How quickly he's moved on, as if all those years we were inseparable meant so little to him.
I can't decide whether to be hurt or angry.
The walk back to my dorm is a blur, and I keep my head down as I always do, maintaining distance from the strangers around me. I'm early, and clearly my roommate isn't expecting me back at this time of day.
She isn't alone.
As soon as I walk into our room, there's a rustle of sheets and in the dark, I make out the movement in the top bunk, where she and her boyfriend du jour are giggling.
At least she doesn't get mad when I accidentally interrupt her romantic interludes.
"Hey, sorry guys. It's not like I don't live here, too."
I wasn't expecting to say that, any more than Penny thought I would show up here before five.
I'm too old to blame anyone else for what comes out of my mouth, but I'm going to allow myself to blame Michael for now, just to get through the rest of the day.
Penny calls out but I'm not sure what she says as I slam the door behind me, shaking my head at no one in the empty hall. It's rarely occupied during the weekday at this time, with everyone at class or running around in-between, so there's no reason she shouldn't have thought she would have privacy now.
I wouldn't know anything about it, since Michael and I always said we would wait, but I don't think wrestling between cheap sheets on a tiny bunk bed would be all that romantic.
Especially with a different man every other week.
"Can you give us a minute?"
Penny doesn't sound mad, but she's so laid back that I'd be surprised if she did. Before I can turn away, a pair of long, hairy legs slides out from the top bunk and a naked boy stands in front of me.
His reddish-brown hair is tousled, and his freckled face smiles flirtatiously with me.
I keep my eyes on his face, even as I can tell that he is waiting to see if I'm going to check him out.
Gross.
The room is dark, except for the sunlight that creeps in through the thin curtain, and I turn away to sit down at my tiny desk, dropping my backpack on the floor beside the chair.
I rest my chin on my folded arms, leaning forward on the desk, which has a stack of books, some pens, and a picture of Sydney and me at the town pool last summer.
Unlike some of my classmates with younger siblings, I've never tried to shake her off but have enjoyed having her around, even when she's too nosy or perky for my moods.
Moods that started up not long after that picture was taken, when Michael and I made the mistake of going to the party that led to our breakup.
Penny and the boy are whispering, and I hear the snap of his jeans, relieved that he's covered himself up now. My eyes are focused on my little sister and me, caught mid-jump in the air over the water in our swimsuits by my dad's camera.
It's still the photo Sydney uses on social media, although there are plenty of cute pictures of her that we've all taken since then.
"I'll text you later, babe."
There's a telltale smack of lips, but fortunately it doesn't turn into a make-out session before he leaves. Penny shuffles on the floor behind me until she rests a hand on the back of my chair.
"So what's up?"
What do I tell her? I've known Penny since the end of August, when we were assigned as roommates here and met on move-in day, and she knows only what I want her to know about me.
Which includes a limited amount of information about my love life, mostly just that it has been a bad experience, and no, I'm not interested in hanging out with any of her partners' friends.
"Just stressed about final projects, exams. All that stuff."
She taps her fingers against the wood behind me, her manicured nails probably chipped as they always get right away after she leaves the hole-in-the wall salon down the street.
"Let me know if I can help. I wish we had some general education classes together so we could study the same stuff, though. You and your big ACT score."
I cringe a little, both ashamed and proud of the score that got me scholarships and advanced placement in classes. I've never been known as a smart girl, and I'm not happy with the attention it has brought me.
Although I can't complain about the financial help.
Michael had been so proud of me, even though I wasn't sure what and if I wanted to study here, or stay closer to home. And him.
That wasn't what tore us apart, though.
"When you're ready for a study break, why don't we get pizza? Not delivery, down at J & J's."
I have yet to put on the freshman fifteen, as I was warned about, and while Penny has done that and more, she doesn't seem to care. Her curves look good on her, and she knows it.
The boys certainly aren't complaining.
My stomach makes a gurgling noise, and Penny laughs as she tugs gently on my hair, which is bound at the nape of my neck in a loose ponytail.
"Yeah, I guess I am hungry. You don't have a date later?"
When I turn to look at her, I see she's just in her underwear. While I always wear a robe, she parades around buck naked as she gets dressed in the morning, or when she changes clothes. I'm glad she has something on right now.
She flaps her hand in the air dismissively.
"I've had enough male attention for one day. It's made me hungry, and I have to study calculus later, so I'd rather eat early."
Penny is a biology major, headed to medical school. Somehow she juggles her social life with some terrifying coursework, so as much as she talks about my college entrance exam scores and my gen ed placement, her career courses are nothing to sneeze at.
At least she knows what she wants.
I nod, then dig around in my backpack for my wallet. My phone is silent in my back pocket, and I hope it stays that way for a few hours.
No one else calls or texts except Sydney, and occasionally my parents or Penny, so I will probably have the break I need for awhile.
