A Sister's Sorrow

by Kitty Neale

  Mo noticed Sarah’s face was pink from the cold water, and though she smiled, Mo could see it didn’t reach her eyes. Still, she was pleased that Sarah was no longer crying. She liked her, though she thought her a bit naïve. She’d enjoyed getting to know the young woman, but she’d missed Samuel terribly and couldn’t wait to see him.

  Sarah lay in bed that night finding it difficult to drift off. Tommy was fidgeting, and coughing again. Her thoughts wandered back to her mother. She didn’t think she’d ever get the image of her dead face from her mind, and tried to think of happier times. It was difficult as there weren’t many good memories to draw on.

  Then she thought of Mr Sayers. She wouldn’t miss her mother but she still missed the old man. She rolled over and heard Tommy cough again in the next bed. It really was just the two of them now, and for the first time she felt truly alone. The burden of being solely responsible for her brother weighed heavy on her shoulders. Her mum hadn’t provided either of them with much of a life, but she was determined Tommy’s would be better.

  Sarah thought about the last conversation she’d had with her mother. Annie had revealed that she had a dad who could well be alive and kicking. Ron Lyons, a local man. She wondered what he might look like, and what sort of a person he was. Her mother had said he hadn’t wanted Sarah, but maybe her mum had lied. After all, Annie wasn’t known for being straight with the truth. Anyway, a lot of time had passed since Ron had first heard of her mother’s pregnancy, and maybe he now regretted turning his back on them.

  So many questions, thought Sarah, and tried to conjure up the image of her father as she wondered if he ever thought about her. There was only one way to find out and to have her questions answered – she’d have to find her dad.

  Chapter 16

  George thought the atmosphere between him and Roger had been a bit frosty since he’d warned him off Sarah. He’d called her ‘his girl’, but as Roger had quite rightly pointed out, Sarah was not his girl or anyone else’s. He decided it was time to break the ice, and called over, ‘Fancy a pint later?’

  Roger turned to look at him, and George was sure the man had a smug expression.

  ‘Yeah, why not. As long as you don’t start accusing me of pinching your drink.’

  ‘Leave it out, will you? Enough is enough. I’m holding out the olive branch here,’ George answered, now almost regretting the effort to make amends with Roger.

  ‘Sorry, mate. Yes, a pint after work would be nice,’ Roger said, then turned to serve a customer.

  George was pleased to have things back on an even keel with his friend, but if the situation was to arise, he still wasn’t convinced that Roger wouldn’t make a move on Sarah. Just as he was thinking about her, he was pleased to see her walking towards his stall. His excitement rose, but was soon replaced with concern when he noticed her solemn face.

  ‘Hi, Sarah, you don’t look very happy this morning. Is everything OK?’ he asked, his voice caring.

  ‘Hi, George. No, not really.’

  ‘What’s up? Is Tommy all right?’ George asked, seeing that she was alone.

  ‘Yes, he’s fine, he’s with my friend Mo who lives upstairs from me. It’s my mum … she died a week ago so I’m looking for something cheap and black to wear to her funeral.’

  George was confused. He’d thought her mother was already dead, but decided not to ask any questions. ‘I’m so sorry to hear that, love. I’ve got a black dress here that should be about the right size for you, and look –’ he reached across his stall and picked up a hat ‘– this is black too and would look proper smart on you.’

  ‘Sounds perfect, thanks, George. How much does it all come to?’

  ‘No, this one’s on me,’ George offered.

  ‘Thanks, but I’d rather pay,’ Sarah said.

  George could tell from the tone of her voice that she was going to be stubborn, so instead offered the clothing for a few pence. He knew she was struggling for money, and she had little Tommy to care for. Then he had an idea that might help her out. He bagged her newly purchased items and said, ‘I hope you don’t mind me asking, but is Tommy going to school soon?’

  ‘Yes, as soon as my mother’s funeral is over, I’ll sort it out.’

  ‘Well, once you do, I know of a little job going, and the hours would work perfectly with Tommy at school,’ George said, remembering a conversation he’d had with his mother the night before.

  ‘Oh … what sort of job? I don’t have much experience in things, and I didn’t do no exams at school.’

