Out

by Natsuo Kirino

  'Don't you like this kind of work?' he asked at last.

  'No, it's not that,' she said, glancing nervously at the woman who ran the club. Satake noticed the look.

  'I know it's hard to make this sort of decision,' he said. 'But you came here to make money, didn't you? Then why not really make some? You're wasting a wonderful gift.'

  'Gift?'

  'A beautiful person has a gift, just like a writer or a painter. It's not something that's given to everybody; it's a special favour. But writers and painters have to work to develop their gifts, and so do you. That's your duty. In a sense, you're a kind of artist yourself, at least that's the way I look at it. But at the moment, you're neglecting your duty.' As she listened to his soft voice, Anna felt almost giddy. But when she looked up, she realised that he was probably just trying to lure her away to his club. The management at her current place had warned her about men like this.

  Satake sighed, guessing what was going through her mind. 'You're wasting yourself here,' he said, smiling at her.

  'But I don't have any gift,' she said.

  'You do. And if you start using it, things will work out just the way you planned them.'

  'But... '

  'And when they do, you'll see,' he said.

  'See what?'

  'Your fate,' he said.

  'Why?' she murmured.

  'Because fate is what happens to you in spite of all your plans.' Satake said this quite seriously and then slipped a neatly folded ¥10,000 bill into her hand. She glanced away as she took the bill, feeling that she'd caught a glimpse of something deep down in the pool of his eyes; something she shouldn't have seen.

  'Thank you,' she said.

  'I'll see you again,' he said; then, as if he had abruptly lost interest in her, he glanced over at the manager and signalled her to get him another girl. Having become suddenly extraneous, Anna moved on to another table. She felt disappointed, in part at her own lukewarm response which she blamed for Satake's loss of interest. She'd half believed him when he said that she'd be prettier if she went to work for him. And if what he said was true, she might even see what 'fate' held in store for her. Had she missed a chance to make something of herself? She regretted her own timidity.

  When she got back to her apartment, she took out the bill he'd given her. Unfolding it, she found the name 'Mika' and a telephone number written inside.

  -

  After she moved to his club, Satake had taught her a great many things about older Japanese men. That it was often better to make them think you didn't speak much Japanese. That they preferred quiet, conservative girls with nice manners. It was best to let them think you were still in school and that you worked as a hostess just for pocket money. Emphasise the fact that you're a student most men have a thing about schoolgirls. Even if they know it's a lie, they like to feel they're financially superior, and it makes them more likely to tip well. And above all, try to give the impression that you come from a good family in Shanghai. This they find reassuring. Satake also gave her explicit instructions about the sort of clothes and make-up that would appeal to them. In Shanghai, men might appreciate a woman who insisted on equal rights, but not here.

  When Anna still had doubts about the Japanese way of doing things, Satake told her to think of the whole thing as an act, a role she played to succeed in her chosen profession. After that, she learned quickly. She didn't have to become that sort of woman; she just had to perform, as part of her job. Anything for the job. This was something her parents would have understood. And in time she discovered that she did have a gift, exactly as Satake had said. The more she played the part, the more attractive she became. His discriminating eye had been right.

  Before long, she'd become the top hostess at Mika; and as her popularity grew, she became more confident. With self-confidence came the determination to make a success of herself in her new 'career'. At last she'd found a way of keeping loneliness, her old stray cat, firmly at bay.

  She took to calling Satake 'honey', and in return he made no secret of the fact that she was his special pet. When she realised that he hadn't tried to fix her up with a well-heeled customer the way he was always doing for the other girls, she decided that it was proof that he was in love with her. But no sooner had she come to this conclusion than he called to say he'd found someone.

  'He's just the right type,' he told her over the phone. 'What type?'

  'He's nice and he's rich.' Of course, the man in question wasn't

  Tony Leung. He wasn't good-looking and he wasn't particularly young, just very wealthy. Practically every time she saw him, he would hand her a million yen. The maths were simple: if she met him ten times, she'd have ten million - more than enough to live on for a whole year. Soon she'd be rich herself. By the time she actually passed the goal she'd set when she came to Japan, she had forgotten all about Tony Leung.

