by Brynne Asher
“You should probably stop,” I say, even though I have no desire for that to happen.
“I’m going to relax you. Again. You know, in case you can’t relax this weekend because my family’s too high energy and all.” I feel him smile against my neck.
“I don’t think that’s a very good idea,” I respond, albeit distractedly.
“I disagree.”
I realize I don’t have the will to fight it. Over the next twenty minutes, Tony takes his time and eventually has me begging him to relax me in delightful ways before tucking me in tight. With my face tucked into his neck, his big heavy thigh smushed in between my legs, and his arms around me, I go to sleep more relaxed than I can remember from my second Tony induced orgasm.
Chapter Nine
Sleep Naked
Leigh
“This is totally Cindy Lauper’s Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!”
I look across the fire at Paige who is past the point of tipsy. I’ve learned Paige not only lives her life to music but comes up with a theme song to commemorate special moments. I’ve found most every moment is special to Paige because she’s an abnormally happy person, so if this trip had a playlist, it would be long and varied.
But who am I kidding? We’re all past the point of tipsy.
It’s Saturday night and we’ve had two full days of fun and somewhat relaxation. I was not wrong in my estimation of the Carpino women. They’re all high energy, but when you get them together, it’s off the charts. Other than the two massages, facial, and pedicure I’ve had, the rest of our bachelorette-spa-tranquil weekend has been go-go-go.
We hiked in the Arizona mountains, which should be tranquil but not with this group. It was loud, funny, and chaotic. Until Tia, Gabby’s aunt, tripped and skinned her knees. Of course, Gabby’s other aunt, Emma, being the oldest and self-anointed matriarch of our group, unearthed Band-Aids and antibiotic ointment to save the day. Then it was back to loud, fun, and chaos.
This morning we went horseback riding and I’m not sure the poor horses have ever experienced the likes of our group. Halfway through our mosey, Lizzie’s horse stopped and refused to budge another inch. I’m pretty sure this had everything to do with the decibel of Lizzie’s voice. After much coaxing from our guide with zero success, the horse refused to move and Lizzie had to ride double with Sophia. Paige commemorated the moment with Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy). Sophia’s horse had a happier disposition because he didn’t seem to mind the singing, giggling, and horse dancing.
We ended our afternoon with a sunset meditation session. We were perched atop a plateau overlooking the beautiful orangish-redish mountain ranges. It was supposed to be a thirty-minute session, but I’m pretty sure our instructor cut it short. Let’s just say this group isn’t capable of meditating, at least not together. In the beginning our instructor tried to discourage the whispering, but the whispers became giggles and that’s when it happened.
Someone passed gas.
All hell broke loose.
No one owned up to it, but I do know it came from the other end of our group so I wasn’t blamed. Our instructor finally got everyone settled down, when from her meditation pose, Paige started to quietly sing Against the Wind. Now, I love Bob Segar, but that song will never be the same to me if that tells you depths of Paige’s power to label a moment. It was then our instructor, with a tight face, announced our session was over and it was time for us to get ready for dinner even though the sun hadn’t set below the mountains yet. We climbed off our plateau with no remorse for ruining the meditation session.
After dinner, we congregated in the lush cushy furniture around the low outdoor fire pit wrapped in blankets provided by the resort. Gabby and I are drinking Prickly Pear Martini’s. I think they’re made with some sort of cactus fruit, but it doesn’t really matter what’s in it—they’re like candy and I’ve lost count of how many I’ve had.
“Enough fun!” Lizzie slurs over those who have started singing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. “Quiet! All right, ladies, we’ve come to the time of the weekend for marital advice. Who wants to go first?”
My stomach clenches and I’m sure I just sobered up about three martinis out of my who-knows-how-many martini’s because I have absolutely nothing to add to this conversation.
Charlotte looks to Lizzie. “If you start talking about sex with dad, I’m going to puke.”
“I’m not sure about this…” Gabby starts.
“No, no,” Tia adds on a hiccup. “We have many, many years of valuable experience you can benefit from.”
“You should have kids right away. There’s no reason to wait,” Reagan annunciates.
