by Mj Fields
He closes his eyes and hangs his head. “I don’t know how to deal with him being gone. I’m pissed at myself for not saying, ‘let’s do something else,’ that night. But I knew I wanted to stop you, Tessa, from fucking that—”
“He and Jade were coming with or without you, Lucas.”
“I could’ve stopped him. He would’ve stayed here. I wanted to go! It was my fucking fault, and … I’m pissed that I watched him die and couldn’t help him.” He sits back, hands covering his face. “And now I’m pissed at myself for hurting you … again.”
I want nothing more than to hug him to ease his pain, but I’m cut so deep that that part of me is drained out of me. And that may be why I sit down and watch the man I love crumble … and I don’t even hug him.
“Tessa … your keys are in the top drawer of my dresser. I’m sorry for being horrible to you. I fuck up everything. My family, every girl I’ve ever been with.” He inhales a shaky breath. “Tommy was my fucking best friend, my brother, and if I never knew him…” He pauses. “He’s dead because of me, Tessa. I’ll do the same shit to you, so yeah, you should fucking run.” He gets up and wipes his eyes. “I’ll go get them.”
When he returns with my keys, I’m waiting.
He walks out through the garage and hits the door opener. The Jeep, he moved it. He then stands in the doorway, watching me walk away. He lifts a hand, a wave goodbye, and my chest burns deeply.
I turn to check behind me, and then I turn back around and see him squatted down, his face buried in his knees.
Don’t let me fuck this up.
Let me in.
Heart bleeding, I shut off the engine, throw the door open, and run to him. I drop to my knees and shake him, crying and screaming at him, “You’re a complete idiot! None of those things happened because of you, Lucas! Tommy saw that. I saw that. God, you need to stop this … this … Don’t ever do that to me again!” Unable to make sense any longer, I throw my arms around him and hug him. He buries his face in my neck and pulls me in tighter.
Both of us crying now, he whispers over and over again, “I won’t … I won’t …”
I stand, hold out my hand, and pull him up. We walk back inside, hit the garage door button to shut it, and head upstairs.
I lay down on the bed, and he lays beside me. I roll to my side, and he does the same, facing me. I press my forehead against his and watch his eyes get heavy, but he won’t close them.
“I love you, Lucas.”
“Thank you, Tessa. I love you.” Lucas then fell asleep.
I eventually do, too.
It’s short-lived.
The digital clock reads three fifteen when I wake to him thrashing.
“Lucas, wake up.”
He continues.
“Lucas, please wake up.”
I sit up and pull his head to my chest. “Shh … shh …”
He pulls his knees to his chest and lets out a pain-filled cry. I press my lips to his. Like he did mine.
“I’m so sorry, baby.”
I hug him tightly and kiss him softly. “You okay?”
“Yes, thank you.”
We lay quietly, side by side, when he finally sits up. I think he may be having another dream. But he isn’t.
He looks at me and says, “I need you to know I’m sorry, Tessa.”
“Okay,” I whisper, too exhausted to deal.
“No, it’s not. You don’t trust me. I know that I hurt you. I love you, and I need you to know that.”
I nod.
“You’re being polite and sweet when I just know you’re pissed. So, please just talk to me,” he says urgently.
“Would you have talked to me about this blame you’re placing on me and on yourself?”
“No, probably not.” He lets out a deep breath, flops back down, and rests his arm across his eyes.
“Then, how can I trust you? If I hadn’t come here, Lucas, what would you have done?” I ask. “If you can’t talk to me, then what are we doing?”
“I won’t keep anything from you, Tessa, and if you feel like I am, kick my ass. We’ll be fine. Better than fine.”
Part of me wishes he mentioned that instead of don’t let me fuck up before.
“Okay.”
“Can I hold you?”
I nod.
Arms wrapped around me, he whispers, “Thank God.” A breath later, he asks. “Are we going to get through this?”