  But the man who had supplanted the handsome actor in her affections wasn't her wealthy patron, it was Satake himself. She found herself intrigued by what she'd glimpsed in his eyes when they first met. He'd said fate was something that happened in spite of our best plans. Then what had happened in his case? She had a feeling - one that aroused a nervous excitement in her that she of all people might be able to find out; after all, she was his 'number one'. She would have liked to see for herself what sort of creatures lived down there at the bottom of that pool, and catch them with her own bare hands.

  In the end, though, she realised that the more she tried to learn about him, the less he allowed her to see. He seemed to guard every aspect of his life with great care. He never let anyone come to his apartment, for example. Once, Chin, the floor manager at Mika, had told her that he'd spotted a man who looked like Satake in front of a run-down old apartment building in West Shinjuku; but instead of the flashy designer clothes the boss favoured, the man was shabbily dressed. He'd come out to dump some garbage, dressed in ragged pants and a sweater that was worn through at the elbows. He could have been any old tired drudge, but as Chin watched, the guy began cleaning up around the garbage can with a surly look on his face, and from the way he moved, he realised that it had to be Satake. The whole episode had come as quite a shock, he told Anna - had even scared him a bit.

  'Here at the club, he's so cool. He may not say much, but you know you can depend on him. If that was the real Satake I saw, then it's almost like he's schizy. It gives me the creeps to think that everything he does here is just an act. But why should he have to put on an act for us, anyway? What's he hiding? You get the feeling he doesn't trust us. But how can you live if you don't trust anyone? Maybe it means that you really don't trust yourself?'

  Satake was a mystery, a puzzle waiting to be solved. When the rest of the staff at Mika heard the story, the boss's secret life became a topic of endless discussion. Everyone seemed to have his own opinion about what sort of man he was, but no one felt you could trust him much. Anna, though, couldn't bring herself to agree with Chin that it was Satake who didn't trust anybody. Still, she found herself feeling jealous of his secrets, and even ended up thinking that there must be another woman involved. Perhaps it was only with her that he could really be himself

  One day, she finally got up the nerve to ask him straight out, 'Honey, do you live with someone?' Satake hesitated a second, staring at her in surprise, which she took as proof that she'd guessed right. 'Who is it?' she pressed.

  'No one,' he said with a laugh. But the light in his eyes had seemed to die at that moment, like the time at the end of the night when they turned off the lights at the club. 'I've never lived with a woman.'

  'Then don't you like women?' she said. It was reassuring that there had never been talk of a woman in Satake's life, but now she was suddenly afraid he might be gay.

  'Sure I do,' he said, 'especially beautiful ones like you. They're like the best of all presents.' As he said this, he took her hand and began stroking her long, slender fingers, but the way he did it was as if he were getting the feel of som
e delicate instrument. Besides which, when he'd said that he liked women, she had a feeling he meant nothing more than an aesthetic appreciation.

  'Presents from who?' she asked.

  'From the gods, to men everywhere,' he said.

  'Do girls get presents, too?' she asked, meaning getting a man like him for herself. But he seemed not to understand.

  'I suppose so. Someone like Tony Leung? How'd you like that?'

  'Not much,' she said, giving him a reproachful look. Anna wanted to touch a man's heart, not just his body. And there was just one heart she wanted, just one that made her own beat faster. Unfortunately, the 'beautiful women' Satake said he liked were nothing more than valuable objects, not living, breathing people with feelings of their own. She doubted he had any use for a woman's heart. And if that were the case, then one 'beautiful woman' was as good as the next, which made it all the more unfair that there was only one man in the whole world she cared about. 'So if a woman is good-looking, that's enough for you?' she asked.

