i didnt know what Swan was. dada said it was some kind of wite Bird so i am lookin for wite things. he said Swan had not been here before. i wanted to find it first so i could tell mam.
holt is all green and singin and i dance with it.
dada is behind me now and can not see really.
in wood some thing moves near me. it is tall like person but in dim of Trees it was hard to see. it moves across, i saw it littel and then it is gone.
i shouted at it. i say: hello!
i said: are you playin trik on me?
i see it again then, i think, flittin by.
i wonder if it is Swan but it seems tall and not like Bird. behind me then i hear dada sayin, el, why are you shoutin?
thing in holt movin again, goes across ground like it walks, then is gone. dada comin up to me now.
what is it? he said. i felt sad.
i thought i saw Swan, i say. it was movin in Trees. but i think it was too big to be Bird, and it was walkin on ground and dada, you said Swan is wite, but this was not wite. this was an other colour. i wanted to see Swan first, before any one else.
what colour? said dada. what colour was it?
i say: red.
/ canto ~ the Lady exiled
Bak then
Man built altar
Takin cup and poured out Water
Water runnin in to Clay
Man takes wand and kindled fyr
Man takes sword and drawin circle
Man said:
We have been lied to
Truth is not found in Way
Truth is found by diggin
Strength is made by buildin
We have been slaves
Now all Sky dark with Birds
Circlin, watchin, callin, turnin
Man lookin up from altar
Man says:
Do you see fyr in me head, Bird?
Do you see Truth beneath?
I am peelin bak all things to arrive
There is no mercy in me, winged one
I am hungry for Truth alone
I can shape all things
Birds, tell your Lady
She is Lady no more
We have raised her Son above her
We have raised him high on tree
He is disk of Sun in Sky
Where once was Lady
Now is Lord
Man above
Man below
We are diggin
We will find
/ nzil
me guts is twisted again. it is like there is some stone in there and i am grindin on it all me life. like i have eaten some stone. i ate stone when we were fasted, ate it when she first smiles at me. or may be i was born chewin it.
in holt el said she saw red in Trees. i should tell mother but i am scared of this. there are too many things i should be sayin to people. too many things to fear.
i think she is fukkin lorenso, and who should i tell about that?
all things are comin down around us. could be this is right. bring it all down. break it all. start again new. why not?
in holt, me and el we found Swan. great piece of old Elm it is, old root with long nek and body thik and twinin. ah, it will make grand Pole this year. it may be this is last year, it may be this will be last Swaller Day, last Pole, last of us. all these things swirlin around us like dark signs, like circlin of Birds.
well, if this is last year, then this will be greatest Pole ever. then who ever comin after us when all this place is rak again, empty of people, goin bak to Erth – they will see me Poles and wonder at what we did.
if there is any to come after.
ah, but i can not eat. i can not fukkin eat for this.
/ canto ~ the reign of Man
Bak then
Man turnin face to sky
Buildin kirks
Raisin torrs
Makin armies
Bindin books
Lady retreatin
To rivers and wells
Streams and beks
Rills and lakes
Guarded by Birds
Tended by womyn
Waitin
Then Man stands tall
Turnin gaze to Sun
Man callin
Man cryin:
I have built
I have dug
I have sought
I have made
Where is Truth?
Where is it?
/ mother
he comes bak from Greenrok stoopin as under some weight. he places his right hand on me left shoulder and we walk towards Long Hall. he leans heavy on his staff, heavier than he would on any day.
there was time when Long Hall was throngin. children playin in corners, climbin eaves, run to hide under benches. musik and talkin. in some other life whole of Edg rang with song and speakin. when i was young woman we was swellin in number fit to take Erth bak. bak then i did not know his strength or what red ones could do. it is good to be young and to know nothin, to think world can be made new shape through love or want. to grow old is to know how littel any one can make new. there is nothin new. old bodies know too much.
father and me we sat at table in centre of Long Hall. door is not closed, there is no need, there was no one to disturb us now. no children playin. no children left.
outside, Sun comin down. day is green like birth.
he sits and does not speak. he leans his staff on empty stool and breathin.
well? i say. he looked at me then under his turban. beard wite, face brown, eyes blu, he is like some wight now, like he is holt it self grown still and twinin.
it is clere, he said at last, still. circle spoke clere.
west? i said.
yes. it will be hard. it is so far and i am not young.
you can do this, i say. you must.
we sit in stillness and then i speak as low as i can. i do not know why.
nine hunnerd years, i said. this is what we are told. nine hunnerd years since Atlantis fell, since Alexandria was built. since Waters rose, since great heat, great dyin come over Erth. since he came. all that was here: think of it, father. great cities, Machine that contained all Erth like some net for catchin Fish, and all folks swimmin in to it.
