Trust the Push

by Kaylee Ryan

  “That was so amazing. You killed it,” she says, backing away.

  Her cheeks are flushed, and her lips have never looked more kissable than they do right now. Reaching out, I place my hand on her hip, intending to pull her to me and do just that, consequences be damned, when an interviewer shoves a microphone in my face. I know I should let her go, but I don’t. Instead, I throw my arm over her shoulders to make the moment seem less intimate, when all I want to do is make it intimate, and maybe even a little inappropriate.

  “I’m here with Blaine ‘Checkmate’ Bishop. Checkmate, you dominated the track tonight. How’s it feel to take home the win?” the interviewer asks.

  “Anytime I can bring home a win is a good night,” I reply just as Mom comes up and tucks herself under my other arm. The rest of the crew gathers around as well.

  “You dominated the track tonight. This is your second career win here at Eldora Speedway, and although it’s not a points race, it looks good on the resume.” He laughs.

  This guy is a real tool. I hate this part. The interviews, the questions, the jokes that they think are funny that are really anything but. “I couldn’t do it without my team and of course my sponsors. Knoxville Health Partners has a full-time person with us keeping the crew healthy as we travel.” I go on to list my various other sponsors, all not nearly as big of a contributor to the team as KHP.

  “Great job out there tonight, Checkmate.” He shakes my hand and walks away to interview one of the other drivers. I’m not sure who finished where, but I do know I’m taking home the one hundred grand win.

  “Fuck yeah!” Jacob screams, pumping his fists in the air. “You killed it, man.”

  “We killed it,” I tell him. I can be an asshole a lot of the time, but I do give credit where credit is due.

  “Let’s get this car loaded, and we can celebrate,” Kevin says, wrapping his arms around Ashley. Mom steps away and even though I don’t want to, I know that means I need to drop my arm from Aubree’s shoulders. I still want that kiss, and I have every intention of getting it.

  Rick climbs in the car and drives it back to the trailer, while the rest of us follow along behind him. When he climbs out of the car, he yells in pain, bending over holding his back. Aubree rushes to his side.

  “Tell me what you’re feeling. Where does it hurt?” she asks him.

  “My back. The same pain as before. I must have tweaked it climbing out of the car.”

  She looks up at me. “Can you help me help him inside the hauler?”

  “We got it.” Kevin jumps in and gets on one side of Rick, while I get on the other. Slowly, we make our way inside and help him to the couch.

  “Rick.” Aubree’s voice is calm and soothing. “I need you on your stomach. Are you okay to lie like that?” He grumbles a reply and winces as he stretches out like she asked. “Let me grab my bag.” She scurries off the hauler, to I assume the under-belly storage. She had a black bag with her with the KHP logo on it when we loaded her bags.

  She comes back and gets right to work. Kevin leaves to help Jacob and Dad load the car, exactly what I should be doing, but I can’t take my eyes off her. With practiced ease, she slides his shirt up, explaining every step of the way what she’s doing. She pulls a couple of lotions, and a few other massage tools out of her bag and gets to work. She talks softly to Rick, asking about the race, and how long he’s been on the Bishop Racing Team. She has laser focus for him, and even though I know she’s just doing her job, it irritates me.

  Rick moans and she chuckles softly.

  “Really, man?” I ask, my irritation showing through.

  “You have no idea,” he says, his face buried in the couch. “Her hands are magic.”

  That too pisses me off. I want to be the one with her magic hands all over me. I want her lips fused with mine, her body pressed tightly against me. And, I’m going to get that kiss. This is just a delay in the inevitable. I saw it in her eyes. When she met me in victory lane, she was feeling it too. We’re going to explore this. I’ll convince her to my way of thinking. I have to. Otherwise, I feel as though I might lose my mind not knowing the taste of her lips, or the feel of her soft skin. If we can keep it about sex and not let our feelings get involved it would be the perfect situation. We can both relieve some tension, and I don’t have to worry about all the other priorities that come with a relationship. I don’t have to worry about her feelings, if she’s feeling left out while we’re working on the car. Just sex and limit the distraction. That I could handle.