  'That's enough for any man,' he said. Anna stopped the questions then, having sensed that, deep inside the man she loved, there was something badly damaged. Perhaps a woman had hurt him in the past. The thought filled her with sympathy for him; it also gave her the comfort of daydreaming about how she would heal his broken heart.

  -

  That day at the pool, however, Anna had been shaken awake from her daydream. At first she'd been delighted that he'd given in and come swimming with her, but her heart sank at his reaction when that boy made a play for her. Satake had practically winked his encouragement, like an understanding uncle, which could only mean that he had no idea she was in love with him. It was this realisation that made her do something she'd never done before: invite a man home to her apartment - her own modest form of rebellion. But even then Satake had given no indication that he had any feelings for her.

  'I don't mind if you fool around,' he'd said, 'as long as it doesn't get in the way of work or go on too long.' She would never forget how he'd sounded as he told her this - as though she were a product to be sold in his store, a toy to attract the men who came shopping. If he'd been especially nice to her, it was only because she did exactly as she was told, played the role of money-making doll to perfection.

  She found it hard to sleep that night, conscious as she was that the crack in her self-confidence which she thought had been repaired was opening up again. But the next morning brought an even greater shock.

  Chin had called early. 'Anna, Satake-san has been picked up on a gambling charge. Since you were out last night, I thought you'd want to know.'

  'What do you mean, "picked up"?' she said.

  'Arrested, by the police,' he said. 'They got Kunimatsu and the other people at Playground, too. We're not going to open today. If the police come around asking questions, just say you don't know anything.' Then he hung up.

  Before she got the call, Anna had decided that she was going to confront Satake and force him to tell her whether she meant anything to him. She'd made up her mind that if the answer was not the one she wanted to hear, she would quit. Now she suddenly had nothing to do, so she went straight to the city pool and got badly sunburnt there.

  That night, as she sat staring at her blistering skin, she remembered their trip to the pool the day before. Perhaps it was unfair to think that he just saw her as merchandise. Wasn't it possible that he was holding back because of the difference in their ages? Why would he bother to do so much for her, if she hadn't mattered much to him? No, it was wrong of her to doubt him, with all the evidence she had. And gradually the good, kind, docile Anna surfaced once again, and she found herself loving him even more than before.

  The next day, the employees who had been arrested during the raid came back. They all assumed that Satake would be released as well, but he was the only one who remained in custody. The clubs stayed closed for a week. She heard that Reika had gone to see the boss in prison and he'd told her to announce an early summer holiday.

  Anna spent her days at the pool. Baked in the sun, her skin turned the colour of ripe wheat, and she looked more beautiful than ever. When she passed men on the street, they turned to stare after her, and at the pool they seemed to cluster around her like flies. She was sure Satake would have enjoyed this change in her, and it seemed a shame he was missing it.

  One evening, Reika came by her apartment. 'I've got something important to tell you,' she said.

  'What about?'

  'About Satake-san. It looks as though this might drag on a

  while.' Reika always spoke to Anna in Mandarin; since she was from Taiwan, she couldn't speak the Shanghai dialect. 'Why?'

  'It seems there's more to it than just a gambling charge. I've asked around a bit, and I hear it has something to do with that murder case, the dismemberment.'

  'What's "dismemberment"?' Anna asked, pushing away the dog that was barking at her feet. Reika lit a cigarette and gave her a searching look.

  'You don't know?' she said. 'Three weeks ago, they found a body that had been cut up in pieces. The victim turned out to be that guy named Yamamoto who used to come to the club.' Anna gave a start.

  'You mean the one who was always after me?'

  'Seems hard to believe, doesn't it?'

  He had asked for her whenever he showed up there, and he never took his eyes off her once she sat down at his table. He'd hold her hand, and when he got a little drunk, he'd try to push her down on the couch. But it wasn't his persistence that bothered her as much as the lonely look she'd seen in his eyes. If men wanted to play, she was willing enough, but a lonely man held no attraction for her at all. So when he'd disappeared, she'd been delighted and then promptly forgotten all about him.

