Fiends and Familiars

by Dunbar, Debra

  “No!” Satan’s bellow shook the room once more. A two-inch crack appeared along the floor at my feet. “Faust cannot go to heaven! He’s ours. He’s escaped us once. I won’t allow him to escape again.”

  Lucien shrugged. “This wouldn’t have been a problem if Abraxas had just waited instead of trying to showboat the whole thing.”

  “But it was just an early collection,” his father argued. “Faust’s soul was ours. We just moved the timeline up a bit.”

  “Normally that would be a minor infraction,” Lucien agreed. “But the contract both Faust and our representative signed clearly states his soul is only ours after his death. As his living soul was technically not ours, there could legally be no early collection. It’s bad, Father. This is going to be a huge mess once it comes out—and unfortunately it’s going to come out.”

  Satan ground his teeth. “I hate audits. I hate oversight committees. I don’t want a bunch of angels pawing through my contracts, overturning my decisions regarding souls based on some legal technicality. What can we do? What if we get rid of the witch?”

  The fire in my blood turned to ice. No one was going to harm Addy. No one.

  I forced my inner turmoil aside and tried to appear as if I were interested only in protecting hell’s interests. “Lord Satan, she has six witch sisters—one of which is mated to your son. Getting rid of the witch would cause even more problems.”

  Lucien nodded. “He’s right. Six witches complaining that we screwed up a contract, illegally collected a soul, and then preemptively silenced a whistleblower…Grandfather might decide this half of the family business isn’t being managed properly.”

  Smoke poured from Satan’s ears. “I don’t give a damn what he thinks. This is my business. It’s not his any longer. It’s mine. I might have agreed to a complaint procedure and joint investigative processes, but he’ll get hell back when he pries it from my cold dead hands!”

  I stepped forward, sensing this was my cue. “If I may, Lord Satan. I have a proposed solution to this mess—one that will keep it all hidden away like it should be. All we need to do is make sure the whistleblower witch is happy and satisfied with the solution and she’ll agree not to lodge a complaint.”

  Satan pursed his lips in thought. “Will she be satisfied, though? And her sisters? I would like to be able to see my grandchildren someday.”

  “I believe she will accept the solution I’m about to propose. And in the end, we will get everything we are owed. We just need to be patient.”

  Unlike Abraxas, I thought.

  Lucien and I waited, surrounded by my hellhounds, as Satan picked up his drink and drained the contents, throwing the empty glass into the pool of lava. I wondered what else was churning around melted in that pool? Books? Cell phones? A half-eaten sandwich?

  “Tell me, Typhon,” Satan finally said. “Tell me your solution to this damned mess.”

  I took a breath, knowing he wasn’t going to like it. Hopefully he liked the alternative that Lucien had laid out for him even less.

  “The witch will want a formal apology from Abraxas, and her house restored to its former condition.” I held up a hand to let Satan know I wasn’t done. “She’ll want Faust resurrected and allowed to live out his normal squirrel lifetime without harassment from hell’s minions.”

  “I can’t do that!” Satan blustered. “I don’t know who resurrected him as a squirrel the first time or how they did it. Demons can’t do that. I can’t do that.”

  I nodded. “I know. I’m going to propose something different to the witch that I’m sure she will find acceptable. She’s quite fond of my hellhounds. If we offer to make Faust a hellhound, a member of hell as opposed to just a damned soul, I’m sure it will satisfy her.”

  Satan scowled. “But he needs to be punished. We may have screwed up his contract, but Faust still owes us an eternity of punishment.”

  “We won’t get any of that if she lodges a complaint,” I pointed out. “Hellhounds might be denizens of hell, but they have demanding responsibilities. And they are not immune from punishment. Any demon who screws up suffers the consequences, even a hellhound.”

  Lucien nodded. “Even me. Faust will have an eternity of difficult work. It’s not quite what we had planned for him, but it’s better than the very real chance that he might escape us forever and that we’ll be buried in paperwork and committee meetings for thousands of years.”

  Satan shuddered. “True. Okay, let’s propose the solution to the witch. Typhon, you make damned sure she happily takes the offer because I don’t think I can budge any further on this matter. I’ll release Faust’s soul to you immediately for transformation, as a show of good faith. As soon as she agrees, I’ll have Abraxas go to her house with a group of his staff to apologize and fix her house. Typhon, you’ll oversee the repairs to make sure they are complete and to the witch’s satisfaction. And afterward…” Satan’s eyes glowed once more, “afterward I’ll punish Abraxas for bringing all of this to our doorstep.”

  The leader of hell waved a hand, dismissing us. Lucien and I turned and walked out, my pack of hellhounds following us. I left Lucien behind, heading out of Satan’s residence and upward, taking a slight detour along the way.

  Abraxas was supervising the punishment of those souls who ran dog-fighting rings. Demons stood around the edge of a pit, cheering as the damned scrambled naked in the mud, fighting each other with bare hands and their dulled teeth. Abraxas turned to look at me, a cocky grin.

  I punched that smile right off his face, taking out a few of the demon’s teeth in the process. Then I picked him up and threw him into the pit with the damned. “If you ever touch my witch, if you even look at her, I’ll kill you.”

