Hell Hound

by Matthew Sylvester

  'Thank you,' I managed to gasp out. 'I think they've poisoned me.' Feeble though it was, any attempt to cover up my reaction was important. These beings were far powerful than me, and it wouldn't pay to insult them.

  'It's nothing.' Her voice, completely at odds with her appearance wrapped around me like a Terry's All Gold. I could have listened to it for the rest of my life. 'I shall see to your friend. She appears to be more badly affected by the poison.'

  She was replaced by Lebowski. Rage boiled off the woman as she held up a single finger, waving it as if it was weapon. It might well have been for all I knew. Her fingernails were, upon closer inspection, very long indeed. 'Sorry about all this,' I said, gesturing vaguely with my hand at the wreckage surrounding us.

  Saying nothing, she snatched up one of the less charred Fae, shaking it vigorously enough that I could hear its bones breaking. 'These are the ones responsible for this,' she said, gesturing at the shattered bar. 'They are the ones who ignored all barriers in their desire to see the flesh flensed from your bones.'

  Casting around, she started to pick up other bodies, laying them on the counter in an orderly row. Leaving her to it, I walked over to Dawn. Eyes closed, she was slumped in a chair, beautiful chest rising and falling slowly. 'Babes, how you feeling?' I asked as I stroked her hair.

  Head lifting, she smiled, and I sighed in relief to see her face returning to normal. 'I just keep getting my arse kicked,' Dawn whispered, a tear sliding down her cheek.

  'That's what apprentices are for. They distract the baddies so the important people can things done.' I wiped the tear away, laughing softly as I did so to take any sting out of the words.

  'I could really do with a holiday.' She chuckled.

  'That, I can definitely arrange. We just need to wrap things up here, and then I think we should really get away. How does the Caribbean sound?'

  'Sun, sand, sea. Sounds fucking marvellous,' she said. Lowering her eyes, she muttered a, 'Watch out.'

  Turning, I saw Lebowski stalking towards us, Fae held in her hand like a gruesome bunch of flowers. She shook them, their bodies flopping back and forth as she did so. 'Each one of these, and probably more, represents a separate House of Fae. Minor ones, but still sizeable, enough that losing so many of their own this night won't affect them too much. They most likely weren't expecting such resistance.' Teeth were bared, and the room filled with hissing as the others voiced their approval. Or disapproval. I wasn't sure and, believe me, I wasn't about to ask which one it was.

  'So, there are a lot more?' asked Dawn, her voice still husky from where her throat had swollen.

  'Naturally, dear. Fae are somewhat precocious when it comes to breeding. Rabbits don't have a patch on them. They hit maturity at one human year and lay up to ten eggs at a time. If it wasn't for the fact that they view the eggs as delicacies, this world, all worlds, would have fallen before them.' Lebowski said, laying her hand on Dawn's head, stroking her as if she was a pet.

  I felt a pain in my palm and realised I was digging my nails into it. Forcing my hand open, I gently massaged the area.

  'Right, so. Minor Houses. Lots of Fae. Why?' My question did the trick, she stopped stroking Dawn and turned her eyes upon me.

  'Lord Fachan. Of Clan and House Fachan,' she said, tilting her head to see my reaction.

  'Fuck.' My reaction was good enough for her. Especially when I had to sit down before my legs gave and I fell. That's what Smith had been trying say. Not fuck you, Fachan.

  I bit my tongue, there was no value to saying anything now. Even though there was no chance I could have understood the context of what he was saying, I still blamed myself for a missed opportunity.

  'What? What's so bad about Lord Fuckem?' asked Dawn.

  'Fachan. Scottish. Like a Glaswegian with rabies and on speed. ' I took a sip from a glass that Lebowski pressed into my hand, it shook as I raised it to my lips. ‘The Fachan were…are monsters, through and through. Not beautiful like these were. And evil to the very core of their being. They're so monstrously hideous that legend held that the mere sight of them could stop a man's heart.'

  I paused, staring into Dawn's eyes to press home that this was no fairy-tale, that I wasn't exaggerating in any way.

  'They're like fucking mutant psycho killers, covered head-to-toe in fur, with singular body parts: one eye, hand, leg, centre-line across their bodies. Unlike other fairies, they can't fly and hate those who can. Violent and highly territorial, they always carried a spiked club or chain they used against people who dared to trespass into their lands. And they're good with Magic, as well.'

