Holy Sheoly

by Hunter Blain

  “Right place. Right time,” I answered with a smile before I heard the wind whisper, “Consequences.” With a slight scowl, I waved it off like batting at an annoying fly. At this point, consequences and I had become best good friends.

  6

  I called Abu’s personal number, letting it ring several times before it went to voicemail. Not knowing what to say when faced with the dreaded voice message, I hung up. Half a minute later, I received a message saying he had someone with him and to text instead. I typed back and asked that he pick me up after his current client. I received a thumbs-up emoji and was briefly annoyed that those were still a thing, though this one was animated at least.

  I shared my current location with him and set it to remain on when I used his services in the future, that way he could see where I was on the Find My Friends app. Just had to remember to turn it off again lest he learn all my secrets.

  Closing my hand, I started aimlessly walking down the street, asking my armor to soak up the sun and replenish the massive amount of energy I had used on the children.

  I could feel my brow wrinkle as my mind tried to process the sheer volume of raw power that such small beings had consumed. Nothing seemed to make sense to me. Asking white blood cells to attack a tumor shouldn’t require more than a fraction of a fraction of what had been used.

  Something tapped on the shoulder of my focus, and I realized Baleius had been abnormally absent.

  You still with me?

  Of course.

  You, ah, just seem quiet. You don’t have any thoughts on what happened?

  Honestly, I haven’t been paying that much attention, as I have been conducting my own internal dialogue. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Before you ask, I do not have another being inside my mind.

  Can I ask whatcha been thinking about?

  If it’s all the same, I’d rather keep things to myself for the time being.

  Eh, I got ya. Have my own thoughts to sort out.

  Baleius didn’t respond.

  I continued down the street, absorbing the energy from the sun as I went. I was delighted to see that I didn’t have to rely solely on my hands to take in the power, partly because I would have looked odd holding my palms up to the sky. There was also more surface area across my body—which was a duh statement, I suppose—allowing for more energy to be taken in.

  Looking inward, I could see the steady trickle refilling my well of power. Shifting my focus back outside, I let my eyes drift from mortal to mortal, assessing if I had any desire to feed off their blood.

  I hummed a single syllable as I realized I was content to drink in the light of the sun rather than the blood of mortals.

  I...I started to say inwardly to Baleius, wanting to exclaim how exciting it was to find an alternative to feeding off humans, but I decided to leave him to his own thoughts.

  After a few minutes, a lightsaber sound told me I had a message. Bringing up my phone, I saw Abu was on his way. I lowered my hand rather than texting him back, content to have a few more minutes to myself.

  My mind became blank as I casually strode through the medical district of Houston. The air smelled different, like car exhaust and hot rubber. I started paying attention to the vehicles on the street, and noticed several still had combustion engines. It made sense that not everyone would be able to jump straight into a fully electric car. I also assumed that older fossil fuel vehicles had probably dropped in value overall, having been replaced by the new kid on the block. I still remember when fat CRT monitors and TVs were replaced with plasma and LCD, dropping the price of the thick screens precipitously. After that came LEDs, and the LCD and plasma technology followed the CRTs into oblivion. Now there was some crazy, superthin screen no thicker than a piece of paper. Not to mention the holoscreens too! I did love me some technology.

  A honk from behind brought me out of my derailing train of thought.

  Turning, I was rewarded with the sight of a smiling Abu as he waved through the windshield. I tilted my head up in acknowledgment and stepped to the passenger side.

  “Hey, buddy,” I greeted as I shut my door and buckled up. “Thanks for picking me up.”

  “Thank you for the tip!” he responded while pulling into traffic. “So, where to, boss?”

  “The Super Vet Clinic, please.”

  Abu typed in the name on his phone before making a swiping motion and sending the GPS directions to the screen that acted as his dash.

  “Neat,” I exclaimed while looking at all the buttons that were normally knobs and whatnot. Even the heat/cold settings were digital.