  Abraxas screamed in fury, spitting blood and a few other teeth. “You’re just jealous, Typhon. You’re jealous that I’m the one who got Faust while you sat around with your thumb up your ass. I’m in Satan’s favor. I’m in Satan’s favor and you’re not.”

  I walked away, knowing that very soon he’d realize that the favor he’d worked so hard to gain had been very short-lived.

  Then I smiled and went to claim my newest hellhound.

  Chapter 18

  Adrienne

  “Would you like another glass of wine?” Ty knelt before me, holding the bottle. I got the impression this was the groveling I’d been promised. If so, I liked it. And I knew I was going to like the makeup sex just as much.

  “Yes, I would.” I held out my glass and watched as he filled it. Maybe I should have him peel some grapes and feed them to me.

  We were sitting on a blanket under a tree in my front lawn watching as a group of demons repaired my house. They’d already cleared away the smashed drywall, broken joists, and plywood and were just finishing up with the framing work. At this rate, I’d be back in tonight, although they’d probably have to come back tomorrow to paint and put down the new carpet.

  Reaching into a bowl, I fed a few of the liver treats to Yeth, then offered one to the newest hellhound. After years of eating nuts and corn, Rhoid was taking to his new diet like a champ. Oak, Maple, and Pine had been alarmed the first time they saw him, but they’d quickly realized the giant canine monstrosity was their old friend. Now they were curled up on his back, snoozing away.

  He couldn’t stay—not that I minded that. Rhoid had work to do in hell, and he’d let me know that this job was far preferable than an eternity being whipped on a rack. In fact, it was his own request that had made me decide to drop the issue and let the whole thing go.

  I hadn’t quite forgiven Abraxas, even though his apology had seemed reasonably sincere. I had forgiven Ty.

  Smiling at the demon sprawled across my feet, I reached out to touch his shoulder. He’d come to the party to apologize to me, to try to make things better and had ended up saving me from Abraxas. And then he’d risked everything to stand up to Satan himself and bargain for a better deal for Rhoid.

  He might claim that Lucien had done most of the wor
k, but I knew better. Ty was my hero with horns. Mmm. I loved a guy with horns. And I couldn’t wait to bring him to Sunday family dinner and introduce him to everyone. My very own demon.

  He rolled to look up at me, capturing my hand with his. “I’m ready for the makeup sex anytime you are, Addy.”

  Me too, except there was a crew of demons working on my house and we wouldn’t have any privacy. I glanced over at my truck, but I wanted something with a bit more room.

  Accident is only twenty miles away, Drake told me. Hollisters Inn has rooms available.

  Now that was an idea. We could stay in Accident for the night while the demons continued working, then come home tomorrow to a freshly painted, newly carpeted home. I could show Ty the town I’d grown up in. We could eat at the Stagecoach Diner, maybe catch the band at Pistol Pete’s, have champagne brought to our room…

  A whole night of makeup sex.

  I stood and tugged Ty to his feet. “I’ve got an idea. Let’s ditch this place. Yeth and Rhoid can supervise the repairs while we go and have a romantic day. And a romantic evening. And a romantic breakfast.”

  Ty brought my hand to his lips and kissed it. “Darling, whatever you want. For the next twenty-four hours it’s all groveling and makeup sex. I’m in your hands, my witch.”

  Silly demon. “Then let’s go, because my hands definitely want to be on you.”

  We got into my truck, leaving two hellhounds, three squirrels, and a vulture in charge, and drove to Accident.

  Finally I’d met the demon of my dreams.

  Also by Debra Dunbar

  Accidental Witches Series

  Brimstone and Broomsticks

  Warmongers and Wands

  Death and Divination

  Hell and Hexes

  Minions and Magic

  Fiends and Familiars

  Devils and the Dead (2020)

  White Lightning Series

  Wooden Nickels

  Bum’s Rush

  Clip Joint

  Jake Walk

  Trouble Boys

  Packing Heat (2020)

  The Templar Series

  Dead Rising

  Last Breath

  Bare Bones

  Famine’s Feast

  Royal Blood

  Dark Crossroads

  * * *

  IMP WORLD NOVELS

  The Imp Series

  A Demon Bound

  Satan’s Sword

  Elven Blood

  Devil’s Paw

  Imp Forsaken

  Angel of Chaos

  Kingdom of Lies

  Exodus

  Queen of the Damned

  The Morning Star

  With This Ring

  * * *

  Half-breed Series

  Demons of Desire

  Sins of the Flesh

  Cornucopia

  Unholy Pleasures

  City of Lust

  * * *

  Imp World Novels

  No Man’s Land

  Stolen Souls

  Three Wishes

  Northern Lights

  Far From Center

  Penance

  * * *

  Northern Wolves

  Juneau to Kenai

  Rogue

  Winter Fae

  Bad Seed

  About the Author

  Debra lives in a little house in the woods of Maryland with her sons and two slobbery bloodhounds. On a good day, she jogs and horseback rides, hopefully managing to keep the horse between herself and the ground. Her only known super power is 'Identify Roadkill'.

  For more information:

  www.debradunbar.com

  Debra Dunbar’s Author page

  Acknowledgments

  Thanks to my copyeditors Kimberly Cannon and Erin Zarro whose eagle eyes catch all the typos and keep my comma problem in line, and to Renee George for cover design.