New Love: Blue Valley High — Senior Year (The Blue Valley Series Book 2)

by Mj Fields

  “We’ll give you a minute before we come in,” Mrs. Lane says softly.

  We walked through the door, and Jade cries loudly.

  Chapter Twenty One

  “Tommy, please, please, wake up,” I hear her, Jade, crying out her pain as mine lays like stones on my heart, crushing it, slowly killing me.

  He’s gone. My best friend, my brother. He’s gone, and I am here.

  Where is your God, brother? I question. He made a mistake. He took you and not me.

  He doesn’t make mistakes, is what Tommy would tell me, and then he’d tell me to get up and take care of her.

  I lift my head and see Mom, makeup smeared by tears, stained black smudges down her face, asleep, and I wonder if she’s fucked up, and if she is, how she got here.

  I yank the IV from my hand and toss it aside. Then I push myself up and focus on finding her.

  Finding Jade.

  Outside the door, I see them, Tommy’s parents. His dad holds his mom and, for the first time in a long time, I feel love for them.

  Love follows heartbreak. I’ve learned one is always at the heels of the other.

  One hand against the wall to steady myself, I walk toward her voice.

  “Tommy, I love you and have since the day I saw your beautiful smile. I need to tell you something. You’re going to be a daddy.”

  A daddy.

  “Tessa says you already know, and that the two of you are in heaven together. Please, Tommy, if you can’t wake up, I need you to hold our baby tight and let him know you’re their daddy until I get to see their beautiful face. I promise I’ll take good care of our baby then. But, right now, as he or she is sitting on your lap, teach them about who you are. The beautiful person you are.” She sobs out, “I love you, Thomas James. I love you so much!”

  I feel an arm around my waist. Ryan.

  “I got you.”

  Then I turn and see Tommy’s parents in front of me. “I’m so … so … so—”

  “Do you want to see him?” Tommy’s dad asks.

  I want him alive, this useless organ in my chest screams.

  His mom cuts me with, “To say goodbye?”

  I close my eyes and beg God, the God who messed up and took Tommy instead of me, to give me strength, and I nod.

  Seeing him lying there, pale and still, I look at his leg that is always bouncing. It’s still. So fucking still.

  My knees buckle, and Ryan grips me tighter as another set of arms reach around my waist, holding me up.

  Tessa.

  “He looks beautiful, doesn’t he, Lucas?” Jade hugs him, Tommy. “He’s sleeping until we see him again someday.” Jade stands and takes his lifeless hand. She places it against her flat abdomen, leans over, and kisses his forehead.

  Still.

  She places his hand on his chest then reaches out to me.

  With help, I move to her. Closure for him, my brother.

  His body … he’s gone.

  Still.

  She takes my hand and places it on her belly. “Part of Tommy is right here. We’re going to have a baby, and that baby is going to need to know all about Tommy. Can you help me with that?” A tear falls from her eye. “Can you, Lucas? Can you be strong for Tommy?” More tears fall.

  I look at him, knowing if he was going to wake up, he’d do it now. He’d fight his way through wherever, whoever, it is that’s keeping him from us to hold her, to make it okay. To stop her crying.

  Still.

  I nod, swallowing back the bile climbing up my throat.

  “Ryan,” Jade says, “you can help, too, okay?” She hugs him. “You helped me through my brothers. I’m going to need you for this, too, okay?”

  “Jade, anything you need,” Ryan says, voice thick. “I’ll always be here, always.”

  She climbs up and lies down next to Tommy’s body.

  His shell.

  ‘It’s just his shell,’ Tommy told me after I lost my shit, unable to get the image of David out of my head. ‘His soul’s in heaven, and he’s flying high.’

  “Tommy, we’re going to be okay. You take care of our baby for now, my love. I promise I’ll see you again someday.”

  Whatever thread still left holding my heart together breaks at the sob that escapes her. Tears fall down my face, hot burning tears that combined with everyone else in this tiny room, where Tommy lays, my brother.

  His shell.

  Jade turns to Tessa. “I don’t want to leave him. I can’t leave him.”

  Tessa wraps her arm, the one not wrapped around me, and hugs her as she cries into her neck.

