It Started at Christmas...

by Jo McNally

  She’d kicked her shoes off earlier, and in her bare feet the top of her head barely reached his shoulders. He put his fingers under her chin and gently tipped her head back.

  He wanted to kiss this woman.

  Wait. What?

  No. That would be crazy. He couldn’t kiss her. Shouldn’t.

  But how could he not?

  Her hair tumbled off her shoulders and down her back in golden curls. Before he knew it, his free hand was slowly twisting into those curls. She didn’t pull away. Didn’t look away. He lowered his head until his face was just above hers. He felt her breath on his skin. She smelled like citrus and spice and blueberries and red wine. Her lips parted and she stared at him with her enormous eyes.

  “I swear I don’t want to scare you, Amanda. But...may I kiss you?” His voice was a raw whisper. “Please let me kiss you.”

  His words came out as a plea. He’d never begged for anything before in his life. But here he was, begging this sweet thing for a kiss. Ready to drop to his knees if that’s what it took. He heard his father’s voice in his head, mocking his weakness. That’s when he started to straighten, coming to his senses. Then he heard her whispered answer.

  “Yes.”

  Was there any sweeter word in the world? Adrenaline surged through his body, and his hand tightened in her hair. His eyes opened to meet those two oceans of blue. Dangerous blue. Deep enough to drown in.

  She was frightened, but she was trusting him. And that realization scared him to death. He raised his hand to cradle the back of her head as his lips brushed back and forth against hers. She shuddered in his arms and his mouth pressed to hers.

  She stiffened for a heartbeat as his tongue ran along her lips. He slid one hand down her back and pulled her into him. He groaned, trying to be careful with her. But he wanted this so bad. A soft sound rose from her throat and, wonder of wonders, she opened her mouth to him. He was almost afraid to go further, but his body had a mind of its own. He tried to hold back, to take it easy, but there was just no damned way to do that. Her hands fluttered nervously at her sides, then moved up to clutch his shoulders. And her tongue...her tongue was pushing into his mouth now. He growled and pulled her closer. He didn’t want to let her go. Ever.

  When she finally pulled back, she looked up at him in amazement. Right there with you, sweetheart. Her knees wobbled, and he wrapped his arm around her lower back to support her.

  He dropped his mouth to hers again and she moaned. Her hands slid from his shoulders to the back of his head; her fingers tightened in his hair. She stood on her tiptoes to press up against him. With a jolt, Blake knew he had to stop this before they went too far. Before she pulled him over the edge of the abyss. Just one more swipe around her marvelous mouth...

  He set her back and raised his head, trying to gather his bearings. He held her upper arms until she steadied on her feet. They stared at each other in stunned silence.

  She lifted her trembling fingers to her lips, which were beautifully swollen now. He could see the struggle in her eyes. The uncertainty. Then she raised those fingers to the side of his face, holding the palm of her hand there against his cheek. He leaned into it. The atmosphere changed in a heartbeat from electric to serene. It was the most intimate moment he could recall in his life.

  “I—I—I should go...” She was whispering, stammering. She pulled away and he watched in silence as she left the kitchen. He rested his hands on the edge of the counter and dropped his head, trying to regroup, listening to her footsteps climbing the stairs.

  This was bad. And not just because she worked for him. She was vulnerable, and Blake was beginning to realize that he was, as well. He suspected neither of them could handle one more failure, one more heartbreak.

  He wouldn’t be able to help Amanda any more than he’d been able to help his sister, and he’d adored Tiffany. Losing her had shattered him. That’s when he’d built that sturdy wall around his heart. But that carefully constructed wall suffered some major structural damage just now when he’d held Amanda in his arms and kissed her. Something was fluttering and flickering to life inside a heart he thought had broken forever in December.

  The earth had just shifted beneath his feet, and he had no idea what the hell was going to happen next.

  Chapter Six

  Amanda stood on the balcony outside her room and watched the sun come up over the mountains that surrounded Gallant Lake. The untouched mug of coffee in her hand was growing cool. She was still reliving last night. Still reliving that kiss. Trying to figure out what it meant, and what was next.

