I did not like lying to Clavan. He turned to me with that ageless look on his face, the one that made me wonder if he could listen to my mind as well as speak to my most ardent desires.
“She is not here right now, but I can arrange an introduction for you. If you leave me your direction, I will send word when I can to you.”
“That would be wonderful.”
“Do you know what you need? I can give her a list. Sickness waits for no one in this world.” Clavan pulled out his glasses and put them on, the small round frames adding a touch of whimsy to his character.
Ben began rambling off a varied list, starting with sage and rosemary. He slipped the silver thallis in along with thyme and nutmeg and cinnamon.
Clavan paused as he wrote. He said nothing until he was done, and then he looked over at Ben’s eye. “She should have all of this. None of this is because of your fight, is it?”
“No.” Ben’s reply was too quick. When I looked over at him, concerned, Clavan only laughed.
“I know Ferdy suffered some damage, too,” he said. “Elie told me he came by his house and interrupted their Hanukkah celebration after you were finished with him.”
“Fight?” I repeated.
Ben groaned, and at once, everything became clear: Ben had gone into the city, found Ferdy, and they ended up fighting.
I grabbed Ben’s arm and hauled him up out of his chair. “Excuse us,” I said, my teeth ground together forcefully as I struggled to maintain my manners. I pinched Ben’s arm to keep him from saying anything. He likely already knew I would refuse to let him escape my anger, whether we left or not. “I do believe we must be going now. I will look for your note.”
I did not wait for Clavan and Jarl to extend their own well-wishes or wave goodbye, but as I passed by the bar, the man with the green eyes spoke to me.
“I’d go easy on him, chérie. Why, Society would be horrified to see a temper such as yours unrestrained.”
I whirled around to face him, watching as he laughed. For the first time, I noticed his companion. While Prague held its share of traveling foreigners, I had only ever seen a few dark-skinned men before, and I faltered at the sight of them together.
“Oh, dear, I do believe you’ve shocked her, Didier.” The man with the green eyes shook his head, still smirking. “No need to worry, chérie, we are just strangers in town having a bit of fun. I mean, of course we are having fun at your expense now, but still, we are quite harmless, I can assure you. You can run along home in peace.”
At his teasing, Ben shuffled free of my grip. “Don’t talk to my sister.”
The man cheered even further at his new audience. “You’re a gem of a brother, I’m sure, and a handsome one at that. But you need not worry about me, good sir. If anything, I was on your side, was I not? I’d hate to see her beat you. Women with incorrigible tempers are such nasty creatures, aren’t they, Didier?”
The man beside him gave him a disapproving look, and I took the moment of silence to grab Ben’s arm again. I tugged him out of the Cabal.
The men had disrupted my anger, but the minute Ben and I were outside, I felt it return in full force.
“What was that all about?”
“I don’t know,” Ben said. “I’ve never noticed that man before.”
“I’m not talking about him!” I put my hands on my hips. “And you know it. Why did you attack Ferdy?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“Of course it’s my business!”
“It’s my job to take care of you, whether you like it or not. That’s why I stood up to that obnoxious man in there for you, too.”
“It’s my job to take care of myself.”
“Please. You couldn’t even fight me before. At the mere mention of Ferdy, you lost.”
I glared at him. “So you went to take care of him for me?”
“Yes.” Ben returned my glare with one of his own, one without any hint of remorse. “Sort of. I didn’t know I would run into him.”
I turned away and started walking back home, struggling to keep my voice down. “I can’t believe you did that. I wish you would’ve just left him alone. I didn’t want you to hurt him!”
A new thought struck me hard and fast. What if Ben had hurt Ferdy, and that was why he had stayed away from the Cabal? How can Ferdy ever forgive me for this?
“He hurt you,” Ben said.
“Well, now you’ve hurt me, too, all because you stuck your nose in my business where it doesn’t belong,” I snapped. “I didn’t want you to bother with him at all. Now he probably hates me.”