  “This hurts so badly!”

  Maggie appears, her eyes red and leaking pain. “I’m going to give you a shot, okay?”

  “Okay, Aunt Maggie,” Jade cries but clings to Tommy.

  Maggie cleans a spot on her arm then injects her.

  Her father, Jack, appears and takes Maggie’s spot, rubbing her back. “He loves you, Jade. That boy, that man, he loves you and did until his last breath.”

  Once she is asleep, he picks her up, his daughter, whose heart is broken but needs to beat, has to beat, for hers and Tommy’s child. He carries her away.

  “Lucas.”

  I look back and see Maggie with a wheelchair.

  “Please sit.”

  Sitting, I think of what Tommy has told me about her mom, and then about my own mom, who’s probably fucked up right now. She can’t end up like that, not Jade, not the girl he loved until his last breath.

  Tessa bends down and kisses Tommy’s head then whispers, “I’ll get them through this, I promise.”

  She looks at Ryan and asks, “You want to say something to him?” She rubs her sleeve under her nose. “To Tommy?”

  Ryan puts his hand on Tommy’s head and closes his eyes—praying maybe—and then he walks out.

  Tessa bends down. “Lucas, it’s time to say goodbye for now.”

  I blink back tears as she kisses my head. Then I shake my head. “Not yet.”

  She takes my hand and waits with me.

  When I realize his folks are still in the room, grieving the loss of their son, and I’m not allowing them to close the door, I stand up and step to his side. I run my knuckles down the side of his face. He’s cold …

  It’s just a shell.

  Then I stroke his hair. “Goodbye for now, brother.”

  Shaking, I start toward his parents and hug them. When I step back, I stumble, and Tessa grabs me around the waist.

  “Arm over my shoulders or the wheelchair.”

  Four doors, that’s all that has separated him and me since being here. Three months, and we would have graduated side by side. Two inches—two fucking inches—and I’d have taken the brunt of the blow, and I’d be there, my shell, and he’d be here, and no doubt the best dad in the world.

  Mom’s not in the room and part of me wonders if she’s trying to get something to calm her nerves.

  I sit on the bed and look around. “It’s empty.” My thoughts come out in words. “Fuck.”

  Lying down, I see her eyes—fear, pain, worry.

  I try to clarify, to ease her worry. “Tessa—”

  “Lucas, you need to sleep.” She doesn’t ask; she begs.

  Hand heavy, I lift it and push the fallen strands from her face. “You do, too, Tessa.”

  “I’m going to have my mom give you something to help you sleep, okay?”

  I nod as she kisses my hand then steps back.

  “Tessa, wait. What you said to Jade … do you actually believe that? The stuff she told Tommy?”

  She steps forward and cups my face. “Yes, Lucas, I do. Just like I know he has met your child, and I’m sure the two of them are already the best of friends.” A tear falls.

  “You’re sure?”

  “Yes, I am.”

  I pull her into a hug then wince.

  “Your ribs.” She sniffs back tears.

  “I’m good,” I say into her neck.

  “You better be,
Lucas. You have to be.”

  The door opens, and Maggie comes in, puts a new IV in, replacing the one I tore out, and shoots it up. I feel my eyes getting heavier.

  I let go of Tessa and say, “Baby, thank you. Go tend to Jade.”

  Chapter Twenty Two

  After checking on Jade, who is asleep in Uncle Jack’s arms, I head to find Ryan. When I can’t find him, I head to the waiting room, because … Ben.

  Ben Sawyer.

  Mom is standing with Ryan, his family, and Ben when I walk out.

  I walk straight to Mom, and she grabs a hold of me tightly and hugs me.

  I turn to Ryan, and he pulls me into a hug.

  “What you said in there was beautiful, Tessa.”

  “They’re going to need us for a long time,” I tell him as I start to cry … again.

  “We can do that. I’ve always tried to watch out for Jade … ever since the accident,” Ryan says.

  “You love her, don’t you?”

  “Always have, always will,” Ryan says sadly.

  “Your secret is safe with me.” I hug him tighter.