  Intimacy, if a kiss could be considered intimacy, was something she only did reluctantly, because a date expected it. Never because it did anything for her. She thought that part of her—the woman part—had died forever on an October night in Kansas twelve years ago. She’d tried—she wasn’t a virgin, for heaven’s sake. But those few awkward encounters in college, and some fumbling attempts in recent years, had convinced her she was simply no longer wired to enjoy things like kissing and sex.

  But last night... Blake’s touch hadn’t frightened her. When his lips had touched hers, something inside her had risen up like a phoenix from the ashes of her shattered past. The fire had started in her chest, then spread to every nerve ending in her body. She’d been burning for more. More kisses. More Blake.

  And that’s what frightened her.

  She was dressed and ready for the day, but she was standing out here, afraid to face him. She was making herself crazy. She leaned back against the stone wall and sighed. This long, narrow balcony felt like a safe place.

  A soft knock on her door made her flinch.

  “Amanda? May I come in?” Blake sounded uncharacteristically tentative.

  “Yes. I’m outside.” She couldn’t bring herself to walk in and open the door, and instead listened to his slow footsteps.

  He looked away from her as soon as their eyes met. He had regrets. Damn it. She looked out over the lake in silence, waiting for him to speak because she couldn’t.

  “I’m leaving in a few hours.” He glanced at her and frowned. “I think I owe you an apol—”

  “Don’t! Don’t you dare apologize.” His eyes went wide at the vehemence in her voice. She took a deep breath and continued. “It doesn’t ever have to happen again...it shouldn’t...it won’t. But please...don’t tell me you’re sorry.”

  He walked to where she stood and stared at her in silence, tilting his head as if trying to read her thoughts.

  “I don’t regret kissing you, Amanda. I just didn’t know how you felt...if I overstepped some boundary.” He cleared his throat, put his hands on her shoulders and gave her a boyish grin. “But I am damned sure not sorry I kissed you. In fact, I’d very much like to kiss you again.”

  She put her hand on his chest to keep him from coming closer. Again? Could she stay here if he kissed her again? Would she ever be able to leave?

  “Blake, you may do this sort of thing a lot, but I don’t. I’ve never felt what I felt last night, and if it means something different to you, something less than what it was to me, then I can’t...”

  Her words stopped when his lips touched hers. The kiss was demanding at first, as if he were trying to prove something to her, or to himself. Then he softened his movements and tenderly moved his tongue against hers. He raised his head, then lowered it again and kissed her some more. She couldn’t seem to move her body, but her mouth responded, and a low moan rose up from her chest. Her hands finally grabbed on to his shirt and she twisted the fabric beneath her fingers. He growled in return.

  He pressed her back against the wall. As soon as her shoulders hit stone, she panicked and started pushing against him. He quickly stepped back and released her.

  “I can’t...oh, God...” She wrapped her arms tightly across her body, gasping for air. He touched her shoulder, but she shrugged him off
. “I’m too much of a mess right now.” She gave a short laugh. “Who am I kidding? I’ve been a hot mess for years. I’m sorry. I’m not capable of doing—”

  “Stop.” His voice was gentle, and he brushed her cheek with his knuckles. “You’re scared. I get it. I pushed too hard. But damn it, Amanda, you make me lose my head.” The next words were barely a whisper. “You just make me lose my head.”

  Her eyes closed at his touch. Her heart was racing. “I still don’t understand what any of this means, Blake.”

  “Neither do I.” He took a step back and her skin burned from the loss of his touch. “To be honest, the last thing I want or need is any kind of relationship. I’m no good at them. I don’t have the time. But you...” He cleared his throat, and the shutters came down in his eyes. Business Blake was back. “Let’s just take it a step at a time, okay? And the next step is me leaving for a while, so we’ll both have plenty of time to think it through.” He shook his head. “Come have breakfast with me. Oh, and there’s a delivery team coming this afternoon with appliances for the kitchen.”