  ‘That won’t matter. It’s my mum, Lena. She works in a grocery shop and she happened to mention that Cissy, her part-time girl, is leaving soon ’cos she’s up the duff. That means there’ll be an opening ’cos my mum ain’t going to want to work extra hours. I could put the word in for you if you like?’

  ‘Sounds great, George, but I’ve never worked in a shop before.’

  ‘Don’t worry about that. My mum would show you the ropes.’

  Sarah looked apprehensive for a moment, then answered, ‘If you’re sure, I’d really appreciate you asking for me.’

  ‘Tell you what, you get Tommy into school for the start of the new term, and then you can come round mine for your tea one night. You can meet my mum, as she pretty much runs the shop, doing all the hiring and firing. The owner shows his face now and again, but it’ll be up to my mum, and I know she’s going to love you,’ George said enthusiastically.

  Sarah nodded, and though George could tell she was happy with the offer, considering the circumstances he didn’t expect her to show too much eagerness.

  ‘Thanks, George. I need something as I’ve not had much luck with finding any stock. I might have another go down at the Thames. If I can find just one more thing of value, that should tide me over ’til I can start work.’

  ‘Are you off down there now then?’ George asked. He wished he could do more to help her, but had already come to realise that she was fiercely independent and would only refuse any handouts.

  ‘It’s a bit late now, the tide will be in, but I’ll have a look tomorrow morning. Let’s face it, I’m unlikely to find my riches down there, but you know the saying, third time lucky.’

  ‘Well, I’ll keep me fingers and me toes crossed for you, even if it means I’ll be walking funny,’ George said, and was pleased when he saw a faint smile on her lips.

  Sarah said goodbye, and before she left promised to come back soon either with some treasures from the river or for a job with his mum. He’d been pleased to see that she hadn’t been looking for Roger. He watched her walk away, her shoulders slumped. He yearned to chase after her to offer comfort. Instead he turned to look suspiciously at Roger, but was surprised when he saw his friend had deliberately stayed well hidden behind some sacks of potatoes.

  Roger popped his head up, and asked, ‘All clear?’

  George couldn’t help but chuckle. ‘Yes, mate, she’s gone, but you didn’t have to go to those extremes, or are you just taking the mickey?’

  ‘I’m just doing as I’ve been warned. I wouldn’t want a girl to come between us, and let’s face it, there’s plenty more fish in the sea, and I’ve got a bloody big net.’

  By the time Sarah arrived home, it was late afternoon and the street was lively with children playing, though she couldn’t see her brother. As she put her key in the lock of her front door, Tommy and Larry appeared and came running up to her.

  ‘Guess what?’ Tommy asked.

  ‘I don’t know. What?’ Sarah answered.

  ‘We met Samuel and he gave us a tanner to share. We’re rich, ain’t we, Larry? We’ve never had so much money! Larry’s mum said she’ll take us to the shops later … can I go, Sarah, please?’

  ‘If Larry’s mum says it’s OK, then yes, you can, but make sure you’re a good boy.’

  ‘I will, thanks, Sarah. Come on, Larry, let’s go and tell your mum that I can come.’

  Sarah watched as the boys ran off together, and then plaste
red a smile on her face in anticipation of meeting Samuel. After hearing so much about him from Mo, she’d been looking forward to seeing him, but with her mother’s death and little money, her mood was dark. She was opening the door to her room when she heard Mo’s cheery voice, and turned to see her friend skipping down the stairs with a tall dark man following closely behind.

  ‘Sarah, this is Samuel,’ Mo said, grinning widely as she placed her arm around her lover’s waist.

  ‘It’s a real pleasure to meet you, ma’am,’ Samuel said, and offered his hand to Sarah.

  ‘Likewise,’ Sarah said, trying to hide her surprise at being addressed as ‘ma’am’. As she shook his large hand, she covertly eyed him up and down, and thought how funnily he was dressed. His smart brown trousers were very high-waisted and baggy. Though Samuel was a big man, she reckoned two of him could have fitted in his slacks. He wore a matching long, double-breasted jacket, and a smart shirt and tie. He didn’t dress anything like the men in Battersea.

  ‘I wanted to thank you for looking after my gal while I’ve been away.’