Until it buzzes loudly, making me jump up to my feet, and I answer it without looking at the number flashing on the screen. This is a bad idea, but I don't realize it until I hear the voice on the other end.
Chapter Three
"Hey, honey. I hope you're not too busy with school right now."
Michael's mother, Cathy, calls everyone honey. I haven't spoken to her since I left Valley Vale, and have no idea why she would be calling me now.
My gurgling stomach now threatens to upchuck the Diet Coke I had been sipping on earlier on my way to the library..
"Uh, no."
I'm guessing she'll tell me why she's calling, so I don't ask. Besides, even as nice as she is, and as kind and welcoming as she's been over the years, I can't imagine she likes me anymore.
And I don't blame her.
"I don't know what you have planned over the summer, and since you weren't here long for Christmas I thought that maybe you had a job lined up. But if you don't, we need some help here at the diner."
Of course. This time of day, Cathy and Mark, Michael's dad, will be preparing for the dinner rush. As the only sit-down restaurant in town, they are always busy.
When I was younger, earning some tips even while I didn't enjoy the work wasn't a bad way to spend time, even if it was more about being close to Michael and pleasing his family, but now, I'm not up for hanging out with any of them.
But how can I turn her down without sounding like a brat?
Before I can respond, though, she continues.
"I know it's not exciting for a college girl, but we need someone to help with baking in the mornings. Muffins, cookies, bread, all of what we prepare for the rest of the day. It would be early, so you would be out before noon."
Baking? I've made my share of Christmas cookies with Sydney and my mom, but other than that, I have no idea how to make the food she's talking about.
"Well, honestly, Cathy, I don't bake, so I wouldn't be much help. Thanks for thinking of me."
The next words slip from my
lips before I can stop myself.
"I hope you are all doing okay."
I shake my head.
Idiot.
I'm not asking specifically about Michael, because I do care about Cathy and Mark. They've opened their home and lives to me since I was a pimply little twelve year old clinging to their only son.
"Oh, we're all fine. But Jenny, I'll teach you the baking. In fact, we'll be working together, at least to start with. I need an assistant, and I know I can count on you. You were always reliable when you worked for us before."
No. I don't want to do this. I won't be talked into it, either.
When I don't respond right away, she continues.
"I am sorry about whatever happened between you and Michael. I always expected you would be a part of the family. If this would make you uncomfortable, to work here with me in the mornings, I won't pressure you."
Cathy is pretty straightforward, so I don't think she's trying to use some kind of reverse psychology on me, but I wait for a moment before letting it sink in.
Why should I let my relationship with Michael, or the end of it, interfere with the prospect of a decent job for the summer? If I'm only there in the mornings with his mother, I might be able to avoid him.
And baking would be much better than waiting on people, who were always so demanding.
Worse, they all know me. They all know everyone, so I always had to be perky and happy or there would be questions and rumors.
People in Valley Vale have too much free time.
"Jenny? Is this a bad time? I can call back later."
There are voices in the background, and Cathy says something to them about an order for soda syrup.
I used to help replace the boxes of syrup in the fountain, after Michael showed me how to do it back when we were in middle school. Something about it made me feel so important and needed, but it was a simple task that anyone could have done, I understood much later.
"No, now is fine."
I squeeze my eyes shut, and Penny, now clad in a low cut purple t-shirt and dark jeans that look too tight for her to be able to eat, raises her eyebrows at me.
"We can only pay twelve dollars an hour, and it would be about five hours each morning. No benefits, though."
Twelve dollars is a lot more than any minimum wage jobs, and I don't even know if there will even be any available by the time I get home.
Books, gas, car insurance, class fees - I have to have a job this summer.
"Yeah, okay."
I hear the words come out, my tone resigned rather than grateful, so I correct my response immediately.
"Thank you, Cathy, I appreciate the offer. I'm still under my dad's medical and dental insurance, so the benefits part isn't a problem."
Penny crosses her arms over her chest, her eyes wide.
She knows I don't like to talk about myself, but I think I'm in for some questioning over pepperoni and black olive pizza in a very short time.
"Really? Great! Thanks so much for helping us out."
I nod, although I know she obviously can't see me.
"I knew I could count on you, honey. See you soon."
Cathy hangs up before I can answer her, and the sound of her voice calling me honey as if her son hadn't seen me kissing another boy last summer, as if nothing has changed between Michael and me and I'm still the gangly teenage girl she fed and entertained for years . . .
I swallow hard against the rush of memories that threatens to overwhelm me, and push my phone back into my jeans pocket, although it takes me a couple of tries before it actually slides in.
When I stand, I offer my roommate the palm of my hand, low so it isn't in her face but clear enough of a gesture that I hope she'll understand that I need a few minutes before the questions start.
I lean over and fish around in my backpack to find my wallet, again, and allow myself to sigh loudly as I straighten up.
"Okay, go ahead and ask."
