3012: The Artifact

by John M Grier

Janet’s Law

  The machine that was used to make the tunnels had a typical government inspired name that was utterly boring, way too long and much too cumbersome to use in any type of conversation, normal or otherwise. As a result, Jack called it the Mark One Hole Melter. Paul just shook his head and laughed at Jack's unusual sense of humor. Janet, on the other hand, would have launched into another lecture if she knew what Jack called “her” equipment. Fortunately, she had never actually heard Jack speak.

  She always referred to the equipment as hers, since she was the government’s representative here. And, since the government had priority over literally everything else in life, she was the most important person here…and all of the equipment was hers to account for. It didn’t matter that Paul had this particular piece of equipment signed out to him for many years now, in her mind, it was hers!

  So naturally it came as no surprise that when its time was due for an inspection, she called a halt to all digging. “Paul, the equipment you are currently using is due for an inspection, based on the number of hours it has been in service.” She said.

  Paul fumbled with his headset, desperately trying to turn the voice circuit back on before he spoke. To keep Jack out of trouble, he rigged a switch years ago. “You have got to be kidding! In a few more hours we’ll be at our destination! Then we won’t need it any more for the rest of the dig. Let me finish this hole first, Janet. A few more hours won't hurt anything.”

  “Paul, you know the rules. When the time is due for an inspection, all work is to stop until such time said inspections have occurred. It is only for your safety. I would hate to see something happen to you guys.”

  With a great sigh, he said “I know, but you have to admit it’s very frustrating to be so close to the end, only to have to stop.”

  Jack, having heard all this, was furious! It was all he could do to keep silent. Now that they were much closer to the lighthouse, he was certain this was the one he was near ten years ago. To lose it now would be devastating! Unable to keep silent any longer, he yanked his headset off of his neck where it had been dangling unused and nearly forgotten and tossed it across the narrow ice tunnel. Fuming, he said “Paul, why don’t we just finish this hole first? It will only take a few hours, no big deal. Janet will get over it, I’m sure.”

  “Jack, you know that if she called here, she would already have put it in her reports. When they find out that we disobeyed the Protocol Officer on something like this, we'll both be sent to a Re-Indoctrination School for a few years. Then once they finally do let us out, a career in a field as controversial as archeology would certainly be out of the question for either one of us. Personally, I would rather avoid that, if at all possible.”

  Jack was furious, but after several deep breaths, he let out a big sigh and with his head hung low and his shoulders slumped, he resigned himself to accepting the fate he was dealt. “I know you’re right, but it’s so frustrating to be this close!”

  “Jack, it’s just a lighthouse. There’ll be others, I’m sure.” Paul certainly could sympathize with is friends frustration over yet another dig left unfinished, but what could you do? Once the Government made a decision, there wasn't anything an average citizen could do to change things.

  “Not like this one” Jack muttered under his breath as he picked up his discarded headset and stalked off in a huff.

  Paul was disappointed as well, but didn’t understand why Jack was so upset about this particular light house. They had been called off of digs before when they were this close and Jack didn’t get nearly as upset. What made this one so special? He gathered up the rest of the equipment and headed for the elevator to the control room. When he got there, Janet could not have been more pleased with herself if she had tried. “I already ordered a hovercraft to come get us. They’ll be here in the morning and we can get off of this horrible ice and finally back to civilization…and none too soon, if you ask me!”

  “Janet, you know we could have finished this dig in a few days if you had only relaxed the rules a bit so we could finish the tunnel we were digging. It would be nice to actually finish what we were doing for a change.”

  Janet crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Paul. “I am certainly shocked at your attitude, Paul! You know the law. Where would we be without the law to protect us?”

  “Well, for one, we would have a few finished digs, instead of all of these partially finished sites that no one ever gets around to again!” Paul said with a bit too much anger.

  Janet was taken aback at Paul's outburst. Normally, the Government's representative never got any 'backtalk' from the employees and she was momentarily unsure as to how to proceed. Finally, she said “Well! I was hoping to be done here, but I can see that one more report is in order. I feel I am going to have to recommend you for counseling concerning your anger issues” said Janet with a sigh. “My work is never done. You should be more like Jack. He never talks to me with such attitude.”

  Exasperated, Paul exclaimed “That’s because he never talks to you!”