“We shall see.” I run my fingernails lightly over his scalp.
“That wasn’t very reassuring.”
“I want to.”
“Me, too,” Lucas says. “But I need you to tell me, Tessa.”
“Sure, we’re good, but …” I sigh. “I need to get home before my dad knows I’m gone.”
He stands up. “Your clothes are in the dryer downstairs.”
“Thank you,” I say as I follow him out.
He hands my clothes to me then shoves his hands in his sweats’ pockets.
Do it Tessa, I think.
And I do. I strip down to my underwear and bra, throw on my clothes, and then I look up at him. “Walk me out?”
His eyes black, jaw set, nostrils flaring, he nods once.
Once in the Jeep, he stands at the door and says, “That was not nice, Tessa.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Couldn’t very well go home in your clothes.”
“Tessa, will you please come back inside?” he asks politely.
“Sorry, bud … I need to go.”
“So, is your … you know, over?”
“Yes, actually. It was yesterday.” I arch a brow, and he steps back. “Call me later if you want to talk.”
As soon as I get home, I call him. “Just got in.”
“When can I see you?”
“Cleaning and laundry today.” I yawn.
“Can we go out to dinner tonight?” He yawns, too.
“I was actually thinking about hanging out with Kendall, Jake, and Alex. I miss them. Batting practice—baseball starts soon—and then a drive-in, I think.”
“Am I being punished? Truth, Tessa.”
“No, I just think you and I may need to slow it down a bit. We don’t have a chance to miss one another, and maybe that’s a problem for us, and I really do miss them.”
“I miss you now, does that count?”
“Do you want to come with us?”
“Yes,” he answers.
“Three o’clock. Don’t be late.” I yawn again.
“I love you, baby.”
“Love you, too.”
“Baby, please …” he whispers.
“Love you, anyway.”
Chapter Thirty Seven
Tessa
Saturday was fun, and Lucas went to church and had dinner with us on Sunday. He pitched to the kids after dinner and hit some balls, as well. The kids were having a blast, and so was I, really. Lucas was trying but seemed frustrated.
“You trying out for softball? Baby, you can hit.” He smiles.
“Yes, of course. Are you trying out for baseball?”
The kids run ahead and are almost in the house.
“I’m not sure. I’ve always played … just not sure I want to this year.”
“That’s too bad. I bet your butt looks great in those pants.” I grab his ass.
“Tessa, don’t touch, baby, until you’re ready.”
“Seriously unfair.” I run my hand up his back.
“How long am I on punishment?”
“Oh, I didn’t think this was punishment, Lucas.”
“Okay, my bad.” He puts his hand on my the small of my back. “This will look fine in uniform.” He reaches down and squeezes my ass. Good. Lord. “See? Punishment, Tessa.”
“Lucas, that’s not why.”
“Tell me why then,” he requests softly as he kisses my neck.
“I miss you. I miss talking with you. I miss feeling like you trust me enough to confide in me. Tell me everything. It seems like all that pulls us further apart.�
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“Tessa, it won’t, I promise.” He kisses me again.
“Okay. Tomorrow after practice, I want to go back to your place.”
“How about now, baby?” he asks, kissing the base of my neck.
“After practice.” I laugh, pulling away.
He looks at me, eyes narrowed, and then he laughs. “You trying to get me to try out?”
I laugh. “Yes, I really want to see that butt in those pants.”
“What if I promise now?” he asks, eyes blazing.
“Oh no, I’m enjoying this too much,” I admit.
“What? Driving me crazy?” he asks, looking as if he’s in pain.
“No, seeing you want me again, that badly again.”
“I never didn’t want you. I never didn’t love you.” He cocks his head to the side. “Don’t you know that?”
“Then what’s one day?”
He huffs, “Twenty-four hours of feeling like this.”
“It’s Sunday, and I feel bad, anyway, about … you know, and it’s … Sunday. The day of rest.”