  She raised an eyebrow at him and he lifted a shoulder in return.

  “I’d rather you didn’t blow the place up now that I’m spending all this money on it,” he teased. “I spoke with Dario last night and he called a restaurant supply friend of his in the city.”

  Amanda just shook her head. He was back in control of the world around him, which is where he liked to be.

  Three hours later, she was standing on the front porch saying goodbye to him.

  The delivery team was installing new stainless steel appliances. She stepped aside as three men wheeled in an enormous Sub-Zero refrigerator.

  “Hey,” Blake said, “I have to go.” She looked up at him. Her palms started to sweat. As many times as she’d panicked over a man touching her, she’d never felt this burst of fear over one walking away. “I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone, but probably close to a month. There’s a conference in Honolulu, and then I have to get the Bali project back up to speed.” He looked up at the castle behind her. “This is why I gave up on having a home base before now. I’m never in one place for very long. But it’s time to settle somewhere. If you have any issues or questions, don’t hesitate to reach out. And please don’t forget Jamal.”

  She’d met with Jamal Brickman, the head of security for Gallant Lake Resort, a few days ago. The former marine had worked to put her mind at ease, explaining all of the security measures and cameras. Jamal told her it was all part of Blake’s No Surprises Lifestyle. He wanted his security team to prevent bad things from happening, not just respond after the fact.

  “If anything or anyone bothers you, you contact him immediately, understand?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Yes, Dad...”

  There was a glimmer of amusement in his eyes. “Never mind your smart mouth.” His eyes dropped to her lips. For one brief moment, she thought he was going to kiss her again, and she wanted him to. He raised his hand and gently ran his fingers across her cheek instead.

  “I’ve never hated to leave home before. But here I am, standing like an idiot, just staring at you.”

  Did he like what he felt, or was he appalled by it? She finally just smiled up at him, saying what needed to be said.

  “You’ll miss your flight if you don’t get going. I’ll be fine here. Halcyon likes me.” She looked fondly up at the rose-colored tower next to the entrance. “And you’re going to like Halcyon when I’m done with it. But you already told me you don’t like chaos, and that’s all there’s going to be for a few weeks. Wait until they start sanding the walls. The place will be an absolute mess.”

  “It’s not the chaos in the house I’m worried about. It’s what’s going on in your head.” He tapped her forehead playfully with his knuckles. “Don’t work yourself into knots over this...whatever it is...that’s going on with us. Maybe it won’t be there when I get back. If it is, we’ll figure it out then. But in the meantime, no regrets and no overthinking. We both have jobs to do. Right?”

  “Right. Have a safe trip, Blake. I’ll keep you posted on the progress.”

  “Oh, I almost forgot,” he said, reaching into his pocket. “Here’s the key to the Cadillac. And the remote for the garage.” They both looked up the hill to the carriage house.

  “Don’t worry, I won’t put a scratch on your fancy car. Now go, or you really will miss your flight.”

  They looked at each other silently, then he turned and walked to the waiting limousine without glancing back. She watched the car move around the circular drive and down the hill. It was just her and Halcyon now.

  Chapter Seven

  A little over a week later, she was seriously questioning her relationship with the old house. She stood in the center of the main hall and sighed. She was hot, dirty and exhausted. The house was a complete disaster zone. They were at that most miserable stage of a renovation, where you had to make things look horrible before you could start making them beautiful. Halcyon had officially reached the apex of horrible.

  Dust covered every surface. Strips of stubborn wallpaper still hung from some of the walls, while other walls were paper-free and sanded, ready for paint. But the crew couldn’t start painting until all the sanding was done. The mingling of all the chemicals and dust had given her a permanent headache. The volume of work still to be done made that headache worse. The huge iron chandeliers were down. Bobby had a friend with a body shop who was going to paint them with a high-gloss auto paint.

