night fell, it mirrored the stars, great and small, orwas caught in a net of gold flung across it from horizon to horizon.The ship rent the net with a wake of white fire. The air was balm;the islands were enchanted places, abandoned by Spaniard and Indian,overgrown, serpent-haunted. The reef, the still water, pink or gold,the gleaming beach, the green plume of the palm, the scarlet birds, thecataracts of bloom,--the senses swooned with the color, the steamingincense, the warmth, the wonder of that fantastic world. Sometimes, inthe crystal waters near the land, we sailed over the gardens of the seagods, and, looking down, saw red and purple blooms and shadowy wavingforests, with rainbow fish for humming birds. Once we saw below us asunken ship. With how much gold she had endowed the wealthy sea, howmany long drowned would rise from her rotted decks when the waves gaveup their dead, no man could tell. Away from the ship darted many-huedfish, gold-disked, or barred and spotted with crimson, or silver andpurple. The dolphin and the tunny and the flying fish swam with us.Sometimes flights of small birds came to us from the land. Sometimes thesea was thickly set with full-blown pale red bloom, the jellyfish thatwas a flower to the sight and a nettle to the touch. If a storm arose,a fury that raged and threatened, it presently swept away, and the bluelaughed again. When the sun sank, there arose in the east such a moonas might have been sole light to all the realms of faery. A beautylanguorous and seductive was most absolute empress of the wonderful landand the wonderful sea.

  We were in the hunting grounds, and men went not there to gatherflowers. Day after day we watched for Spanish sails; for the platefleets went that way, and some galleass or caravel or galleon mightstray aside. At last, in the clear green bay of a nameless island atwhich we stopped for water, we found two carracks come upon the sameerrand, took them, and with them some slight treasure in rich cloths andgems. A week later, in a strait between two islands like tinted clouds,we fought a very great galleon from sunrise to noon, pierced her hullthrough and through and silenced her ordnance, then boarded her andfound a king's ransom in gold and silver. When the fighting had ceasedand the treasure was ours, then we four stood side by side on the deckof the slowly sinking galleon, in front of our prisoners,--of the menwho had fought well, of the ashen priests and the trembling women.Those whom we faced were in high good humor: they had gold with which togamble, and wine to drink, and rich clothing with which to prank theirvillainous bodies, and prisoners with whom to make merry. When I orderedthe Spaniards to lower their boats, and taking with them their priestsand women row off to one of those two islands, the weather changed.

  We outlived that storm, but how I scarcely know. As Kirby would havedone, so did I; rating my crew like hounds, turning my point this wayand that, daring them to come taste the red death upon it, braving itout like some devil who knows he is invulnerable. My lord, swingingthe cutlass with which he was armed, stood beside me, knee to knee, andDiccon cursed after me, making quarterstaff play with his long pike.But it was the minister that won us through. At length they laughed, andParadise, standing forward, swore that such a captain and such a matewere worth the lives of a thousand Spaniards. To pleasure Kirby, theywould depart this once from their ancient usage and let the prisonersgo, though it was passing strange,--it being Kirby's wont to clapprisoners under hatches and fire their ship above them. At the endof which speech the Spaniard began to rave, and sprang at me like acatamount. Paradise put forth a foot and tripped him up, whereat thepirates laughed again, and held him back when he would have come at me asecond time.

  From the deck of the shattered galleon I watched her boats, with theirheavy freight of cowering humanity, pull off toward the island. Backupon my own poop, the grappling irons cast loose, and a swiftly wideningribbon of blue between us and the sinking ship, I looked at the piratesthronging the waist below me, and knew that the play was nearly over.How many days, weeks, hours, before the lights would go out, I could nottell: they might burn until we took or lost another ship; the next hourmight see that brief tragedy consummated.

  I turned, and going below met Sparrow at the foot of the poop ladder.

  "I have sworn at these pirates until my hair stood on end," he saidruefully. "God forgive me! And I have bent into circles three half pikesin demonstration of the thing that would occur to them if they temptedme overmuch. And I have sung them all the bloody and lascivious songsthat ever I knew in my unregenerate days. I have played the bravoand buffoon until they gaped for wonder. I have damned myself to alleternity, I fear, but there'll be no mutiny this fair day. It may arriveby to-morrow, though."