  We could make that work.

  “We’re good here,” Aubree tells me, never removing her hands from his back.

  “I need a shower,” I say, stalking off toward my room to grab some clothes. I take the fastest shower known to man and rush through getting dressed, at least enough to be decent. Dressed in jeans and no shirt, I exit the tiny, hot-as-hell bathroom and slide into the booth that is our kitchen table.

  “All right,” Aubree says, finally lifting her hands from his back. “Slowly, I want you to sit up for me.”

  Rick does as she says and this time there are no yells of pain. “Damn,” he says, standing, “it still hurts, but it’s so much better.”

  “I’m not a doctor, so if this keeps happening, you might want to go get checked out just to be certain it’s just a strained muscle,” Aubree tells him.

  “What? I’ve got you.” He winks at her.

  “Dad’s grilling,” I say to change the subject and hopefully chill myself out a little.

  “Thanks again, Aubs, I’m glad you’re here.” Rick squeezes her arm then slowly, although not as slow as he was when we brought him in here, makes his way to the door and out of the hauler. I follow behind him and turn the lock.

  “Congratulations,” she says, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “You mind if I grab a bottle of water? I’m parched after all of that cheering.”

  “You’re welcome to whatever you want,” I tell her. I watch as she makes her way to the small fridge and pulls out a bottle of water. Twisting off the cap, she brings the bottle to her lips and tilts her head back. I can’t help but watch the column of her neck as she sucks the bottle dry. I’m a man, and that thought alone is putting all kinds of ideas in my head. She doesn’t stop until the bottle is empty. I keep my eyes trained on her as she replaces the cap and places the now empty bottle in the trash can.

  “Better?” I ask her.

  “Much. I don’t know why I’ve been so thirsty lately. I guess change of environment. I’m outside a lot more than normal.”

  “Yeah?” I ask, taking a step toward her. She’s nervous, causing her to take a step backward. When her ass hits the counter, she braces her hands on either side as if she has to in order to keep herself standing upright. I don’t stop until I’m standing right in front of her, toe to toe, just like we were in the love tunnel. “So, you did a lot of cheering, did you?”

  She blushes, a slight reddened tint to her cheeks that has my cock stirring in my jeans. I’m glad I still have my racing suit on to hide the evidence. “I mean, I am here for Bishop Racing, am I not?”

  Not able to take it, I reach out and run my index finger over her cheek. “You mean you’re here for me.” My voice is husky with desire. Desire for her.

  “Well,” she licks her lips, “you are Bishop Racing, right?”

  Lightly, I brush my thumb over her plump bottom lip. “That I am,” I say, leaning in toward her. Again, her tongue darts out and passes over her bottom lip, just where my thumb was seconds ago. With ease, my hand slides behind her neck, and I pull her into me. “What do you think, Bree, does a win deserve a kiss?” I don’t give her time to answer before closing the remaining distance and pressing my lips to hers. Her lips are just as soft against mine as I imagined them to be. I’m just about to go deeper, kiss her harder when someone tries to open the door. Bree goes stiff in my arms as they knock on the door.

  “Blaine, we’re ready to eat,” Mom says through the door.


  “Be right there!” I yell back.

  Exhaling, I rest my forehead against Aubree’s and close my eyes. Her hands are gripping my shirt. I have one hand on her hip, holding her to me, and the other is still on her neck. I trace her soft skin with my thumb. “I want to do that again,” I whisper huskily. She doesn’t reply, but then again, she doesn’t have to. Her grip, the one that she’s not releasing tells me all I need to know. I’m not in this alone. She can say she’s not interested, but right now, right here tells me otherwise.

  “We better get out there.”

  “Yeah.” I place a tender kiss to her forehead, lace her fingers with mine, and step toward the door.

  “Wait.” She pulls back. “What are you doing?” She holds up our joined hands.

  “It’s time to eat.”