“What does that matter? You told me he hated you before, because of the Order.”
My cheeks flushed red. “No, he didn’t. Oh, goodness. Did he say something to you? What did you tell him?”
The thought of Ferdy admitting the truth terrified me. I did not want him to be in danger, and I did not want the former empress to lose her faith in me. I was supposed to be protecting him, and thanks to my brother, I had failed once more to do my duty.
“Tell me what he said!” I gripped Ben’s collar hard, astonished at the sudden rush accompanying my strength and fury.
“Oh, now you want to fight me?” Ben shook his head.
“I will,” I warned. “I will, and I won’t stop until you tell me everything.”
Ben and I stared down at each other for a long moment, and I felt the world crumble between us. If my mother had been my sunshine, and my father the earth, Ben was my moon, and I felt darkness fully overtake me in that moment.
Lady Penelope was right. She was right. I can’t believe she was right.
Ben had failed me. He had failed me, and I had never seen it coming.
I stepped back from him, shaking my head. “I can’t believe this.”
Behind me, Ben shrugged. “If you must know, and I suppose you must, he didn’t say anything useful. He commended me on being a good brother. Even after we fought, he tried to make nice with me. He said he never meant to hurt you, but that’s what anyone would say after a fight.”
I did not think Ferdy would tell Ben the truth; it was good to hear it confirmed, even if I still hated Ben’s role in the whole situation.
“If you want to be a good brother,” I said, “just stay away from him from now on.”
“Why do you even care? Ferdy doesn’t care about you.”
Ben’s words were soft but angry. I gave him the only answer I could.
“It doesn’t matter what I feel. He knows about the Order, Ben, and scuffling with him in the back of an alley is not going to make him stay quiet. If we want him to keep our secret, it’s best to leave him alone. Don’t tell me you didn’t think of that.”
Ben said nothing, and I scoffed. “You didn’t think anything through at all, did you?”
“I’m not the only one with weaknesses,” Ben shot back.
I crossed my arms over my chest. “I’ll work on mine by myself, and you can work on yours alone, too.”
We fell into a bitter silence as we made our way home. The journey back seemed so much longer and harder. There was much less of a chill in the air, or maybe I had grown accustomed to it. It was also possible that I was just numb from everything. That I was too afraid to let myself feel anything.
It was only when I fell back onto my bed that I allowed myself the freedom to cry, to let the tidal waves of my loneliness and sadness flood over me.
*10*
◊
I had been hoping that the trip into the city would close the rift between me and Ben, but it only made it worse. That night, I did not sleep well at all. Getting up for Harshad’s training sessions the following morning went against every natural instinct I possessed. Dread crept through me as I made my way down to the parlor.
But when I entered the room, Ben was nowhere to be found. I did not know whether I was more grateful or upset, and if I was upset, I did not know if it was more because of Ben or because of myself.
It was almo
st as though he suspected my thoughts on the matter, I thought bitterly. Especially since Ben was the one who had been so concerned we would upset Harshad with our late-night outing.
“There you are, Eleanora,” Harshad said. True to his usual self, he was sitting at the desk in the corner of the room, working on some notes in a foreign scrawl. “I have been waiting for you.”
I studied him, watching as his aged hands moved his pen swiftly across the stationary, transforming his thoughts into symbols I could not decipher any more clearly. With Ben’s absence, I had a sudden appreciation for Harshad’s consistency. I might have had reservations about him, but I could see why he would stay with someone like Lady POW for so long; he was a man who knew how to dismantle chaos, and it was possible he even looked forward to the job.
Before I could ask Harshad if Ben was out on assignment for Lady POW again, I saw there was a new presence in the parlor.
The figure stood in front of the fireplace, wearing a hooded cloak, much like the ones I had seen Harshad and Amir wear when I first met them. Before I could say anything, Harshad looked up from his desk.