  'Take heed of your teacher's words, Dawn,' said Lebowski, handing her a pint of dark-looking liquid. 'The Fachan are not to be trifled with, and the fact that they are sending their allies—especially those who can fly—to do their bidding, does not bode well.'

  'You are correct, sister,' that gorgeous baritone once again, 'that they would attack someone here, even under your protection, is a bad sign.'

  My ears perked up at the way he emphasised the “your”. Glancing at Lebowski, I caught a snarl on her face. It went as soon as she realised I was looking.

  'But where is this Lord? Why does he need the Hound?' I knew we weren't going to get the answers here. We'd have to, literally, look Elsewhere for them. 'Can you guide us in Elsewhere? Take us to someone who can help?

  Lebowski gestured to the portal. 'After you, ladies.'

  With everyone staring, I didn't dare argue. That, and I really wanted to nail the bastard who had been causing us so damn much trouble. Usually, I'm all business. Emotions get in way of clean kills and innocent people get hurt. The thing was, innocent people had been getting hurt throughout this whole Mark. People I cared about. I was at the stage where if I found the person responsible, and they were on fire, I'd try to put it out by throwing acid and beating the flames out with a machete.

  'Why thank you for your kind information,' I said in an admittedly piss-poor imitation of a Southern Belle. Pretending I had a fan, I fluttered my hand and stepped throughout. Culture shock was immediate. My nose tried to send signals to my brain so quickly that I thought it was going to burst. My brain, not the nose. Eyes streaming, I shaded them as the light, so bright and so clean, threatened to blind me again. The colours were cleaner, clearer, crisper. It was as if I had walked into a HD world. It was too much. Crouching, I covered my head and tried not to rock back and forth.

  I was barely aware of Dawn stepping through. Until she screamed and fell over me that was. Guilty pleasure washed over me at my assistant's reaction. I didn't want to be the only reduced to a rocking, mewling mess. And yes, I soon realised the noise I was hearing was my own voice.

  'Every. Bloody. Time,' said a voice next to me. A hand grabbed my face, twisting my head and squeezing hard, opening my mouth. As soon as it was open the person popped something into it, clamped it shut, and pinched my nose shut for good measure. Whatever it was writhed in my mouth. It tasted like I'd always imaging the rancid brains of a zombie to taste like. Gorge rising, I tried to spit it out, but the hands were merciless. I either swallowed or I suffocated. Blood pounded in my head as the thing continued to explore my mouth.

  I'm going to fucking die, I thought. Faced with that, as well as the fact that the hands really weren't going to let go until the thing in my mouth was gone, I swallowed. It was like swallowing a rock. That had legs and grabbed at your throats halfway down. My feet scrabbled as everything took on a decidedly red tinge, and I tried not to choke to death.

  'She's choking.'

  That had to be the winner for ‘Most Blindingly Obvious Statement of the Year.’ I'd have clapped if I wasn't trying to rip the hands away from my face. My mouth was pinched open again. Before I could draw a breath in, a nozzle was forced into my mouth and a liquid squirted forcefully into it. The thing was washed away instantly. Warmth filled my entire body, even my hair feeling warm. It was glorious, as was the ability to breathe again as the nozzle was removed.

>   'Sorry about that. Didn't realise this was your first time. Had to get the Warger Worm into you before you gouged your eyes out and died a screaming loony.' Lebowski said as she knelt before me. 'Still, looks like the brandy worked a treat.'

  'Dawn!' I choked. 'How's Dawn?'

  'Oh, she's fine. Gave her a worm after you stepped in. Took a little time to take effect, though, so she had a little bit of a wobble. Nothing like your screaming heebie jeebies, though.'

  'I wouldn't say I reacted that badly!' I snapped, stung by her words.

  'Sorry, boss, but I thought you were going to end up in a cell eating your own shit and thinking it was chocolate mousse,' said Dawn, her smile only slightly softening her words.

  'Yeah, well…' I said. Best comeback ever.

  'The Worm should have taken effect. Please, Jane, stand.' Lebowski's hand tightened in my shoulder and lifted, not giving me much say in the matter. 'Look about you.'