“Tessa, I’m going to be with you until my last orgasm. I—”
I elbow him.
He chuckles. “Breathe. I don’t think God is mad at you.”
“How do you figure?”
He looks up. “God, I love her. I want her forever. Permission, please?” He looks back down at me. “Did you hear that?”
I smile. This is the Lucas I love the most. “No.”
“He said you have to say the same.” Lucas smiles, and I look down. “Oh, I see you can’t.”
“God, I love Lucas and am going to be his forever.”
He cups his ear. “No lightning, no booming voice.”
I cup mine. “Did you hear that? He said wait until tomorrow.”
“You are impossible!” he yells.
“Kiss me,” I whisper, and he does.
I walk him to his vehicle and hug him tightly. He lightly bites my neck, causing me to moan. “See? You want me, baby.”
“Yes, Lucas, and I feel the same way every time I look at you, even before we did it. I love you. Go home and take care of that.” I push him away then pull his shirt and bring him back for a kiss before turning and walking away.
He calls after me, “Hey, baby?”
I turn and walk backward toward the house. “Yes?”
“I just want to remind you that our first time was a Sunday.” Lucas winks.
“Wow, I never—”
“Yeah, that’s the kind of thing chicks are supposed to remember. Kind of embarrassed that I did and you didn’t.”
I mouth, “Sorry.”
“No big deal. I love you, anyway. I’m going to go home and take care of this.” He makes a V with his hands then a mock explosion, and I can’t help but laugh.
For the next week, every day after my practice, I sat with Jade and watched Lucas finish his. His butt definitely looked good in those pants. He and I played the same position—shortstop—and we both played hard.
After practice, when Jade would go to Tommy’s parents’ or home with her dad, we would play even harder yet. Both of us were named captain of our teams, and I’m not going to lie, we both try to be captain in bed, too. In school, we all stay close, and when it’s just us, our little group, we laugh and smile together.
Saturday, the girls and I go prom dress shopping then meet the three boys for dinner after. I show Lucas a few pictures that Jade took in the dressing room and come to one of me in a black bustier with a whip. His eyes not only light up but catch fire immediately.
“That’s the one, baby.” He grins wickedly.
I whisper, “I’m the captain then.”
Jade and Phoebe laugh, knowing what I just showed him.
He gives me the side-eye and snatches the Polaroid out of my hand. “Hey, Alex, want to see a picture of your sister’s prom dress?” he asks, raising his eyebrow.
“Sure.”
I attempt to snatch the picture back and glare at him when Alex grabs it.
“Tessa, you’re not, in reality, going to wear that are you?” He scowls at me.
“I can’t believe you just did that,” I hiss at Lucas then look at my brother. “I might, Alex, I just might.”
“Maybe after prom, but you aren’t wearing it there,” Lucas snaps at me.
I cross my arms and give him the try me look, and he laughs.
“Jade, what did you get?” Ryan asks.
“Oh, I just looked. I’m really not sure I’ll go.”
“Why not?” he asks.
“No date, except the little bump in my belly.” She rubs her belly.
“Have you asked anyone?”
“Seriously, who would go with me? Do you want to, Ryan?” she jokes.
“Absolutely.” Ryan nods firmly.
“You really would?” she whispers.
“For you, Jade, anything.” Ryan winks at her.
She shakes her head. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, final answer. Just tell me what to wear.”
“You can borrow Tessa’s dress.” Alex laughs. “She isn’t going to be allowed out of the house in it.”
“I want that picture, baby.” Lucas whispers.
“Why? So you can show my parents?”
“No, that’s all for me.” He moves his hand up my leg under the table.
“Well then,” Phoebe says, “let’s finish and head back to the store. Jade needs a dress.”
So, we head back, but Jade’s excitement dwindles with each dress she tries on. They all fit snugly across her belly, showcasing it, and she is not happy.