  “You seem to be catching on with that word.”

  “Okay,” I started, running my hand down my face, “if we are gonna be working together, you should know a few things. First, I have said neat for...” I thought about telling him the truth about saying it since I had first heard it over a hundred years ago, “...a long time. Second...well, it was really just that one thing…for now.”

  “Whatever you say, boss,” Abu replied with a wry smile. I wanted to growl at him, but I simply lacked the energy. “You got a pet at the clinic or somethin’?”

  My mind flashed to Depweg and I opened my mouth to make a dog joke before slamming it closed as I remembered how bad he was. Instead, I said, “My friend owns the joint. Just wanted to pop by and say hi.”

  Abu nodded a few times, seemingly to himself, as we pulled onto the highway.

  “How was the hospital? Did you get done whatever it was you needed to do?” Abu asked, making conversation.

  I glanced out my window, debating on answering, then I said, “Yeah. Yeah, I think I did.”

  “Well, that’s good.”

  Being adept at the whole customer service mentality and the different types of passengers, Abu took note that I wanted to ride in silence.

  We rode the rest of the way without speaking as I sent mental commands to Locke and Hayley that they had better be okay when I arrived.

  7

  “Everything okay?” Abu asked after some time, masterfully slipping through the stream of countless cars like a veteran salmon in a river, hardly seeming to give the stressful task any effort.

  “Hmm?” I asked, turning to my driver, who nodded his head toward my knees. Looking to my lap, I saw that my right leg was bouncing like I was a one-legged man running a marathon down a steep hill. A command was sent from my brain to cease and desist, but my leg returned with a counter that involved my brain fellating itself. “Just got a lot on my mind.”

  “I hear that,” Abu commiserated. It was almost annoying that this mortal thought his problems were in the same league as my own. Then again, I was sure most people felt that way about their own lives.

  Within some determinate amount of time that I wasn’t precisely aware of, we had arrived at the clinic. Even though I hadn’t been paying much attention to the passage of time, I had a vague impression that the trip had taken considerably longer than what I was accustomed to. Probably because of the traffic of the day, of which there was an absolutely horrid amount in Houston.

  “Thanks, buddy,” I said in a tentative voice as I stepped out of the car and faced the clinic, not knowing what I was going to walk into.

  “Good luck, Mr. John,” Abu said before I closed the passenger side door. As he pulled away, I glanced at my phone and wired him some money. I didn’t know how much to send, so erred on the side of caution and floated a couple hundred his way. It was always a good idea to take care of those that took care of you.

  Lifting my eyes to land on the clinic, I inhaled through a chest that had grown accustomed to being tight, and made my way inside.

  The air was cool with a fresh pine scent from a recently used cleaning solution. I sniffed a few times, trying to pick up something that was barely there, and realized it was a hint of lavender.

  Drew sat at the counter, glaring at me with what I could only describe as pursed, sassy lips and a slightly tilted head. I chose to ignore him as I stepped to an
d pressed the OR doors. They didn’t budge, and I remembered Doc Jim instructing me to lock them so his employee wouldn’t see how he really earned his living.

  I knocked three times, hard enough to let anyone on the other side of the doors know the knuckles doing the rapping weren’t of the dainty variety.

  “Not so fun being locked out, is it?” Drew asked from his desk. I didn’t even have to look at him to know his head was bouncing from shoulder to shoulder as he injected a sarcasm that could only come from someone who felt they had been more oppressed than the person receiving the words.

  My head slowly pivoted so my scowling eyes landed directly on the clinic associate. I stared for a few moments, feeling Drew’s gaze refusing to waver, and decided to close the distance between us with slow, deliberate steps.

  He looked up at me as I stood before the counter, and I immediately respected his resolve. I didn’t fault this mortal for not acknowledging my own trials and tribulations, which would make nearly every human being curl into a fetal position and weep blood as their minds frayed.