  'Oh, my God,' I said once more at a loss for words. A hand slipped into mine, Dawn's from the feel. I gave it a gentle squeeze, which she returned. The view was stunning.

  Coral reefs dotted a sea so blue that it made my heart ache. Each reef was full of colour, alive even when piercing the water. Flying fish leapt out into the air and skimmed along the breakers whilst whales of a pink that would have sent any princess into fatal paroxysms of delight breached the water before landing back with huge splashes.

  'Mermaids. Mermen. Sirens. Dolphins,' Dawn recited as she pointed at each one in turn. The place was abundant with life. Crammed with life. More of Lebowski's people approached us, walking out of the water.

  'Shit. It's Father,' said Lebowski in a small voice. In fact, it sounded partially scared, but mostly sulky. Interesting.

  'Daughter!' The speaker was huge and littered with every colour of the rainbow. A huge trident was held in one hand, as if it was as light as a feather, whilst the other held something large and fish-looking by the tail.

  'Fucking hell. He's holding a bloody Great White,' gasped Dawn, her grip becoming painful.

  'Father…' began Lebowski.

  'Child, it is good to see you. No doubt your spirit rejoices to be back in the realm of your people,' he said, flicking his wrist, bringing the shark up and over him before slamming it hard onto the rocky beach. There was a crunch, and the shark went still. 'Come, sup with me the blood of my kill.' His arm swept across us all.

  Shit, I thought as one of his retainers walked over and slit the shark from maw to tail, reaching in and yanking the guts out.

  Another retainer held a bowl out as the first squeezed the contents into it.

  'You honour us, Father,' said Lebowski, ignoring the snort her father gave at the time of her voice.

  Looking at Dawn, she felt just as honoured as me. With friends like this, who needs enemies? I thought as the bowl was passed to Lebowski. She took a large mouthful, held it, cheeks bulging for at least a count of five, then swallowed.

  'Dawn, welcome to the land of my people. Drink the fruit of this land. Be one with our people,' said Lebowski as she passed Dawn the bowl.

  The stench was incredible. Blood smells bad enough as it is. Salty, fishy blood is far, far worse. I urged, my gorge rising as the aroma hit my nostrils. Dawn, far closer to it that me, had gone deathly pale.

  'Bottoms up, apprentice!' I said with forced jollity and, putting my hand under the bowl, gently pushed it upwards. No matter how bad it smelt, it tasted, there was absolutely no way we could refuse the honour. Judging by the atmosphere between Lebowski and her father, to refuse would be fatal for more than one person.

  'Gah,' said my ever-eloquent apprentice as she lifted the bowl all the way, took a mouthful, and held it. Fascinated, I watched as her cheeks bulged, time and time again, her throat working to expel the noisome liquid. Then, with a large gulp, she swallowed it down.

  'Your…' her gorge rose, 'your turn.'

  Oh, gods, I thought as I lifted the bowl closer to my face. Sweat trickled from my temple. If my life didn't depend on it, I would have thrown the bowl away and run screaming back to Earth. Come on, Jane, fortify yourself.

  All eyes on me, I placed the bowl against my lips, parting them, and taking a mouthful of the liquid. It tasted absolutely like I thought it would. Like licking an unwashed sweaty armpit that had just had deodorant sprayed on it with a mouthful of shit. I coughed, my cheeks bulged until I thought they would burst, and blood and puke jetted out of my nostrils. Dawn sniggered beside me, and I swore I heard Lebowski mutter a curse. I urged again and, no matter how hard I tried, completely lost it.

  'Blaaaaarg!'

  'Wow. That's exorcist impressive, boss lady. I think you managed to cover him all over.'

  'I'm going to fucking kill you,' whispered Lebowski. Hissed really.

  I opened my mouth, blood and puke still covering my face, trying to say something, anything to fill the gap as the chieftain slowly wiped the contents of my mouth and stomach from his own face. There was silence from everyone present, tension so thick you could cut it. Standing there, I had nothing, absolutely nothing.

  'Well, the rituals of other people are strange indeed. What you did with your nose. Extraordinary. It must have taken a great deal of practice to become so adept.' And with that, he burst into laughter.

  'Daughter, you have the most delightful pets. They are most amusing. However…' he paused, and I swear that the light dimmed, 'you must show proper obeisance to your lord.'