“On a positive note, Jade, with your boobs being so big, I really don’t think anyone is going to pay any attention to the bump.” Phoebe laughs.
I can tell Jade loves the dress she is in, so I find one of those wraps that will look fashionable yet hang over her belly and wrap it around her.
“Look, Jade. Beautiful.”
Jade closes her eyes and hugs Phoebe and I.
“Perfect, huh?” Phoebe asks, and Jade nods her head.
All three of the guys are in the hot tub when we return from dress shopping, so we join them.
“Did you find one?” Ryan asks her.
Jade smiles. “Yes. Hot pink.”
“I have to wear hot pink?”
“Black tux, hot pink tie.” Jade laughs as she explains.
He looks relieved.
“All right, Phoebe. What do I need?”
“Black.” Phoebe smiles. “I got the one Tessa tried on, remember? You saw it.”
Alex’s jaw drops, and I laugh hysterically.
Phoebe grins. “Joking, but it is black, and you’ll see it at prom.”
“Okay, Tessa, which one was it?” Lucas asks.
“None of them. I have a swatch for you to take and match your tie with.”
Sunday, we go to church and have family dinner after at the farm. Lucas leaves after dinner to go visit his mom. When he returns, he calls to tell me that the visit went well and Kate will be home next week. He also tells me that when he told her we are back together, she looked relieved.
“Have you gone to your room yet?” I ask.
“Just walking in, ba—” He stops and groans, “All mine.”
I knew if he had a hard time with his mom, that picture would certainly lift his “spirit.”
“You like?”
“Get your ass over here.”
“It’s Sunday.” I grin, even though he can’t see me.
“I swear you’ll wear my handprint on your ass one day.” He laughs.
“Bring it on,” I whisper.
The next week went the same as the one before. Things between us are amazing. Lucas even shared with me that he talked Sadi into going to a different school the day she was waiting in the office. He was opening up more and more every day.
I sneak into his house and wake him up on Saturday morning with a mission, but first …
“Good morning, baby,”
he groans as I come up from under the blanket. Then he flips me onto my back. “My turn.”
If sex were an Olympic sport, Lucas and I would share a gold medal.
When he showers, I just lie there, trying to catch my breath.
He walks out, white towel drying his hair, dick hanging like a climbing rope.
“I’m absolutely not complaining, and you can use that key I gave you any time, but at six on a Saturday morning, baby?”
“I missed you.”
“Can we go to sleep for a couple more hours, please?” He flops down and pulls me against him.
“Hmm … Round two?”
He smiles. “If you’re up for it.”
“I am as long as you promise to help me after.” I kiss his chest.
“Can we sleep … just for an hour?” he asks as I kiss his neck.
“Uh-huh.”
I couldn’t sleep. Kate is coming home tomorrow, and I want the house to be perfect for her.
When I see Lucas coming down the stairs, I look up from cleaning the skillet.
“I smell bacon and booty.”
I laugh. “I made breakfast. Yours is in the microwave.”
He glances down, sees a bucket of water and cleaning supplies, and scowls. “What are we doing today?”
“I thought we could clean for an hour then go to your room for an hour and just keep going back and forth. What do you say?”
“All right. Sounds good. All except for the cleaning part. I can hire someone to do that.”
“Stop whining and eat; you’re gonna need the fuel.” I laugh.
We clean the downstairs in less than an hour, then upstairs for our “break,” then back at it … and back in bed.
For four hours, we clean and make love, and I am absolutely exhausted, but we are far from done.
I hop out of bed and nod toward the door. “Hey, stud, get dressed. Now it’s the lawn.”
“Tessa, I have never been worn out before. Six hours later, and my legs feel like Jell-O.” He laughs, grabbing my arm and pulling me back on top of him.
“Well, if you want to lie here all day, you go ahead. I’m going to be outside.” I hurry to the door, and he pushes up on his elbows. I wave my hand down my naked body. “Just like this.”