  “What?” he finally demanded, throwing up one hand but never breaking eye contact.

  “I am not your enemy, Drew. There is much more to the situation than you could possibly understand. Just know I am an ally, and that we will be seeing more of each other for at least the next five years.”

  “Why? What happens in five years?” he asked, his tone softening as he deciphered my words.

  My thoughts became a wildfire of chaos as they swirled around in my skull. The Aztec god Tezlablahblah confirming the end with a dramatic time frame. The thirteen books in the chest that may or may not have been real. My conversation with Samael and the fact he unequivocally thought he was in the right.

  “Hopefully nothing,” I sighed as I lowered my gaze to the ground, willing the words to be true.

  I decided I was done letting the pits of self-loathing draw me further and further into the darkness, and put on a smile. I extended my hand and said, “The name’s John.” The confused associate tentatively extended his hand and grasped mine as we shook.

  “D-Drew.”

  “Nice to meet you, D-Drew,” I jested. His expression went from confusion to mild annoyance fairly quickly, prompting me to once again marvel at my superpower of finding people’s last nerve and pouncing like a kitty on a laser dot.

  A scene flashes in my head of a group of mutants wearing yellow spandex. The leader, who has one red goggle that stretches across both eyes, points in the distance and calls out, “Be careful, team! Our archnemesis approaches!”

  A short, stocky fella takes a step forward as metal claws extend from his fists.

  “I got this,” I say to my fellow superheroes and begin walking toward the floating bad guy with the cool helmet and his cronies.

  The leader sees me and his eyes go wide as he lowers himself to the ground, landing next to one of his generals with blue skin and red slicked-back hair; she kind of looks like that Rebecca Romaine Lettuce actress.

  I continue to stride forward, and I see the leader lean over to the blue lady and whisper, “Oh God, it’s him. I simply do not have the energy to deal with him today. I seriously only got, like, three hours of sleep.”

  “What do we do?” the blue lady asks.

  “The Dew,” I respond for him in an ultracool voice.

  “That’s it! We are out of here!” the leader cries out as he throws his hands up and turns to storm (heh, catch the pun?) away.

  The OR door clicked behind me and Doc Jim walked into the waiting room.

  I smiled a peaceful farewell at Drew and approached the good doctor.

  “Hey, Doc. How are they?”

  “Come on back,” Doc Jim indicated with clinical indifference as he turned to disappear into the operating room again.

  A lump swelled in my throat as I followed close behind. Doc Jim shut and locked the OR door before walking to where Hayley was still unconscious on the metal table.

  Upon seeing her sleeping, freckled face, I couldn’t help but wonder what it felt like to lay on the metal bed for an extended period of time. My concern evaporated like a fart in a hurricane as I saw her levitating a few inches off the operating table.

  “Neat!” I exclaimed as I stuck a hand under her floating body. I could feel something pressing upward on my fingers. “Antigravity bed, Doc?”

  “Antigravity is a buzzword that I don’t care to partake in,” he asserted while pushing his glasses further up his nose. “The process with which Warden Broadway is floating is called diamagnetic levitation. The table emits a magnetic field that works on the water within her body, and as you know, humans are mostly made up of water.”

  “Sixty percent, depending on the composition between muscle and fat, the former—surprisingly—being comprised of a higher percentage,” I added without having to think on the makeup of the human body. “Odd,” I drawled, looking down at myself as the celestial armor shimmered into view at a mere thought.

  “Amazing!” Doc Jim said as he adjusted his glasses even higher up on his nose.

  “I think me knowing random facts has something to do with the armor.”

  “You are referring to the black hole and your inexplicable knowledge on the physics of our solar system?”

  “Hey, I wouldn’t say inexplicable because I do remember everything that I learn. I just... usually have to dig in the information city of my mind to locate a Wikipedia page or YouTube video to get an answer. With the armor, some information is just...there.”