Feeling a lot loose lipped, Gabby waves her hand around sloshing her martini. “Done! Jude wants to start having babies eee-meee-diate-ly.”
“Really?” Susan gasps. Susan is Jude’s mom and I think she’s had the same experience I’ve had this weekend, playing the part of the observer to the Carpino Craziness. She’s either really shy or doesn’t know what to think of them. But I can tell she loves Gabby and she loves that her son is happy.
“Oh.” Gabby bites her lip. “I’m not sure we were planning on telling anyone that. No one can tell anyone.” She demands secrecy from the huge group in front of her. I’m not sure there’s anyone left to tell, but I look over to see Audrey drawing an X over her chest and Susan looks as happy as a clam. Getting over it quickly, Gabby belts, “That was easy. Next?”
“If you get in a fight and even if you’re still fighting, you should never sleep apart,” Emma says, sagely.
“Done again. Jude would never allow that anyway. Wow, this is way easier than I thought it would be. Next?”
“Don’t let him railroad you,” Paige mumbles with attitude as she drains her beer, getting the attention of the waiter for more drinks.
“Paige,” Micah enters the conversation. “You’ve never had a serious boyfriend. What do you know about being railroaded?”
“No one wants to be bossed around,” Paige mutters.
Gabby laughs and has to put her almost empty martini glass down. Trying to calm herself down, she wipes her eyes to say, “Ah, that’s funny.”
“What’s funny?” Clara asks.
“Jude is uber bossy, but it’s okay. He works it and he’s bossy about everything, if you know what I mean. But most of it is delish,” Gabby says with a dreamy look on her face until her eyes move through the group and hit Susan. Her dreamy look turns horrified as she exclaims, “Oh, I’m sorry Susan.”
“It’s okay. I’ve had so much to drink, I’m sure I won’t remember that tomorrow.” Susan smiles but Gabby looks over at me with a tight mouth.
“Lanny can be bossy,” Sophia whispers loudly with a grin and a raised eyebrow.
“Yeah, so can Vic,” Charlotte adds with a giggle. She’s usually much more reserved but apparently not when she’s three sheets.
“I do not need to know this about my daughters,” Lizzie mutters.
“Trust me, Paige, you’ll like bossy someday,” Sophia informs her little sister.
“Whatever,” Paige mutters.
“Smut,” Audrey adds. “Read lots of smut. It helps to keep things interesting in, well, that department.”
“I’m not sure we need help in,” Gabby looks over to her future mother-in-law and then decides to whisper, “that department.”
“Well of course you don’t now. It’s new. But sometimes it’s fun to have a little inspiration,” Audrey replies grinning.
Gabby looks skeptical but plays along. “If you say so. Next?”
“Make his favorite meals, it’ll make him happy,” Micah offers, as she accepts her new drink from the waiter.
“Jude does eat a lot of my salads,” Gabby mutters. “I need to remember that one. Next?”
“And keep his favorite drinks in the house,” Charlotte adds. “Really, they’re very simple creatures. Sex, food, and drinks. It doesn’t take a lot to keep them happy. But you might have to learn to watch ESPN.
SportsCenter lasts an entire hour. But that’s when you just cuddle up next to him and read your smut. He’ll appreciate you not talking during SportsCenter, anyway.”
“That should be easy, Jude is mostly a beer guy and I already watch sports with him. But I might have to remember that about SportsCenter. An hour is way too long for sports news. Got it. Next?”
“Oo-oo! I know,” Clara interjects. “Sleep naked while you can. Trust me, when you have kids, you can’t.”
“This is true,” Charlotte mutters. “Once you have kids, you never know when you’re gonna end up with an extra guest in your bed. Unless you wanna invest in therapy, you won’t wanna be naked when they climb in.”
“Sleepin,” hiccup, “naked was the best,” Micah slurs in remembrance of the event.
“Huh? Sleep naked. Okay, point taken. Next?” Gabby moves on, but this time she catches my eyes with her bright blue ones.