he says nothin. watches me steady, listnin.
nine hunnerd years, father, i say again, since Ascensions began. nine hunnerd years since Swans chained. so long. and now it is we, father, we two and our small circle. we who will see them return! do you see what gift we are given? do you see why we must be strong now? our last task, father. to end Alexandria! we two!
he breathes deep then. i put me hand on his nee.
when will you leave? i said.
soon. before Swaller Day.
before? i will be alone for Swaller Day?
when would you have me go?
you must go when you think it is time. you must follow Birds.
well then, he says. well then, mother.
when will you come bak? i asked.
first i must go, he says. go west, to hill. wait there until i am spoken to. if right way is followed, Birds speakin to me. i will know then. know what is comin and what will be. this speakin will come only to those who journey. some thing must be given that Truth may be received.
he doesnt look at me, lookin down at table, rests his hands on wood, fingers stretch. he does not think he will come bak. neither of us sayin what we fear.
i placed me hands over his then.
you must not fail, i said.
he laughs a littel, looks down.
/ canto ~ the reign of Man
Bak then
All was changed
Man takin seed from flowers in holt
Grass should grow for me he said
Man plantin grass and fruit in Clay
Wights should serve me said Man
Wights should give me milk and meat
Man making fence and placin wights inside
I should have more Land says Man for me young
I should have servants says Man for I am busy
Man makin womyn serve him in all things
I should have more Water says Man for I thirst
Man drawin Water from Ladys wells
I should have warmth said Man for nights are cold
Man makin fyr and gathered round it
Then Man makin fyr of all holt
And wights runnin before it callin low song
Then Man sayin:
I have seen much that was kept from me
Much that wights do not know
Much that Birds do not see
Much that is hidden in Clay and Sea
How may I keep this knowin?
Man takin skin from Dear
Feather from Bird
Ink from Oke
Man makin words
Man sayin:
This is how I shall keep me story
And me story shall be all stories
For now it is written
It is written
/ el
i was sittin at moorin place talkin to Robyn. i was tellin him about Swan. i wanted to find Swan first. Robyn bounces every where. looks at me, head on one side, chukkin under his breath. he follows me, bouncin, sits in me foot steps, hammerin his bik in to ground for wyrms.
i like Robyn. Robyn is simple. Robyn eats, sings, flies. when Robyns are unhappy they fight and one wins and other flyin off then. i like Birds and wights more than people. people dont say what they mean. its hard to understand them. dada gets clouds in his head and will not speak, and i never know where clouds come from or if i put them there. mam always smilin at me but i know when she wants what she doesnt say. she thinks smilin will get her every thing she wants. i never see Robyn do this. if Robyn wants some thing he takes it.
i would like to go in to holt and live with Robyn and Sparrer and Rook. i love watchin Rook soarin on Winds from east, hunnerds of them like leafs on breeze, soarin and wheelin. Rook plays like i do. Rook has fun in Trees and on Winds. i would love to go in to holt and buildin great big round nest up in Trees and livin in it with all Birds and no people. i love Birds and wights. i wish i was Bird.
or Catt. i love Catts. lorenso has told me all about them.
Tygers, Leppards, Panzers, all old small moggs let loose in holt and become wild wights again long ago. lorenso said there are Catts in holt here, he said he seen one when he was child like me. i wish i could see Catt. i wish i was Catt. i would run in to holt and not come in to light again. i would lie on me bak and purr all day. purr. purr.
/ canto ~ the reign of Man
All this work says Man
Breakin
Buildin
Burnin
Writin
As I break I am me self broken
Where is me ease?
Man lookin up to Sky then
Birds! he cries
With you it is only ease
Driftin on Winds to sing
All that you have you take easy
Then Man remembrin Sir Pent
And way of broken world
Magik says Man
Is what I need
Man then takin Water from Sea
Cloud from Sky
Grit from Clay
Man rubbin hands over fyr
Singin old words
Man makin magik from ghasts and bones
Man strikin altar with sword
Rings bell in darkness
Now says Man
Now I have strength of hunnerd and hunnerd
Now me ease will be as it was
Now World shall be as it should
For Machine is come
Machine is come
/ sfia
when i become woman we went huntin. womyns huntin party is first marker of blood time. seven womyn with bow and spear, we prowl through holt, bare foot through heat of summer, drenched. air is so wet in summer, Bambu is high, air full of Skito and Mij. Dear is in deepest part of holt, keepin from Sun. but womyn are silent in dark of wood, silent like beasts we were, and in huntin is blood of all beasts, high and callin. we come to Dear, surround her, i take bow and shoot arrer under her arm, she falls, screams. womyn give me nife and i finish her at throte, then her blood minglin with mine and i am wight and woman and last air of child hood is blown away on hot north Wind.