Penny's smile is both excited and conspiratorial, and as we leave the dorm and head down the sidewalk towards the pizza place, she asks all the questions I imagine she's been holding in since August, and I do my best to answer them without getting upset, or too detailed.
There's only so much she needs to know.
By the time we're settled in a tiny booth while we wait for the pizza to bake, Penny knows more about me than she ever wanted to know, and I feel like I've saved some money on future therapy.
Why hadn't I opened up to her sooner?
I've only ever talked to Michael about anything personal, and of course, Sydney, so it's not easy for me to just spill for anyone else.
"Here you go, ladies."
The woman who usually works behind the counter slides a hot pan with our steaming pizza in front of us, and I sit back out of the way. The shop isn't busy at this time of day, so she's probably doing double, or even triple, duty. I have to remember to leave more than a couple of dollars on the table when we leave.
"So you both saw each other kiss other people. But you saw him do it first, so you did it hoping that he would see you, right?"
My fingers burn as I grab a slice of pizza and drop it on my plate, just as her words drive home the bare essence of what ended things between Michael and me.
"Yeah, that sums it up. I still can't believe he would do that to me. I guess I was more committed to our relationship than he was."
Penny snorts as she folds her slice in half and starts to nibble on one end.
"Committed? You were kids. Kids when you started holding hands, kids when you started actually dating, kids when you broke up. How much of a commitment can you make when you're so young?"
I start to shake my head, because she doesn't get it. She's had a string of boys in our room and who knows where else, and obviously has issues of her own.
"I knew when we were in middle school that I wanted to marry him. There was never any question."
An olive falls off my slice and I tap it where it sits on my plate, sucking it into my mouth as I stop myself from continuing to speak. She isn't going to understand what I mean, and I'm not going to argue with her. Michael and I had a lot of people telling us to date other kids and to enjoy our freedom, instead of being so serious about each other.
But we didn't want to. We were all we needed.
Or at least that's how I felt.
"So many men in the world. Why limit yourself? I have too much stress already with college, and I can't even imagine what med school will be like. No reason to complicate things with romantic drama."
She has a point, but she also has a plan. A career, goals, a direct path to getting what she wants.
I nod although I can't really relate, and we each eat two slices of pizza in our own ways: Penny in sandwich-style, folded so all the toppings squish out the side, and me, in large bits that take me forever to chew and savor.
When we finish and I go to the counter to ask for a box, I offer the woman who waited on us several dollar bills in exchange.
"Thanks, kid. Take it easy. You college kids work too hard sometimes."
I shrug and smile before walking away with the box. Penny and I do study a lot, but all of her time and effort mean something. Maybe I need to figure out what my time and effort is heading towards, other than general credits toward my as-yet undeclared degree major.
Penny is standing at the table wiping off her hands on a paper napkin. She takes the box from me and slides the pizza in as she continues our conversation like it never stopped while we ate.
"So what happened with the girl Michael was kissing at the party? Did they date afterwards, and then he hooked up with this new girl he's engaged to?"
I frown, since thinking about Michael with any girl but me is still upsetting.
"No, I don't think he ever went out with Annabelle. At least, I never heard about it, and Valley Vale is gossip central. If they had been out together even once, I would have heard."
We start to walk back toward the dorm, an
d I squint up at the sky as it grows cloudy.
"Is it supposed to rain?" I ask tonelessly.
"So what about the new girl? The one your sister just told you about?"
Penny isn't interested in a weather report, but I have so little else to tell her.
"I don't know. She's new in town, staying with family she's helping out."
I shake my head and squeeze my eyes shut. As soon as I get home, I'll find out all I need to know about her, and plenty more, whether I like it or not.
"And the boy you kissed? Whatever happened to him?"
There's a big green sticker on the button we have to push for the WALK sign at the traffic light. It says DON'T STOP TIL YOU GET ENOUGH and while I know that this is a line from an old disco song my parents used to listen to, there's something about it that sticks in my head.
"Never talked to him after. I only did it because I was upset and hoped that Michael would see and be jealous. That he would stop whatever he was doing with Annabelle behind my back when he realized that I could have someone else, too, if I really wanted."
Chapter Four
Over the next few weeks, Penny and I double down on studying, and when I don’t see a man within fifteen feet of her for a while, I can’t help asking her what is up with her usually abundant love life.
"I don't know. Just worried about finals, I guess."
Sydney has no more updates about Michael and his pending nuptials, or at least she doesn’t mention it. It's not like I’m asking. If I express any interest, she might think I was, well, interested.
Which I am most definitely not.
"No one else tried out for captain, so I'm in! Mrs. Hillegas asked if I wanted to try out, or just take the position, but I didn't want anyone to say that I got it without the try out, you know?"
Yeah, I know, but I don't interrupt Sydney as she tells me in her nightly phone call about majorette drama. She's been twirling her baton forever, and even if she wasn't headed to band leadership in the fall, she'd still toss it and spin it wherever and whenever she could.
When You Were Mine Page 2