  “They’re making me go home. Will you call me and let me know how things are going?”

  We step back, and I nod. “Yes.”

  I watch them leave, hugging myself, and then I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look over, knowing who it is.

  “I got you coffee.” He nods to the empty seats.

  We walk over and sit, noticing three empty cups next to him.

  Handing a cup to me, he sits. “How you holding up, Tess?”

  “Good.” I try to smile, and my body starts shaking.

  He takes the cup and pulls me into a tight hug. “I am so sorry, Tess. So fucking sorry.”

  “Do tears ever stop?” I ask against his shoulder.

  “Eventually,” he says, rubbing my back.

  “Tessa,” Mom says from behind me, and I move to look at her. “Why don’t you let Ben take you home?”

  “I can’t leave them.” I stand. “Jade needs me.”

  “Honey, Jade’s sleeping. When she wakes up, she’s going to be released. Uncle Jack and I talked. He’s taking the week off. He’ll be there. You need to sleep so you can be there, too.”

  What about Lucas? screams in my head.

  She must have heard it. “The same thing with Lucas. He’s okay, and he’ll be going home today. His mother will take him. I will let them both know I sent you home and that you will see them later. Ben, you okay to drive?”

  “Sure am, Maggie,” Ben answers.

  “Let me go say goodbye to Uncle Jack and Kate.”

  “I’ll be right here waiting.” Ben nods to the doors. “Go.”

  Turning the corner, I see Kate coming out of the bathroom.

  She looks exhausted. She sees me and wipes her face. I hurry to her and hug her.

  “As long as you’re all right, he will be, too.”

  “I think that’s true of both of us, Tessa. He misses you badly,” is her reply.

  Walking with her, her hand holding mine, I whisper, “I know how he feels. Mom is sending me home. She said both Jade and Lucas will be released today, so …” I shrug.

  “You need rest.” She nods to Lucas. “I’ll let him know.”

  I walk over to Lucas, use my shirt sleeve to wipe his tear-stained cheek, and then hold his head between my hands as I press my lips against his and kiss his nose as I whisper, “I’m here.” Then I turn and give Kate another hug before I leave.

  Inside Jade’s room, Uncle Jack looks a mess. I tell him the same as I did Kate, and then I sit at the foot of Jade’s bed and ask, “How are you doing with all this baby stuff?”

  He nods once. “All right. If that’s what gets her through, we focus on that. Don’t get me wrong; if the circumstances were different, she would be in deep shit. But she’s my baby, Tessa.” He presses his lips to her head. “She’s going through so much. Can’t be angry with her. I’m just going to have to figure it out, just like she will.”

  “I’m going to be here every step of the way, I promise.”

  “I know, Tessa, I know.”

  I get up, walk around the bed, and kiss Jade then hug him.

  “Please call me when you get home.”

  I nod as he pulls Jade tighter in his arms.

  I feel lips on my cheek and hear my seat buckle snap open. Then I hear a barely audible, “Dammit,” before lips press to my forehead.

  I feel it, fleeting hope, bricks being laid, and Ben having had enough of this, of me. And I don’t blame him.

  A few minutes later, I hear, “You’re home, Tess.”

  The lump in my throat rises, and my eyes, again fill with tears, and I beg them to stop.

  I open my eyes and look at him. “I’m so—”

  “Don’t, Tess. You’ve been through so much. Let’s get you inside so you can rest.”

  I slide out his side and look around. Nothing has changed, yet everything has.

  I look up as the clouds break and the sun peeks out.

  Tommy.

  Ben holds me as I try, I try so hard, to stop them, the tears, and the loud sob that follows, but do so in vain.

  Within minutes, I feel more arms around me—Alex’s, Kendall’s, Jake’s, Dad’s, and even Molly’s.

  After a few minutes, in a hurt-filled grumble, Dad says, “Let’s get inside.”

  Silently, I walk into the living room and sit. In the kitchen, cup boards open and close softly, and Chewy walks in, resting his head on my lap and looking up at me.

  “I’m sorry, boy.”

  Ben comes in and sits behind me, pulling me back against him and telling me, “Sleep, Tess.”

  I shake my head and stand. “I need a shower.”