  There was a pause. Although to call it a pause was wrong. It was a moment in time full of people killing each other, torrents of blood, and an apocalyptic battle that would be the stuff of legends. And yet it wasn't. Schrodinger would have had a field day.

  Lebowski sidled up to her father, turning her head so that her neck was open. Leaning forward, he peeled back his lips, baring teeth that barely deserved the moniker, then took her neck in his maw. I barely breathed, expecting her to die before me. There was a slight tensing of his jaw, a gasp from Lebowski, and then they parted. He with reddened lips. Her with bleeding teeth marks.

  'Come, pets,' he said, beckoning with his fearsome weapon.

  'They are not pets, Father,' said Lebowski hoarsely, 'they are acquaintances. Jane Doe works for the Merlins.' She winced as she said that, the air filled with hisses. I found my mouth suddenly dry.

  'A hunter? Killer of the innocent. Enforcer of the Merlins. And you bring her here!' He roared, stretching out his arms, puffing out his already massive chest.

  'She's not a killer of innocents. Every fucking one deserved what they got!'

  I shot a shocked glance at Dawn. I'd never seen her so angry. So vibrant. So damned beautiful. Fists clenched as if she was going to fight the chief, she took a step forward. 'Take that back!'

  I'm not sure who was the most shocked. From the chief's face, I'd have to say it was him. I guess that pets don't often puke on him then challenge him in front of his court. I could have hugged Dawn at that moment. Although, I could have strangled her for facing off against him in such a manner.

  The sky got darker as he frowned at us. Lebowski put a hand on Dawn's shoulder, pulling her gently backwards. 'Father. Please. Forgive me for bringing them and forgive them for their barbaric behaviour. They know not what they do. But please, listen.'

  These people are fucking masters of the pregnant pause, I thought as, once again, it seemed that my fate rested on a gnat's fart.

  'You, pet,' he pointed at me, 'have two words.'

  Two could play at that game. I might have been utterly shitting myself at that moment, but there wasn't a chance in hell I was going down without some sort of a fight. 'Fachan.'

  Ha, take that, I thought smugly.

  He blinked. Just once. Then faster than I could even parse, moved to stand in front of me. 'And what has that pissant of a Lord been doing to raise my daughter's ire?'

  I decided that brevity was important. 'He royally fucked up her bar whilst trying to kill us. And I think that he's been trying to free the
Hound of Darkmoor.'

  'Well, of course he has.' It was my time to blink.

  'Father?'

  'Fachan has been trying to elevate his house. The emperor has set him a task. That of Unbinding the Hound. He must also sacrifice a human of certain qualities. Greed. Unfulfilled ambition. All-consuming jealousy.'

  'Thank you for your time, Father,' said Lebowski, placing her hand on my shoulder and pulling me back to the portal, gathering Dawn as she did so.

  'Daughter. Do not let Fachan escape unpunished. He has struck against our house. Knowingly or unknowingly, you will not let it stand,' the chief said in a tone so cold I was surprised we didn't freeze on the spot.

  With one last glance back, I caught his eye, nodded, then stepped through to my own world and safety.

  Returning to the bar was almost as jarring as going to Elsewhere, only in reverse. Everything seemed just so drab.

  'How the hell can you bear living here after Elsewhere?' asked Dawn as she stared morosely around at the wreckage, utterly failing to see my flapping hand and my mouthing, ‘Shut the fuck up.’

  'My father and I had a dispute. Rather than have my throat ripped out, I decided that coming here would be the better option. It's fine. You get used to it after a century or so. Alcohol helps.' I'd never heard Lebowski sound so downbeat. It almost made me want to hug her. Almost.

  'Shit, sorry, me and my gob,' said Dawn, pulling Lebowski to her and giving her the hug I should have.

  Full of surprises, aren't you? I thought as I watched Lebowski's shoulders go from iron-stiff to relaxed as Dawn continued to hold her.

  I waited for a few seconds, expecting them to part. A few seconds more, and I started to feel like a bit of a gooseberry. Clearing my throat didn’t work, so I seized the bull by the horns.

  'Sorry, but we really need to report in to John.' They parted as I spoke, looking over at me as if I'd just farted in church. 'He needs to know about Fachan, the attack, and the sacrifice.'