“Eleanora, I am pleased to introduce you to another member of the Order.”
The hood fell away, revealing another foreign face, this one of a warrior maiden. A looped braid of pure black hair settled on her head before it fell away, hanging down her back. Her slanted eyes were dark, closer to black than brown, as she watched me. It was impossible to guess her age; she seemed timeless, too wise and watchful, too still to be a part of our world.
“This is Xiana,” Harshad said. “She is the Order’s leading expert on herbs and medicines, as well as one of our best fighters. She has agreed to come here and assist us with our inquiries.”
“You make it sound as though I had a choice,” Xiana murmured, and I was astounded to see Harshad smile.
“Xiana, this is Miss Eleanora Svobodová, Dezda’s daughter.” Harshad cleared his throat, quickly wiping away any trace of emotion. “She is our newest member.”
Xiana gave me a bow, bending her body forward. She was clearly from the Orient, and I wondered if that was really how they were allowed to address each other. I curtsied in reply. At Xiana’s wry smile, I knew I had amused her with my manners.
“A daughter for Eleanor at last, I see, along with her son,” Xiana murmured. Her voice was so precise, almost as if it were constrained to each perfect syllable. Her gaze never wavered as she smiled. “How wonderful it was that she was able to keep you.”
“I certainly think so,” I replied, mustering up a smile at the mention of my mother and Ben.
I saw a glitter of laughter in her gaze. “It is nice to meet you, Eleanora. I am sure I will enjoy teaching you while I am here.”
“You’re going to be teaching me?” I glanced around the room. “And Ben, too?”
“Benedict has been given a new assignment by Lady Penelope,” Harshad said, and I knew at once it was no coincidence that Ben was not here. After we had returned home, Ben went to see Lady Penelope. I could understand why he would ask her to be free from me, but I hated that he had severed more ties between us.
Xiana cleared her throat delicately. “I understand you need a new sparring partner.”
“Xiana is a fine tutor,” Harshad replied behind me. “She will allow me to help you with some more complicated moves, Eleanora. She will begin to assist us tomorrow since she has only arrived.”
“What about Ben?” I asked. “Will I still have to fight him? What is he supposed to do now?”
“Lady Penelope has reassigned him, and that is all you need to know for now,” Harshad said.
“Why?”
Harshad’s brow furrowed in irritation, but he answered me nonetheless. “Do not forget, we are still looking for Lady Cecilia and the others. Amir has not been able to find any leads in this regard.”
“Amir? Amir Qureshi?” Xiana asked.
Harshad and I both turned to see the startled look appear briefly on her face.
“Yes,” Harshad answered. “Yes, Amir Qureshi. He will be glad to see you again. I am surprised he is not here already.”
The point of her chin jutted out a second later. “I did not realize he was here, too. It has been many years since I have last seen him,” she murmured, her tone shifting toward apologetic.
I remembered Amir’s story from before. So this is Xiana, the woman who helped my mother save him from his family.
Amir had spoken of Xiana highly, especially her expertise with herbs and plants, and I told her so.
She nodded once, firmly. “It is good to hear he remembers me.”
“We will get reacquainted in good time,” Harshad said. “Eleanora is working on the basics of fighting.”
“Not that I’ve mastered them, of course.” It was better that I told her the truth than allow him to, I thought.
“All masters begin the same as the student, and eventually return to their beginnings,” Xiana said, coming up beside me. She pushed back her cloak a little, enough to where I could see she was clad in a close-fitted outfit, one with long black pants and sleeves allowing her to blend into the shadows completely. From what I could see, the fabric reminded me of my own stealth habit, only her set was cut differently.
Her mouth curled into a smile as she caught me staring. “I was never very good at fighting in any skirt, even one as short as yours.”
“I can understand that,” I said. I liked my habit, but I did not think I would ever get used to the thin, short skirt that went down to my knees.