  “Fascinating. I would love to test that theory sometime,” the good doctor said as he stepped closer to inspect my ivory breastplate with the bloody cross painted at its center. His eyes scrunched as they stared at Da’s marking, his brows knitting together in concentration.

  Feeling vulnerable for some reason, I willed the armor to fade from view.

  Changing the subject, I said, “You were saying something about die, ah, mag-magnets?”

  “Diamagnetic levitation.”

  “Right, that’s what I said.”

  “It helps keep the bedsores away while offering a gentle massage that stimulates blood flow, promoting healing.”

  “I call next!” I jested while gently pushing down on Hayley’s stomach and watching her body react in a small wave going on either direction from where I pressed.

  Doc Jim grabbed my wrist with his thumb and index finger as he gently pulled my arm away. “Please don’t. I do not believe she would appreciate it.”

  “I’m not scared of her,” I confidently said.

  “I am,” Doc Jim replied with complete seriousness.

  “Ah, right,” I agreed, letting my arm drop to my side.

  “Hey, how do you, um, power this? Wouldn’t you need, like, a bank of nuclear reactors or something?”

  “That’s where Taylor comes in.”

  “Ew, he does?” I asked with a scrunched-up face while pretending to look at the bottom of each boot in search of sticky yogurt.

  “It is simply too early for this,” Doc said as his fingers slipped under his glasses to rub at his eyes.

  “Hey, where’s Locke?” I asked as I looked at the other bed, which was empty.

  “Resting in the back room. He recovered from his injuries enough to no longer need my attention.”

  “In the back? Wh-Where’s Depweg?” I asked, bringing my arms up to cross in front of my chest in an unconscious effort to not be vulnerable.

  “Speaking of Taylor,” Doc said as he gave me a slight glare that wordlessly asked me not to make another gross joke, “He came and got Depweg. As they were leaving, I asked where they were going and he said they were off to grab Magni, though he wouldn’t say why.”

  A smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I mentally thanked Taylor for helping my boys out. I’d have to buy him the Lord of the Rings box set or something for his troubles. My mind flashed to me watching it with him, and whenever Legolas came on screen, I’d excitedly point while asking TayTay, “H
ey, he’s like you! Isn’t he, boy?” Then again, maybe that was something that was only acceptable with puppies and not with kings of Faerie.

  My mind zipped back to the now, and I continued my conversation with Doc Jim.

  “Depweg will probably be in Faerie for a bit. He’ll find some peace there, I think. Plus, I think the Seelie will help him with his new wolf suit.”

  “New suit? You are referring to the feral wolf that I, inexplicably, can no longer find on social media?”

  “Heh, Collin,” I chuckled as I let my unfocused gaze drop to the floor and placed my hands on my hips. “Damn government man is good at his job.” I looked back up to see the doc awaiting my reply to his question. “Oh! Right. Yes. His new wolf form is the feral body. And it...is...awesome! I honestly can’t wait to see what kind of cool shit he learns while in Faerie. They taught me a lot, you know.”

  “I’ve heard,” Doc said as he went back to check on a digital readout of Hayley’s vitals. “O2 levels are up. That’s good.”

  “Hey,” I started, shifting my weight to one foot. “Where’s Ludvig?”

  “Out getting supplies Locke said he needed and clothes for Hayley here,” he gestured down at the unconscious warden with a quick drop of his chin, making his glasses slide down his nose a bit.

  We could use the armor to heal her, just like at the hospital, Baleius suggested.

  Right! Good idea!

  Be mindful of the amount of energy you have already consumed without a recharge. You might start the process only to realize the armor is drained, leaving the job unfinished.

  Pfft, I got this.

  I walked to the edge of the table where her head rested—um, floated—and placed my hands on either side of her face.

  “What are you doing?” Doc Jim asked, concerned and intrigued.

  “A magic trick,” I whispered as I willed the armor to life, wordlessly expressing my intentions to the doctor in doing so.