  I walk into the bathroom and grab a towel and washcloth. Then I lean out and toss them to him. “You remember where the other shower is?”

  He smiles as he stands. “I do.”

  After my shower, I walk out in a hoodie and sweats.

  Dad and Ben stop talking, and Dad asks, “Are you hungry, Tessa?”

  I nod and head to the kitchen, where Molly hugs me. “I have to get back, but if you need me—”

  “You’ve got me all set up,” I tell her, looking at everything set out, and smile.

  “Know you well.” Molly nods.

  “I have to make something for Jade’s and Tommy’s family, and Ryan and Lucas. We don’t have everything I need.”

  Kendall hands me a notepad, and Jake hands me a pen.

  I give Molly another hug. “Thank you.”

  She squeezes me back. “I’m never far.”

  After she leaves, I sit and set about making my list, checking to see what we’re missing, and there is a lot.

  Once done, I stand up and almost cry again when I grab the keys to Toby’s Jeep.

  “Tessa, you need to sleep. The kids and I will go get the stuff you need. You go lay down. I’ll wake you when I get back. Ben, are you staying a while?” Dad asks.

  “Yes, as long as you guys need,” Ben answers.

  “Good. Make sure she sleeps, please. We’ll be back soon. Let’s go.”

  When he walks out the door, I call after him, “Dad!”

  He turns and looks at me. “Drive carefully.”

  He nods.

  Ben takes my hand. “Let’s go.”

  He grabs a pillow and sets it on the couch. I lie down, and then he grabs a blanket to cover me up.

  “Ben, please, lay down with me.”

  He does. Face to face, we say a million words, none spoken.

  Chewy’s bark wakes me, and I open my eyes to Ben’s.

  He pushes hair behind my ear. “You okay?”

  I nod and hug him. “Yes, thank you.”

  After a long minute, he sighs. “Guessing you’re going to start cooking?”

  “Yeah, it’s what I do.”

  “They’re so lucky to have you, Tess.”

  After using the bathroom, I walk out and see Ben has an apron
on . This brings my first real smile.

  “I’m going to be your assistant. Fair warning”—he points to a turkey sandwich—“that’s the extent of my culinary skills.”

  He’s backed himself into the friend zone, and he’s done it in a way that only Ben Sawyer can do, leaving me unscathed.

  “Ben, I’m so glad you’re here.”

  “Tess, it’ll be hard either way.” He hugs me while looking down at me. Tears, fucking tears, fill my eyes, and he shakes his head. “Come on, girl; we have lots to do.”

  We do lots. We make ziti, scalloped potatoes, lasagna, and chicken casserole.

  The phone rings when we load up the last. It’s Mom telling me that they’ll be released in an hour.

  After hanging up, I look at Ben.

  “I’m gonna head back to Watkins.”

  “Ben—”

  “You’re going to be busy all week, Tessa. I looked at the calendar and saw your play was this week.” He lifts my chin.

  Panicked, I shake my head. “Oh, I can’t do that. I just can’t.”

  To that, I get Ben’s soft lips. Against them, he says, “Yes, you can, Tess.”

  “No, I can’t.”

  Another kiss, harder this time, and then he holds me. “You can do anything, Tess. You’ve already been through so much.”

  “Three losses in six weeks,” I whisper.

  “Then it’s over, Tess. They come in threes.”

  “I have heard that.” Then it hits me. “Four—Lucas’s baby … God, I can’t do this!”

  He pulls me tighter.

  “I can’t do this to you.”

  “Tess, I’m going to be here if you need me. I know that this is a horrible time for you. You call, I’m here.” Looking down at me, eyes narrowed, he says, “You understand?”

  “If you say so.”

  “Oh, wow, now she listens.” Ben winks.

  At his truck, he hugs me again and kisses my cheek. “I’ll see you Thursday night, Tessa.”

  “Okay … For what? Did I miss something?”

  “Opening night.”

  I shake my head. “Ben, that’s a long drive for an hour and a half.”

  “To watch you sing on stage, it’ll be well worth it.” Another quick, friendly kiss to the cheek and he gets in his truck.