  “This….” She holds our hands up again.

  “This is me not ready to let you go yet.”

  “You have to,” she replies softly. “Look, I wanted you to kiss me. Being honest, I want you to do more than that to me.” Her cheeks are a deep red, matching her auburn hair. “I want that, I do, but I don’t play games. I want structure and dependability. You said that’s not what you’re looking for. I have no doubt that we would be… great together. I just can’t risk it. I know me, Blaine. I know that I can’t separate sex from feelings. I also know that I’ll fall for you. I’ve had enough heartbreak in one lifetime.”

  “No one knows,” I tell her. “No one has any idea how relationships are going to work out. You have to risk getting your heart broken to see the end result. It could be a good thing.”

  “Is that what this is? Are we in a relationship?”

  “No.”

  “Exactly. You don’t want that, and I do. We can’t do this. I’m sorry.” She removes her hand from mine, and I let her. I stand here and watch her unlock the door and step out of the toter home.

  I know what she’s saying is right, she warned me, but I want her. Telling myself that I can’t have her isn’t working. I need to find a way to chase away this craving, this appetite I have for her. Either way, this is going to be a long fucking season.

  Stepping out of the toter home, no one even gives me a second glance. I hear Aubree talking to Ashley about being in the restroom and feeling a bit overheated. She’s covered for us, and even though I should be thankful, as we don’t need interference, I’m not. I’m irritated that I can’t tell them that those soft lips of hers were pressed against mine. That her hands, they’re soft and smooth next to mine that are rough and calloused. I grab a plate and take a seat across the fire from her. Rick and Jacob are talking her ear off, and I want to punch them both. I want to tell them that she’s mine, but I can’t do that. I don’t do that.

  I’m fucked.

  It’s Monday morning and I would normally be at work. Instead, I’m sitting alone in my apartment. When we got home yesterday, I sped away from Blaine’s like my ass was on fire. I needed to put some distance between us. He’s too sexy, too tempting, too… everything. I needed some time and space to get myself in check. When he kissed me, I wanted to drag him back to the bedroom and let him have his way with me, or you know, I could have had my way with him. Either scenario would have worked for me. Instead, I did the right thing, the responsible thing and turned him down. It’s times like these when I wished that I could be carefree, live on the edge every once in a while. I’ve worked my ass off to be independent. I promised myself that I would only engage in true relationships, those that I know will stand the test of time. Maria, I knew the day I met her that she would be that friend for me. Blaine, I can’t tell. I want to think that maybe he would change his mind, but I know from experience a tiger doesn’t change his stripes. I refuse to set myself up for heartache.

  The laundry is done, and there is really no point in going grocery shopping since we leave to go out of town again on Thursday morning. Our next track is in Kentucky, only a few hours away. I have three days to fill, and I have no idea how I’m going to do it. I’m contemplating a nap even though I’m not tired when there is a knock at the door. Taking a look through the peephole, I see Maria standing on the other side.

  “Hey, you,” I greet, opening the door wide for her to come in.

  “Tell me everything.” She glides into my apartment and sets the large pizza on the coffee table.

  “Tell you everything about what?” I ask, not really sure what she’s talking about. I just talked to her last night and filled her in on my weekend. Well, I left out the kiss. I was still, am still processing the kiss.

  “About whatever it is you didn’t already tell me.” She grins then turns toward the kitchen. Shutting the door, I watch her grab a couple of plates and a roll of paper towels, before snagging two bottles of water from the fridge. “I know you, Aubs,” she says, plopping down on the couch.

  Defeated, I take my seat next to her. “He kissed me.”

  “And?”

  “And, he almost did it the day before, and then he kissed me, and I wanted him to never stop.” The words tumble out of my mouth.

  “Now we’re getting somewhere.” She laughs, handing me a plate with two slices of pepperoni. “Keep going,” she urges.

  “He’s so damn frustrating. One minute he’s a total jerk to me, and the next he’s got me backed against the wall in the Love Tunnel and all I can think about is how badly I want his lips fused with mine.”

