Even If I Fall
Page 28
I thought it was more than Dad being hotheaded, but I didn’t get to protest before he went on.
“I told you to stay, you didn’t, and we lost. And even if you’d been safe—run through a stop sign again and I’ll bench you for more than a few innings.” He opened the front passenger door for Mom, a practice he’d apparently started on their first date and was still doing more than twenty years later.
“You’re not serious.” But the look he gave me said otherwise. “Fine. Am I supposed to apologize to my dad or my coach?”
“What was that?” he asked, though we both knew he’d heard me.
“Nothing.”
He sighed, coming around to where I stood. “What is this attitude?”
“Why didn’t you fight the call?”
“Because you were out. Hey—hey.” He called my attention back when I looked away. “I’d have fought for you if you weren’t. Same as I did for your sister.” He lowered his voice so that Mom and Selena on the other side wouldn’t overhear. “You are one of the best players on the team. You could be as good as Selena if you worked harder.”
Except Selena never had to work the way I constantly had to. And she’d never cared enough to see how much better she could have been if she had. That was maybe the one bone of contention between her and Dad. So I worked twice as hard to be half as good, and it still wasn’t enough.
“Take the loss and work harder next time. We’ve got the whole season ahead of us, and you’re no good to me or anyone else on a bench. I need you.” He clapped a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. I nodded and worked my mouth into a small smile for his benefit. He needed me. I wanted more than that, but I’d settle for need just then.
I cradled my duffel in my lap during the car ride home, feeling the shape of the box within. And I smiled for real.
Copyright © 2017 by Abigail Johnson
ISBN-13: 9781488038839
Even If I Fall
Copyright © 2019 by Abigail Johnson
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