I was just about to ask Xiana more questions when the door opened. Amir slipped inside, clearly arriving from his nightly rounds of collecting and dispersing information in the city. He never faltered as he saw Xiana, but I saw her balance shift ever so slightly.
“Amir.”
“Xiana. It is lovely to see you again.” Amir gave her a quick but respectful nod. I knew him well enough to know there was nothing in his movements to suggest he was being false. He was glad to see her.
Amir gave me a quick smile. “Are you going to be fighting with Xiana today, Eleanora?”
“We will start tomorrow, as I have only just arrived in Prague.” Xiana straightened. “I wonder if she will give me as much of a fight as Naděžda used to?”
I did not pay attention to them too much as they talked; I was too surprised to her Xiana use Amir’s name for my mother. She had allowed Harshad to call my mother “Dezda,” but she herself had called me Eleanor’s daughter. I glanced over at Harshad, remembering what he had taught me about names, and the names people give each other.
At my glance, his mouth hardened into a straight line, one I could not be entirely certain of, but it almost made me smile. Harshad had noticed the change in my mother’s names, too, and it seemed as though I was growing in his esteem.
I was glad for that. It was not just physical battles I was supposed to learn how to navigate.
Harshad cleared his throat a moment later, interrupting Xiana as she mentioned her recent trip to Paris. “Amir, would you show Xiana to her quarters? She just arrived this morning and I imagine she is eager to settle in.”
“Yes, Master.” Xiana gave him another nod and then turned to face me. “It was nice meeting you, Eleanora. I look forward to seeing what you have learned.”
When Amir and Xiana were gone, I glanced over at Harshad. He waited for several long moments before he nodded to me.
“Thank you for your patience, Eleanora,” he said. “Welcome to your first official day of training.”
“What?” My mouth dropped open. “What do you mean? I’ve been in here working nearly every morning since the Advent Ball.”
“You have been learning how to fight, how to protect and prepare yourself,” he conceded. “I did not think you would agree to continue for so long and I applaud you for your efforts.”
“I don’t think I should thank you for that, by the sound of it,” I grumbled.
He did not seem to hear me. After a
ll our time working together, he was likely used to ignoring me. “But what I have taught you so far, any street fighter could have. Now that your brother has been reassigned, it is time for us to officially begin.”
“Why did you teach me to fight at all, if it was not for real?”
“Because Ben has to learn, and he thrives when faced with a competitor. You were our only option, and indeed, the best option.”
“He’s been mad at me ever since we began,” I said. My cheeks burned, and I struggled to hold back my tears. “You destroyed the trust between us, and on purpose!”
“Of course. Life does this, on a regular basis,” Harshad said, his flattened tone somehow much more harrowing than any anger could have been. “You were instructed to find your weaknesses.”
“Which is apparently trusting the wrong people, and failing to trust the ones I should,” I muttered.
“Trust was already a weakness of yours,” Harshad said. “Your parents have both died and you were left with your stepmother to raise you. But she did not do that, did she? She used and abused you and your brother. While Lady Penelope and I are now here, we cannot undo her damage. We can only work you through it, and that is often times more painful.”
“Well, what else is my weakness, then?” I put my hands on my hips and frowned. “If you’re going to be torturing me to teach me, I might as well be prepared for it.”
“You are too stubborn and too easily distracted. You are far more compassionate than you should be. You lie quite a bit, possibly for the wrong reasons. You have trouble with authority, and you are concerned with appearances much more than realities.”
He clasped his hands behind his back. “That is just a preliminary list, Eleanora, and as we work on diminishing those, others will appear. It is the nature of things.”
I did not know what to say. There were plenty of things I would not argue with him, if only he had been a little nicer about presenting my flaws.
Harshad turned his back toward me. “We will also work on your strengths, if that is any comfort to you. You are a stubborn, curious soul, and that is something we can harness as a strength as much as a weakness.”
Prince of Secrets and Shadows Page 13