  “Oh, the Love Tunnel.” She wags her eyebrows. “Do tell.”

  I spend the next few minutes explaining the Love Tunnel and how I ended up seeing it with Blaine. “He’s all dark hair and sexy hazel eyes. He’s built, but not bodybuilder built. His arms are huge, but he works out, holding on to the steering wheel at high rates of speed, he has to stay in shape.”

  “Uh-huh, keep going.” She grins before taking a huge bite of pizza.

  “When he’s being nice, I can see myself falling for him.”

  “You know the theory of the little boy who pulls the girl’s pigtails because he likes her. I think this is the adult version.”

  “What?” I laugh. “You’ve never even met him.”

  She nods. “I know, but I know you, Aubs. I know that in order for this guy to affect you the way he has, that he has to have some good inside of him somewhere. I think he wants you, but he just doesn’t want to, or maybe he doesn’t know how to deal with it.”

  “No, he’s made it clear he doesn’t want anything serious. All he wants is to win this championship. He’ll be the youngest driver to win three in a row.”

  “He’s got goals. I like that in a man.”

  “Maria,” I whine. “You’re not helping me here. I have to spend the next several months with him. How am I going to do this?”

  “Take a risk, Aubree. For once in your life, don’t worry about where each decision is going to take you. Don’t worry about if he wants to be serious, have fun. A summer fling.”

  “I can’t do that. I know me, I’ll fall for him.” I’m not sure I haven’t already started falling.

  “Then you fall for him.” She shrugs. “Sure, you may get your heart broken, but what if you don’t? Tell me, what if you have a fling and he falls for you too? What happens then?”

  “Come on, Maria, this is not a fairy tale. We’re not going to ride off in his late model into the sunset.”

  “You could. It’s a definite possibility, but you’ll never know because you’re too afraid to try.”

  “I’ve had enough heartache to last a lifetime.” My throat grows thick as I fight off the emotions that thinking about my past brings.

  “I know.” Her face softens. “But life is full of heartache and happiness. It’s how you choose to handle both that defines you. So, you do this thing and it ends. Your heart is broken, but you pick up the pieces. I’ll help you and you move on. Or it’s wonderful and amazing and you live happily ever after.”

  “Do you hear yourself right now? You want me to go into this… whatever-it-would-be fling, I gu
ess knowing I’m going to get hurt in the end. Why would I do that?”

  “Because, my dear friend, you don’t know. You don’t know if you will be hurt or if your heart will be so full that it’s bursting with love from him to you and you to him.” She reaches over and places her hand over mine. “Do me a favor, Aubs. Live. If only for this summer, I want to see you living life and enjoying yourself. You’re twenty-three years old and have less of a social life than my grandmother. I get it. I know why you have your walls up, I do. However, I want you to let them down. Let go of the fear, and see what happens. Just know that no matter the outcome, I’ll be here. Whether it’s to bring over ice cream and wine or if it’s planning your bridal shower, I’m here.”

  “It’s hard for me to trust.”

  “I know that. You don’t have to tell him all your secrets, just take advantage of the fun the two of you could have together, in and out of the bedroom.” She winks.

  My pulse quickens at the thought of letting Blaine take advantage of me. “I’ll think about it.” I want to, more than anything I want to. I’ve never had this kind of connection, if that’s even what you call it, to a man before. I’ve never had this constant ache to be more with anyone else. Just Blaine, and of course he has to be the most emotionally unavailable man on the planet. “Wait, what about work? Technically, I’m there working.”

  “Sure, but you don’t work for Blaine. He has nothing to do with your paycheck.”

  “I know that, but if KHP… if Jonah finds out, I’m sure he wouldn’t hesitate to fire me.”

  “That’s not going to happen. They sent you because they know how good you are. Besides, there are other jobs out there. If you could choose riding off in the sunset with Blaine or your job at KHP, which would you choose?”

  “Love,” I say without having to think about it. My eyes widen with shock.