  For a moment, Sarah was mesmerised by his Jamaican accent, but eventually, she answered, ‘I think we’ve been looking after each other. Would you like to come in for a cup of tea?’

  ‘Thank you, that would be nice, but I’ve not seen my Mo for a while, so if you don’t mind I’ll have that cup of tea with you another day.’

  Sarah nodded and saw Samuel wink at Mo. She felt her cheeks burn as she watched the couple run hand in hand back up the stairs to their own room.

  Mo called, ‘See ya later, Sarah.’

  She heard her friend giggle as their door closed behind them, and felt a pang of jealousy. She’d have liked her own boyfriend, someone to snuggle up with and share her worries and joys. Not just any boyfriend, though – he’d have to be special. She’d seen too many bad men in her mother’s bed, and wouldn’t settle for anyone less than perfect.

  Roger was perfect, she thought, and wondered again what it would feel like to have him kiss her. She hoped one day to find out.

  Chapter 17

  Nearly another week had passed and Mo was looking after Tommy at home while Sarah sat on the steps that overlooked the Thames foreshore. She was tired after spending another restless night wondering about her father. Now, she was deep in thought. It would be her mother’s funeral the day after tomorrow, a chance to say a final goodbye and put the past well and truly behind her. She felt she had many demons to lay to rest, and though she’d forgiven her mother, she still found it difficult to forget the beatings and her cruel tongue.

  Her thoughts were broken when she saw something fall from the sky and heard it crack on a rock. Then a large seagull swooped down and picked it up with its beak before flying off again. Curious, Sarah carefully walked across the mud and shingle to the rock where it had landed. She looked around and found an empty mussel shell. ‘Well, I never,’ she said out loud as she realised the gull must have dropped the mussel onto the rock to crack open the shell to eat the creature inside. She’d never given it much thought before, but she’d seen stalls outside some of the pubs selling cockles and mussels, and wondered if they were fished from the Thames. She wasn’t having much luck finding anything else of value, but now she wondered if she was looking for the wrong sort of treasure.

  She picked up the shell, and began to amble back towards the steps while her mind drifted into daydreams of the feasibility of becoming a fisherwoman, if only for a while until she secured a proper job. Then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw something glimmering that instantly caught her attention. She looked down and saw a red object poking out of the mud. She bent down and pulled it from the dark gloop, then wiped it on the underside of her skirt. As the mud came away, her heart soared when she saw she was holding a gold ring set with a large ruby. This couldn’t be happening again, she thought in disbelief, and quickly shoved the ring into her coat pocket.

  Feeling happier, she dashed back towards the steps, intent on getting to the market as soon as possible. She felt sure that George would have no problem selling the ring, and the money she would earn from the sale would keep them going until she could start work in the shop with his mum.

  Once she reached the top step, Sarah stopped for a moment to catch her breath. Still in shock, she shook her head and looked to the skies. Thank you, Mr Sayers, she said in her head. Someone must be looking out for her, and she doubted it was her mother.

  ‘Sarah, fancy seeing you here again!’

  Sarah almost jumped out of her skin at the sound of Jenny’s voice. She’d been so busy thinking that she hadn’t seen her friend on the bridge. ‘Oh, hi, Jenny. Are you on your way to work?’

  ‘Yes, but I think it might be my last day.’

  ‘Why is that?’ Sarah asked. She could see the disappointment in her friend’s eyes so was curious to know the reason Jenny would be leaving her job.

  ‘I think Mrs Alderton-Steele is going to sack me. You know I told you about her son being narked ’cos he tried it on with me and I told him where to go … well, some of her stuff has been going missing and I reckon she thinks I’ve nicked it. I bet it’s him, though, that flippin’ Godfrey. I wouldn’t put it past him to have nicked it, just for me to get the blame!’

  ‘Oh, Jenny, that’s horrible. I know you, you’d never pinch anything from anyone. Have you told her that?’

  ‘Yeah, but the old cow is never going to believe me over her precious son. It’s a shame, though, because I like the job. The hours suit so I can get home and help out Mum. Not only that, Mrs Alderton-Steele pays me well, more than most would for a bit of cleaning. Still, if the battleaxe gives me my marching orders, there’s nothing I can do about it.’