Even in her drunken state, she knows I have nothing to add since the entirety of my married experience was miserable. She reaches over and grabs my hand to give it a squeeze. Her squeeze gives me the courage and even with all the alcohol I find my words. “You don’t need to do a thing, girlie. He loves you. Just be you but whatever you do, be happy.”
Gabby gives my hand a pull and I lean forward to hug her. “Thank you,” she whispers in my ear. But she goes on to shock me. “You’re loved, too, Leigh. And not just by me. Maybe it’s time for you to be happy, too.”
“Oh, I’m going to cry,” Susan says, from across the fire.
“Me, too,” Lizzie and Tia say at the same time.
I don’t have an answer for my best friend, so I give her a shrug.
With that, she becomes louder in her loose lipped drunken state. “It’s time, Leigh. You need to sit back and let it happen. Don’t fight it.”
“Don’t fight what?” Audrey asks.
“Oh nothing,” Gabby says. “I’m just so giddy and loved I can’t help but want to spread the bliss. But I think I’ve had enough advice for one night. I’m afraid it’s gonna get naughty and my future mother-in-law is here, so it cannot get naughty.”
“Thank you, Gabby,” Susan replies.
But my attention is drawn back across the fire to Paige who has her beer raised in the air and is singing I Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore. She gives me a grin and a wink, tipping her beer as if she’s dedicating it to me.
“Oh, shit,” I mutter under my breath as I pick up my fresh martini and down half of it as I hear Gabby laugh beside me.
“She must be off her game from all the drinking,” Sophia states. “This is a terrible song for Gabby and Jude.”
At that, Paige bursts out laughing which honestly is better than her silently dedicating ancient love songs to me. But just when I think I’m catching a break, like mother like daughter, Lizzie picks up where Paige left off. Then Gabby joins in, along with all the other Carpinos and Susan.
Screw it. I down the rest of my martini, catch the waiter as he walks by to signal for another and sit back to take in our group who are butchering the corny love song.
I realize in my mostly drunken state how different I am than them. They love each other, support each other, and know what’s going on in each other’s lives. I’ve never had that. Tony’s had that his whole life. He didn’t just have a mother and a father and sisters to love him, but a big, crazy family to top it off with a cherry on top. I have a mother who’s shacking up with some loser in the next state and a strung-out sister living in Florida. Neither of them came when I was in the hospital after I lost my baby. Neither of them bothered to see that I was taken care of, or to help remove me from an abusive husband, or even call to check on me for that matter.
I know I haven’t been thinking things through lately, but I’m not blind as to what Tony wants. I’m just not sure I’ll ever fit into this—be what he wants, what he’ll eventually need. But I want to be a part of this more than anything.
And I want Tony. So badly it hurts.
When I was younger I wanted him in a dreamy girly way only young girls can seem to dream up. Unrealistic happy dreams of a life made up of puppies, daisies, and milkshakes, all tied up in a baby blue, polka dot bow with a hot guy. But Tony went away to college, then law school, and I eventually grew up, realizing reality was not made up of girly dreams. Then I made the worst decision of my life, tying myself to Preston who showed me reality was the exact opposite of puppies, daises, and milkshakes.
Now, with Tony forcing himself in my life, I know down deep I want him in a way I shouldn’t because I don’t know if I can give him what he needs and deserves. Not to mention, the thought of being married again, a wife again, freaks me out. And that’s exactly what Tony deserves.
Another new round of drinks arrives to pull their attention away from the sing-along. My head is spinning from practically downing my last one, so somewhere I find the wherewithal to sip this martini. This is when my phone dings and I look down to see I have a text from Tony.
My head is brimming from being with his family all weekend—his sisters, cousins, aunts, not to mention his mother. Being with Tony in this … this … whatever this is we have together, I’ve gotten a glimpse of what a real and healthy relationship could feel like. Knowing what Tony wants from me, where he wants us to go, my head’s not only spinning with Prickly Pear Martini’s, but with all things Tony.
And suddenly I have so much to say.
Tony – You still up?
I mean, really. He’s very thoughtful.
Me – Yep.