  In a moment of insanity last week, she’d decided to surprise Blake by redecorating the master suite while he was gone, so the upstairs was a mess, too. Bobby’s crew of workers were friendly enough, but it was stressful for her to have a crowd of men she didn’t really know in the house day after day. Bobby made sure no one bothered her, but she’d still had a few flutters of panic in the beginning. She’d managed to hide it well. She lifted her camera and started taking more pictures. She couldn’t let her panic attacks derail this job. Exhausting as it was, this project would be the foundation of her portfolio so she could start her own design firm, and she needed to document every messy step of the process.

  She and Blake had spoken a few times, and texted almost daily, but he seemed to be firmly in business mode while on his trip. He said his days were filled with meetings. Their conversations had been about the house and decisions that had to be made. And that was okay. It proved the kiss they’d shared was an aberration, and it was better for both of them if they just moved on.

  “Happy Monday!” Bobby’s cheerful voice echoed in the main hall as he came in with five of his men.

  “Hi, Bobby. Ready for another week of destruction and mayhem?”

  He laughed. “We only have a few more days of stripping and sanding down here, then we’ll start painting. Are you ready to have those chandeliers painted? My buddy can pick them up today.”

  “Yep. Paprika it is. I want the highest gloss possible. It will bring just the right touch of fun to the hall.”

  Bobby shook his head and smiled. “I still can’t picture Mr. Randall liking orange chandeliers, but you’re the boss.” His workers started filtering in and getting to work. The marble floors were scheduled to be polished next week, so they were going to have to remove all the scaffolding before then. With a little luck, they’d make Blake’s Christmas deadline. Bobby looked over her shoulder to the door.

  “Hey, little dude. You lost?”

  Amanda spun around. A young boy stood in the doorway. Shaggy black hair hung over his chocolate-colored eyes. He looked both defiant and frightened.

  “Is my uncle here?” he asked.

  Amanda’s mouth dropped open. Was this Blake’s nephew? The one sent to boarding school?

  “Are you Zachary?” The boy nodded cautiously. She stepped toward him. “Hi, my name is Amanda, and I work for your uncle Blake. He’s not here. Did h
e know you were coming?”

  Zachary shook his head. “No.” He squared his shoulders, his eyes narrowing as if bracing for a confrontation.

  She glanced at Bobby, who looked even more baffled than she was. The workers were watching with interest. She could see Blake in the boy’s wide brown eyes, and smiled.

  “Hi, Zachary. Your uncle told me about you. You’re ten, right?” He barely nodded. “Why don’t you come in and tell me how you got here.”

  He stared at her. “Call me Zach. I rode a bus.”

  Her mouth dropped open. “You took a bus alone? Zach, that was so dangerous!”

  Zach shrugged. “I know. But I got here.”

  She was stuck somewhere between shock and laughter. Not only did he have Blake’s looks, he had Blake’s attitude, too. She stepped aside and he walked into the hall, looking at the renovation with interest.

  “Zach, you were lucky. So lucky. But yes, you’re here. Now tell me why.”

  “I didn’t want to be in school anymore. They were mean to me. So I ran away.” His feet shifted. “I won’t go back there.” His voice got stronger. “I won’t...”

  “Zach,” Amanda said, raising her hands to stop him. He watched her carefully. She hoped he could see how sincere she was. “You don’t have to go back. Not right now.” His small shoulders relaxed. “Have you been to Halcyon before?”

  He nodded. “Once. Last winter. After my mom died. Didn’t look like this, though.”

  This poor child had been through a lot. “I’m sorry about your mom, Zach. I’m going to call your uncle and let him know you’re here, okay? Are you hungry?”

  He hesitated, and Bobby stepped forward. “I’ll take him down to the resort for something to eat while you call Mr. Randall.” He smiled at Zach. “My name’s Bobby, and I’m a friend of Miss Amanda’s. Let’s go grab some food, then you can help us work on this old place, okay?”

  Zach gave Bobby that calm, much-older-than-ten gaze, then slowly followed Bobby out the door.