  ‘You’ll soon find another job,’ Sarah consoled.

  ‘Probably, but I won’t get a good reference, and I doubt I’d find one which pays as well.’

  ‘Have you confronted that Godfrey and told him you know what he’s been up to?’

  ‘Yes, but he just laughed. He’s a nasty piece of work who lives off his “allowance” from Mummy and couldn’t give two hoots about anyone else. I don’t know what he’s done with the bits he’s nicked, ’cos I’ve searched high and low and can’t find them anywhere. I suppose he’s sold them, but he don’t need the money, and one of the things was a pocket watch that belonged to his father. When that disappeared it really upset Mrs Alderton-Steele, but it didn’t bother Godfrey, the horrible git.’

  Sarah gulped hard as all at once she realised she’d been in possession of the watch. She remembered it had been etched with the initials A. S., which she now knew had represented Alderton-Steele. She felt consumed with guilt – the watch had been sold so she couldn’t return it, and now her friend could lose her job. The other items too, the gold bracelet and the ring in her pocket. It all made sense. She’d thought it had been too good to be true and now realised that Godfrey must have been throwing the jewellery over the bridge.

  She placed her hand in her pocket and held the ring. It wasn’t hers to keep, not now she knew who it belonged to, and it was stolen. If she gave it to Jenny her friend might be able to convince Mrs Alderton-Steele that she wasn’t the thief, and Jenny could keep her job.

  Though reluctant, she went to hand Jenny the ring, but an image of Tommy popped into her head and she quickly stopped herself. It was wrong to keep it, but if she didn’t, Tommy would go hungry. Mrs Alderton-Steele didn’t need the money, and Jenny would easily find a replacement job. Without the ring, Tommy wouldn’t eat and she reasoned that he had to be her priority.

  ‘I’m sorry, Jenny, but I’ve got to dash. Good luck today, I hope it works out,’ Sarah said and fled over the bridge in the opposite direction from her friend. She’d felt so bad that she hadn’t been able to meet Jenny’s eyes, and inwardly recoiled at what she’d done.

  For the first time, Sarah could see what her mother had meant when she’d spoken about hating herself and turning to drink. Sarah realised that no matter wha
t it took, a mother would do whatever was needed to put food in the bellies of her children. She never thought she’d think the words, but as Sarah made her way to the market, she inwardly thanked her mother. She was finally grateful that her mum had sold herself, and understood the sacrifices and choices that a lone mother is forced to make.

  At this moment, just as her mother had hated herself, Sarah didn’t like herself very much either, but her feelings of self-loathing were irrelevant compared to the drive to provide for her brother.

  Mo was happy to look after Tommy as it helped relieve her boredom. Samuel was busy working long hours, and though she had tried working days too, it never went well for her. Either one of her brothers or her father would always turn up and cause trouble, so she’d end up getting her cards. It wasn’t ideal working evenings in the cinema, but it was dark most of the time, and so far her family hadn’t discovered she worked there.

  She wasn’t content with the situation though. It meant she hardly saw Samuel. She’d suggested to him that maybe she shouldn’t work at all, but he wouldn’t hear of it, reminding her how important it was to save to buy their own house.

  Tommy was sat quietly on the floor with the paper and paints he’d bought with the tanner Samuel had given him and his friend. He’d said he was painting a picture for Sarah to put on the wall next to her bed. Mo sneaked a peek and smiled. He was doing his best to copy one of Samuel’s paintings, and she thought how nice it was that her man had inspired the lad.

  She stood up and began to pace the floor of her cramped room. The radio had broken, and the silence was driving her crazy. At least when Sarah came back she could enjoy some girlie gossip.

  Meeting Sarah had been a lifeline for her. If it hadn’t been for her new friend, she wasn’t sure how long she could have stuck out the boredom. It was beginning to cause a rift between her and Samuel, and though they had made love when he’d returned from the visit to his brother, there hadn’t been any desire in the bedroom since, at least not on Samuel’s part. By the time Mo got home from work, Samuel would be fast asleep, and no amount of coaxing had worked. She’d tried on many occasions, but he always brushed her off, saying he was tired and needed to sleep.