  "Likely enough," I said. "Come within. I have eaten nothing sinceyesterday."

  "I'll speak to Diccon first," he answered, and went on toward theforecastle, while I entered the state cabin. Here I found Mistress Percykneeling beside the bench beneath the stern windows, her face buried inher outstretched arms, her dark hair shadowing her like a mantle. WhenI spoke to her she did not answer. With a sudden fear I stooped andtouched her clasped hands. A shudder ran through her frame, and sheslowly raised a colorless face.

  "Are you come back?" she whispered. "I thought you would never comeback. I thought they had killed you. I was only praying before I killedmyself."

/>   I took her hands and wrung them apart to rouse her, she was so white andcold, and spoke so strangely. "God forbid that I should die yet awhile,madam!" I said. "When I can no longer serve you, then I shall not carehow soon I die."

  The eyes with which she gazed upon me were still wide and unseeing. "Theguns!" she cried, wresting her hands from mine and putting them toher ears. "Oh, the guns! they shake the air. And the screams and thetrampling--the guns again!"

  I brought her wine and made her drink it; then sat beside her, and toldher gently, over and over again, that there was no longer thunder of theguns or screams or trampling. At last the long, tearless sobs ceased,and she rose from her knees, and let me lead her to the door of hercabin. There she thanked me softly, with downcast eyes and lips thatyet trembled; then vanished from my sight, leaving me first to wonder atthat terror and emotion in her who seldom showed the thing she felt, andfinally to conclude that it was not so wonderful after all.

  We sailed on,--southwards to Cuba, then north again to the Lucayasand the Florida straits, looking for Spanish ships and their gold. Thelights yet burned,--now brightly, now so sunken that it seemed as thoughthe next hour they must flicker out. We, the players, flagged not inthat desperate masque; but we knew that, in spite of all endeavor, thedarkness was coming fast upon us.

  Had it been possible, we would have escaped from the ship, hazarding newfortunes on the Spanish Main, in an open boat, sans food or water.But the pirates watched us very closely. They called me "captain" and"Kirby," and for the jest's sake gave an exaggerated obedience, withlaughter and flourishes; but none the less I was their prisoner,--I andthose I had brought with me to that ship.

  An islet, shaped like the crescent moon, rose from out the sea beforeus. We needed water, and so we felt our way between the horns ofthe crescent into the blue crystal of a fairy harbor. One low hill,rose-colored from base to summit, with scarce a hint of the green worldbelow that canopy of giant bloom, a little silver beach with wonderfulshells upon it, the sound of a waterfall and a lazy surf,--we smelt thefruits and the flowers, and a longing for the land came upon us. Sixmen were left on the ship, and all besides went ashore. Some rolled thewater casks toward the sound of the cascade; others plunged into theforest, to return laden with strange and luscious fruits, birds, guanas,conies,--whatever eatable thing they could lay hands upon; othersscattered along the beach to find turtle eggs, or, if fortune favoredthem, the turtle itself. They laughed, they sang, they swore, until theisle rang to their merriment. Like wanton children, they called to eachother, to the screaming birds, to the echoing bloom-draped hill.

  I spread a square of cloth upon the sand, in the shadow of a mighty treethat stood at the edge of the forest, and the King's ward took her seatupon it, and looked, in the golden light of the sinking sun, the veryspirit of the isle. By this we two were alone on the beach. The huntersfor eggs, led by Diccon, were out upon the farthest gleaming horn;from the wood came the loud laughter of the fruit gatherers, and a mostrollicking song issuing from the mighty chest of Master Jeremy Sparrow.With the woodsmen had gone my lord.

  I walked a little way into the forest, and shouted a warning to Sparrowagainst venturing too far. When I returned to the giant tree and thecloth in the shadow of its outer branches, my wife was writing on thesand with a pointed shell. She had not seen or heard me, and I stoodbehind her and read what she wrote. It was my name. She wrote it threetimes, slowly and carefully; then she felt my presence, glanced swiftlyup, smiled, rubbed out my name, and wrote Sparrow's, Diccon's, and theKing's in succession. "Lest I should forget to make my letters," sheexplained.