Hmm … I thought I had a lot to say.
Tony – What are you doing?
Me – Drinking.
Me – And stuff.
Tony – What stuff?
Shit.
Tony – Hello?
Me – Just girl stuff.
Tony – Can I call you?
See? So thoughtful.
Me – Give me dive.
Me – Fibe.
Me – Shit! 5!
Tony – Okay sweetheart, I’ll give you five. Maybe even sex. I mean, 6 ;-)
“Holy shit,” I mutter under my breath, but can’t help but think he’s funny because he gave me a winky face. He’s usually very intense, I didn’t think he had it in him to text a winky face.
Gabby breaks into my winky face contemplations. “Holy shit, what?”
“What? Oh, nothing. I’m tired, I think I’ll go to the room. Don’t worry about me, you have fun.”
I stand and try to keep from swaying.
She notices my phone as it dings again and grins back up at me. “Can you get there okay? You want me to walk you?”
“I’m good. Come in as late as you want. You won’t bother me.”
“Girlie, tomorrow morning is gonna come early. I’ve never flown hung over, it’s gonna suck.”
“Yes, it will,” I agree, as I trip over my own feet moving around the posh outdoor furniture. Why are you always ten times more drunk after you stand? Being drunk and sitting is way easier.
I call my goodnights to everyone and stumble to our room. My phone rings as I’m pulling out my key card. Sliding my finger across the screen I answer on a breath. “Hey.”
“I didn’t freak you out, did I? You know I was joking,” Tony says in a rush.
“What are you talking about?”
“When I wrote ‘sex’ instead of ‘six’. I regretted it the second I hit send. I don’t want to pressure you.”
“See?” I say with meaning. “This is what we need to talk about.”
“What do we need to talk about?”
“Shit! I dropped my key card,” I slur, because I did. I dropped my key card.
“You okay?”
“I’m good. Oops, the arrow’s the wrong way, hang on.” I have to turn the card around so the little arrow goes in first.
“Gem, are you trashed?”
“Got it. I’m in!” I exclaim.
“Sweetheart, how much did you drink?”
“I dunno.” That’s not a lie. I really can’t remember. “Hey, can you hang on?”
“Sure,” I hear through the phone. I can even hear him smile. I sigh, because listening to Tony smile is really, really nice.
“Okay, don’t go anywhere. I’ll be back.”
I don’t give him a chance to respond. I toss my phone to the bed because I really have to go to the bathroom. I don’t care how long I’ve been sleeping with Tony or that he has had his hand down my pants and given me two orgasms. I’m not taking the phone into the bathroom with me.
I take care of my business, give my face and teeth a quick wash and head back to my suitcase. I dig to the bottom and find what I’m looking for. I’ve been strong and haven’t used it yet. But not tonight. Tonight, I need it. I unearth Tony’s soft, worn Washburn Law t-shirt I snuck into my suitcase when he wasn’t looking. I slip off my maxi dress, kick off my flip flops and pull his tee over my head. It smells like him—or his laundry anyway—but feels even better as it falls over my bare body.
Crawling up my bed, I claim my phone. “I stole your t-shirt.”
Silence.
Wow. I really didn’t think he would mind. Maybe I shouldn’t have fessed up.
“Tony?”
Finally, I hear his voice dip, “You took my shirt?”
“What’s the big deal? You’re always shoving a shirt at me to wear to bed no matter where we sleep.” This is sort of pissing me off. “Good grief, I’ll give it back.”
“Calm down. You just surprised me. That means you thought you’d miss me and I’m pleased as hell you thought you’d miss me. But I’ve got to say, sweetheart, it’s good to hear you vexed.”
“I’m not vexed.”
“Gem. You are and I like it.”
“Well that’s just crazy. Why would you like it?”
“We’ll talk about that another time. I want to talk about what you wanted to talk about before that you made me wait an age on the phone while you took care of your shit. What was that about?”
“I don’t remember,” I answer honestly.
“Focus, Leigh. I was teasing you and wrote the word ‘sex’ instead of ‘six’ and you said we need to talk about that.”