to be woman is to be beast, to be man is to be wight, to be human is to be animal. this is what we teach here, how we grow in this Order. this heat was not always here, air was not always wet, beneath Waters are forests and cities from Atlantean times. when man stops huntin, when woman can not walk bare foot, when bodies are choked by words then is come some blak magik. it is like Trees are blinded, like Clay no longer seein feet comin upon it. Land can not feel and people feel neither.
we know who did this. we know his name.
i am woman. i am blood. it is me blood that calls lorenso to me, his lean body, his fine hips, his long bak. it is me blood that opens to him, brings him in to me and then payin price in me hart for what me blood would have. it is wrong. i have tried to make story around him i can tell to me hart but after there is always this stone inside me. it is wrong by nzil, wrong by el. ah, that girl, she sees more than her father. she has seen us, i know, however she sees this world. she sees far.
i have sent him away, me young man, me lean young man. i have sent him away in anger and i am sore from it. but i must stay here. i must do me work. i can not. i can not.
be animal, they say, mother and father. be animal, they say, be as wight, live through pulse of holt. for eons our Order speakin these words. be animal. in blood, in hart, in body is life. in mind, in word, in Machine is deth. he who watches wants us gone, but we will no more leave this Land than Dear or Brok. this is what we know. it is what we have told and bein told for ever. in body is all, and all is in body.
then how can me body be wrong?
/ canto ~ the coming of Wayland
Bak then
Man ate air and time
Breathin Machine at Sun up and down
Man said:
I can not live in this world
I need an other
Then Sea becomin plain and wood stone
Up become down, Truth lies
Bodies bent, minds blinded
No folks knowin their true shape
All bounds broken, all Truths crakked
All lookin in, none see out
All things are same now in me tellin said Man
For me words say it
No thing is True
So all things are
Then Man pullin Water from Erth and wrote words in
Sky
Then Man made deth of last wights
And his words told him it was True
Now Men of all places buildin together
And each seein none but him self
And Machine speakin through all in same tongue
And Sky turnin red like last fyr
Then Birds took wing
Callin their brothers
Be ready they call
Be ready
/ el
mother is sittin in Long Hall, on her own. i saw father leavin just now. she looks sad.
she sees me peekin in door and callin to me, smilin. el, she says, come sit with me. i run to her and sittin down at long table. i love Long Hall. in corners is darkness that can be any thing you want.
how are you, love? says mother. how is your mam and dada? elders always sayin things like this. how are you? what do they mean?
mother, i say, are Catts red?
Catts? she says. what do you mean?
there are Catts in holt, i said. lorenso told me, and i have heard stories. i would love to see Catt. i was in holt with dada today, we were lookin for Swan wood, and there was some thing movin. at first i thought it was Swan, but dada said it was wrong colour. it was big and red, but then it went.
how close were you? said mother to me. she has
sat up straight.
it was very near me, i say. are Catts danger? do they bite?
mother puttin her hand around me shoulders now and brought me to her.
you know, Catts come in all colours, she said. but keep away. Catts are danger. if you see it again, runnin to me and tell.
i climb on to her lap then and leanin on her. i am bit big for this, but i know she likes it and so do i.
lorenso says Catts are beautiful, i said, after while. he says mam loves them. he takes her in to holt to look for them.
oh yes, says mother. is that what he says?
they go in to holt much, i say, it is true. some times they hold hands.
is that so? says mother.
yes, i said. and he likes cuddlin too, like you. him and mam, they cuddle like this, i have seen them.
yes, says mother. so have i.
/ lorenso
i am walkin in through great Cloyster, past Altros Pole, when mother comin out of Long Hall with sfias girl. me hart jumps but she is not there and i can not hunt her, i can not trak and corner her like i should for she is not mine to have. all this blasted place, all this broken place is too small to keep us in. what is boilin in our harts is too much to be kept in dyin place like this is. dyin place, dyin people. and if we are last? shall we let fyr burn out for some idea?
mother callin me name.
mother, i said.
lorenso, she says. call all together. bring them to Lady Chappel at noon. we will sing canto and i shall speak.
yes, mother, i say.
follow, she says. she walks in to Long Hall. el runnin off in to Trees. mother sits at table and i across from her.
in body is life, lorenso, she says.
in blood, i say.
in hart, she said. where is your hart, man?
i am hit by this. i say, what?
where is your hart? where has your body been? do not fool with me.
mother, i say.
el has seen you with sfia. i have seen you. nzil has seen you, i would say. do you know what this place is, lorenso? do you know how fine weight is hangin?
body is all, i say, body is life. i have heard this from you and father since i was boy. body body body, be animal, do not be Machine. well, we are bein animal, in holt with other wights. me and sfia, bein beasts.
Alexandria: A Novel Page 3