  I sat down at her feet, and for some time we said no word. The light,falling between the heavy blooms, cast bright sequins upon her dress anddark hair. The blooms were not more pink than her cheeks, the recessesof the forest behind us not deeper or darker than her eyes. The laughterand the song came faintly to us now. The sun was low in the west, and awonderful light slept upon the sea.

  "Last year we had a masque at court," she said at length, breaking thelong silence. "We had Calypso's island, and I was Calypso. The islandwas built of boards covered with green velvet, and there was a moundupon it of pink silk roses. There was a deep blue painted sea below,and a deep blue painted sky above. My nymphs danced around the mound ofroses, while I sat upon a real rock beside the painted sea and talkedwith Ulysses--to wit, my Lord of Buckingham--in gold armor. That wasa strange, bright, unreal, and wearisome day, but not so strange andunreal as this."

  She ceased to speak, and began again to write upon the sand. I watchedher white hand moving to and fro. She wrote, "How long will it last?"

  "I do not know. Not long."

  She wrote again: "If there is time at the last, when you see that it isbest, will you kill me?"

  I took the shell from her hand, and wrote my answer beneath herquestion.

  The forest behind us sank into that pause and breathless hush betweenthe noises of the day and the noises of the night. The sun droppedlower, and the water became as pink as the blooms above us.

  "An you could, would you change?" I asked. "Would you return to Englandand safety?"

  She took a handful of the sand and let it slowly drift through her whitefingers. "You know that I would not," she said; "not if the end wereto come to-night. Only--only"--She turned from me and looked far out tosea. I could not see her face, only the dusk of her hair and her heavingbosom. "My blood may be upon your hands," she said in a whisper, "butyours will be upon my soul."

  She turned yet further away, and covered her eyes with her hand. Iarose, and bent over her until I could have touched with my lips thatbowed head. "Jocelyn," I said.

  A branch of yellow fruit fell beside us, and my Lord Carnal, a mass ofgaudy bloom in his hand, stepped from the wood. "I returned to lay ourfirst-fruits at madam's feet," he explained, his darkly watchful eyesupon us both. "A gift from one poor prisoner to another, madam." Hedropped the flowers in her lap. "Will you wear them, lady? They are asfair almost as I could wish."

  She touched the blossoms with listless fingers, said they were fair;then, rising, let them drop upon the sand. "I wear no flowers save of myhusband's gathering, my lord," she said.

  There was a pathos and weariness in her voice, and a mist of unshedtears in her eyes. She hated him; she loved me not, yet was forced toturn to me for help at every point, and she had stood for weeks upon thebrink of death and looked unfalteringly into the gulf beneath her.

  "My lord," I said, "you know in what direction Master Sparrow led themen. Will you reenter the wood and call them to return? The sun is fastsinking, and darkness will be upon us."

  He looked from her to me, with his brows drawn downwards and hislips pressed together. Stooping, he took up the fallen flowers anddeliberately tore them to pieces, until the pink petals were allscattered upon the sand.

  "I am weary of requests that are but sugared commands," he said thickly."Go seek your own men, an you will. Here we are but man to man, andI budge not. I stay, as the King would have me stay, beside theunfortunate lady whom you have made the prisoner and the plaything of apirate ship."

  "You wear no sword, my Lord Carnal," I said at last, "and so may liewith impunity."

  "But you can get me one!" he cried, with ill-concealed eagerness.

  I laughed. "I am not zealous in mine enemy's cause, my lord. I shall notdeprive Master Sparrow of your lordship's sword."

  Before I knew what he was about he crossed the yard of sand between usand struck me in the face. "Will that quicken your zeal?" he demandedbetween his teeth.

  I seized him by the arm, and we stood so, both white with passion, bothbreathing heavily. At length I flung his arm from me and stepped back."I fight not my prisoner," I said, "nor, while the lady you have namedabides upon that ship with the nobleman who, more than myself, isanswerable for her being there, do I put my life in unnecessary hazard.I will endure the smart as best I may, my lord, until a more convenientseason, when I will salve it well."

  I turned
to Mistress Percy, and giving her my hand led her down to theboats; for I heard the fruit gatherers breaking through the wood,and the hunters for eggs, black figures against the crimson sky, werehurrying down the beach. Before the night had quite fallen we were outof the fairy harbor, and when the moon rose the islet looked only asilver sail against the jeweled heavens.