  Janet was slowly losing her patience with Paul and his sudden attitude issues, but also, she was beginning to see him in a different light. Up until recently, she had seen him the same way everyone else in the Government saw every other citizen worker…as just mindless drones whose only purpose in life was to serve their government masters. She shook the strange thoughts from her mind and replied “Whatever. The point is that I never hear anything bad from him at all.”

  Realizing a lost cause when he saw one, he composed himself and said “I’m sorry Janet. I’m sure there’s no need to file that last report; it must be this ice that was getting to me. I’m sure I’ll be much better tomorrow when we get back home.”

  Pleased at Paul's sudden compliance, she replied “Well, since you put it like that, maybe you’re right. I’ll overlook it for now. But please be more careful, Paul. Not everyone is as forgiving as I am.” With that, Paul made his way to the common room where he found Jack.

  “So now what?” asked Jack, deeply concerned that he would never find his lost machine.

  “I guess we start over on some other dig. You know how it is, for some reason these old digs never get re-opened.”

  Thinking of that fateful day that left him trapped here one thousand years in his future, Jack said “It seems to me that you were on a dig somewhere nearby here ten years ago on the day we met.”

  Paul stopped his pacing and looked at Jack for a long moment as he thought. “You know, I think you’re right. I’ll have to look at my records when we get back tomorrow to be sure though. What made you think of that?”

  Realizing that the time had finally come to share his secret with his friend, he took a deep breath and said “Actually, I never told you before, but there is something near here I’ve been trying to find for a long time now. It’s something I know for a fact is there and is in very good condition. However, I want to do it on my own, with no government involvement, if possible. How would we go about doing something like that?”

  “I’ve never heard of anyone even trying” said Paul, intrigued. “Why would you want to?”

  “I just don’t trust them to finish the dig. How many have we actually finished in the past ten years? Two? Three, if you count that false lead we had last year.”

  “I know. I’m just as frustrated as you are, Jack. What’s so special about this dig of yours?”

  “All I can tell you right now is that it’s a boat, intact, under the ice, and on top of the water.”

  “Okay, but what makes this boat different from any other bit of history?”

  Before Jack could answer, they could hear Janet approaching. Janet said “You guys should be happy to know the government has decided to use those primitive tools you found in a display at a new museum. Isn’t that wonderful?”

  “You can’t do that! We haven’t even begun to do any real work here at this site on thos
e tools. They shouldn't be moved until we can document everything. Archeology takes time” said Paul.

  In a very condescending tone, Janet replied “Paul, there’s no need for all that, and I know we certainly don’t want to spend any more time than is absolutely necessary in all this cold ice country. It’s just a bunch of old junk. Let it go! I already closed the expedition officially before you guys got back to the control room. As far as the government is concerned, this site is closed forever! I, for one, am very happy about that! If I had my way, no one would come up here on this retched ice again, ever, for any reason!” Having said her piece, she stormed out and returned to her control room, the only place she felt comfortable.

  Unaware that Paul and Jack actually wanted to be here doing their jobs, she thought she was helping. As she sat there alone, she thought to herself “There’s gratitude for you! I try to help them by getting us off this ice early and they act like they’re mad at me. I’ll never understand Paul. Why can’t he see I’m only trying to look out for him? Maybe he’ll loosen up tomorrow on the ride home. I arranged it so we‘ll all be in the same compartment, just for the opportunity to chat in a relaxed environment.”

  The next morning, the camp was broken down in no time at all. Actually, it required almost no effort, either. You simply input the proper commands into each housing module’s command panel, and stood back to watch it collapse in on itself. You need only have everything out of it that you brought in, or you may never see it again. Jack, on the other hand couldn’t help but think of George Jetson and his flying briefcase as he watched the modules collapse in on themselves.

  So it should have come as no surprise to Paul to see Jack carrying that briefcase they had found in a manner to suggest it was his all along and simply part of his personal luggage. Paul had trouble imagining the nerve required to pull this off. Jack would have to pass through several check points before getting back into the city. If he didn’t display extreme calm the whole time, they would ask him to open it and as far as Paul knew, he still hadn’t managed to get it open.

  The first test was the hovercraft. If the crew thought it was an artifact that was not on the manifest, all three of them would be in trouble. But, true to form, Jack managed to pull it off like he did it all the time.

  Paul knew that he was in for a very long ride. Janet was in the same compartment as they both were and he knew Jack wouldn’t say a word while she was nearby. He would be stuck chatting with her the whole three hours.