  'The police are bound to show up here soon. You might be better off moving,' Reika said, looking around at her expensive apartment.

  'Why would they come here?'

  'They think Satake killed him because he wouldn't leave you alone. And then asked one of the Chinese gangs to get rid of the body.'

  'He would never do something like that,' Anna said. 'Still, he was seen beating him up outside Playground.'

  'I know, but that's all he did.'

  'Maybe,' Reika said, dropping her voice, 'but did you know that he once killed a woman?' Anna felt her throat contract, and her mouth was suddenly too dry to swallow. 'And do you know how he killed her? I was shocked when I found out, and I'm sure the girls at the club would quit if they knew.'

  'Why? What did he do?' Anna asked, remembering the strange light that seemed to shine from somewhere deep in Satake's eyes.

  'They say he used to work as an aide to a big yakuza boss who ran the prostitution and drug rackets around here. Satake-san sometimes collected debts for the gang, or hunted down girls who tried to get out of the business. Well, one day they found out that a woman was stealing their girls and setting them up at another club. Satake caught her and locked her up in his room. Then, they say he tortured her to death.'

  'What do you mean, "tortured her"?' Anna was unable to control the tremour in her voice. She was suddenly reminded of a trip her family had made to Nanjing when she was a child and the horrible mannequins she'd seen at the War Museum. Was this what lay at the bottom of Satake's pool? His horrible past?

  'It was really bad - brutal,' Reika said, arching her sharply drawn eyebrows. 'He stripped her and beat her; then he raped her. Then, it seems he kept stabbing her to keep her from losing consciousness. And when she was covered with blood, he raped her again. They say her teeth were broken and her body was covered with bruises. Even the other yakuza were shocked, and wanted nothing to do with him after that.'

  Anna let out a long, mournful wail. At some point, while she was still crying, Reika went home, leaving her alone with the toy poodle which sat watching her, wagging its tail.

  'Jewel,' she sobbed. The dog barked happily, thinking the entreaty was an invitation to play. She remembered when she'd bought it. She'd wanted to indulge herself
with something special, for her and no one else, so she'd gone to a pet shop and picked out the prettiest dog she could find. Maybe it was the same with men: they wanted women the same way she'd wanted the poodle, and she meant no more to Satake than the dog did to her.

  She knew she could never go down into that dark pool now but it still made her want to cry her eyes out.

  4

  It was the fourth day after the newspapers began featuring the incident that the police showed up at Masako's house. She had already been interviewed briefly at the factory, and she had prepared herself for the likelihood that they would come here as well. After all, it was common knowledge that she was Yayoi's closest friend. Still, she was fairly confident that they would never find out that Kenji's body had been cut up in her bathroom. If she didn't know herself why she had helped Yayoi, why would anyone else ever suspect her?

  'I'm really sorry to bother you. I know how tired you must be.' It was the young man named Imai who had been with the detective at the factory interview. He must have had some idea what it meant to work a night shift, since he seemed genuinely sorry. Masako glanced at her watch and saw that it was barely 9.00 a.m.

  'No, don't worry about it. I'll get some sleep later.'

  'Thanks,' he said. 'But it really is a strange schedule you people keep. Doesn't it cause problems for your family?' Perhaps because Masako had been frank herself, he seemed to feel that he could begin prying without the usual formalities. He might be young and inexperienced, but she still had to be careful.

  'You get used to it,' she said.

  'I suppose so. But don't your husband and son worry about you being out all night?'

  'I've never really thought about it.' She led him into the living room, wondering to herself if they ever even noticed she was gone.

  'I'm sure they do,' Imai insisted. 'Men are like that. It must bother them to have you out that late.' Masako decided against making tea and sat down directly across from him. For such a young man, he certainly seemed to have conservative ideas, she thought. He was wearing a white polo shirt and carrying a lightbrown jacket. He put the latter down on the chair next to him. 'Did you consult your husband when you were deciding to work nights?'